Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Gordian Naked Princess )

COULD THIS BE TRUE!!!!!! *first poster dance*

(Submitted by AirPenguin )

damn.. just missed it!

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Third again. Will it ever be my turn... *doing bronze 3rd poster jig*

(Submitted by Chiqca )

I didn't realize that Carl had so many siblings. Or that they all had sunglass.

(Submitted by Girl With No Name )

Hey Chiqca...I can't believe it...2 receipts in 2 days!!!! We are truly blessed *radiant smile*. But, what is this??? More Jr. Sunglasses??? Has The Big D developed some sort of addiction to WASH of some variety AND Jr. Sunglasses?? I mean Sat, it's bodywash and a pair and now Sun, mwash and ANOTHER pair. I am concerned.

(Submitted by The Future Ms. Derek G. Dahlsad (ex) )

OMG...OMG...I know now what is happening!!! Am I alone in reading Derek G. Dahlsad's homepage journal entries?? Has anyone else seen the entry for today, Sunday, August 6th???!!!!! That..that...PLAYER!!!*boohooohoooooooooooooo*

(Submitted by TFMDGD (ex) )

That Wal*tart Lust Magnet...smiling at waving hussies in check-out..Oh, yeah, I see him and big, sleazy checking-out routine..him and his WASH and Jr. Sunglass fetish...probably lost last night's pair in some blind grope fest. Everybody hurts...boohoohooooooo..O, and, by the way, AirPenguin, I strongly urge you to watch your plug when Andre's around. He's a menace with blow-up figures *trying to smile bravely*

(Submitted by Gordian Naked Princess )

Strip him, bathe him and bring him to my tent!

(Submitted by Pliny the Elder )

the horses were slithering in the blood

(Submitted by Ruba Dubdub )

I love to sit in a warm tub in my Wal*Mart Jr. Sunglasses sipping on a glass of Dew.

(Submitted by Andre )

Poster Formerly Known As, you have nothing to fear, it was probably only Shannon, working her wily WalMart ways on Derek again, I'm sure you and she have sorted this out in the past some time (perhaps in aisle 11, feminine hygiene products and small calibre handguns). Hey, and by the way, still getting over the way you called me Lou *raising your chin just a little and batting those silicon enhanced eyelashes* and zipped up your knee length boots in just that special way..............

(Submitted by TFMDGD (ex) )

VOIDED ENTRY, MY ASS!!

(Submitted by Formerly Known Ass )

Andre...my Passion Prince!!! Let us wash one another!

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

mtdew 2ltr's/ sold by manager Matt Krieg/ who killed Ryan Hoage

(Submitted by Andre )

Poster Ass, first rub yourself in Scotts soil, it will make the end result feel all the more invigorating.

(Submitted by Formerly Known Ass )

Come..come, my Trematode, I never called you Lou, I said Dew? You must have misheard amid all that hissing! (And as a matter of fact, I actually do have a pair of knee high zip up boots!! Hisssssssssssssssssss)

(Submitted by Shannon Koch )

*waving at Derek from another checkout, smiling, and attracting his attention* Been going down on that floozy with no name again, Derek? Her gash is so musty, no wonder you had to buy some mouthwash!

(Submitted by Andre )

Are they white, my love? Do they glisten in the soft white light of the WalMart men's room neons? Would it help if I rubbed 10w40 oil x into them?

(Submitted by Poster Ass )

Let us make like larvae and wallow in soil til the snails come home!

(Submitted by Izora Armstead )

Actually, Shannon, that's not mouthwash, that's Martha Wash, Derek's been buying Weather Girls CDs again. *ho ah ho ah ho*

(Submitted by Andre )

Eeeuuurrrgghhhh...perhaps it should be more like blood worms, Poster Ass.

(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal )

*going to check out the homepage* HI EVERYONE!!!! *waving*

(Submitted by is andre bi? )

Shannon, you so ugly, Big D had to buy TWO pair of sunglasses 'fore he could stand to look at your voided entry, you Aisle Ho!

(Submitted by Izora Armstead )

I need a man to keep me warmIt's getting late, so send him here

(Submitted by Andre )

I sure am bi, I'll have both Poster Ass AND Mary Tyler Moore at the same time. Come on P.A., don't wimper like that, you'll LOVE it.

(Submitted by Izora Armstead )

Rip off the roof and stay in bed

(Submitted by Shannon Koch )

Listen, "is andre bi?", I'm only ever on terminal 11, and don't you forget it.

(Submitted by Poster Child )

Ah! Andre, I hear you...hey that's cool. If you're into worms rather than snails... *handing you a rainbow flag*

(Submitted by Izora Armstead )

I've been in love before but never like this

(Submitted by is andre bi? )

then that would make you a terminal Ho!

(Submitted by Andre )

huh? eh? uh, what's this? *cough cough splutter splutter gag* I'm a strictly 70s girl, uh, I mean, I'm only INTO 70s girls, the boobier the tube the better, bangs, clogs, wide white plastic belts, thick lustrous hair waving in the wind, loose diaphanous garments floating freely against a backdrop of poplars, swishing against my fine soft skin, giving me tingles and goosebumps, making me kick my heels up in girlish abandon......................

(Submitted by Ho Mird Abag )

Watch who you're calling a ho, you high rising tone!

(Submitted by Izora Armstead )

Cloudy with a chance of rain

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

You are the wind beneath my wings.

