Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by melon)

im the FIRST ONE!!!!!!! oh yes!!!!!!!! well, now everbody sing "its a wonderfull world" while jumping up and down.

(Submitted by not melon)

Derek, how 'bout loaning out some of that suncare to melon...methinks someones been out in it a little too long...

(Submitted by melon)

first, there is no reason to be "not melon" - the melon is good, and welcomes all. second, i live in a hot place. its boiling hot here. damn, im burning. its so hot... i want to get away, but i cant... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Submitted by falgo)

I'm glad that Wal-Mart is taking care of the environment and printing there receipts on recycled paper.

(Submitted by terry)

AHA! I see you've come crawling back to 1627 after your little "indiscretion". I hope it was worth it. (although, i must admit, those receipts from the "other store" ARE quite becoming.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

After 6 days of waiting patiently this is all we get???? Come on, Derek, cut loose & go on a shopping spree for us! And how exactly are you caring for the sun with this product?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

I just realized how early you were there!! I can't believe you were able to get to Wal*Mart, shop & check out by 8:21 a.m.- AND on a weekend!!

(Submitted by Lizzie)

He went to WalMart early to get the sun lotion so he could head to the beach. They have beaches where he lives, right? Oh yeah. He lives in Fargo(?) Sorry.

(Submitted by John Rocker)

Speaking of "sunny beaches", the Atlanta Braves are all a bunch of 'em.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

I was so hoping that Derek would hold out until Sunday - which was my birthday- but, alas...it was not to be. But at least he had sun-protection. I wonder what SPF it was. Sure, hope it was strong enough for that blistering Fargo Ball O' Fire. *waving at Terry, melon, my sweet Chiquita and the rest of you crazy receipters*

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Hey, hang on a minute...I'm the fake John Rocker here. Who are you? But, *high five* that wus a good un. How are things in the mines, Bubba?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

A big Chiquita-bird wave right back at ya, Dalliance!

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Dalliance-baby! Do you think maybe Derek got you a present at Wal*Mart?? Maybe the Suncare is for you. Now the surprise is blown!

(Submitted by melon)

i have an idea. lets orgnize a chat for people who visit this place. i know a nice abandond chat room, that has free registration.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Melon! I can't believe you're suggesting we abandon Derek!! Where would we be without him??

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Oh!! Chiquita, do you think??!!!! Wouldn't that just be a poem...Derek and I slathering suncare all over one another's sweating, barely-clad bodies and then sunbathing in the Fargo Wal*Mart parking lot on the hood of his Volare listening to groovy 8 track tapes, drinking pina coladas and eating cashews!!!!! *sighing* Well, one can dream, can't one. Melon, I want a piece of that chat action!!!

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Aaahhhh... me thinks someone has a very vivid imagination [if the shoe fits, Daliiance... :-) ]

(Submitted by toonces)

Derek has taken good care of the sun, and it ripens our melons to say thank you. I like your melons. I really like them.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Oh yeah...Derek...I forgot about Derek. Well, why couldn't he come too? Doesn't mean we have to give up Wal*mart altogether, we can still come visit and continue the attempt to come to terms with Derek's profound shopping life. Could we not?

(Submitted by not John Rocker anymore)

Please accept my humble apologies for impersonating a person impersonating a racist. Please don't send me to prison with all them quars & faigs.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Who the heck is John Rocker?

(Submitted by toonces)

John Rocker is the most enlightened man on the Planet Earth.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Chiquita-Baby, believe me when I say that John Rocker is a nobody who used to pitch for the Atlanta Braves. Now, back to my Birthday Fantasy...after bronzing our bodies to savage tan level, Derek and I decide we need Noxema and Mt. Dew. We stroll laughingly into Wal*Mart whereupon all the greeters cheerily greet us. Matt Krieg walks up and shakes Derek's hand. "My," I say as chill bumps run with wild abandon up and down my still barely clad, but beautifully (thanks to proper suncare) tanned body, "The air conditioning is so very well maintained here." Derek, mysteriously atuned as always, notices (although, how I am not sure) that I am cold. "Dal," he coos sweetly, putting his well-tanned arm around my golden shoulder, "let us go then you and I, to housewares.....to be cont..

