|
24 July 2000
Visitor Comments:
(Submitted by ACpackage)
Hell Yeah--First!
(Submitted by Jen)
YOU RULE!!!
(Submitted by Liz)
Woohoo, I'm 3rd! LOL...I would still get a medal if this was a competition!!!
(Submitted by Justin Case)
Is X toothpaste for x teeth?
(Submitted by Miss Ma'am)
7/24/00 12:55 a.m. *sigh* Third place. What color ribbon is that? Toothpaste X??? Is that like denture cream traveling incognito? I'm thinking a black box..hmmm..and a fedora lid.
(Submitted by Miss ma'am)
*sigh* Third place. What color ribbon is that?
(Submitted by Miss Ma'am aka Roberta E. Lee)
What is WITH that echo thing???? Now I'm starting to experience it. LIz. Deah girl. I was third. Really, I was. *ladylike cough* If you like we can share the honors, but I shall not concede.
(Submitted by Lauren)
YAY!!! I'm...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7th place!!!! YAY!!!!! (and the crowds rejoice, raaahhhhh, raaaaahhhhhhh, do you hear them screaming? and its all for ME!!! FOR MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!) Ok, bye. (too many mountain dews)
(Submitted by Lauren)
Oh yeah, and shouldn't that say 3 items BOUGHT? Dede didn't sell anything...
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
Oh look!!! A new receipt!!!! *sigh* Now I feel better :o)I wonder if the new desklamp is for the police dog? *arf arf*
(Submitted by melon)
poem:my car ate this dog; he went home; he flew to alaska; he ate a snail; THE END.
(Submitted by Abi)
Oh the relief - it was getting very tense waiting for this one to arrive! I have to ask, what is Mountain Dew and what does it taste like? Is it like Irn Bru? (Very strange Scottish national drink that tastes of bubblegum).
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
Sorry, but it's not a drink... it's position #52 in the Kama Sutra.
(Submitted by slim pickens (hefty's little brother))
Hey Der, the proper use of toiletries can delay bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, whitening toothpaste is a waste of good money. Now, dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of many finger-licking foods.
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
Hi Abi!!! *smile* Mountain Dew ... a soft drink. lemonylime sort of tast LOADED with wonderful caffine!
(Submitted by Abi)
x-rated toothpaste - ooooh, I'm jumping up and down with my toothbrush!!
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
MTDEW 2LTR/8 - soda for the well-read?
(Submitted by Abi)
Hi there Suz-babe, how are you? Thanks for the info re Mt. Dew - thank god I didn't go and proposition someone to have a go with me - one could end up with Mrs. C's predicament, but fizzing! Phew!
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
Me thinks Liz H was only a "sarf London slapper" until she started using that toothpaste x. Look at her now. She's got oodles of cats and someone to hold her x toothbrush for her whilst she jumps up and down in front of it. How very plummy!
(Submitted by Abi)
Mr Hefty - are you learned in "sarf london slappers"? Could be a very useful talent to have - you'll also need a broomstick to keep the tarts at bay. Have you ever had a hedgehog pie?
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
No, but I'm a quick study and well-versed in the use of Versace anti-tart nunchuks. Picked up the skill back in my hedgehog shepherding days working with fav sheepcats Jerry and Bianca.
(Submitted by Abi)
hefty-babes - isn't the world a small place - d'you know I used to have a small flock of chickens and two of them were called Jerry and Bianca (the other two were Marsha Hunt and Marianne Faithful) - alas - all now reside in hen heaven. I'll send you my top 10 favourite ways with hedgehogs.
(Submitted by Chiqua)
Clearly the copmut was developing eye strain & needed a lamp for his desk. On that note, Dally, how is Bob Derek taking to his new home with you? *blowing kiss to Bob Derek the Copmut*
(Submitted by J Love Hewitt)
Are you going to use that lamp to see by as you write more of those psycho letters you've been sending me?
(Submitted by Joe P)
I will be first one of these days. When I get first place, Satan will rejoice becuase it will mark the coming of the fifth sigh of the coming of the second task to be completed before the coming of the apocolypse, in which case Satan will die to and finally be able to rest.
(Submitted by Dalliance)
I have been to the Dark Side
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
*wondering at the mysterious absence of Dal and Wal* Hi Chiqua! Abi a fizzy predicament, eh? *LOL*
(Submitted by Dalliance)
Abi, (kissy) Cool..trendy clubs, art galleries..I love Brit Art...all that formaldehyde..weee!!! And, yes, rosie, luv, by all means, let us share in the Dalliance! But you should know that Shannon is a 'non sequitur' as I am Derek's Walmart Lover. I mean if he will still have me after last evening's night of debauchery. Wow.....watch out for that Andre, he is a ledge. He's got some sort of strange, hypnotic powers. All I know is that I woke up this morning with him, a leather- hooded porpoise, an empty box of TimTams, and a satiated smile of my face, whilst reruns of The Mary Tyler Moore show ran over and over silently on the vcr and some man panted heavily on a stereophonic audio system.
(Submitted by Abi)
Hi Suzie - could have been a very sticky fizzy happening - still Derek seems to have plenty of cleaning stuff hanging around - maybe he doesn't drink the Dew after all? Hmm, Dal - any trade secrets from the ol' Pharoh's love tent there???
(Submitted by Dally)
Chiqca..*big hug and a wave of a palm frond*...hey SuziQ. Yes, I am searching all over for Wal and Mellow and lieu, Terry and Randy...to no avail. I am beside myself. Oh! my, a new receipt!! well thank God for the refill of Mt. Dew...cause after..well, nevermind. Wal, MY, lieu...I will not rest until you get your tight little ass back on this page!!
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
Wal's gone to. He and mellow were thin-slicing 1/4" smoked swedish fish and kipper behind the WalDeli counter when mellow got caught in the spinning blade. WalFix grabbed his girthy ankle and tried to save him but was mesmerized by the fading screams and became lunchmeat himself. We buried them yesterday in 138 Classic Rock LP album covers... Thin Lizzy, Meatloaf, etc. As their manager I'll be taking over their duties until a suitable replacement can be found. Care for some more baloney, maam?
(Submitted by Dalliance)
O Abi, The Big D drinks the Dew all right...but the secret is all in the way He has me pour it..*blushing* He's such a slave driver when it comes to quenching his thirst. Errato - that should have been a plural ass above
(Submitted by hp)
Sorry, that was Gone to Pickle Loaf Glen Memorial Park, if you please.
(Submitted by Dalliance)
*looking at Hefty*
(Submitted by Dalliance)
*turning around and walking out*
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
*bigcroctears* OH NOOOOOOOO!! Pleeeease don't tell me Mellow is Walmeat!!! Nooooo!! *crying in her mug of Dew and looking at the "lunchmeat" offered*
(Submitted by sad Chiqca)
*in deep mourning for WF & MY*... *putting boot over tear-stained banana face*
(Submitted by Chiqca)
Ahem... Hefty, I think I'm going to have to see some proof here before I believe you. What do you have to offer? If it's pictures you have as proof, I know Derek can get them developed for you at "friend prices."
(Submitted by Hanna)
I admire your "stick-to- itiveness"
(Submitted by rosieheys)
Rosie arrives panting, Goodness, I have had such a busy day. Dal, that wasn't a dream that was an installation I saw this weekend in Bordeaux. Hefty, as a meat counter type of man perhaps you could clarify, as I was negotiating my way to this site a banner popped up at the top of the screen featuring a blonde in a sun visor (very retro) and the legend "I got my job at flip dogs" Is this foodstuff? a typo? do they sell flip dogs at Walmart and has anyone spotted Derek yet?