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Daryll Marchetta;/ Matt Krieg; Ryan Hoage; Shannon/ Koch's Scott Freeman's sl

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Daryll Marchetta;/ Matt Krieg; Ryan Hoage; Shannon/ Koch's Scott Freeman's slut

(Submitted by Patrick Swayzee )

you're like the wind through my tree

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Derek G. Dahlsad's/ Destiny's dad; the Volare/ has an eight track deck

(Submitted by P.A. )

Andre, did you not get my post of July 30 where I confessed my desire to be the host snail for your potential sporocyst? Oh Lord, I need a MtDew and some Jr. Sunglasses tout suite

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Derek's Destiny/ waved at her reflection/ and got a free sucker

(Submitted by Andre )

Oooh PA, I do love it when you speak French, perhaps you could do a bit of wuthering for me - wuther for me baby, wuther!

(Submitted by Izora Armstead )

feelin' feelin' feelin' don't you know I'm feelin'

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Derek at WalMart:/ a nearby woman waves, smiles/ Derek drops his load

(Submitted by P.A. )

Take me on the moors, my brooding dark love, tout suite.

(Submitted by Izora Armstead )

Do you wanna boogie, hunh?

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Derek: "It's Shannon!/ I thought I'd never see her/ again; poor Dally"

(Submitted by Andre )

Just a minute, my sweet, I have to pull this frickn kaftan out from between my butt cheeks

(Submitted by Andre )

no no no, not yet, get your nose out of there!

(Submitted by Patrick Johnston )

Take me on the moors and rock me a little while

(Submitted by Yo Heathcliff )

*scratch scratch* hey, it's me, Cathy, let me in for Christ's sakes, it's cold as a witch's titty out here, bout to freeze me bum off.

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Poster Ass dilly/ dallies with Andre, Derek/ watches forlorn, sad

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Shannon, kitchen knife/ in hand, plans her move, spies Derek,/ dives at his cock

(Submitted by Poster Girl )

Andre!!!...*exasperated look*...Hi Patrick *sweet romantic smile*

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Matt Krieg hears the fuss,/ leaps off Scott Freeman, rushes in/ to do his job

(Submitted by Izora Armstead )

always follow the golden rule, do to others as you'd have them do to you

(Submitted by Andre )

Wish I could get a word in edgewise here! Serves me right I guess for wearing these knee highs, and they chafe your skin so bad too. Don't worry my sweet, I'll save you! Maybe you ought to pour some of that 10w40 oil x down the crack so I can slide the zipper more easily.

(Submitted by Poster Girl Child )

Haiku, are you, like, married to Kathie Lee Gifford or something? I'm going for a bodywash now *grapping my Wal*mart Jr. Sunglasses and searching for my Mr. Bubble*

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Poster Ass looks up,/ screams; Andre reaches out desperately/ to grab her

(Submitted by Andre )

*squidging his ass cheeks in a comely fashion* mm, that's better, now give me a few barrettes and I'll do my Amiie Stewart impression, "I don't wanna lose you...ooooooooooooowwwwwwwwooooooooooooooooo"

(Submitted by Andre )

Hey where you going Poster Ass, don't you wanna see me when I knock on wood?

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Andre knocks on wood/ Derek's eyes grow wider as/ Shannon's knife comes down

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Matt Krieg boldly leaps/ where no manager has leapt/ before, but too late

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Shannon's knife draws blood/ but Poster Ass rolls forward/ knocks Shannon's knife hand

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Shannon's knife slips and/ sinks into Poster Ass's/ soft warm titty flesh

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Derek howls, he shields/ Destiny's innocent eyes;/ Andre's wuthering

(Submitted by Poster Formerly Known As )

HEY HAIKU, LEAVE THE KID OUT OF THIS...NOT FUNNY.

(Submitted by Freud )

Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

scanned the glasses twice?!? - tried to sneak one past Derek - but he is smarter!

(Submitted by PG-13 police )

Ah Haiku [no, that was not a sneeze], your little "story" is starting to read like a scary-ass Steven King novel. We are officially stamping a PG-13 rating on it.

(Submitted by Roberta E. Lee )

When you get up in the morning and the light is hurtin your head The first thing you do when you get up out of bed Is hit that street a-runnin' and try to beat the masses And go get yourself some cheap JUNIOR sunglasses Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

(Submitted by Kung Fu Mamma )

She's got legs. She knows how to use them.

(Submitted by Abi )

The creamsoda phase didn't last long - MT Dew rules ok! Hi Chiq/Dal - sorry to have been away sooo long - table dancing, souvenir buying, shopping with Rosie, a girl just can't fit it all in...(no rude Tim Tam jokes please!) I just wanted to say how very impressed I was with Derek's interjection re the imposters, Dal I have to say my heart fluttered, but I know he's spoken for! Chiq - how's the copmut, still being a good boy for his auntie? I am very sorry but I managed to loose lieu and the guys during the session at the barette, anyone seen them???

(Submitted by Chiq )

Abi, you lost lieu, hefty & the gang? I miss them. The copmut is good, very dog- like. But we'll probably be making a trip to Derek's pretty soon to pick up his desk & lamp... it's so hard for Bob Derek to pay bills without the desk & lamp. Y' know? *BD's head bobbing felicitously*

(Submitted by Abi )

Chiq, I'm sure they'll be back soon, it was very dark in the barette, turned my back and gone...that's guys for you! Say, have you tried Bob Derek in the sunglasses, he'd probably look very cute *blowing a kiss at BD*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Thank God my girlfriends are back...*mwoa mwoa* Chiqca, Abi, I've missed you so. Chiqca, I too miss those boys. It's just not the same without them. Any of you have any word from them? Last I heard they were searching for a pc they could call their own. *leaning down to give Bob Derek a smooch*

(Submitted by gobi )

