Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by rey dekker )

Who's your daddy? It's my birthday! I'm the man...

(Submitted by Rey Dekker )

Oh, yeah, first poster...

(Submitted by Rey Dekker )

Looks like it's time for spring cleaning. Either that or the INK CART blew up and soiled the apartment, necessitating a thorough clean up. What a deal on that VILEDA BROOM!

(Submitted by lambie )

and THAT makes me the 2nd poster...*dancing around*...wipin' my ROLLER MOP with FACIAL TISSU...spraying PARSON LEMON all over the room...and casting a spell with my WITHC HAZEL.....WHOOOOHOOOO!

(Submitted by lambie )

dancing kinda gives me a SPARKLE...course the ALCOHOL helps! ;-)

(Submitted by Target )

Benadryl...Alcohol..I sure hope that he isn't going to DRINK and DRIVE.

(Submitted by Gary R )

TOOTHBRSHLDR? Toot Haber Shoulder? Too Thub Rush Leader? To Othber Should R? Tooth Brass Holder? Toothbrush Leader? Too The Brash Ladder? I don't get it.

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

PARSON LEMON was my favorite childhood cleric. He presided over my marriage to VIELDA Brown (nee BROOM), back in the 70s. We were wed in an outdoors ceremony on the moors in BATH RUG, just outside Strumpsetshire. Very beautiful ceremony. The ALCOHOL flowed all night long (it _was_ Scotland, you know)

(Submitted by Will Rede )

Nice of you to let us all know the store's area code and phone number. Not to mention the managers name. :)

(Submitted by nipplesss )

a SUAVE CD and FACIAL TISSUE.....what's going on here? hmmm, you moving her in? gotta make sure she got someplace to put her toothbrush, and her feet won't get cold on the bathroom floor. hubba hubba

(Submitted by Person elected to answer sarcastic remarks )

You're very welcome Rede, anything for the customer... I'm actually authorized to give you the manager's middle initial if you so desire.

(Submitted by Eric Clanton )

By far the most interesting person I've met, to date.

(Submitted by Blinky )

Did anybody else beside me notice that if you total the item #s all up you get 367037666030?

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

BKLYN, NY WANTS A WALMART!

(Submitted by eddo )

I went to wal mart today and picked up some black t shirts. and motor oil. that is more interesting than your purcheses

(Submitted by kat )

It totaly shows that your a father !

(Submitted by Witch Hazel )

Anyone want a ride 'round Strumpetshire on my VILEDA BROOM?

(Submitted by Father Gern Blandston )

Honey, make something for dinner.... the Parson Lemon is a'coming over.....

(Submitted by Farmer Gern )

Derek hasn't bought any dirt in a LONGGGGGG time... the thumb not so green anymore? And what happened to the lizard, cat and Chore Boy? Still Wondering, Ol' Gern.

(Submitted by susiedontemailmemyemailisfake )

There you are Andre you can step out of the babybath now on to the rug. Lets go for a ride in the ink cart

(Submitted by Azrael Brown )

Boy, I must've had too much ALCOHOL when I typed my post, mispelling Strumpetshire and VILEDA...oh well...Anyway -- Farmer Gern, Derek bought 2 bags of POTTING SOIL on the last receipt - he must've gotten caught for his POT SOIL in the past, and is on the straight and narrow now.

(Submitted by Shirley Booth )

I'm just happy to see "Hazel" back in the American Lexicon

(Submitted by Dal )

Hunchback II? Witch Hazel and Hunchback Sr. must have done some Roller Mopping behind the Ink Cart

(Submitted by Hill Lord )

Hey! I used to have that Rico SUAVE CD too! Of course, I traded mine for a brand-spankin-new AOL 7.0 CD. Nice trade, if I do say so myself. Notice how they left out the 'U' between the 'S' and the 'X' at the end of the description? Those wacky Wal*Mart data entry monkeys, always messing up the descriptions.