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Oh, Dalliance! Please don't make us wait too long for Part 2. What are y'all gonna do in housewares?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Will Matt be accompanying you & Derek??? *sly grin*

(Submitted by toonces)

Oh, GOD! Come back frm Housewares, Dalliance! Did you and Derek buy Celpalon? Fess up! Chiquita and I need your love.

(Submitted by Melvin)

I'm a little burned here & wanted to know if I could borrow some suncare?

(Submitted by Dalliance)

As Derek and I stroll down the brightly lit aisles toward housewares, we pass a the large clear plastic display that is home to assorted candies, each in its own slide-topped bin. From the corner of my eye I am startled to see Derek's deft fingers slide smoothly into a bin and emerge with a bit of sweet. My breath quickens as I imagine what other treats his sly fingers might sample before the night is over. Then, as if reading my mind, he swiftly, and with the unstudied ease of those born gifted, I watch, as once again, his searching fingers find their way into yet another bin. "Derek" I murmur, "no, but, Derek." "Hush, now" he says as he looks deeply into my eyes and places a Swedish Fish into my hot palm. How, O, how could he have known? Suddenly, Derek seeing a near-by associate, cooly utters "Two assorted candies, tell Matt to put in on my tab." Later, much later, when we go to check out, Derek will pull from the back pocket of his well-butt-fitting shorts, his Visa and will slide it gently across the magnetic thingie, and then, just as the moon must come when night calls, so too shall a receipt appear. "Wal*Mart", it will say, "Always", it will say...and written there...like ink on white paper, will be the only purchases we will make that night. It will read thus: PIECE ASS CANDY 0006969696969...$.25 PIECE ASS CANDY 00069696969....$.25 TOTAL: $.54 (to be cont.)

(Submitted by The One)

*burp* *fart*

(Submitted by Zeus)

Gadzooks!

(Submitted by Zeus)

Crimminey!

(Submitted by SweetPrincess)

The love saga is not only breathtaking, but a true token to the ROMANTIC side of Wal-Mart. I am an employee of #1217 and I must say that you have refreshened my faith. May the love, sweets and wal-mart roll-back smileys always smile upon you.

(Submitted by KrazyElf)

man, this site is so incredably disturbing, it's almost mesmerizing in it's quality. Not to say we aren't any better for paying attention. But hey, you got me hooked! Keep up the purchasing power, Derek. I wonder why you don't buy any condoms... hehe, sorry

(Submitted by Bronwyn)

Care

(Submitted by Lugjugz)

I heard down the back of the personal care and lady's underwear aisle that Matt Krieg and Dalliance are one in the same entity

(Submitted by AprilW)

Days of Our Lives my ass! I will no longer be watching the "common" t.v. soaps anymore. Days of Dalliance is my new thang!! I love the bit about the Swedish fish, I'm laughing my ass off! (Note to self.....get out more April)

(Submitted by Krazydwarf making the krazyelf sixmillionfurst)

Hehe! Krazy! That is actually kind of insulting... But whatever! Even if you buy condoms, you surely use them less than derek... Hehehe! (P.S.: Might get some, but don't ask me from who, you'll laugh...)

(Submitted by not Emo)

Dalliance, you raise the literary standards of this site to new highs! Now, tell us about the "Fitting Room Episode" and how you and Derek got arrested and how the store surveillance tape became the most downloaded video clip on the web. HEY! I'm getting mighty jealous!

(Submitted by not Emo)

Derek - you're a jerk!

(Submitted by not Emo)

One more thing... Dalliance - if Derek asks you to prance around in dri bottoms filled with wet potting soil - don't do it. You've got to draw the line somewhere!