Wal-Mart once again trying to screw over the hardwoking man by charging him twice for a single item. I think we need a congressional investigation on this one. Maybe that could be Lieberman's torch at the upcoming Democratic Convention. I think it is our alien-able right not to be inundated with this hypocracy of the retail community. We will NOT stand for it. PAGE 6. A worm broke loose from its cage at the San Diego Zoo. As luck would find it, the worm crawled right into the tropical fish tank. Now you know the REST of the story. GOOD DAY!.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Oh, yes, Abi, Derek is just to die for...although, what with all this check-out lane waving and dimpling going on I wouldn't be so sure he is spoken for (blinking back tears)...you know how it is with these rockstar types! And September is when the big magazine interview (with pics) comes out. I feel like Jerry Hall.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Hey all!!! You gotta check out Derek's BBS page- he's gonna be on TV tonight!! He's officially a... dare I say it... movie star... *sighing dreamily* Derek, I'll have a poster of you on my bedroom wall by the end of the day. Dal-baby, no word from the guys. I'm a little worried. Abi, when you last saw them in the barrette, did they appear to know who they were, or were they developing hair access?? And Dal, I think that since you're officially back now (as "the" Dalliance), Bob Derek the Copmut should be returned to you, his real mamma. He's gonna borrow Derek's Volare & oughta be in NYC by Friday.

(Submitted by Dally )

Oh dear! Gobi! That worm story was, like, so existential. *patting your Gobi head and handing you a pair of Jr. Sunglasses, just like my own* I mourn for that worm.

(Submitted by Dal )

oh thank you Chiqca for sending Bob Derek the Copmut back my way...please make sure he wears his seatbelt and checks the oil before he leaves?

(Submitted by Abi )

The Big D on TV - tonight!! I'm so excited *jumping up & down* oops my cream soda's gone all over the keyboard - can I have a wipe please?? Shame I'm in the wrong country - I'll be waiting breathlessly for a blow by blow account of his Superstarness' debut - girls, you must watch and tell....now about those boys, Dal thanks for the warning about the pickled sausage, I'm just a shy little brit-girl and whoa, they are wild when they get going...still I managed to survive, but they did wander off into the pc department, and haven't been seen since, hefty was muttering about modems, maybe Der will lend him his?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Dad, you haven't made an appearance for some time, but could you please return for just a while to help the Copmut check the oil in the Volare. It would really help put Dal's mind at ease.

(Submitted by Dalliance Dahlsad )

Yes, Hefty, always was one to mutter about his modem. Whoa, well, let me just say that Derek has one swell modem *sweat beading on upper lip*. I hope and I sure hope he doesn't lend it out

(Submitted by Dad )

O.K., COPMUT, first you must locate the latch mechanism in the front to gain access to the main compartment. Once released, fumble around with your hands 'til you find a large shaft-like object. Grasping the end firmly, you'll want to pull the shaft from its housing. Holding it ever so gently, wipe away any existing fluid, most often on the tip. Once thoroughly cleaned, it is ready to be re- inserted. You will probably have to feel around with your hands for the small hole to insert the shaft, as sometimes it can be difficult to locate. With a firm grip, insert the shaft gently into the hole, and allow to rest for a moment while the juices envelop it. Then, slowly, pull it back out, and see how it measures up. If it is below normal, add more lubricating fluid, and insert back into the hole. It may be necessary to repeat this procedure, in & out, over & over, until a satisfactory result is achieved. Have a safe trip. I gotta get back to watching "Murder, She Wrote".

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Oh my. Luckily, Copmut is too young & innocent to catch the double-entendre there, Dad. Are you trying to corrupt him? His name is Copmut, NOT Corruptmut!

(Submitted by Gauge Racergirl )

HUBBA HUBBA...sounds like Dad knows his way around an engine.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

or Copsmut.

(Submitted by Dad )

That Angela Lansbury...gawd she makes me HOT! (voided entry, mouthwash)

(Submitted by Daddy's Girl )

Ya'd like to pop her hood, wouldn't ya, Dad! Guess what I just joined the First Presleyterian Church of Elvis the King!!! It only cost $13 and they're gonna send me a membership card and my personal contract with Elvis papers! Woohoo!

(Submitted by Daddy's Girl )

OMG God, maybe that is why Derek bought the sunglasses!!! He's become a brethern...I bet he got some snazzy, big, round, shiny Las Vegas kind. Viva Las Vegas!! There's your cue, Roberta!!!

(Submitted by Elvis Lives (IT'S AN ANAGRAM) )

Dad can I have a pair of Jr. Sunglasses like Bro. Derek? (vlvta shells, roll wrap, deod)

(Submitted by Cashman )

You really ought to consider getting a life! Seriously, have you ever considered one humongous road trip, visiting ever single wal-mart in the entire country? You so obviously have the time,... ;-)

(Submitted by gpn )

http://www.voteNADER.org

(Submitted by mX )

Is it just me? or does this site get you all.. I dunno.. aroused. I have a thing for small pieces of paper.

(Submitted by Roberta E. Lee )

Y'all still want me to come with you?.................. Bright light city gonna set my soul, gonna set my soul on fire/ There's a whole lot of money that's ready to burn So get those stakes up higher./ There's a thousand pretty women just a-waitin out there, And they're all livin' devil- may-care. I'm just the devil with a love to spare........... Viva Las Vegas. Viva Las Vegas. YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeHaaaaawwwwwwwww Pass me that there MTN DEW...ahhh hell, gimme the MWASH. ( 12% )

(Submitted by Associate of the Year )

ATTENTION FELLOW WALMART ASSOCIATES!!! Do not assist Cashman. He has little faith. Take his money, though. He will come back.