(Submitted by Abi)
Rosie - "panting", good god girl. what have you been up to - I knew that London living was going to be mad, bad and dangerous - just look at what happened to Liz H, have a glass of Mt. Dew and cool down. I missed the flip dogs, but they sound funky - perhaps we'll get them in Bristol?? Dal - have you found the boys yet - or is hefty really telling the truth, sob...
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
Sorry Chiqca but Wal's last words were "Hey, will someone kindly unplug that pluggie- innie thingie?" Here, I'm sending you a fancy-sliced layer of his honey-baked plural ass in this complementary Ghost in the Machine LP cover.
(Submitted by lieu)
Oh, and I included some 8 1/2 X 1/4 color glossys.
(Submitted by susie)
I would really like to hear from Matthew Rogerson again.......
(Submitted by Chiqca)
*talking with mouth full* My my, lieu, WF makes quite a delicious, delightful mouthful. A fancy sliced layer of WF ass on some soft nutty bread, chased down with a big swig of Mt. Dew. A might tasty lunch. *wiping mouth with back of hand & bowing head in honor of WF/MY's honey-baked ass*
(Submitted by Dalliance)
*curled up in fetal position in the corner, crying*
(Submitted by Chiqca)
*sitting down next to Dal & consoling with little pats on the head* C'mon Dal-baby! It'll be OK! You have to pull yourself together for little Bob Derek. Here, have a facial tissue & dry those big baby blues.
(Submitted by Chiquita)
Here Dal, have a bite of WF/MY's asses. I know it made me feel a lot better. Just daintily spit out the occasional rubbery bite of gristle.
(Submitted by Dally Lost a Friend)
*hiccupping and biting my trembling lip* Bob Derek, yes, must..be..strong..for..Bob Derek *taking the facial tissue*..thank y.y.you, Chiquita *looking up with teary eyes and opening my mouth to take a bite of the ass sandwich*
(Submitted by Dalliance Recovering)
*chewing and sniffling* well, Chiqca, to be honest...*wiping my tears away with my sleeve* It's not the best piece of ass I've ever had but....come 'ere Bob Derek the Copmut..come 'ere boy. Come give me and Aunt Chiq's a kiss
(Submitted by Dalliance All Better)
phooey *spitting out the rubbery part* Kinda leaves a funny taste in your mouth, doesn't it, Chiqca-Babe? I sure wish Derek would have bought some X-File dental floss to go with that fancy toothpaste he bought. May I please have a swig of your Dew?
(Submitted by P-Rock)
I'm only sharing this bit of Walmart Wonder with the lot of you because you have provided hours of entertainment for me: after weeks of serious corndog cravings, and being completely unable to find a freshly-fried one ANYWHERE, my friend JC brought me to Walmart. There, at the snack counter, were corndogs for just 98 cents each! It was all the hot beef injection I'll ever need.
(Submitted by BD the Copmut)
*Bob..Bob..Bob..thinking to self...new lamp, cool, more better to see the print out of that hot poodle mama I downloaded from WWW.K9Smutt.com..BOBBOBBOBBOB*
(Submitted by true words)
A good hot beef injection should never be underestimated
(Submitted by Me)
fun while it lasted ... removing bookmark now ... more fun at www.survivorsucks.com
(Submitted by Survivors is so cool, almost like WWF Wrestling)
Sure, see ya Me, don't the door hit your ass on the way out! I just went to your "fun" site. Who is Jenna and who gives a flying apono bulb how she is keeping her bikini wax. Could it be electrolysis? How long does a bikini wax actually last? Uhhhh, fascinating. yawn
(Submitted by Hugh Mongous)
Rosie, flip dogs is on Hollywood Boulevard (W. Fargo). It's where Hugh Grant got his job too. Sweet dreams to Liz H. She's really got to hand it to herself.
(Submitted by in lieu of deeds)
is desk lamp a deskusting lamp? what's it shaped like der? is it of elvis with morning wood, a multitude of cherubs with aim n' flames, a poop silo candle, or what?
(Submitted by myself)
just a note to let you know I have read all your receipts and have enjoyed them thoroughly. Of course, I like to pick up loose receipts floating around the parking lot to see what others are buying. I guess I'm either nosy or just a voyeur in disguise, keep up the shopping, it's been great.
(Submitted by loopy girl)
huh?
(Submitted by Oh My Goodness.. )
What is the deal? Finally got in to this site. tried all last night. I figured there was a new receipt being put on here. I wanted to be first. {*_*} Awe well, i will just keep tring . one of these days.. God Bless you all!!!!!
(Submitted by Happy Girl!!!!)
Im the 61st comment... Yahoo. Cool. What a better place to be than the 61 first comment. My comment being this: "The soul would have no rainbow had the eye no tear." (@_@)
(Submitted by Andre)
Sorry, I woke up late and had to extract the tangled MTM tape from the VCR, it really was ugly. Dalliance, I knew, after your first assertions that I didn't like you, that I HAD to have you, any way, any how, upside down, on the copmut desk, sans or avec apono bulb, you taunted me with your spiteful words, but I knew, deep in your heart, there was a yearning, a craving, a desire to be free, a passion that transcended the twotiming Derek G. Dahlsad. So I fukt ya, hee hee. I could still taste you when I went down on Mrs Campbell's Tim Tam. Toot toot!
(Submitted by Mrs Campbell)
Please, respect a minute's silence for Don McLean.
(Submitted by Andre)
...by the way, Dalliance, you had a strange lemonylime sort of aftertaste tinged with caffeine and WalFix ass. I might have to see what Lance Henriksen has to say about that......................
(Submitted by Andre (Madonna's my middle name))
Hey, is Don McLean dead? Bye bye Mr American Pie, eh...........................
(Submitted by Dalliance)
Andre, you are an idiot. If I had wanted to hear from a butthole, I would have farted.
(Submitted by Dalliance)
By the way, Andre... Have you ever tried to fart out a candle?
(Submitted by Dalliance)
By the way, Andre. Have you ever tried to fart out a candle?
(Submitted by ME me ME)
Dalliance. you talk alot...ya know. Where is everyone from. State and City..............
(Submitted by Dalliance)
I am from Fartsville, Alabama.
(Submitted by Don McLean )
Yeah, I am dead. I tried to fart out a candle and my house caught fire. I died of smoke inhalation (in my colon).
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
LOVE it when I pop in and end up laughingmybuttoff!!!!! Thanks all you funny postiepeople!!! *handing out Dew all around*
(Submitted by We n\a)
Where is Fartsville, Alabama.??
(Submitted by Phenix from Wodie)
In the words, best said by Hard Hitta *speechless*
(Submitted by Sir Sin of Wodie)
YEAH, if i counted right, I made 70!
(Submitted by *Ass*ociate of the Year)
ATTENTION WALMART SHOPPERS!!!! Please keep your ass sandwich confined to the snackbar as I am sooooooo tired of kicking it out of my way as I walk the hallowed aisles. I mean if you pay ninety-eight cents or so for a piece of ass I would think you would savor the entire thing. Thank you for shopping our 24 hour WalMart. *grimace*
(Submitted by JB Baracus Wodie.)
