Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Gabrielle)

OOOOOOO, I'm first!!!

(Submitted by Gabrielle)

This is a fine receipt, Derek, nicely printed, nice and dark. And you spent some money this time!!! I wonder what a PH CID is.......Did you buy a new printer???? What a banner day! New receipt printers, a new printer for you! And a key weiser on top of everything!! I am happy for you, really. :^)

(Submitted by Sapphire)

YAY!!! I'm second!!!!!!! And what's key weiser? Is that like bud weiser? Wal-Mart's new brand of beer, possibly? And color heads, too. I wonder what color the heads are.

(Submitted by Sapphire)

Wait, Budweiser is one word. Sorry. There goes the key weiser theory.

(Submitted by uglymullet)

okay, I'm stumped ... I stared at this receipt, puzzled over it in fact ... but I cannot come up with a 'clean' suggestion as to what any of those three items you bought could possible be.

(Submitted by Gabrielle)

I know - Weiser is a brand of key. Derek had a key made. I really think the PH CID is a printer and the color heads are the color printer heads. This is what I think and I'm standing by it.

(Submitted by Jack)

On which aisle did you find the color heads? I've only been able to find the black and white heads. Whenever I ask for help, the Walmartians just look at me as if I were speaking from my butt.

(Submitted by jack)

The PH CID is (if you look in the left column) a 900 megahertz cordless phone.

(Submitted by Sapphire)

Derek must be adding to his human skull collection. Now he wants some color in his heads. No more plain white skulls!

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

It is a cordless phone WITH caller ID, thus the CID note lol

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

color heads has me stumped. perhaps the hair dying business is picking up for ous fellow derek? ( hi to dally and chiquita )

(Submitted by Sweet Princess)

Oh MY GOODNESS! I just read Dalliance's last entry and I am at a loss. I feel dehydrated and flushed in a verrryyyyy good way. Dally, you have once again out-done yourself and I request a standing ovation for you from everyone *standing-ever so carfully due to trembling-on a chair and clapping, whistling and screaming wildly*

(Submitted by Miss Ma'am)

6/30/00...2:00a.m.EDT *Deep Sigh* One day, maybe not too long from now, I hope to be the first to post. Derek, dear boy, what time do you publish these receipts? Southern ladies lie abed at least until noon. *yawn* I DO declare.

(Submitted by Associate of the Year)

ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS!!!! Please do not speak to me as if from your butt. Remember, I don't know JACK. Have an ordinary day.

(Submitted by Neass)

Yeah and don't ask the people who push pallet jacks around where stuff is either. We just get stuffed in the back and unload trucks while managament tells us to "break a sweat" and "carry two boxes at once" And yeah, thats a printer

(Submitted by Phanny)

So long between receipts! I smell a rat. I think Derek's been 'cheating.' Could it be with K-Mart? He couldn't POSSIBLY go that long without a trip to his favorite store - could he? My guess: Sometime - when we least expect it - Derek will introduce his new K-Mart receipt site! What fun it will be to compare and contrast invoices!

(Submitted by melon)

finally. dammit, i was so close to insanity. well. im going to color my head. sing a song for me while i do.

(Submitted by WalFix)

Did the color heads happen to come from the cactus department? Let me guess, red, right?

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

Chiquita tells of washers "Maytag" and "Amana" Spin cycles that could even wash Roseanna But they all follow one just rule We didn't have to learn way back in school Sex with them is way better'n with our hanna

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

I pass gas in a false poster's direction A toot quite angry, judging by inflection I can't figure him out Cuz with a turn of his snout He approaches to give nasal inspection

(Submitted by WalFixture)