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

but Matt's hand trembling/ averts unwanted mastectomy/ Dally's safe

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

the wound is only/ superficial, Matt pins Shannon/ with a sec chest

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Destiny's gaze is/ averted by her reflection,/ Derek thanks God

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

and pops another/ Mount Dew; it spurts in Shannon's/ eye; she screams at Matt

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

while Derek sneaks a/ sympathetic glance at poor/ Poster Ass who's pale

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

but she's still breathing;/ her bloody but beautiful/ bosom aflutter

(Submitted by Poster Formerly Known Ass )

Yayyyy.....I like the haiku story **much** better now..yoohoo, and I get to keep my boozums!!! You really *do* have a way with a verse narrative!! Watch out, Homer, Haiku looms large!! mX, I don't think it's just you. Here, have a Swedish Fish. *blush*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

HOT DANG! Roberta..you rock!! Gotta go buy a ZZTOP cd now. (TUBIFEX WORM, GV CHS PUFFS, PERSONA BLDE)

(Submitted by Duh? )

Very....err interesting...either you have some kids who go through sunglasses pretty dang fast or you're getting FREEKEE with em!

(Submitted by kathyM )

I want to know what the WWII memorial looks like. They should put pictures at the bottom of their receipts.

(Submitted by The Anti-Derek )

how about Walmart raise two dollars for a memorial on this abortion of a website?

(Submitted by jack )

do you have a life?

(Submitted by Abi )

Thank you for your input A-D, I'm sure the committee will think long and hard on that. Something along the lines of Chore Boy saluting Derek with an Apono Bulb?

(Submitted by The Committee )

It will be the Copmut, sitting at his desk, with the Volare behind him, sparkling in the sunshine.

(Submitted by gypsy moth )

Dear jack, do whom are you speaking? If it is Derek..hummm...let's see, he was interviewed for TV last night, has a magazine interview coming out in September, is raising a child as a single father, works full-time, is swooned after by quite a few female fans, among many other things.....and, what is it that you do??

(Submitted by Committee Motion )

I hereby motion that the Volare be blasting an ZZTop 8-track full-blast in the background as Copmut bobs his head in perfect synchronization. All in favor say, aye.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

aye. (Suave Cond X, Mouse Change, AQ-SOP MINI)

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Aye. Bob Derek is a good bobber.

(Submitted by Jill )

Gypsy Moth, I happen to personally know jack. And I can attest that he has fully mastered the function of breathing. That & spreading negativity. Now, he's working on closing his eyes when he's asleep. Wish him much luck, will ya??

(Submitted by The best person in the world )

This site is remarkable.

(Submitted by WalMartMan2000 )

I am Wal Mart Man

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Where is everybody today??

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

a software problem / according to the site news / caused the lack of posts

(Submitted by Haiku Chiquita )

It's fixed now come back / and play with me receipters / I'm all alone here

(Submitted by Abi )

Oh Chiq - there you are! I've been nipping in and out all day, it's been very lonely! I thought everyone had gone on holiday with hefty & the boys. I nearly had to resort to colouring the human skull for amusement.

(Submitted by Robin, the Boy Wonder )

WAL*MART man must possess tremendous powers to be able to crash this site with a single post. Are you looking for a sidekick. I'm sick of this fag outfit.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

HEYYY!!! I was lonely too...And I'm always such the loud mouth that I didn't want to be the only one talking!! Yay, I'm so glad you babes are back. Terry?? Andre?? Mrs. Campbell, Suz, lexicOn, etc..please check in!!

(Submitted by DallyGirl )

LOL at Robin!!!!

(Submitted by Abi )

Dally-pally - *big cheery helloooo from over here* - I thought the ol' deoderant wasn't working for a while, glad you're back. Yes, where are the others *peering around*? Robin - are you wearing tights in this weather? You'll be very hot....

(Submitted by Terry )

Posting as Robin / Got a laugh from Dalliance / I'm doing the Nun

(Submitted by Abi )

So I guess you're not wearing tights then....

(Submitted by Abi )

Is everyone gone then / it is very lonely here / so I'm off shopping

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Ummm Terry... flying nuns, Robin tights... I'm worried about you.

(Submitted by Wally The Boy Wonder )

Not since I've teamed up with WAL*MART MAN. But this blue vest isn't much better than the tights.

(Submitted by Abi )

Perhaps you should get a racing lizard to get around on - all that speed will blast cool air through those tights and the vest will fan heroically in the breeze - (I'm back - it was a quick shop). I wonder if you can ride pillion on the lizard - you & Wal*Mart Man might have to tussle over it.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

ooooohhh...I'd love to watch them tussle!!!

(Submitted by Dally - Wondering )

Wally, The Boy Wonder, I'd pay good money to see your flying nun in those tights..pillion..what a lovely word. Abi, you talk nice.

(Submitted by I don't get out much )

By the way, Chiqca, can you help me? Who the heck is Carl? And what does he have to do with sunglasses

(Submitted by Ms. Dally Dahlsad )

*waving at Derek* Hi Honey!!!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Dal, you guys maybe don't have this fast food joint on the East Coast, but here we have a fast food burger chain called Carl's Jr. Hence, the "sunglass" reference.

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

I was here, I even got up early to post when you Americans would be posting, but then nobody could post anyway! What a le bummér!

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Scott Freeman stumbles/ out, still too fucked to care, trips/ on the checkout cam

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Derek goes offline/ for a day, we're all desperate/ to know what's happened

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

When transmission's back,/ Derek, Poster Ass, Scott are/ all smoking cigars

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Andre is wiping/ an apono bulb; Matt and/ Shannon tag the crib

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

and it's WM/ flat FA X all round/ for all the greeters

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Hello hello hello, am I just sharing the airwaves with a demented haiku artist?

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

Mrs Campbell pulls/ out a Timtam, sucks it, then/ shares it with Shannon

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

She sucks it, wrinkles/ her nose and giggles slyly/ at the stud Derek

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

who can't help his soft/ soap getting hard; "where's the Trojans?"/ he shrilly cries

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

I don't know if I like the thought of that! I'll come back tomorrow same time, see if anyone is here.

