Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Freud )

Hey! First poster dance! YEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

(Submitted by Kevin )

I've been to walmart, but I didn't know you could actually purchase parts of cows???!!! *mass confusion*

(Submitted by susie )

Gosh! *looking around in awe* third place......

(Submitted by susie )

*Looking around for Mushu and his Compubank*

(Submitted by pirgamon )

What the heck are cow tales, advance watc and primula??? You Americans have funny names!!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Hot Diggitity DAWG! *rubbing hands together* would you LOOK at this receipt! O, the places we will go. Hey susie, congrats on the 3rd & Freud, you certainly have a knack for the pinnacle!

(Submitted by Ocean_islands )

An Advanced Watch for $9.96? Wow, sounds expensive! Welcome to all those visiting from www.tvclubhouse.com !

(Submitted by melon )

ones that must have become so advanced, they have been given the power to control the universe.

(Submitted by noname )

that's quite the cocktail party you're planning there bub

(Submitted by Freud )

I figured everyone must be getting tired of it so I stopped. But since you asked. Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Hey guys! I got screwed again, I thought I was going to the superbowl, but it turns out this guy said he was going to "tampa" with me. What the hell. What a trip. Thanks D, that last receipt was a bitch. How bout some Clapton? If you wanna hang out you've got to take her out; COW TALES. If you wanna get down, down on the ground; COW TALES. PRIMULA, PRIMULA, PRIMULA; COW TALES.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

WHY BUY THE MILK, WHEN YOU GOT THE COW AT HOME? (ok somebody had to say it)

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

OMG fashion girl found the shift key. Therein lies a tale for any passing fresians.

(Submitted by boots )

awesome.. a sofa for 58 cents... i just spent $300!..

(Submitted by Andre )

So what happened to operator #1879? Dump her in a frenzy of cow tales and potting? See everyone, I told you we should have heeded Shannon's dire warnings.

(Submitted by Andre )

Oh, by the way, hello melon. Long time no slaver.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Primula...that must be one of those genetically enhanced pack animals. I sense a trend, cows, mules. Must be Der is moving house to some rural area. hehehehehe (sorry Derek, I'm sure Fargo has its fair share of urbanalism). But seriously, the ADVANCE WATC is what really concerns me. This is obviously some propoganda material from one of those wacky anti-whatever gorilla (sic) groups. "Whites Accessing Tales of Cows" - WATC. I smell a goverment disaster looming. Good thing D bought soda and candy - in case he and his bovine militia have to hole up in some compound. Put some how I don't see them standing much chance-*flash to mental image of hurling dried cow patties flung impotently against monstous, fire-breathing FBI tanks* DON'T DO IT DEREK!!! PLEASE RETHINK ADVANCING THE WATC....I say keep your cow tales and primula in the privacy of your own home where they belong. BTW, Jennifer & NYCFASHIONGIRL...funny, funny!

(Submitted by iStuffGirl )

Hey! Anyone who happens to be in the Gainesville, FL area can see the original "Cow Tale" receipt, along with Derek's very first receipt from 1996, among others, in my Thesis Show: "iStuff, the Next Generation of Pop Culture." I'm researching how the Internet is generating a new form of pop culture that's making its way into mainstream media, and Derek's site will be at the center of it all! Hope to see you there! Check out: www.istuff.org for more info. PS:Cow Tales are Yummy... mmmmm.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

... anyway, these two simmenthals walk into a bar, and the first one says "You know what the good thing about a girls-only night is?" and the second one says "Yeah, no bull!" nyuk nyuk

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

cock? did somebody say cock?

(Submitted by Charlene )

Hey Kevin, I've been to paradise, but I've never been to WalMart.

(Submitted by penis )

penis

(Submitted by Andre )

If you read out the list of items really quickly, record it, and then play it backwards, you can hear George Dubbya saying "The spawn of Satan will strike off your little willies and insert hot apono bulbs up your smiling buttcracks". I think.

(Submitted by Baby Shmp )

Andre, you totally crack me up...