Looking back, this site seems to be similar to a digital den or, better yet, a virtual cave in which those who are destitute of comprehension regarding the posting of receipts may be compared to prisoners in the cave, who're only able to look in one direction because they are bound by ignorance, and who have a fire behind them and a wall in front. Between them and the wall there is nothing; all that they see are shadows of themselves, and of objects behind them, cast on the wall by the light of the fire. Inevitably they regard these shadows as real, and have no notion of the objects to which they are due. Then, at last, our dude, Derek, was able to escape from that cave to the light of the sun; for the first time he saw real things, and became aware that he had previously been deceived by shadows. Since he is the sort of webmaster who was fit to become our guardian, he felt it was his duty to those who were formerly his fellow-prisoners to go down again into the cave, instruct them as to the truth, and show them the way up. Some of us followed. But he'll always have difficulty in persuading everyone, because, coming out of the sunlight, he will see shadows less clearly than the others, and will seem to an unenviable few less intelligent than before his escape. But to us, he is Moses-like. I don't know... just a rambling thought. I ate a booger once. It tasted like chicken.

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

I'm looking at the general receipt flow MAXIS and CURTAINS and DECOR, ya know? It all sure makes me wonder If what's really down under Means we shouldn't refer to Derek as just "Bo"

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

I'm amazed at his tolerance of ribbin' We're obscene and we're cussin and we're fibbin' Just shows he's a great guy Offered me a kleenex once when I Ate a booger. It tasted like.. chicken.

(Submitted by melinda)

You guys are insane! I love it. Tell me more!

(Submitted by WalFix)

geez, look at how huge this scroll bar is now. i'd gotton used to that really tiny one from before. dal, you could be saying the same think if you'd only leave derek for me.

(Submitted by melon)

i wish i had a sail boat, so i could sail. lots of things are like that. i wonder why?

(Submitted by preacher Mac)

Our Krieg, who art at Wal-Mart hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, in the aisles as it is at the check out Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not to K-mart but deliver us from evil. Amen.

(Submitted by Dalliance (The Devil's Right Hand))

WalFix, Plato's cave so early in the morning??? Hah!! You didn't think I would catch the allusion did you? But I never sleep! Now, about this cordless phone.....hummmm...I wonder what that is all about and pondering the magnificant possibilities. melon, where would you sail to if you could sail and how did your head turn out? The Key weiser..alas, I have nothing clever to say..*frowning and looking at my shoes*

(Submitted by in lieu of reed)

melon, do you also wish you had a tug boat...?

(Submitted by Dalliance (De Devil's Right Hand))

WalFix, Plato's cave so's early in de mo'nin'??? Hah! Preach it loud, bruddah! You's dun didn't dink ah' would catch de allusion dun did ya'? But ah' neva' sleep! Right on! Now, about dis co'dless phone.....hummmm. WORD!..I wonda' whut dat be all about and ponderin' de magnificant possibilities. melon, where would ya' sail t'if ya' could sail and how dun did yo' haid turn out? De Key weiser. Ah be baaad....alas, ah' have nodin' cleva' to say. Slap mah fro!.*frownin' and lookin' at mah' kickers*

(Submitted by Dawwiance (De Deviw's Wight Hand))

WawFix, Pwato's cave so eawwy in the mowning??? Hah!! You didn't think I wouwd catch the awwusion did you? But I nevew sweep! Now, about this cowdwess phone.....hummmm...I wondew what that is aww about and pondewing the magnificant possibiwities. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! mewon, whewe wouwd you saiw to if you couwd saiw and how did youw head tuwn out? De Key weisew..awas, I have nothing cwevew to say..*fwowning and wooking at my shoes*

(Submitted by in lieu of reed)

hi dal! *smiling and looking up from your shoes*

(Submitted by melinda)

Is this copy cat guy a Minah bird brain or just a minor? What a major idiot.

(Submitted by Warren)

People...pay attention. Derek's got a new girlfriend. The cordless phone w/caller ID, because that assh*le printed Derek's phone # a while back. Apparently, weeding out unsolicited phone calls, and maybe waiting for that one "special" call. The key weiser, a spare house key for a special someone maybe? And colored heads, obviously a condom reference. Does WAL*MART sell fireworks?