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

"Bye bye Mrs C"/ cries Poster Ass as she flicks/ her blonde locks gaily

(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )

"Not that there's anything/ wrong with that", the assembled/ crowd splutters out

(Submitted by Justin Case )

Could I be the/the last poster this page/on Tuesday nite here

(Submitted by nope )

Watch your thoughts, for they becomeyour words Choose your words,for they become your actions, Understand your actions, for they become habits. Study your habits, for they will become your character. Develop your character.... for it becomes your destiny.

(Submitted by Abi )

I'm here Mrs Campbell, don't know if you're still up, how're the tim tams?

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

*Running through the room butt naked with arms flapping wildly in winglike motion...giggling ....tripping....laughing..getting up.. taking a sip of someone's forgotten glass of MTDEW..and running out of the room*

(Submitted by Robert Downey Jr. )

...has anyone seen my urine sample? It was in this glass I left here in this room.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Hey all, planning a picnic / slumber party / Wal*Mart scavenger hunt at Derek's. Go check out the BBS page! [Don't be fooed by the slashes in this post- it is not meant to be a haiku]

(Submitted by Abi )

Chiq - I've got all excited about this now!! (As an aside - I have to ask, do you get up earlier than everyone else over there?) Just for Dal - pillion, dimple, hillock.

(Submitted by Terry )

Bring your own MT DEW and JR SUNGLASSES!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Abi, believe it or not I'm actually signing on later than just about everyone (being on the West Coast, I'm 2-3 hours behind the rest of the country). Are you sure you can't make it to the picnic? It just won't be the same without your English perspective there. Der might let you stay in his spare room (of course, you'll have to set aside the left-over dri-botttoms & wipes).

(Submitted by Abi )

Well - I guess I could try, I do love a good picnic, and I must try MT DEW at least once in my life - does it mix well with vodka?! Didn't Derek buy that very cheap Condo a while back - perhaps that's his guest room, hey maybe I'll get to shack up with the Chore Boy - crikey - what a trip, I'm packing right now!

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

Hehehehehehe..that was fun, Robert! No wonder I got such a buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

(Submitted by Dalliance Lost )

Chiqca, I checked out the BBS and didn't see anything about a slumber party??? *waving to Abi* Thanks for the nice words, Luv!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Dal, on the BBS page under the heading "Inquiring minds want to know" there are 16 posts. About the last 1/2 are about the slumber party/picnic. Abi, I'd forgotten all about the cheap condo. Yes, for sure Derek would let you stay there. And I bet it's got LOTS of soil and clay pots around it, too. Just make sure that as a thank you gift to Der, you leave a card on the counter for him.

(Submitted by Dalliance Found )

okay, thanks Chiqa-babe, I found it! I've got my footie pajamas packed and I am ready to go.

(Submitted by Sir-mix-a-lot )

Hey! Quit bogarding all the jr. sunglasses! I went to wal-mart to buy a pair of jr. sunglasses, and they were all out! Damn you! Damn you I say!!

(Submitted by Andre )

Has anyone seen my white knee highs?

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey Andre - maybe you should check with Terry, he was getting into tights yesterday and could be trying out a new look? Very fash and retro at the moment!

(Submitted by Dal )

i miss melon

(Submitted by fleegle )

The great assassin monkey gets us all in the end.

(Submitted by bjs )

oh boy your going to get sued big time by walmart for doing this.

(Submitted by Wally the Wonderboy )

Yeah, that would be a brilliant move by WAL*MART...suing a great source of FREE ADVERTISEMENT. It's in all your best business manuals...look under "Biting The Hand That Feeds"

(Submitted by The Great Assassin Monkey )

I got you all...and your mothers

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

OK, it's 8:30 in the morning here, so you guys had BETTER BE AROUND or I've got up early for nothing!

(Submitted by Kenn Starr )

Maybe that's what Bill Clinton had with Monica: a voided entry.

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Hey Poster Formerly Known Ass, did you mention Mr Bubble? You know how that gets my senses tingling...................... .....................

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Well that was worth every cent, wasn't it? 8:30 in the morning, fucking freezing, and there ain't no-one here! Goodbye, and I'm taking my Tim Tams with me.

(Submitted by The Banana's Mother )

Leave my mother out of this!

(Submitted by Ninja )

Hey...this is an awesome site, whoever started it...i am so utterly thankful that i houve finally found a site where i can admit my true, undying love for wal- mart...after all these years of searching, i have found my home!

(Submitted by White Knee Highs )

Help! I'm being held hostage in an apartment with a conversation pit and picture windows. Save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eee

(Submitted by I am not an animal )

Derek buys a single sunglass at a time, and then he sticks each sunglass together with sponge tape to make a pair.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Have a look at ordinary Australians having a go! They cant afford Olympic tickets, they hate scotch fingers with chocolate on, they have never been near a WalMart in their lives, BUT STILL THEY RUN! http://www.ourolympics.com/torch/index2.cfm?day= 63

(Submitted by Poster Formerly Known Ass )

what's a fleegle? Andre....where are you?...I WANT you...NOW!!!! Don't you remember I accidentally ate your knee highs last time...Not to worry, I'll buy you some more...now, come to me by Little Worm of Love

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Mrs. Campbell, will you be carrying the torch at some point? I think you would be an excellent carrier.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Wally, NICE ROOSTER!!!! Whatinthehell do you feed 'em to grow 'em that big? That's a humdinger alright!! (mwash, ROYAL CARGO, Foliage)

(Submitted by Poster Formerly Known Ass )

By the way, I ate melon too.