(Submitted by Freak Boy)

I thought I have seen everything but now this is stupid. The only reason I'm going to waste my time writing this is because I HOPE I can reach out to at least ONE person who can see that coming to this site is such a waste of time that doing ANYTHING else (even staring at a wall) would be better time spent! Delete the bookmark to this page and forget it even exists...so go ahead and flame on ...I wont be back here again to see it! :)

(Submitted by melon)

ok, heres a url: http://mercury.beseen.com/chat /rooms/u/12285/index.html you can got there and register. strangly, "melon" was taken, so i registerd as "shishkabab". we can set a date and time, so we can all talk real-time, and in your face. whos in?

(Submitted by VuDooHaze)

apparently the store got a new printing system... the reciept is cut with a razor - not torn. :P`` And WTF!? is with the "edited" version of CD's... thats pisses me off... phuk that...

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Oh my! So much has happened since I was last here. To Freak Boy, good riddance, we don't need your bad vibes here anyway. To melon- let us know what day & time. To Dalliance, what can I say? I was moved tears. My only editorial comment would be that it was so eloquently stated until "magnetic thingie." Thingie??? Thingie??? And finally, on another note, yesterday on the way home from work, we passed a BIG Wal*Mart truck that had driven 1/2-way off the freeway. I hope none of Derek's merchandise will be delayed in delivery!

(Submitted by melon)

how about, the 6.22.00, when its midnight in new york.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Oh, thank you all much for your support of my fantasy. But I can only continue with Derek's consent, (not that he got Matt Kreig's consent or to post his name and number) but anyway. Lugjugz that rumor about Matt and I being the same person is an urban myth because unless Matt looks a lot like Pamela Anderson he is not me. (Okay, that Pam Anderson part is a lie but I am so a girl!!) Not Emo, *leaning my head on your shoulder and looking sweetly into your eyes*. Chiquita-Baby, I thought "thingie" had a certain *wink wink nudge nudge" quality and plus, what in the heck to you call those magntic thingies? Huh? melon, goodness knows, I would love to attend the chat-a-thon but I'm afraid I turn into a wolfette at midnight and must go a-prowling. Either that or I will be fast asleep.

(Submitted by melon)

if you can come here, you can stay awake till 00:00, but im open to any other times, dates, ive got plenty of spare time, now that i have no social life and im out of school.

(Submitted by terry)

Dal, does your fantasy receipt also say "come again"?

(Submitted by xav)

Hey MELON don't you think you should get out a bit more for some exercise instead of talking a whole load of rubbish. I mean who cares about your passion for boats ?? Well perhaps I do.Actually I prefer aireplains, but no one's perfect

(Submitted by Jim)

I Dont use wal mart i go to ZELLERS !!! yeah take that punk!!!! ZELLERS!!!!

(Submitted by susie)

What is a URL, Melon? And has anyone seen my cheesegrater?

(Submitted by Wax66)

Does the phrase "We Sell For Less Manager Matt Krieg" mean that they are selling Matt Krieg for less? I'd be really interested if this were the case, since my area sells Matt Kriegs for REALLY high prices. 8-)

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Ah, lunch time... I'm gonna head over to Wal*Mart & scarf down a dog, popcorn & soder pop. And Wax66, I can score you an original Matt Krieg for "friend prices."

(Submitted by Dalliance)

ohhhhhh, Terry-Baby, I like the way you think. Meet me at *your* Wal*Mart Thursday night, 8pm, in the Jacquline Smith designer bikini section. I'll show you a little trick I can do with a Kraft caramel. Oh, but, wait...nevermind...I can't do that, for alas, my heart belongs to Derek.

(Submitted by susie)

Does anyone know what time it is in NY? Melon's chat site is full of pornography and perverts.... I was frightened.....

(Submitted by terry)

What is a cheesegrater, Susie? And has anyone seen my Kraft caramels?

(Submitted by susie)

What is a terry,cheesegraft? Has anyone seen my Susie baby?

(Submitted by Dalliance)

The time in NYC is now 4:19pm..do you know where your Kraft Caramel is? Skies are overcast with a slighty easterly breeze. The Nasdaq is up 83.21 points, Dow: up 57.23 and the S&P 500 (that's Standard and Poors 500) is up 23.44. melon's chat site has all that????