(Submitted by melon)

my head is yellow now, dalliance. i would sail to a world after our own, where god is waiting with a brush, to clean bugs out of my hair. ITEMS SOLD: a billion.

(Submitted by susie)

Their heads are green and their hands are blue and they went to sea in a sieve, they did in a sieve they went to sea

(Submitted by susie)

Jumblies, he's bought jumblies

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

I'm walking thru WalMart with my sweets... Past single boots smelling of old feets... Sighting cactus, I just get so horny!!! But Dally says oh so forlornly.. "I can't do it unless we're lying on receipts!"

(Submitted by Lot's wife)

What's the J for? Junk?

(Submitted by Floyd Pink)

Previous 6 receipts-26 items for a total of $68.79. This receipt-3 items for a total of $70.15. Not a very judicious use of funds for someone operating a website visited by psychopathic individuals. Uh oh, I think I just became one. Damn.

(Submitted by Dalliance)

There once was a dude named WalFixture, who was quite an interesting mixture, some bite, some finesse, like a cactus, I guess, he likes a girl best when he pricks her.

(Submitted by Dally)

Warren, do you really think Derek has a new girlfriend?...*biting lower lip* cause, you know...he called me "baby"...*lower lip starting to tremble a little bit* and *blinking eyelids in quick succession* and..well..he even got me suncare for my birthday...so...*wiping away a little tear from the corner of my eye* I mean..you don't think he would just *use* me like this, do you? Please respond soon. *sniff*

(Submitted by Warren)

Face it Dal. The man can't choose between 1627 and 1581, what makes you think he can choose between women. And I hear she has a WAL*MART Happy Face belly button ring!

(Submitted by Dalliance)

GASP!!! noooooooooooooooooooooooo.....you mean *sniff* I'm just another Wal*mart Love Squaw? A Common Hippy Crazy Cyber Strumpet? Yet another faceless name in Derek's long list of Aisle Hos? A...a...a....Wal*Tart!!!!! Noonoo..I can't believe this is true...I can't....sob...be..sob..lieve..sob...this...hyperventilat ion...is...more hyperventilation....happening! *running, yet hips still swaying seductively, out of the room*

(Submitted by Warren)

...or he could've just bought some electronic equipment and hardware for the hell of it...it's hard to tell.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Ok, first of all, I think Derek is confused. First a WHITE globe, now COLORED heads. Der, make up your mind. And Dalliance-baby, I'm fairly sure that Derek bought the 900MH cordless phone (those things have quite a range) so that he can call you while he's cruising in the Volare. And don't sway those hips too much, it's bad for the back. And Happy Friday to all... Dal, WalFix, Lieu, Sweet Princess, Susie, melon, Lexic0n, Dad... did I miss anyone??? *blowing big kiss across the country*

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Oh, and Dal... quickly, breathe into this key weiser to stop the hyperventilating.

(Submitted by salt mapper)

Derek, we're never gonna get the girl of our wet dreams so we might as well start living vicariously thru you. Heck, you're the one with the fancy counter-bad-credit card. Okay, we've seen you buy condoms in every color, texture and and species of animalia musk. You've done the body shampoo and deoderant dance. Plenty of TP on hand and swedish fish appetizers in the micro. Please, oh enviable one, quit dilly dallying around and ask that seductively swaying hipster over to plant some succulents in your soiled beds.

(Submitted by in lieu of reed)

i think a key weiser is one of those little aluminum can- opener-on-a-keychain things that you often see in a checkout line. a lot of volare owners keep one around in case they lock their car keys inside. guess it works on them too. hi chiquita. oooh!!! i love it when ken's mystery date blows me a kiss from across the country, or the bar counter. hey, maybe counter cards are for pub crawls.

(Submitted by John Rocker)

First of all, I would like to say that I am happy to be back in NY, believe it or not. I've been involved in some great games here and always seem to pitch well. But I can't believe that I can't even talk about purple haired queers and unwed foreign mothers without getting my balls busted, but WAL*MART can sell COLORED HEADS! What gives.