(Submitted by Butt Never 2XS )

The Scatological Kind would make a cool song title.

(Submitted by Whoa Hoe )

Dancing With Myself.

(Submitted by littlemoth )

aaaaaahhhhhgggggg..... No new post.. back to fluttering around.

(Submitted by Abi )

is anybody out there?? it's very quiet here.....i'll just have to play with my toaster box all by myself, ho hum....

(Submitted by Chiquita )

*popping out of toaster box & scaring Abi* Everybody got so quiet... Do we have a case of AFTER BITE X here???

(Submitted by Chiquita )

How the heck did "Subuts.net>" get inserted before my name??? I must be magic & didn't know it. Hey, someone hand me a human skull & let's see what I can do with it...

(Submitted by Abi )

eeek! *dropping toaster box* Chiq - you scallywag you! I was beginning to wonder if that ol 'EPOXY 1000 had clogged things up for a while. Congrats on finding out you've got magic powers - here, stroke my skull - what can you tell?? (I did misread that bit earlier and thought it said Subnuts - would that be some sort of medical problem?)

(Submitted by Freud )

5 whole days with no new reciepts. Whats up? Spend man spend!

(Submitted by worried )

Don't go out after buying cheap sunglasses. Could it be a vacation?

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Dalliance, I've been a carrier all my life, herpes complex, strange festering tropical diseases, other people's children.........and Balmain Boy, do I know you? Your first name's not - Neville, is it? Been engaging in any kerosene baths lately?

(Submitted by The Scatalogical Kind )

Her name was Subuts,/ she was a showgirl,/ with yellow feathers in her hair/ and a dress split down to there

(Submitted by Martha Wash )

Ho hum, ho hum, waiting for someone to NOTICE me

(Submitted by Hsaw Ahtram )

.ereheesotgnihtoN

(Submitted by Dally (just bought ZZTops greatest hits. I hope Roberta E. Lee is happy since it's all her fault! )

Viva Las Vegas...Hey posties...looks like this room could use some RUM! Drinks are on me!!!!!! Tube Snake Boogie - now there is a classic

(Submitted by Dalliance )

*wiggling around in attempted semblance of dance*

(Submitted by Freud )

Anyone know what the current record is for number of days between purchases? I saw 20 days back in 1997.

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

Freud, the record is right back at the very start, there was a three month gap between the first receipt (11/17/96) and the second (2/28/97). I think this was the three months when Derek was fitting the 8 track in the Volare, a very tricky job requiring highly developed skills.

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Looks like you guys all went out partying last night, cause there's hardly any posts, and here I am AGAIN, Sunday morning, and thee's no-one here. You give me no fun, nobody even to dunk a Tim Tam with, mine is getting very warm and sticky and runny in my hand while I wait for someone....................... ...................

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Hello? Not even the mad haiku artist?

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

I'm here, I kind of check in and out. Like Robert Downey Jr, I guess.

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Wanna share a Tim Tam then?

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

Will I need to use some mouth wash afterwards? I'm going out later........

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmm, that mouth wash tastes good, maybe I won't need to go out later, would you like some Mrs C?

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

And I hadn't even shared my Tim Tam with you yet.

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

Oh sorry, Mrs C, does a Tim Tam go well with mouth wash?

(Submitted by The lunatic is in my head )

There are really people who read this stuff.

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Who was that?

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

The lunatic in my head I guess!

(Submitted by Little Moth )

aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhheeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee,don't throw a Tim Tam on me,Copmut will eat me..

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Ooo er, another person joins the fray, this is getting a tad exciting now. You're not the lunatic are you, Little Moth? Wasn't there a Cocteau Twins song with that name?

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

With a JR. sunglass on my left eye, I will drink my mouthwash and whistle for my copmut. Here boy!

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

I think you're getting confused with Ry Cooder, Mrs C. Little Mother won't you please please please........................ ........................

(Submitted by Sharon O'Neill )

Don't talk to strangers.

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

That is very spooky, very spooky indeed. Dare I mention *gulp* Maxine?

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

I guess I daren't. Everyone seems to have disappeared again. Hello?

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Hello? I feel like Lionel Richie.

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

I am here!!! Let's sing Elton John songs all night long and have do tequila belly shots? What do you say, Mrs. C, BPLame Chick?

(Submitted by Freud )

Mrs. C? Where be Fonzie?

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

I wanna rock and roll all night, and party everyday!!!!! *wiggling behind* where is ANDRE I want to boogie with an unbalanced person!! FREEBIRD!! FREEBIRD!! *raising beer bottle in hand and swaying it in the air whilst screaming FREEBIRD!! as only a true southern redneck can* (what can I say, it's a gift)

(Submitted by Hum )

YES!!!!!!!! I am not alone....Siggy..where is Mushu and his trusty Compubank?

(Submitted by HumBug )

Freud, Sugar, hop up here on this bar and let me suck some Jose Cuervo out of your umbilicus.

(Submitted by Freud )

Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on!

(Submitted by Poster Formerly Known Ass )

wow. you really know how to party, F. *yawn* ANDRE!!! I need derangement please.

(Submitted by Freud )

Ohhh! He's sicked Andre on me. Now I'm scared! Andre can't hold a candle to the great and powerfull Mushu!

(Submitted by Nick Castillo )

I LOVE THIS SITE!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU MAN!!!! This site gets me fucking hot! Ohhhh god I think I have an orgasm coming on!!!!

(Submitted by Roberta E. Lee )

Hummyngbyrd, gyrl, you gotta' learn to hold yore lyquor, hon. *Ynserts quarters and plays A-11* *whyrrrrrrrrrrrr* *spyn*..................Sweet home Alabama/ Where the skies are so blue/ Sweet Home Alabama/ Lord, I'm coming home to you. Y'all know what? Beer is a voided entry, now ain't it?