Why the fuck do you people have a competition to see who posts first????? Does he send you guys the receipt and you faggits can use it a splooge sponge??? Damn this fucking guy paid for 8 dollars worth of goods with his Visa!!!!!!!! Plus he's shopping at walmart of all places.....I mean you walk into that fucking place and the first thing you see is like 6 eldery,delierious, crippled scars of society just standing at the door...mumbling some bullshit about how the Charlies were storming your bunker on Hamburger Hill....then you got these fucking pimpley faced trailor park cashiers that fucking call the manager every time they ring someone up!!!!! Fuck I bought Jay Z Reasonable Doubt their last month and this fucking old scag couldn't even open the theft proof casing... "Manager Lane 8" she bellows over the intercom..."Manger Lane 8" I felt like ripping her vest off...sliding her fucking domepiece through the armhole and choking her to within an inch of her meager pitiful existence on this glorious sphere that we call earth.
(Submitted by Abi)
JB - have you ever tried valium? It's quite calming...either that or evening primrose oil. Deep breaths...in and out,...
(Submitted by lurker)
JB, have you met Andre?
(Submitted by Dalliance)
Dear MemeME, yes, I have a lot to say...although many of my posts - like the above ones- aren't written by myself. Other's seem to like to step into my shoes. One thing I find interesting is that I don't recall mentioning on this site my home state, which is indeed, the fine state of Alabama- although I left it long ago. Only 3 people on this site know the state.....interesting, huh? So, my false poster must be a pal. et tu, Brute?
(Submitted by Dally-ance)
Andre, Baby, you know you LOVE me. I hold your darkness in my palm.
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
i wish he'd meet his maker.
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
i wish he'd meet his maker.
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
no way, dally. i'll firmly embrace your sharings and ass till the day i die, miss american pie. hey, wanna go see a movie?
(Submitted by Abi)
Hey Dal - how're you?? Just wanted to say that the imbecile is sooo obvious that those that care know it's not you.....you just keep on talking! Anyone seen Rosie today?
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
Cheeky Rosie? Yeah, she was over admiring the Elvis lamps this morning.
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
Give us this day, our morning wood...
(Submitted by Dalliance)
Some more things about me (before the fake poster reveals anymore): I am an alcoholic. I belong to the NRA. My left leg is 4 inches shorter than the other. I love beans and crab cakes. And, when I am sober, I shop at Wal-Mart.
(Submitted by Chiquita)
Keeping in mind JB's not-so- eloquent post above, can we all just stand & give a round of applause to education. *doing polite Barbie-doll claps* Long live education!!!
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
Woah, Dal. You sound like the perfect mate. You better quit rubbing the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
(Submitted by abby normal)
Deep breaths...in and out,...Deep breaths...in and out. Oh hell, I've gotta go.
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
I've heard the girls in men's magazines are airbrushed. Does WalMart sell them cuz I'd like to take one home with me.
(Submitted by Chiquita)
Hey, Dal. I have a joke for you. What do you get when you put 25 Alabama women together? A full set of teeth. HA HA HA
(Submitted by Gobi)
What has this world come to. Life was so much simpler when life revolved around the posting of receipts and the commenting there of. But as of late, there are way too many comments on everything but the receipts. I think we need a consorted effort to get back to basics, a grass roots initiative if you will, to comment on D and his receipts. COME ON!!! WHO IS WITH ME????
(Submitted by Dalliance)
give the herd what they want...i am with you...and obviously so are many others. make a deal...i'll disappear if you mean people leave me alone
(Submitted by Dalliance and taking Bob Derek with me)
no, nevermind, i'll disappear and so don't give a shit if you leave me alone or not...have at me...knock yourselves out.
(Submitted by Chiqca)
Gobi- what I think you don't realize is that there is some sorry person(s) who insists on creating posts under the names of others. You need to learn to tell the difference before you start criticizing. Also, let me just point out that your own post did not have anything to do with a specific receipt or any item on a receipt.
(Submitted by Abi)
*sad smile* - I think I'm going for a walk in the sunshine - Dal/Chiquita - would you like to come too? Oops - bring Bob Derek along, he can gamble joyfully in the flowers.
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
gobi's wit deserted him. he must be a k-martyr.
(Submitted by gobi somewhere else)
I perfect am.
(Submitted by Chiqca)
*walking hand-in-hand & barefoot with Abi, drinking in the sunshine & a Dew* Dal, please join us with the copmut. *sweet smile, sunshine gleaming off teeth brushed with X-rated toothpaste*
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
Dal, do you feel like a WalMartyr? Don't sweetheart. Come play with all the nice people. Chiq, Abi, Suz, Rosie, Der, mel, WF, lieu, mellow, Andre, emo, Mrs. maam and C and ALL the rest enjoy your insight. Screw the others (and chastity). Their mothers were hampsters and their fathers smelt of elderberries.
(Submitted by Abi)
Hmm elderberries? Hefty you could probably do with some Sudafed to unblock your nose - I know Derek has some stashed from a while ago! Come on gang - skip through the fields with Chiq and I!! lieu can throw a hedgehog for Bob Derek to chase gaily! *feeling happier already*
(Submitted by orifice boy)
i had a hampster once but he crawled up my bum so i had to go to walmart and buy an aim n' flame and stick it up there to see where he went. my friend kiki farnsworth was helping me look. he got a broken nose when the aim n' flame ignited an intestinal gas pocket and sent the smoldering hampster shooting out at a very impressive velocity. either kiki or the hampster screamed "armageddon", then everything went dark. it was kind of an unusual day.
(Submitted by lieu)
bob needs a sister. let's call her bo.
(Submitted by Flipper the Porpoise)
Hey, orfice boy, that sounds alot like my Dinner with Andre!
(Submitted by Chevy Levy (or Che for short))
No, Don McLean's not dead. He and his American Pie are doing quite nicely, thank you, which is more than I can say for the one on the kitchen island in the movie.
(Submitted by the big bopper)
can you buy american pie at walmart? maybe melon should buy one and a melon baller, or would that be redundant?
(Submitted by MEme ME)
Dalliance..Are you saying other people post things they say under your name is that it?
(Submitted by .)
go away
(Submitted by Disgusting)
BEANS AND CRAB CAKES!!!~ ewe!!!! YUK! You must be a ripe one. That is Crazyness.
(Submitted by chummer)
hey suz
(Submitted by orifice ploy)
I don't follow you, purported Flipper. Do you mean "a lot" and are you referring to "My Dinner With Andre"? How does a conversation between two well-traveled and similarly heeled gentlemen over dinner resemble an airborne defecated hamster? Or did you and poster Andre play Village People-esque cops patrolling the hamster highway one dark and stormy night?
(Submitted by sweet pickle)
wow, look at all the people. hi everybody i'm bambi and i work at wal*mart with Mr. Pickens and i slice pickle at for the walmart deli's pickle empoorium. i used to work at McDonald but now i work here. once i forgot and wore my McDonalds shirt to work and Mr. Pickens he said i have to work upsite down to make a W not an M and so i did and now Mr. Pickens says i am his little pickle princess. but it was not so easy to learn to slice pickles that way but i did. i am good with my toes.
(Submitted by mr. schlausen)
i always had this perverse desire at work to put my johnson in the pickle slicer. i finally gave in one day and did it. we got caught and they fired us both.
(Submitted by tiger lily)
Is MT DEW a sexual act?
(Submitted by Randy)
tiger lily... you may not be aware, but sex is not a topic that is discussed or marketed in the sacred halls of Wal*Mart. Except that is when Derek and Dalliance are going at it in the Sporting Goods Department. So of course one may not purchase sexual acts at Wal*Mart
(Submitted by Andre)
*wiping hands* Just can't get Dalliance off my mind...hey Flipper the Porpoise, have you been purporting around lately? I had dinner with that guy eons ago, let's leave it at that, he's gone onto sticking his hand up the back of rubber dinosaurs, and I'm just sticking my hand up the back of...well, we won't go there, will we Dalliance? I wonder if Derek still sticks his hand up his racing lizard? And does Dalliance like it? Questions questions questions...it's all in the stars, all in the stars my little glove puppets.