(Submitted by Hill Lord )

Just a reminder that 'Beauty is in the eye of the TOOTHBRSHLDR'. Speaking of beauty... hi ya Dal!

(Submitted by Huh? )

*clapping hands with glee* Oh this receipt just SHOUTS spring cleaning! And a tidy bath to boot, who's the lucky gal who gets to soak in the tubbie with D? Just don't mix the benedryl and alcohol, strange things can happen!!!

(Submitted by superbee )

TOOTHBRSHLDR? That'd be a HAND, wouldn't it?

(Submitted by busmun )

Walmart is now offering a hand in dreary personal hygene duties.They'll brush your teeth for you. Coming soon: Wallyworld Executive Food Chewing Service

(Submitted by Jenay )

WOW!! Spring cleaning AND a seasonal allergy. Someone's gettin' crazy! Can I ride in the ink cart with you guys?

(Submitted by tarmun )

Ah, Mr. Eddo, sir, I went to the Chandlery and picked up a hogshead of grog, some marlinspikes and a quantity of oakum but you don't hear me shoutin about it from the crows nest now do you? Um....yaargg. I guess I am hootin it up a little.

(Submitted by Hazel the Witch )

*screeching VILEDA BROOM to a sudden stop* Hi y'all! *screeching away on VILEDA BROOM with a puff of smoke*

(Submitted by Dal )

*curtsy* Hello Mister Lord, Sir *blush*

(Submitted by Miss Dally Bubble )

BATH RUG!! WE got a new BATH RUG! WOW, I just noticed it! How exciting! No more wet feety prints around the box, no more dirty soles. Come on everybody....in the tub!!!! Perfidity..Now that's a word!

(Submitted by Too Excited to Spell )

oops. i meant perfidy

(Submitted by bless my sole )

not that it has to do with dirty soles but i read it in a book last night and the word sort of stuck to me.

(Submitted by toasty )

that was a heckava st paddy's party at dereks' place! so much green beer puke he needed to buy 2 roller mops to clean it up. and that gut who spilled the ink cart on the bathroom rug, only to slip on it and bang his head on the toothbrush holder? that was classic. looking forward to the hunchback 2 movie screening party tomorrow night. thats what the 2 packages of facial tissues are for. i hear the movie makes you cry.

(Submitted by jenay )

Only .72 cents for Alcohol?? I'll have to remember Wally World next year for all my St. Patrick's day drinking needs!! We were paying $3.50 for a cup 'O Guinness yesterday. But ya know, those Kansas City parades take almost three hours!!!!! Thanks Derek! *clenching butt cheeks* Gotta go!!

(Submitted by BBoy )

Hey Susie (I know your email), why is Albion always perfidious?

(Submitted by Huh? )

*perched PERFIDIOUSLY on edge of toaster box* 2 ROLLER MOPS, 2 FACIAL TISSUE .... Noah's ark? *grabbing the VILEDA BROOM*

(Submitted by Alice from the Brady Bunch )

I've noticed what passes for humor on this site lately is the items from the receipt in caps in the body of a sentence... not funny.... try harder, guys..

(Submitted by Abi )

Alice - GET STUFFED - funny enough?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Hey, throw your SLINKY at Alice & then duck behind the TOOTHBRSHLDR so she doesn't know who did it. (Kind of the receipt site version of a spit ball.)

(Submitted by Mr. Obvious )

Psst...Derek...how 'bout picking up some tampons next time, eh?

(Submitted by Running with scissors )

TAMPONS!!!

(Submitted by lieu )

if'n they marketed tampons to the tune of that little clapper song... tampons, tampoffs, tampons tampoffs, tampons!, i'd probably buy some. butt that's just me.

(Submitted by Chiq )

lieu, you're cracking me up... I'm going to be singing that for rest of the day now. However, could we please not mention the words 'tampon' and 'butt' so closely together?

(Submitted by Jenay )

TAMPONS... Ridin' the cotton pony! (Maybe that's what's wrong with "Alice".)