(Submitted by Andre )

I can't hold a candle to Mushu, but I certainly don't mind holding my candle to Dalliance...I love it when she lights it too, ooh burn baby burn! (Mind you, when she's doing her Mary Tyler Moore, I have to avoid holding it too close to the latex.)

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Andre, I prefer a nice, tapered, beeswax candle. The beeswax has a little bite to it, doncha know.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Either that or a nice tapered, flesh-colored ..ummmm..nevermind. Where is Derek??

(Submitted by Dal )

DEREK!!!! I feel a bit flushed..do you have some spare Dew?

(Submitted by Morning Dew - (Girls get morning wood too) )

Ah, what I wouldn't give for some SILLY PUTTY, and EYE PATCH and a BUTTERFING X right about now.

(Submitted by Baby Shmp )

Andre, come and get me!! Have wig and knee high boots, oil and video tape in hand. *waiting at the door of the room*

(Submitted by Andre )

Baby Shmp, I'm a-cumming babe! *clatter bang zzzzzzzziiip* Damn! just tripped over, these white knee highs just don't let a fella move fast enough.

(Submitted by Andre )

Wait wait my love! Don't go yet! *crash tinkle smash* goddang, who left the kitchen floor all slippery????

(Submitted by Andre )

Hold on my little alyssum seed, don't leave me! I'm desperate for you! My key weiser is all hot and firm for you!

(Submitted by Andre )

*sniff* she's gone! My one true love! And she's taken all the Mary Tyler Moore videos with her!

(Submitted by Baby Shmp )

No, my lusty goat herder I am here...I'm still hanging on, I was trying...ugh..to get the VCR to work and OMG!!!! What the flying apono bulb is THIS??? A TIM TAM!!! A TIM TAM stuck in the VCR??? Andre, you vile beast...you've *already* taken the Pigskin Bus to Tuna Town, haven't YOU?????? Admit it...You and Mrs. C have been heedlessly cavorting! No wonder the kitchen floor is slippery! Bastard.

(Submitted by Baby Shmp on the Barbie )

Gather ye Tim Tams while ye may, Mister, but donnae come expectin' to be seein' this one's wee prawn again for a while, I tell ye. [ARCH SUPPORT, DINOSAURS AS, FRUIT A BURS] And, ye can take ye bloody GVTHIN POT with ye.

(Submitted by Freud )

It is worse than that Baby Shrimp. He was doing it with Mushu! And not on the kitchen floor but in the lobby of Compubank.

(Submitted by Me )

This is the absolute wierdest message board I have ever seen. Besides WalMart doesn't even sell Magic:the Gathering.

(Submitted by Ninja )

Hey...does anyone have any clue as to where Chiquita is?

(Submitted by Ninja )

Hey...does anyone have any clue as to where Chiquita is?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

I'm here, Ninja. Just really really really busy. Trying to put together Copmut's desk & the Scott's soil is just not holding it together. Wow, I'm so touched someone noticed me. Gotta get back to work now. *sweat pouring from brow while assembling the desk* Can someone hand me another back of soil, please?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Here Chiqca..*handing you more dirt* We love you.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Thanks Dal. *working feverishly* Holy apono bulb! One of the legs on this desk is shorter than the rest. The desk is wobbly. Ummmm, could one of the guys (Terry? Andre? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?) put his ankle under this leg here to steady the desk?

(Submitted by Terry )

Sorry, I don't have a talus to spare...How 'bout a PLANT SAUCER to shim it up? I think I know where we can get some.

(Submitted by The Future Ms. Dahlsad )

wow, I sure wish I had just one talus. Derek, can you get me a talus a Wal*Mart. The heavy-duty kind please.

(Submitted by fleegle )

what's a talus? I am a stuffed frog, and I reside with the paint-striped racing lizard. We have an apono bulb situated over the 2-story condo we live in to keep us warm. Every day, the chore boy comes around to give us our blood worms for dinner.

(Submitted by Jenna )

Hello and all that. People think Derek is bored, but what about you visitors who are always fighting over "first place"? Go organise your socks or something!

(Submitted by Dirty Sox )

Where did all this soil come from. Looks like scott soil,tim tam ash, and done Dew stuck everywhere. ==sniffs== IS that copmut I smell????

(Submitted by Ninja )

Hey there...how is the planting coming along all? Be sure to stock up on some more mouthwash and mt. dew...i hear that makes plants grow much faster. Also, give em some jr sunglasses once in a while...that sun (and bulbs) can cause astigmatism...

(Submitted by Ninja )

No prob chiquita...i know someone with the same name...tell me, are you fond of cheese?

(Submitted by Dally )

fleegle, I've no idea what a talus is but if Terry has one, I want one too. Jenna, clean out our sock drawers?? Why no one wears socks in their drawers here but lieu and Heftly, and they are, sadly, no longer with us. They disappeared in New Orleans. I'm thinking they over did it at the Absinthe House..*sniff - and not the smelling kind of sniff*.

(Submitted by Missing Abi )

Oh, and there is Andre and his white knee highs...but he is highly organised and keeps those neated folded on a little Buddha shrine in his basement, so not to worry. Ok, where is Abi??? We need our Abi!!!

(Submitted by Precut Carp )

Is it just my cheap speakers, or was Derek interviewed by Sylvester the Pussycat?