(Submitted by Dalliance (Cultural Historian - boring philosophical ponderings...please skip over and don't yell at me for the post not being receipt related. Thank you. Thank you very much.) )

iStuff, what a cool thesis! You know, I for one keep asking myself, the switch from a oral-based society to a alphabethic-(reading/writing? one, drastically changed not only the social construction, but also individuals' perceptions of their worlds and, more importantly the notion of self and the promotion of individuality (since a oral culture is group dependent and not only that, calls on the listener to use more auditory skills, rather than visual or tactile). It makes me wonder how the internet age will modify peoples' perceptions, not only of community and culture, but also the 'self' and inherent in that, what physical senses will be added into the mix and how will those effect perceptions of self. Sorta off your topic I know, but well, sometimes I jus get to thinking, ya know?

(Submitted by Jewish Child Molester )

Hey little girl, wanna buy some CANDY?

(Submitted by in lieu of cow tales... )

i remember once when me and this little heifer trail trotted down to the back forty once and first discovered that "parts is parts" wasn't entirely true...

(Submitted by in lieu of more cow tales... )

now elsie, don't follow your uncle angus' lead and go cannibal on us. ever since, he's seemed really pissed off, downright MAD!

(Submitted by not john paul jones )

primula sucks! their bassist sounds like he's playing wif mittens on!

(Submitted by Chileboy )

30th poster moonwalk... mmm... cow tales & soda. Hmmm. Now where's that dang jig blade gone.

(Submitted by susie )

The jig blade has gone to be honed after cutting off all those cow tales

(Submitted by phun with physics )

a dismembered penis flattened after having been run over by a car begins to take on the attributes of a love boomerang. if you throw it out your car window and it comes back to you, it loved you. if it doesn't return then it never did.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

This receipt has really MOOOOOOOOOved me. Really.

(Submitted by Dal )

Dang, I can't get Jennifer's COW TALES song out of my head.. singing it all the time, now..in the shower...on the subway (people are looking at me strangely, despite my sitting next to the woman with the bolonga sandwich pinned to her head)..."If you wanna hang out you've got to take her out; COW TALES...." *Big Nanner Wave to Chiqca!*

(Submitted by melon )

thats really somthing.

(Submitted by Andre )

Baby Shmp, you really up me crack. I mean really, I need a booster cable to clean it all out.

(Submitted by Andre )

Hey Dal, while I'm thinking about it and reading your posts, I have to admit I don't like New York, but one thing that will remain in my memory of the place is those women on the subway with that - well, I'm not sure you could really call it hair, but it certainly sits on their head and keeps the rain off! I don't believe I've seen so much gold colouring outside the Galleria Dell'Accademia in Florence.

(Submitted by George O'Dowd )

I want my MTV

(Submitted by George Endowed )

I want my bolonga sandwich

(Submitted by Not my real name )

Dalliance, are you really Hummingbird? I've been reading old posts and there's certain, um, coincidences...

(Submitted by Andre )

I know this never gets me anywhere, but here goes: so there's someone else out there at the moment! Hello hello, is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile...omigod, I think I've made that crack before.

(Submitted by Andre )

Hello, testing, testing, tsssooo, tssssoooo

(Submitted by Andre )

Come in planet earth, can you read me? Alpha Control, please confirm our signal.

(Submitted by Andre Carpenter )

Calling occupants of interplanetary craft

(Submitted by Andre M )

Nightflight to Venus, way out there in space, nightflight to Venus, or your favourite place

(Submitted by Andre Wayne )

Tracking station 43, Canberra, come in, Canberra!

(Submitted by Andre Miller )

Some people call me the space cowboy........................ ........

(Submitted by Andre Jones )

planet earth is blue and there's nothing I can do............................ ..

(Submitted by Andre Meco-Williams )

baa bibbip baa bibbip do do do do doo (do do do do, do do do do, badom bom, do do do do, do do do do, badom bom)

(Submitted by Andre Dwight )

I think it's gunna be a long long time

(Submitted by Dally )

yup...Hummingbird is one of my incarnations. That's pretty well known by the regulars. Baby Shmp is me too - that's when I am being Andre's (aka "The Gangster of Love" but some people call him Maw-reece) submissive love slave- You aren't gonna start dissing me now are ya? Or write a mean, nasty poem about me on the BBS are ya? I hope not cause I get my feelings hurt real easy like.

(Submitted by Chiq )

Big Chiquita Bird wave *flapping my feathered wing ferociously* to ya, Dal-baby!!