(Submitted by Andre's Baby Shmp)
Oh, yes, Andre, let's!! Can we play Pinocchio again? I'll run get the Mt.Dew and Duct tape!
(Submitted by Not Dalliance)
Dalliance got Busted by the Receipt Police. She's a big Sinner and an Outlaw to Boot!! (I said 'Boot' which is Receipt Related)(but she doesn't use the word f*rt cause she's a Lady in the Parlor, so if there is a post that says it, it's a Lying SumBitchFaker) She got send to the Gobi Desert without Dew Process but then Life is not Simple, is It? Dalliance Don't Fake.
(Submitted by Andre)
*wipin' hands* Just kin't dig Dalliance off mah' mind...hey Flippuh' de Po'poise, gots ya' been purpo'tin' around lately? ah' had dinna' wid dat dude eons ago, let's leave it at dat, he's gone onto stickin' his hand down de back uh rubba' dinosaurs, and I'm plum stickin' mah' hand down de back of...well, we won't go dere, gots'ta we Dalliance? ah' wonda' if Derek still sticks his hand down his racin' lizard? And duz Dalliance likes it? Quesshuns quesshuns quesshuns...it's all in de stars, all in de stars mah' little glove puppets.
(Submitted by Still Not Dalliance)
But Good Pals Has She.
(Submitted by Dalliance)
Andre, save the drama for yo momma.
(Submitted by Mrs Campbell)
*pant pant* my, I seem to have missed something, perhaps Tim Tams all round will help solve the situation. Don McLean, for all you philistines, was the inventor of the Tim Tam, and HE DIED LAST WEEK! *boo hoo boo hoo oooooowwwwwwwwwwoooooooooooo* He is forever with us in our hearts. Luckily Dalliance and Andre didn't spoil all the Tim Tams, I suggest they have one of these *extracts Tim Tam from beneath voluminous skirts and panty knickers* and make their peace. I said p-e-a-c-e.
(Submitted by Jelly Belly)
I go to WalMart to eat up all the confectionary spilled on the floor...mmm tastes nice.
(Submitted by baby shmp)
Andre, that was not me. I *love* drama! WooHoo!!
(Submitted by NOTA)
DALLIANCE (REAL ONE) IS NOT POSTING AT THIS TIME - SHE IS TAKING A REST. AND TO THE FAKER, YOU HAVE THE INCORRECT ADDRESS, PEABRAIN! AND LEAVE ANDRE ALONE *KICKING YOU UPSIDE YOUR PINHEAD* (SI COMPONERE MAGNIS PARVA MIHI FAS EXT)
(Submitted by NOTA BENE)
oops...that should be EST not EXT..yeah! woohoo!
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
Hi CHUMMER!!!!!Yay there you are!!!!!! Good to see ya!
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
*being delighted at being included in the nice people list* :o) :o)
(Submitted by Alena)
Dalliance, i seem to agree with "we n/a", and i feel that you are being a bit harsh on the opinion of theirs. I feel you Should be proud of and respect you body, so lighten up!
(Submitted by Miss Ma'am)
*sigh* Dal, I do hope you're tellin' the truth. Bein' southern an' all myself, I just hope you're not kiddin' aroun' about the NRA. You know the Motor City Madman belongs too? *deep sigh* hefty, my precious child, were you referrin' to me when you wrote Mrs maam? It's Miss Ma'am. Not to be picky.*gracious smile* JB, deah boy, spend less time questioning the reason we race to post first ( a delightful quest, really) and more time perusing your Funk and Wagnells. Or at least obtain a spell checker. There's a free download at PC World. You sound as if free would be a good thing for you. Dri Bottoms. Chore Boy. Apono Bulb. Mountain Dew. PLEASE NOTE...this post is site related.
(Submitted by Not receipt related)
Alena, my dear child, please read the posts. I have someone impersonating me. But if you are referring to my (yes that was me), telling n/a to let me mind my own body then I stand by that post, as he, nor you, have any right to tell me how or what I should do with it, and please do believe me when I say it is a very fine body, of which I am quite proud to live in and I respect and enjoy it mightly...Miss Ma'am, that wasn't me, as I am not a member of the NRA nor am I an alcholic. The True Dalliance (the one that knows Latin) is no longer posting, as such, at this time.
(Submitted by i can't believe i have sunk so low as to actual react to some of these people)
Derek, get me outta here!! *knocking on the glass bowl*
(Submitted by melon)
what is a ballon? its just a bunch of air in a bag. damn, i cant belive we have air IN a bag. its just not the way air is meant to be.
(Submitted by Good/Bad News)
thank god, the voice of reason speaks. well, i have happy/sad news. Dalliance is dead. Yes, i'm afraid she accidentally swallowed some Bedouin's camel in the Gobi Desert. But the sad part is...*jagging sob*..it turns out she was pregnant with Derek's..*sob* plam pilot...you can confirm the news with lieu once he returns from retrieving the ashes
(Submitted by melon rules)
sorry that would be Derek's palm pilot...little choked up here.
(Submitted by will stuff)
or maybe it was twins..yeah, palm and plam...oh yeah, and she bequeathed Bob Derek the Copmut to his Aunt Chiquita.
(Submitted by Tom Cruise)
Da-da der-da da-da der-da, Da-da der-da da-da der-da Dooodly-doooo, doooodly-dooo der-da dum...
(Submitted by Abi)
*bowed head in black lace veil* An end of an era.....*sniff* I'm dedicating an Azalea in a clay pot, to Dal, in my garden.
(Submitted by Like sands thru an hourglass.....)
i keep forgetting stuff in my grief-stricken state (note receipt relations: apono bulb, Black Elisha, Scott's soil)but Dal also asked, well, she scribbled actually cause the camel was in her mouth, that she would wish that lieu bring back her ashes and have the Wal*Chef create a special "American Pie avec Dally", and that everyone gather around and Eat Her to the tune of "Starry, starry Night" by Don McLean. Oh, and that all her pals light a candle in remembrance of 'that which was' and blow it swiftly out in the direction of the stinky imposter. Thank you. Thank you very much.
(Submitted by Michael Jackson)
*moon walk*
(Submitted by baily m )
a 4.97$lamp! you should go get some reciepts from ethan allens!!!!
(Submitted by lieu)
*sniff*, *pound fist into the sand*, *eat sand and shit glass bubbles due to heat generated by great frustration that anonymous asswipe drove tender dal away*, *pick up old picture of day and be curious about this palm pilot thingie*
(Submitted by Chiquita w/ BD the Copmut)
I'm truly honored to be bequeathed Bob Derek. I promise to take good care of him, let him drink the Dew and play with Chore Boy. I will miss Dal-baby terribly, but as long as "the woman behind the Dalliance" is still posting in some way, at least that's some consolation. Derek's site would be sadly lacking without the wit of "the woman behind the Dalliance". My only wish is that the mean people would find another outlet for their mean-ness *sigh... wishing upon a star* Hey Abi, can you see that star over there on the other side of the world??? [RECEIPT RELATED STUFF FOR THE UPTIGHT PEOPLE: DRI-BOTTOMS, AZAELA, AND VAULE ARE ALL THINGS APPEARING ON DEREK'S RECEIPTS AT SOME POINT IN TIME. THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.]