(Submitted by Miss Recalcitrant)

Whhhaaaaa...*coming to after hyperventilating, falling to the ground in a faint, short comatose stage, followed by drastic personality switch* (It happens all the time in day-time tv) Oh, my head. Hello strangers. Thank you Ms. Chiquita Person for the key weiser. I feel decidedly better now. *Looking down at outfit* Good heavens, how ever did I get in these vulgar clothes?? Why, only a harlot would wear such indecent garments.*Looking up at receipt and clucking* Would you look at that, finally, Wal*Mart has done the proper thing and put a period after that gaudy "Always." Although, Lord knows the grammar is atrocious. I think we've all been just too polite to mention it, but you'll all be pleased and relieved to learn that I have sent a registered letter to the Wal*Mart Corporation complaining about the horrid use of grammar in their receipts. Subject..Verb...Object, I said. SVO..SVO. Well, now, you can all rest assured that the matter has been attended to in a respectable manner.

(Submitted by Gabrielle)

How embarassing! I get to be the first to comment on this most glorious of receipts, yet I don't know what 900 Megaherz refers to!!! Damn the luck. Here I was thinking it was a printer, and the color heads to go with it, trying to be so logical, so intelligent, but I was wrong, deadly wrong. A phone, a simple phone. I should've known, I should've KNOWN!!! A fool, I was such a fool. Derek will never want me now. If it were between Dalliance and me he surely would choose she.... :(

(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)

Oh my GOSH!!!! *breathless from lauging* You all are SO funny! I wish someone out there would find the things you write and publish it! I too was getting a BIT upset at not seeing any new receipts! Yes I am an addict ....

(Submitted by Miss Recalcitrant)

Dalliance?? That Hussy?? Why, Gabrielle, your's was a logical assumption, a fine guess, far more plausible than some silly phone with caller ID..hahahahaha *whispering* (since all educated people know that PH CID was the better educated and more alkaline balanced sister of EL CID...I just didn't mention it because I didn't want to embarrass all the others). Now, you just march in that Wal*Mart and shine, shine, shine for that Derek person!!

(Submitted by legend in a salty mind)

the gulf is deep, and full of salt, i lost my F'Cid but it wasn't my fault. My modem was struck, in a storm that did suck, but my keyweister is still just as taut.

(Submitted by Aquila)

o_O; Why is everyone buying Caller IDs?! Why, in my day, we had the operator TELL us who was calling. Oh, wait....I'm channeling my great-grandmother.

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Quickly, someone hand me something to hit Dalliance over the head with... a battery, a white globe, a pen, a counter card, a color head, a box of facial tissue... anything. We have to get her memory back before Derek finds someone else! *nervously shifting from one foot to the other, looking for help*

(Submitted by Chiquita)

Dalliance (a.k.a. Miss Recalcitrant), don't you remember getting suncare from Derek for your birthday. Oh please, try, try to remember!!

(Submitted by Reverend Joel)

And so it is ALWAYS Wal-Mart, is it? Always low prices, you say? And then, there on the reciept, we see the word "Always" again. So what is that? They don't really mean always, do they? Surely there are sometimes that are not Wal-Mart. Surely there are MANY ways which are not Wal-Mart.

(Submitted by sapphire)

I'm glad they counted the "items sold" on the receipt. 3. They make it so obvious. THREE. Now we don't have to count all those pesky "items sold" anymore. It gave me a headache. I hate leaving a store without knowing exactly how many items I have been sold.