(Submitted by Dalliance)

....and the Hari Krishnas just jangled up Broadway past my window here in the heart of the Village...Man, have they got a groove or WHAT???

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Thanks for the East Coast info. Now for the Sunny Southern California low down--- it's HOT!!! And I think all the stock market info is the same.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Oh, and no Hari Krishnas outside my window, but we do have a lot of lawyers. Same difference, right?

(Submitted by Chiquita)

I wonder what the weather is like in Fargo...

(Submitted by The Rock)

Wal Mart has a saying "We sell for less!" Well, The Rock has a saying as well: "All you pathetic Internet junkies get yourself a life and get away from this putrid technology driven culture." Hear me speak, cause, I am the People's champion!!

(Submitted by Matt Krieg)

This is the first new one I've seen posted. What a moment. I think Derek needs some big time sponsorship to fund more elaborate trips, though. Does this guy charge everything?

(Submitted by Anytime)

I like to hump dead animals.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Well, Anytime, you've come to the right place!! melonnnnn....I tried to access your chat url but to no avail. It said the server could not access the site. I was doing a cut and paste job so perhaps there is something I missed? Proxy Error...rut rho. Hey Anytime, you know once Derek bought some dismembered carp. Are you in to that sort of thing or only mammals? Oh and once, he bought a horse clock...would that work for you?

(Submitted by Precut Carp)

Anytime, meet Rock, Rock meet Anytime...you two should get a room.

(Submitted by Dad)

Son, it's been over 6 months since your last oil change. And don't forget the filter this time, huh? That slant 6 will run forever on weasel snot, but why push it. And not that synthetic crap either, boy. Good ol' 10W40. A radiator flush probably wouldn't hurt at this point either. By the way, I'd like a decent present this Sunday, not that usual WAL*MART junk you shluff off on me.

(Submitted by Vicious Sid)

Wankers! Perverts! and Bollix! Yup, this place feels just like home.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

OHhhh! Sid-Baby, welcome to the family!!! *hugging you from a distance*

(Submitted by not Emo)

Dalliance - I'll do anything to get a hug! Gotcha!............................................ not.Emo.(aka.Vicious.Sid)

(Submitted by Gabrielle)

Loved the romance fantasy, Dalliance!

(Submitted by Lugjugz)

I must say, I've posted so many #!#@@$%#@!#@ comments on this site, and finally, this is the first receipt where someone has actually made mention of one of them. Oh Dalliance, I envy your skill like a pingpong bat envies a Filipino stripper, but I still love you for recogn

(Submitted by Lugjugz)

Well Derek hasn't fixed that fucken problem after all, has he! That final clause: "but I still love you for recognising me"

(Submitted by Dalliance)

Lugjugz..thanks mate, I love you too and your simile usage is as fine-tuned as a Filipino stipper playing pingpong with a bat.

(Submitted by PIECE ASS CANDY )

I feel Used and Dirty.

(Submitted by special )

A trip all the way to Wal- mart just for sunscreen? doesn't seem quite worth the wait in line,etc. i'm thinking derek should've done a combined trip instead. or maybe he just likes walmart that much he just can't stay away. any excuse will do.

(Submitted by you took the wrong exit )

Dogs Fuck The Pope...No Fault of Mine

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

BACK TO GOOD OLD MATT! GOOD!

(Submitted by Dezarae )

All you bought me for my bday was SUNCARE?

(Submitted by Lindsey )

I think he gets like a cash back incentive on this visa card!

(Submitted by Usagi )

Didja notice that Darryl's store has the brands you trust, but Matt will just sell you any cheap crap?

(Submitted by gern blandston )

Usagi, yes I have noticed. And so have many other satisfied customers of Darryl Marchetta. Now then, where did the Clay Pots go?? Just another sign that indeed, Derek is growing the menace weed. Indoors in the pots in the winter, outdoors in the summer where he and Chore Boy harvest the kind bud and slather each other with SPF 15.