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
I LOVE the Motor City Madman! In fact, mellow's pecs were buried in a If You Can't Lick 'Em, Lick 'Em LP cover that Matt tearfully selected from the Entertainment Dept. Miss eh, and not even Ms? I do love you southern girls.
(Submitted by Abi)
Chiquita - *gazing at the very star, and joining in the wishing circle* - give Bob the copmut (another 'official' receipt term) a gentle hug and a big kiss from his english auntie....I guess with the palm pilots on the way we'll need a lot of DRI-BOTTOMS - hey gang! lieu, don't be too sad - here hold our hands and join in the circle of friends for Dal.
(Submitted by Dalliance)
OK. I am back. I'm not going to let some idiot imposter keep me away from my adoring fans. By the way, here are some more things about me: 1. I can play a banjo. 2. I flunked out of beauty school. 3. I was seen on an episode of "Cops". 4.I can stick my entire fist in my mouth. 5, My daddy has a metal plate in his head (from the war), so whenever someone turns on the microwave, he poops his pants.
(Submitted by Ethan Hawkes)
I don't know , I don't find the Dal imposter so bad....
(Submitted by elvis)
ANY imposter sucks.
(Submitted by poopless in seattle)
i want to know how you "poop your pants."
(Submitted by Banana copmut)
Ethan, just wait until someone purposely tries to make you look like a pathetic, uneducated, inbred moron with the intellect of a 9-year-old. Then get back to us & let us know if it doesn't piss you off just a little. (And I don't mean just here on this web site, but anywhere in your life).
(Submitted by Uma)
well susie if farting is up your alley, then maybe you two could share a two headed aim n flame
(Submitted by get a load of this)
pooping my pants gives me that warm, fuzzy feeling.
(Submitted by Uma Gumma)
huh?
(Submitted by slim ebert)
is there a worse actor than ethan hawke? maybe keanu, but it's damn close. those lightweights belong behind the deli counter where they can only make a few people sick at a time.
(Submitted by bambi - pickle girl)
Mr. Pickens! there you are. There's a lady out front wants to know if we still have honeybutt deli rump
(Submitted by gumball)
get a load, clothespin@nose...hahahahaha...the addresses are as funny as the posts
(Submitted by white fa(n)g)
if i was uma i'd be banging every actor and director in tinseltown except for my pissant whiny husband. what the f was she thinking when she let that clown shop her aisles? somebody give him a mop so he can do what he's suited for.
(Submitted by Recalcitrant)
Chiqca, Abi. lieulieu *kisskisskiss* ya'll are the best...Is that the great star of Wal (star) Mart upon which we yonder gaze? *whispering aside* i thought the crust needed more Crisco (horse clock, desklamp, human skull)
(Submitted by Whirlpool Euphoria)
Oop! time for the spin cycle.
(Submitted by mr. schlausen)
yes, or there's a nice slab of pickled salami we can thick slice for her. does she require the cutting of any aged munster?
(Submitted by melon)
burn baby, burn!!!! oops! looks like the day is over. time to go back to prison.
(Submitted by Mrs. Edgar Gutrumble)
My fourth husband, Edgar, and I do so enjoy the nice people we encounter whilst shopping at our local WalMat. We were there picking up some bifocals and Viagra for Edgar yesterday when we decided to visit the deli section. The nice boy behind the counter (they're all so handy) laughingly suggested I try the Munster Salami. I said "heavens to Betsy, what the fuck is that?" But you know, it was wonderful and lasted forever! Such a nice store. Such nice people.
(Submitted by Banana copmut)
And another thing, Ethan: Have you ever tried to fart out a candle? Don't believe those stories about severe burns. You should try it. Be sure to eat beans and crab cakes first. Or you could poop your pants. Love, Chiq
(Submitted by Curiosity killed the rat)
Hey, sorry-ass imposter. I'm just wondering how it feels to be such a complete coward. Can you please tell us. (scott's soil, counter card, clay pots)
(Submitted by Abi)
Yes - me too - I'd like to know what utter cowardice feels like - something slimey & wormy perhaps? (Epoxy 1000, numerous bras, crib, frost turner (hey remember that?))....
(Submitted by Chiquita)
Well, Abi and Rat, I will tell you. It feels like you have a big bloated feeling in your colon. And, you bend over slightly and aim your butt toward a lit candle. BOOM. And, Abi, your "worm" probably has sores and blisters on it. Love, Chiq
(Submitted by Chiquita)
Ok, could I have everyone's attention, please. As you can clearly see above, our immature freak gets off on our attention (as at least one person has pointed out in the past). So, will you all join me in ignoring this pathetic little guy (or gal, as the case may be) NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS. Maybe if he can't get his rocks off here, he'll find some children his own age to play with. How about it, everyone????? Who's with me????? I hereby make a solemn pinky-swear I will no longer waste a single post on this loser (after this one, anyway). [toaster box, wipes, pen]
(Submitted by Abi)
'Pinky Swear' from over here! (human skull, snowy gravel, photo process.) xxx
(Submitted by Moon Child)
"Pinky Swear" over here in NYC (via the DEEP South) {blood worms, hairy scar, maxi-pads} xxx
(Submitted by bambi - pickle mania)
oh mr. schlausen is that kosher? holy apono bulb..do you think it will fit into a jar or should i use a bagette sleeve?
(Submitted by Dalliance)
I am with you, too. "Pinky Swear" from me. (By the way, have you ever tried to fart out a candle?)
(Submitted by Moon Child)
*looking at self* whoa that was last one was a scary combination {bath set, 409 spray, pez dispenser}
(Submitted by in lieu of needs)
i'd like my very own toaster box. nothing big and fancy, just a simple little box i can call my own. i'd treat it very nicely, shower it with all kinds of bread and make sure it's staples were secure. i'd be like a kid, more interested in the box something came in than the item itself. unless it was a washing machine.
(Submitted by Chiqca)
lieu, I don't have a toaster box, but would a boot box do? It's only big enough to fit one boot, though. Would you like it? *wrapping in pretty pink ribbon*
(Submitted by lieu)
Wood I?
(Submitted by slim pickens (hefty's less obtrusive brother))
i had to pee earlier today while afflicted with the dreaded morning wood syndrome, so i assumed the flying superman position which, ironically, is the same way i walk through walmart's aisles.
(Submitted by Spitfire)
aww, that was so sweet lieu...i am touched..no over a little...higher...lower.. yes, bingo...ding ding ding, we have a winner.
(Submitted by Spitfire)
the flying superman position? could you elaborate? please?
(Submitted by lieu)
the grand prize? the MTDEW?
(Submitted by SFire)
well, call me Lois Lane and slide me in a phone booth ..oops! forgot {counter card, triaminic, facial tissue}
(Submitted by toaster box)
Dew me, Baby!
(Submitted by slim)
straddling the toilet and leaning forward with hands outstretched against the wall. you know, flying.
(Submitted by Sue Perwood)
It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's SU-PERWOOD!!!
(Submitted by pecker wood)
shouldn't it be teethpaste x?
(Submitted by pecker would)
x? why only 10?
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
Maybe it's endorsed by Bo Derek.
(Submitted by Manly Terry)
Y'know, the really large ones don't get that stiff...we do the Flying Nun...for balance.
(Submitted by yellow banana)
The Flying Nun in a tool belt? Hmmm... unfortunately, that image is now in my mind. Thanks a lot Terry. (sun protect, vlvta shells, ph/answ/mach)
(Submitted by in lieu of pee'd)
you did the flying nun? you did gidget? you and melon are lightning prone. (assortwipes)
(Submitted by JasonR)
Anybody that does a Flying Nun is unbalanced.