(Submitted by Randy)

Thank you lord for another receipt, we are unworthy of this bounty. Well all of us except Dalliance, who it now appears has been involved in *cough* 'romantic encounters' in the discount/clearance aisles of Large Retail Chains from Fargo to Des Moines. We will always remember her as the innocent girl she was before Derek corrupted her. (wiping a tear away with the soft Wal*Mart tissue available in extra large for only $2.94)

(Submitted by Randy)

By the way, I am very impressed that now they print the # of items sold on the receipt, for those who were too stupid to count... hallelujah (what does this say about Wal*Mart clientele?) "But Ma, I coulda swore ah bought 7 items!!!" "Now Billy Bob Joe Ray, this heah receipt sayz ya'll bought 8, and ya know that the Sainted Wal*Mart would never lie, now shut up boy!!!"

(Submitted by infinityXinfinity)

Notw the slight tear in the lower right hand of this latest receipt. You will notice that the point of the tear points upward to the line of three J's descending down from the numeric 4. Those of you who understand and who have been on the "mother ship" know what I am talking about!

(Submitted by susie)

Beam me up Scottie..

(Submitted by infinityXinfinity)

If we concentrate all our energy into deciphering the hidden codes on these receipts - the path will be known to all. These receipts are a gift to us - a gift that wil show us the way to a higher universe. One in which our thoughts will meld into one and we all will know exactly what a key weiser is.

(Submitted by WalFix)

Oh no! What if PH CID is a neutral way of referring to some sort of a flaccid condition Derek's developed, whereby he now requires 900 megaherts of physical stimulation to perform. If there is an EE out there among you, can you educate us as to whether or not all these recent battery purchases might fuel this device? Boy, what an interesting copulation that would be... kinda like when the doctor puts those pads on someone's chest and yells "CLEAR!" Geez, that'd do wonders for the intimacy of the moment. Then again, if all he's doing is holding up a 1981 advertisement in LOOK magazine for the Volare...

(Submitted by mellow yellow)

i miss trini lopez. he and danny terrio were my inspiration to move from an airstream to a double-wide.

(Submitted by in lieu of reed)

*still looking up fram dal's shoes and still smiling* can somebody please call my boss and tell him i'm going to be really, really late?

(Submitted by a concerned citizen)

If that hillbilly Hillary gets elected to the senate, is that, like, reintarnation?

(Submitted by don)

i think that ph cid is phone with caller id, and key wieser is a budweiser key chain. and color heads well thats a different story i guess.

(Submitted by Aunt Beru's lame chicken)

None of you has paid close attention to the purchase of filters, filter pads, foam pads, mildew, 24 packs of toilet tissue and tissues, have you? THEN you'd have clued in to Derek's love dalliances a LONG LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR FAR FAR AWAY....(oops, sorry for that)

(Submitted by Iva Nuthawun)

They've always printed the number of items sold...they've just never done it so LARGE before. Is it printed so big because there's some big hairy greeter sitting in the ceiling above the checkout looking through a one-way mirror at the number of items sold on each receipt? (Naturally, they need a one way mirror, because of Shannon Koch's proclivities on the checkout belt, if you know what I mean.) And I must admit, I do like the new font, so much neater and more friendly, just the way I like to shop at Wal*Mart.

(Submitted by Melanie)

I've got a brand new pair of roller skates, you've got a brand new key weiser.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

COLOR HEAD IS NOT A DESIGNER BRAND!

(Submitted by kat )

uhm i'm too tired to read the receipts so maybe this has been mentioned, but i'd just like to say how pleased i am that this walmart now has the nifty receipts too. hehe i said nifty.

(Submitted by Bob )

Matt finally gets his new printers/registers/whatever! Where's Ryan?

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

Ryan was swallowed up in the Darryl MarchettaMania of 2000. Relegated to working at the Dollar Store, Ryan could be heard muttering Darryl's untimely demise. Long live Darryl Marchetta... Hero to Wal-Mart shoppers. Hero for America.

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

Oh, and by the way Darryl, could you pick me up a 6 pack of Keyweiser??? the game is on in an hour. Thanks, Gern.

(Submitted by imnotsaying )

woah! they have a new reciept! hip hip hooray! this day shall go down in history!!