(Submitted by suiedontemailmeyouknowmynumber )

*jumping out of inkcart and hitting a dibbly dobbler square with the roller mop* hello BB, I don't know,dash it all, why is the Albion so damned perfidious?

(Submitted by Hill Lord )

What's the matter, Alice? Sam the Butcher didn't deliver the "meat" again this week? Be a nice girl and turn around and bend over. We could always use another TOOTHBRSHLDR.

(Submitted by Dally in Perfidy )

Speaking of meat...now what was the name of that delicious sandwich we used to nibble on around here? Ya'll remember that, Chiqs and Abi? I can almost taste in my mouth...yumyum

(Submitted by Huh? )

Hey Alice, since when was PERFIDIOUSLY on the list?

(Submitted by Say What Huh? )

Damn, that's a hard word to type.... *throwing INK CART*

(Submitted by Heywood )

Y'know, if you re-arrange the letters in "perfidy" you get "fryd pie" Care to give it a try gals?

(Submitted by Pie Hole )

Is it served at "micdonalds?"

(Submitted by Huh? )

Sounds like a fishy transaction...

(Submitted by NotAndre )

Off to Widow Twankey's, to have high tea with the abominable Parson Lemon. A right scrubber in a roll(er) mop lets me into the parlour, where I can smell the witch hazel liberally applied to the furniture. More heathens with their covens, I suspect! The village common has never been the same since that cotton Stonehenge was constructed! Such goings- on! But I digress..pardon. A little alcohol will get it out!

(Submitted by Abi )

Gawd, Dal, memories of times past, something to do with lieu's butt (or was it hefty?) and the meat slicer accident......aah, those were the good ol' days. I wonder what happened to mellow yellow?

(Submitted by Wal )

What is Wal Mart. I have never heard of it.

(Submitted by Its Only Me )

It is an enchanting kingdom where, using the mere tools of Witch Hazel and Benedryl, Matt Krieg casts his magic upon display and endcap alike.

(Submitted by Huh? )

I dig that Rollback Smiley, he's so cool. I just tingle all over whenever I think about him.....

(Submitted by Chiq )

Dal, all I remember 'bout those sammiches was that the meat was a bit rubbery, but had a delightful aftertaste. Think I'll head over to the deli counter & see if those are sitll on the menu.

(Submitted by Thwack )

Can I help you, ma'am?

(Submitted by Buy my scare-hookers )

The well-constructed troll is a post that induces lots of newbies and flamers to make themselves look even more clueless than they already do, while subtly conveying to the more savvy and experienced that it is in fact a deliberate troll. If you don't fall for the joke, you get to be in on it.

(Submitted by Dal )

Uhhh...Right, Troll Hooker, but anyway, know what REALLY turns a girl like me on? Well, I'll tell you. A man in a dress shirt and Marvin Martian boxers shorts. Whoa Baby.

(Submitted by Uncle Miltie )

Looks like I picked the wrong day to wear my GIRLS BRIEFS.

(Submitted by Mr President )

Dal, stop spying on me! Thanks, Bill Clinton

(Submitted by Hill Lord )

If you notice that Marvin the Martian has a Pinnochio nose sticking out, be afraid. Be very afraid.

(Submitted by Hill Lordnac the Magnificent )

Zoolander!

(Submitted by Hill Lordnac the Magnificent )

(tearing open envelope, blowing into it and removing the question) What kind of DVD will show up on Derek's next receipt?

(Submitted by mellow yellow )

my real name's donovan butt they call me mellow yellow. quite right. hi cakes, chiqs, dalley, etc! rubber biscuit?

(Submitted by hefty pickens )

anybody seen slim?

(Submitted by in lieu of reeding )

i'd like a chicken tit sandwich please.

(Submitted by sweet dal pickle )

extra mayo please

(Submitted by lieu )

oooh, nice buns. open sesame!

(Submitted by Chiq )

Could I have an extra pickle on that sammich, puhleeze. And a nanner on the side.

(Submitted by nanners on the side )

excuse me that tickles

(Submitted by KFC denizen )

Anyone need a bra? Mine's a bit redundant now...