(Submitted by Holy cow!)
Terry does his sister? Woa!
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
anybody that does a flying nun has a great sense of balance.
(Submitted by professionally miscuous)
if you read a lot, are you 2LTR/8?
(Submitted by Terri's Nunn)
Hey, it keeps him away from the sheep, O.K. (shafts, soap refill, voided entry)
(Submitted by lexic0n)
hello! the receipt database project has hit an amazing snag. i am racing to complete it. i will keep you all posted.
(Submitted by 2x4 WalStud)
I once read a book under a DESK LAMP, Whose stirring tail soon made my pants damp, Because I must add with glee, The rest of this history... Also under the desk was my best tramp.
(Submitted by lexic0n)
i just read that one of the 'lame chicken' iterations has completed a database of the receipts through summer of 1999. that is great! but filemaker pro is not going to be of much help. what is this about scrolling through each record? can you write queries in filemaker pro? (i'm not familiar with it myself.) if all and sundry could just hold on a little bit, i will finish the database i am working on, which even has teh SKU (UPC?) digits itemized. the hold-up has been the result of several things, not least of which was my own dear nuptials three weeks ago. hope all is well with the list; i know there have been some problems with impersonators and the like, but i suppose that in the bigger picture of life these sorts of juvenilia are not that great a concern. let me know if i can help out with anything at all.
(Submitted by uhhh, me)
I asked a girl once "What do you need?" She hemmed and she hawd and she dallied, Then she said with a smile, "How about if in awhile, You come fill me with in lieu of reed?"
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
that's outstanding, lexiCon! thanks for your efforts. can we get you a pony or something?
(Submitted by PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals)
the sheep should be a voided entry.
(Submitted by Best Tramp)
I can play the reed just like Zamfar..Simpan..Zifar, what the SNOWY GRAVEL was his name anyway? o. wait. maybe it was the pan flute. nevermind. [pre-cut carp, nail clip, SEM EX WO 5]
(Submitted by Sister Juanita Maria Bernadette Francesca Manuela Teresa Maria )
I chure hope chew boys is doings manys manys hell marys bechore chew go to sheep these nighta.
(Submitted by Michael Jackson)
Beat it. Beat it. Go ahead and beat it, beat it.*grap self, adjust, wiggle and release*
(Submitted by Abe Froman, the Sausage King of Chicago)
It warms the cockles of my heart to see all the young people out there enjoying my fine selections of deli meats. How about a nice, plump Mortadella? It's What's For Dinner. (suede booty, grid refill,soft white x)
(Submitted by my favorite haiku)
A Diet I Can Live With.......................... Why does that fish food/ Look like tiny bacon bits?/ Jealousy blinds me. by Richie Millinium
(Submitted by Woe is Me)
Shoot, Der, it sure is/ Hard to write haiku here./ No carriage return.
Is it hot in here?/ Are you hot? I'm very hot!/ It's like a sauna./ by Richie Millinium
(Submitted by On Knowing For A Fact That Derek Loves Cheese)
There's a deli there!/Why, then, is there no cheese/on Derek's receipts?
(Submitted by shitski)
Richie's is right but i did my haiku wrong..it's suppose to have seventeen syllables..this is not a poem.
(Submitted by Bonnie Pieese's lame chicken)
Lexic0n, I have long respected you, Pixel and Marco, but alas, I confess, I HAVE completed the receipt database (there's a post about it somewhere). I have a field for UPCs, but unfortunately (or fortunately, as the case of my optometrist's bills may be) I have only entered UPCs for the first half dozen or so receipts. I CAN tell you, however, that today's terminal (#11) is Derek's second favourite (18 visits) and this is the second time he has savoured the digital delights of today's operator (#1530). I'm dripping with anticipation to see who will become his favourite operator, #602 or #864, the tension is killing me, are they jostling each other every day when they see him come in the store, trying to angle for the checkout where he is going to check in his latest purchase of av acc or auto dish ta? By the way, is hefty pickens related to hefty kitchn (10/16/99)? P.S. Filemaker Pro does do queries (I'm actually more used to doing that sort of thing in Access, but Filemaker Pro is set up differently, so the transition is somewhat difficult for one as singed as I), but I'm having a bit of a problem working out how to do more complex ones. Any hints ap
(Submitted by Tim Brooke-Taylor)
I'm a little teapot short and stout.
(Submitted by Laura Branigan)
I live among the creatures of the night
(Submitted by Chris Cross)
It is the night, my body's weak, I'm on the run, no time to speak
(Submitted by DALLIANCE)
Hello, my good friends sorry to have missed you for so long. i have been spending some time alone, just thinking and I would like to apologize for anything I may have said to offend anyone,especially WE "N/A". I guess I just needed to look at it from your point of view. Thanks for putting up with my mouth, and I'm working on it alright?
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
*hugging Dalliance*
(Submitted by Miss Ma'am)
*sigh* Oh My. Dal, child, I am somewhat dismayed. Am I to assume that you are neither a member of the NRA, NOR an alcoholic, NOR in need of orthopedic shoes? It seems I have more in common with th' impostah than you. I had SO hoped we could become confidantes, us both bein' southern an' all. I am filled with chagrin at bein' duped by that deplorable impostah. My condolences on your recent demise. *blots delicate nostrils with Tissu* PLEASE NOTE: Site AND post related.................. Facial Tissu 007874231264 0.84 J
(Submitted by melon)
i need to take a shower. why? because i STINK!
(Submitted by we "n/a")
Dalliance,"We" appreciate your comment very much so,and beleive that it takes alot of courage to say the thungs you did. This shows alot of respect from you, and you know what? Your a nice gal, keep smiling and thanks!
(Submitted by Alena)
*Now, did ya'll make amends? Sooo cute!!!*
(Submitted by Cindybear)
I really think Dalliance didn't mean any harm in the first place,*did I miss something?* I don't know whats up- but It's all good dog!!!
(Submitted by Jorge W/A- C)
We N/A-Rock ON!!! I think it's a really cool(i did some research) thing that you believe a woman should respect herself, Dalliance, shame on you for using such provocitive language, in a site where many different people can come and see,even kids! But i also think it's cool of you to aplogize, that DOES show alot of courage and respect! I'm pretty sure that no one really cares to hear my input, but hey, have a twinkie ..on me!!
(Submitted by coolcat)
Speaking of Dalliance, don't be so hard on the poor gal :( she obviously is some "BUT UGlYEAK" who spends all of her time replying to Wal-mart receipts because shes so f**king ugly she can't be seen in public!!! I'm sorry but, but Dal-YOU SSSUUUCCCKKK! Take a minute and scope out your life, come on,Wal-mart Romance? How the hell do you come up with that shit!? Nothing would make me happier to come back tommorow, and find a reply stated "A moment of Silence please, we seemed to have lost our dear friend Dalliance...although, if it were me-I'd say FINALLY a moment of silence, thank goodness, that stupid *ss Trick is gone!!!
(Submitted by Does it matter?)
Damn!!!
(Submitted by Dalliance)
!Smacking SuzinN.cal!