(Submitted by Here I am )

Dally-babes - phew I'm here, just - but had been turned into a galley-slave and stuck to my desk with EPOXY1000 by a wicked, evil boss, and have only just escaped by poking him in the eye with my HAIR ACCESS. (Actually I've been organising my socks, you know what the weather's like over here - I've just got to keep 'em organised, otherwise my life falls apart) *frantically matching up socks*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Thank Gawd, Abi, I was beginning to think you had gone the way of the Pickens crew. Although, something tells me...*sniffing the air*....Does my mind place tricks on me or do I smell pickled sausage in the air? Nahhhh...couldn't be.

(Submitted by Abi )

It's funny you should mention a certain familiarity in the air - it could be female intuition, what d'you reckon? HEFTY - are you out there????

(Submitted by lexic0n )

talus! nice usage. things progress nicely. pants.

(Submitted by lexic0n )

derek, fyi: i am unable to post replies in the bbs. the error message i am getting says something to the effect that the minimum necessary fields required to create a new record are missing. tip tip!

(Submitted by Shecky )

D'ja hear about the rabbi who didn't charge for circumcisions? He only took tips. (fuses, cat litter-hey, whatever happened to the cat anyway, auto dish)

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Ahem, excuse me, but I just submitted a post & it's not here. Mr. Shecky, could puhleeze be so kind next time as to not shove my post out of the way for your own. The bananas thank you.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

He'ssss Baccckkkk.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Hey, did anyone happen to see Big Brother last week? They got a dog & her name is CHIQUITA!!!!!!! Long live the bananas! [Info for any uptight people: This post is WM-related because I believe the dog was purchased from Wal*Mart's pet department.]

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Maybe Chiquita the Dog and Copmut know each other!! After all, they did come from the same place.

(Submitted by susie )

I miss Melon..........

(Submitted by susie )

And I miss him MUCH more than Dal, who I don't miss atall as she is always here going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

(Submitted by susie )

And I miss him MUCH more than Dal, who I don't miss atall as she is always here going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

(Submitted by susie )

Damn.

(Submitted by Karma )

Looks like it's Susie who's going on & on & on & on...

(Submitted by Dogma )

Hey, watch it...you almost ran me over.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

I miss him too susie. Sorry to have so disturbed you with my presence.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

And, thanks for being so very mean because, God knows, there is never enough of that in the world..so thank you for your generous contribution of spite. Hey, I have an idea, from now on why don't you just *skip* over my posts!!

(Submitted by fleegle )

Derek, you need to go shopping! Did the Volare break down or something?

(Submitted by Jenna )

i thought i would come back and see if anybody read my post. i guess so! well that answers my question i guess. but i have another one. what's wrong with tim tams? i like them! why do you have to make fun of them? :)

(Submitted by Abi )

Hi to Jenna, ' course we read your post - we read all of 'em! - flip back a few days or so, and you'll find out where the tim tams came in (so to speak!) - I think you'll find it was a fellow country-person of yours who started it all off!

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

Dearest Jenna, just duck in under the voluminous folds of my crinoline, and you might find a spare Tim Tam or three tucked away in a soft warm nook or cranny. Go on, have a poke.

(Submitted by Abi )

Oh dear Mrs C - that seems to have silenced the poor lamb....

(Submitted by IRS )

no comment:

(Submitted by Brendan )

Thanks you so much i have just seen everything in the world. I worship you now! LOL j/k.

(Submitted by Drew, the chica who loves this site )

Did it EVER occur to anyone that the junior sunglassses might be for the young one who needs Dri-Wipes? Of course this does not include the Mountain Dew, but it was obviously purchased for my boyfriend Josh, who's birthday it was that day. Perhaps they would then proceed to the bathroom, where a nice tub of body wash was wating for them....

(Submitted by Drew The Chica Who Loves This Site )

Has ANYONE realized that the junior sunglasses may be for the young one who requires Dri-Wipes? Of course the Mountain Dew is for my boyfriend, Josh, who's birthday was on that day. Then he and Derek would proceed to the bathroom, where a hot tub of body wash would be waiting for them....Yummy, indeed.

(Submitted by Jake )

I was just wondering around when i stumbled onto this site and was woundering who Air Penguin was. By the way none of you will know who i am because im from Australia so if you have any questions about Australia please dont hesitate to ask as long as there not stupid questions like do kangaroos live in your backyard or do you ride kangaroos to work etc.

(Submitted by Cindy )

Do you ever buy toothpaste?

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

YUP THOSE SUNGLASSES LOOK GOOD ON YOU BOY, JUST DON'T WEAR THEM WITH WALMART CLOTHES!

(Submitted by Marcel )

Riiight. A VOIDED ENTRY. I was a cashier at Wal-Mart for two years. At first I loved it and then it became a nightmare all of a sudden. We became extremely busy and since it was a supercenter and WE SACKED ALL THE GROCERIES OURSELVES, the moronic customers would constantly bitch and moan about the sacking job. Now, excuse me, but you just spent $34324.467 on about 458747024 items and you expect me to sack your stuff all PERFECT? Of course, I was a model employee, putting the smasables on top but sometimes when people would buy so much frickin stuff, it was impossible to sack it all in a nice fashion. Okay, enough of my sob stories of my beautiful cashiering days at WM. I did make a lot of cash there and for that I am thankful. Express lanes were my favorite, especially because I got to know some of the regulars like you and it made things fun and exciting. I have nothing against WM besides the fact that they drive small businesses out of business, but such is life I guess. I am guilty of shopping there just as much as you. And, since I received a lovely discount of a whopping 10%(excluding food products) it gave me an excuse to shop there even more. I am glad that you have kept all your receipts. In a way, it is kind of like a journal for your life. You know what you bought and maybe can remember why you bought the stuff and what you were doing on that particular day!

(Submitted by hello )

hello what is this?

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

Marcel, y'know if the bagging thing doesn't work out for you, you could get a job pretending to walk into the wind or get pulled along with an umbrella. Just a thought.