(Submitted by Rodomontade Richard the ever-so-savvy )

You couldn't actually see that it was Marvin the Martian, and I, personally, would not have mentioned it. Not that there is anything wrong with it. Although now that I think about it I am slightly offended. Ummm... Oh, right, I hadn't actually noticed that Big D was in the picture, I was looking at the reflection of all the hookers on the lawn. Daaamn, I would have snapped a shot of that too!

(Submitted by Walmart Pharmacist )

Derek, I recommend that if you take the BENADRYL, limit you ALCOHOL consumption because it may cause excessive drowsiness. Also, why not next time buy our Equate brand of diphenhydramine. You'll save your self even more money than just 30 cents, And our Equate brand has all the same active ingredients as the BENADRYL. In fact our generic brand has been proven to be theraputicaly equivalent by the Food and Drug Administration.

(Submitted by Mr. Burns )

Digging through the under $1 CD bin again eh? I sure hope the let you return the Rico SUAVE CD if you dont like it. Also what's up with the cheap ALCOHOL? Too poor to buy the good stuff Derek?

(Submitted by Abi )

hey mellow, baybee!! long time..... So, who's got the matches, there's a HUGE pile of bras in the corner here for burning.

(Submitted by Andre )

*lying sideways on bath rug with slightly scarred forehead from picture frame chafing, swigging a wicked brew of benadryl, alcohol and witch hazel* why pappy, it's so dang hot in here

(Submitted by Abi )

Andre, if I may be so forward, let me ROLLER MOP your brow....

(Submitted by Huh? )

*dabbing alcohol on Andre's slightly scarred forehead* there, there....

(Submitted by Dal )

So as not to appear Trollish, I wanted to report that the Marvin Martian reference was in response to Derek's latest self-portrait on www.mirrorproject.com Heyyyy Mellow, how's the meat? Still, I can't recall the name of that exquisite cold cut. Wal-Ass Loaf, was it? *leaning over and licking Andre's forehead.*

(Submitted by Abi )

Woohoo, great boxers!!

(Submitted by FYI )

Have you guys really Looked at the picture? If you focus your eyes right you can see past the reflection and you can't even see the martians, just many many hookers.

(Submitted by Dally Reads Derek )

"Dionne Warwick tunes should be required for men's bathroom Muzak. I could pee all day long listening to her music." - Derek Dahlsad from 11111001111

(Submitted by lambie )

Oooooooooh Parson Lemon...come on over here...I've got something you may or may not be interested in..*flashin white globes*...ooooooh la la!

(Submitted by Huh? )

Just caught the marvelous Martian pix *smile* NICE PANTS

(Submitted by Huh? )

*throwing bath rug over Lambie's white globes*

(Submitted by lambie )

awwwww Huh...how can I lure Parson Lemon into letting me wipe him down with SPARKLE if I can't show him my WHITEGLOBES?

(Submitted by refill those ink cartridges. )

I can't believe you would spend $32.00 on a dam printer cartridge, either learn how to refill or atleast buy refills, you must be filthy rich if you can throw away money like this. you can email me and i will give you directions on refilling or the name of some places i used to but remanufactured ones, until I learned that you can refill any cartridge for only a couple of bucks, and you get better ink to boot. Makes you want to take that 32 dollar rip off right back doesn't it? You know i would not throw my money away like that.

(Submitted by samson )

what the hell? Who needs that many rectal thermometers???!?!? *squints eyes* oh, wait...that says benadryl. My bad.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

YOU SAVED 30 CENTS! YOU SAVED 30 CENTS! WAY TO GO RICH MAN!

(Submitted by Skaye )

INK CART is an ink cartiage. lol as in, for your printer. *sigh* When you know what 99% of the items on the reciept are, you've worked at wally world entirely too long. =)

(Submitted by Skaye )

Cartriage, even

(Submitted by Ross )

inktoday.com sells catridges for 80% less. the price you paid is a ripoff. peace