(Submitted by DALLIANCE IS DEAD )
AS REPORTED DALLIANCE IS DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. DEAD. SHE IS ALREADY BURNING HAPPILY IN HELL WITH ALL THE FUN PEOPLE OF HER ILK - AND SHE WILL NOT BE BACK! EVER! PLEASE DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THE IMPOSTER AS SHE WOULD NEVER APOLOGIZE TO THOSE WHO'S HERD MENTALITY/MORALITY SHE DOES NOT SHARE. (TANGERE NOLI)(that's so ya'll know i'm legit)(and for christ's sake you thumpers missed the whole point of the 'obscene' language' post...that the word cunt only became bad when it was preverted by the church...in REAL LIFE it meant WOMAN in the most Powerful and Respectful of senses...and as a MEDIEVALIST by many years of academic training, thank you very much, i feel i should let you in on the secret that the medieval church (as most organized religions) highly frowned on Powerful Women...hence the need to pervert them. Now, get off my back and quit DISRESPECTING me.
(Submitted by bystander)
' We N/A' it is so obvious that you, alena and whoever else are the same person and proable the imposter too that are obviously so jealous that you can't stand it. OHHH...that's a sin too!! Ever notice now the imposter only attacts women.what's up with that????
(Submitted by innocent)
attacks even..lalalalalalalalalala...coolcat, whoa, dude you been spending too much time lookin' in ya mirror again lalalalalala
(Submitted by hefty pickens)
bystander, it's called genus envy. coolcat, i've never felt compelled to use this kind of language on der's site before, but "fuck off and die, you ignorant moron". my name's hefty and i'll kick you ass nine ways to sunday while performing a superman piss on your quiverring bottom lip the whole enjoyable time. be a man, you dipshit. not that it matters but i know dal and she's lovely enough to give anyone except a turd burglar like you permanent wood. sorry all... bp chicken, no, no relation to hefty chicken as i only arrived about the same time as walfix and mellow yellow and lieu. however, i do have a hefty bag i've grown rather attached to and a brudder named slim (dr. strangelove, perhaps?).
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
or genius envy. god, what an idiot.
(Submitted by hefty)
so don mclean really did die? that truly bites. has anyone (der?) ever bought walmusic before. how would the purchase of american pie be listed? AM PIE? ASS PIE? ASS LP? CD ASS? LEAN ASS?
(Submitted by we "n/a")
Dalliance,. You are attacking the wrong person here.
(Submitted by we "n/a")
Dalliance, As i mentioned..you ARE attacking the wrong person here. And it's quite obvious that this whole "impersonating" bit, is getting out of hand, i have been here only once to thank you for apologizing, but of course. I'm being attacked like a worm in a chicken coupe so to try and put an end to this i will have to let you know, i will never return to this site as WE "N/A" again- no harsh feelings.
(Submitted by OMIGOD I can't believe I know this.)
On 30 Apr 97, Derek either purchased Soul Coughing or has problems with afterlife congestion.
(Submitted by Apologizing Ghost)
then i truly apologize for attacking you, "WE "N/A"...no harsh feelings at all...i am sorry i should have paid more attention. it does suck to be impersonated. please don't leave the site altogether, i don't want the coward to win. Now, then, let's get back to the receipts shall we?!!
(Submitted by plain brown rapper)
Huh..huh...huh..Hefty, yo Hefty...i think we should get, i said ge-et, ge-et get together, now, and have a little sandwich bag! *record scraping sounds* Jump on it...You're dreamy!! [Feeder Sqrl, Slinky, 2STORY CONDO] YO.
(Submitted by in lieu of feed)
maybe mcdonalds will create a mclean pie in honor of don. was he, like, a godfather or something?
(Submitted by Little kid)
What's a record?
(Submitted by ALWAYS)
I think of Derek / Whenever I swig a Dew. / I remain unquenched.
(Submitted by Let's get it straight, people!)
Holy cow! There are some truly gullible people here. So I'll try to make it REALLY clear for everyone (try to follow me here, people): "DALLIANCE" NO LONGER POSTS HERE. If you see a "Dalliance" post, it's not really her. Damn, have you people not been paying attention!?!?!?! Try to keep up, huh? Anybody who still thinks the recent "Dalliance" posts are real, read this post again several more times until you grasp this concept. Thank you, thank you very much from the whole bunch of bananas. (glass plus, baby shampoo, markers)
(Submitted by People)
Oh. (clay planter, spinwheel, hoover bag m)
(Submitted by in lieu of need)
actually, i too have kept every receipt i've ever received from lowe's hardware store over the past 4 years or so. i did so, i guess, in expectation of maybe having to return a defective tool or implement and out of curiosity of how much i'd spent on different projects around the house or how much i'd spent on plants for the yard, which they sell as well. their receipts aren't nearly as dark as wal's but have you noticed wal's have grown substantially darker and cleareer since der started posting? der, are you thinking you might need to return some of these vlvta shells, markers and poop panties someday?
(Submitted by hefty)
How's the market for used AIM N' FLAMES these days? Has anyone figured out a way to get the TOOTHPASTE X back in the tube?
(Submitted by in lieu of weed)
also, der, future archaeologists will one day retrieve those saved receipts from our generation's upwardly thickening deposits of stratum thru time and will potentially base some of their extrapolated perceptions about our society as a whole on this record of your purchases... something to consider next time you go shopping.
(Submitted by Ode to a Wal*Mart Deli-Man)
Hefty, there's a word!! / I am like a wet slinky / In his agile hands.
(Submitted by Ode to a Greasian Yearn)
Dang. Do you think that meybe the next time you have sex with your boyfriend that you could think of me. I'd like that. (trojans, cat treats)
(Submitted by the big Derek)
the lamp sits crowded/ in the middle of my desk/ I should organize
(Submitted by Derek your sysop)
Wow -- haiku DOES work well regarding my receipts....in case you don't remember, someone had written witty lmmericks several receipts ago, and now haiku...maybe intelligent posting will soon be expressed only in poetry form! Iambic Pentameter anyone?
(Submitted by Just a Regular Ethyl)
It's friday afternoon, so I'm buggering outta here. But if I may be allowed to voice one last important note - we certainly hope the familiarity some of us have with each other DOESN'T EVER keep any new visitors to the site from being comfortable posting. Please, we encourage anyone and everyone with something to say to please do so. Just check any negativity at the door and then dive in. Welcome!
(Submitted by Azrael Brown)
TOOTHPASE X in my mouth / tastes better than toothpaste V / keeps my teeth shiny
(Submitted by Oh Ethylene, why don't you be true...)
hey der. will lambic do instead? baaa! glad you liked the lims, i'll include you in the next which, unless i find a SNICKERS, will be mon. adieu.
(Submitted by Hefty, over and out)
Seems Derek once had to buy a crib, And bear the full weight of women's lib, Now all this could have been avoided, And his purchases not exploited, Had Adam never given up that rib.
(Submitted by Lou Ford)
DEW on the COPMUT / Shorted out my new DESK LAMP / I am in the dark.
(Submitted by Paradiso)
COPMUT in the dark / Unless you want one less rib / Don't touch my sweet DEW /
(Submitted by Dew Toucher)
ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch / ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch / ouch ouch ouch that hurts
(Submitted by 2Funny)
*falling out of my chair laughing*
(Submitted by i dew declare)
huh?
(Submitted by hai, hai, haiku!)
met a metaphor / he said his name was jackson / think he met one more?
(Submitted by help)
huh?
(Submitted by haiku you do this to me?)
deuteronomy / biblical astronomy / haiku makes very good weewee
(Submitted by The Other Side of Paradiso)
Guys have feelings too. / But like, well...who really cares? /I know I sure don't.
(Submitted by Paradiso)
Just kidding there, guys. / Your feelings mean a lot. Here, /Have a Swedish Fish!