(Submitted by Dal )

dang, I spelled bologna wrong up there. I'm seriously beginning to worry about my mental coordination. Maybe that knot that appeared on my head 2 years ago really isn't a devil horn like my Mamma said.

(Submitted by susie )

Don't move Dally *adjusting jig blade* we'll have that exotosis off your head in no time at all. Perhaps you would like a set of COWTALES installed instead...

(Submitted by Moo Over Baloney Head! )

Thanks, susie! Yeah! COWTALES would be cool, I could be a trend setter! And I could swat flies in the summer!

(Submitted by Jelycat )

cowtails RULE. They have that kind of cold, sweet, noughaty stuff inside, and they're chewy. I like to get those at Wal*mart, too. Great. Now I'm addicted to this site. DAMMIT.

(Submitted by susie )

Here, can someone help me wedge Dally's head in the mag rack while I get this jigblade powered up. *plugging in the booster cable *

(Submitted by Beavis )

hehehehe....she said "dally's head"....hehehehe

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

"the notion of self and the promotion of individuality" - sounds like a definition of someone who keeps his journal on a web-page. (just a passing [non-judgemental] thought)

(Submitted by skyrabbit )

1627 has just never been the same since we lost Ryan Hoage! Bring back Ryan!

(Submitted by Russell Hanes )

Ryan wears tight white slutty- hoaged t-shirts

(Submitted by D )

Ah, BB, I was saying that in the context of literacy, since once we could read and write we could form ideas, shape our own worlds by what we choose to read or write, not what was chosen for us by oral means (those things most naturally being what was most valued by the larger consensus). Not only did this allow the self a larger bounty of info, it also gave him the power to choose for himself what and how he would expand his knowlegde base and surely we all know that a person is formed by what he knows. God, I hope this doesnt sound pedantic...I just find it extremely interesting. Now that we have the internet, we have a totally new medium whereby an individual not only has significantly greater access to information, but he also is interacting with others in a totally new fashion (where he may be both known and anonymous). Now, we may have a web-page journalist expanding and exploring himself, but allowing a collective to essentially join in or at least observe that exploration - well that smacks of oral tradition in that a social body is sharing in the experience and may learn/be entertained/etc. I find the web to be a highly significant cultural phenomenon. Derek obviously understands this well and is exploring the possibilities - He's really quite brilliant and intellectually provocative. Ok, will shut up now, since I know this talking pisses people off - witness the group's effect!

(Submitted by Chileboy )

No, you go, Dallygirl. I say piss on whoever's pissed... I think you can safely assume that a lot of us agree - this is a fascinating medium that we're watching evolve. The whole known/anonymous aspect strongly appeals... and yes, Derek is brilliant. Or at least he had a great idea in 1996 and has stuck with it.

(Submitted by in lieu of ben stein )

i, um, liked those larger consensus and oral tradition smacking thingys you said...

(Submitted by Rico Suave )

Yes, Dereks got the whole series of Cow Tales now. Takes up one wall of the Derek Den Library. My favorite is the mysterious hound of the baskercows.

(Submitted by Katrina )

heh heh have you guys tried the *cow tails* (as opposed to cow *tales*) with the sour apple stuff in them? heh heh

(Submitted by Lizz )

*cries* I.. You.. You've touched me. Thank you. God, thank you. I like candy.

(Submitted by Owen )

Add an "ca" and remove the "com" if you'd like to email me. I'm looking for an ex-flame. Susan Butts. No lie. Pitt Meadows, BC. Email me, Suzie!

(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )

I have to say, this is the most i've seen the dal say! fortunately. Consider yourself officially yelled at. AAHHHH!

(Submitted by jewdog )

I still wish you'd be my friend, though, dal

(Submitted by rejex )

silly

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

Boo Berry, Franken Berry and Count Primula?

(Submitted by Birthday Boy )

Since today is my Birthday, I get to tell a joke related to Cows. -- There were these two bulls standing on the hill, over-looking a herd of cows. The young bull said to the older bull, "why don't we run down the hill and screw one of those cows". The older bull said back to the younger bull. "why don't we walk down the hill, and screw them all" - That is the best I can do on my 54 birthday. After all the time I have just spent on this site, just like you did, I need to get a life.