(Submitted by haiku challenged)
I don't understand/this haiku thing/what is it? [refill, panty, power strip]
(Submitted by heinekin-koo)
Poems from Japan / seven syllables between / five start and finish. (gauze pad, spout pail, implement)
(Submitted by Lauren)
me thinks peoples getting bored. veeerrry bored. dede, you sure you don't need anything from wal-mart tonight? err, i mean NOW.
(Submitted by Randy)
(wiping away a tear) I miss Dalliance
(Submitted by Randi2)
Dalliance isn't really gone, just close your eyes.
(Submitted by Chiquita)
Dalliance may be gone, but I am still here. Have you guys ever tried to fart out a lit candle?
(Submitted by Chiquita)
You can buy cans of beans and candles at Wal-Mart.
(Submitted by Hardware Associate)
Spitfire, are you related to Spill Magic?
(Submitted by dikymo)
Sponsored by IBM Global exposure is awaiting you with
------>SNIP - God, I hate people with nothing better to do than destroy others' fun <------
.com
(Submitted by Akin Stephanopoulous)
darn darn darn... want to tell you sooooooo many things and i can't. boo-hoo!!!! why isn't my text showing up?
(Submitted by adriana)
derek... why can't I see my posts? :(
(Submitted by iggy)
Online registration is now open at
------>SNIP - God, I hate people with nothing better to do than destroy others' fun <------
ay.com
(Submitted by if I was a poopie)
if i was a poopie...nah-nah- nah-nha-nah-nah... say I have all the poopies in the world if i was a wealthy craaaa-aap!
(Submitted by Illin-Bee)
Ok boys and girls... here goes --- :) Save $200 and then take the money and run. Save $ by going to carls junior instead of pizza hut. Save money by eating your own poops instead of buying groceries. Save money by drinking your pee-pee... save money by eating yourself!!! Yah!! Save money by licking your own poopies too. Okay... and the final way you can save money is by never shopping at an idiotic retailer like walmart!!! they kill the small man. Walmart is not a good place to buy anything. We need more mom and pop stores around.
(Submitted by me)
hi little walmart fellow... i have to tell you that I am so entertained by your site that i absolutely lose it and love to post silly little things here... it is soooooo much fun. I can't say there is much more that gives me joy than to see my childish postings on *your* page!!!!!! I just absolutely *crack* up!! :) So... I hope you're not too upset with me...I really stop in every now and then because I think it's fun to be here! thanks for providing my entertainment for the nite. XO (kisses to you!)
(Submitted by Haikuku)
Haiku is just one of those things that you think is funny as hell, or just don't. Personally, it cracks me up...could be it helps to have read the serious haiku and then to see silly stuff used to "Haiku"...but I'll try to contain myself :)
(Submitted by Spill Magic (what a cool name name, thanks)
By the way, the above waste of space is a very serious attempt to crash a site. IGNORE IT. Derek..personally, I would not even bother to delete it. Don't let this person compromise your intent for this site. If he/she wants to try to crash this site out of jealously/emotional retardation/spite..let them...we will skip over and go on.
(Submitted by Derek the sysop)
Well, yeah.....this site isn't unique in attracting people who like to destroy other people's fun. There has been a history of people thinking it's "fun" to crash & destroy slashdot-based message forums around the internet. How can it be fun to screw up something that a bunch of intelligent people put effort into creating a fun, entertaining, witty environment?
(Submitted by Azrael Brown)
people think it's cute / to make fun things un-fun /
'cuz they aren't smart enough
(Submitted by angelface)
Hi all... just wanted to
say "good morning" and happy
saturday to everyone here. :)
(Submitted by Spill Magic)
Hi angelface! So, has anyone
seen Andre or Mrs. Campbell
lately? I'm looking to score
a stiff biscuit.
(Submitted by Paradiso)
hehehehe! looks like dik-iggy
got castrated by Derek
G.(stands for Gorgeous)
Dahlsad's "Scissors of
Justice." Derek, you are so
entirely...I can't stand it
anymore...please *pant pant*
have your ISP connect with my
ISP and let's just Hologram
ALL NITE LONG...over and over
until we, O, 3-D, I dunno may
4-D! *swedish fish melting*
(Submitted by The Flying Nun)
There was a young lady named
Dally / Whose posts were too
numerous to tally / we all
loved her wit / but she's
dead now, 'cause of it / and
I wish it would just drop
dead and become worm food and
then crawl into the hole from
whence they came for the sake
of all of the rest of us who
enjoy this site and can
conjugate a verb. (I know the
last line didn't rhyme, but I
needed to vent. (XOXOXO to
Dally) (clipper, clay pots,
CHORE BOY)
(Submitted by haiku challenged)
there once was a young maiden
called Dally / she was
pestered into hibernation /
but those of us who know her
can still spot her posts /
but we'll try not to boasts /
about it. Hey, I said I was
haiku challenged. Where are
Abi & Sweet Princess??? And
Derek, I know it's been hot &
all, but could you please go
shopping soon so we have some
new material. (scale, bottle,
trash bags)
(Submitted by Hummingbird)
Hum..sip Dew..hum
(Submitted by Freud )
Screw Mushu and the compubank
he rode in on.
(Submitted by My2cents )
Be beautiful inside, in your
hearts, with the lasting
charm of a gentle and quiet
spirit which is so precious
to God. 1 peter 3:4
(Submitted by seasame street )
yip,yip yip yip yip yip yip
yip yip, ah hu ahh hu...
(Submitted by Jack Schitt )
Matt likes the lamp off but
use the toothpaste befroe you
dew his dewliter
(Submitted by caroline )
well Derek, you're just a
mountain dew drinking
fool,now aren't you?
(Submitted by bite me )
So big deal so you have a Wal-
Mart reciept. What is so
great about that
(Submitted by Vampka )
Hot dog flavored water and toothpaste battered
chicken wings are good for the heart mind and
soul. Make sure you eat everything using a spork!
(Submitted by Taz )
Help !!!! My husband has caught some crabs. I
needs a good recipe to make chilli crab. any
ideas ????
(Submitted by Kristen Olsen )
I like to blow candles by my
wet farts. I enjoy blowing
the candles. Unfortunately,
the cakes absorb my reekage.
(Submitted by Andy )
hi, i want to send junkmail
to someone, know any
good sites?
(Submitted by Andy )
hi, i want to send junkmail
to someone, know any
good sites?
(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )
I BOUGHT A 7UP TEE SHIRT!
(Submitted by DjBadAndy )
TOOTHPASTE X : is for
brushing your teeth after
chewing ecstacy pills. It
really helps keep those nasty
stains off my pearly whites,
LOL.
(Submitted by Risina )
*Drinks Mt.Dew* You people
are all insane!Insane I tell
ya!
(Submitted by Risina )
X-rated toothpaste.Hmm we
does that sound wrong?Oh well
I can make use of the lamp.
(Submitted by Stupid name that fits my stupid self )
im suprised you people can
type with your ignorance.
(Submitted by WISE MAN )
I AM EATING POOP
IT TASTES SO BAD
(Submitted by basketweaving delights )
MYSTICAL SPRITES ARE AT MY WINDOW
2#$@#$@#%#@^@()#^@)(#^()#@^^#)%@^#@)(^#@()^#
@)(^#@()^#@()(@^#) F#CK THOSE CREATURES UP
B#TCH
(Submitted by Gern Blandston )
Hey JB... I'm with ya....
people that work at Wal-Mart
must have had part of their
frontal lobe removed as a
precursor to employment. Fuck
drug tests.. anybody with an
IQ over 70 must not be able
to work there. And please,
God, all this *sighing* and
*wink winking*....GET A ROOM,
WILL YA?
| |||||||||
