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30 July 2000
Visitor Comments:
(Submitted by someone who can't use the name Dalliance anymore)
WOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!!!! *doing a first poster dance* YEESSSSS...he bought me a TELETUBBIE C! I guess all that prostrated begging paid off. Oh boy! and AW CREAM SODA..looks like it's gonna be a hot time in D&D Land tonight! AND FILM!!! Sure hope the 3PK CD-R will be enough *worried brow*. Thank God we will have plenty of Hair Access..we almost ran out last time. Derek, I LOVE YOU!!!!
(Submitted by Chiquita)
Yabba-dabba-doooooo!! I'm 2nd!
(Submitted by Chiquita)
Ok, got that out of the way, now the receipt-related junk. Plant saucers are MUCH better than the flying variety. I'm surprised he bought all that allergy med but no FACIAL TISSUE. And apparently, he's sick of the Dew, and moved on to the cream sda. I'm so jealous that the N. Dakota tax is only 6.5%... us Southern Californians really get screwed!
(Submitted by Chiquita)
*belatedly doing 2nd poster dance*
(Submitted by Skoalboy)
Looks like the makings for a UFO hoax to me 2 plant saucers, film, telletubie.
(Submitted by someone who can't use "WE" N\A)
Sixth place whooo....yippy skippy!!!! im so excited,, i just couldnt hide it.
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
ACHOOOOOO!!! Oh peas had me somb ob dat allergy medicthin'! *sniff sniff* Hi Someone who can't use the name Dalliance anymore! Hi Chiquita!
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken)
If somebody can tell me how to count the number of times an item appears in a repeating field in Filemaker Pro I can tell you how many times D's bought those damn PLANT SAUCERS! I mean, he must have a museum's worth. Perhaps he drinks all that Mt Dew out of them.
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken)
P.S. More power to Dalliance and Chiquita for being first and second posters. Couldn't have happened to a couple of more patient, loyal, beautiful, sexy, blonde, attractive, buxom, voluptuous, curvaceous, nubile, vixenly, minxy, foxy chicks.........dammit. Do I complain that I'm just a charred aftertaste?
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken)
I'd say operator #17 would be doing the D dance right now, as this is the second time D has deigned to bestow his commercial intercourse upon 17's comely checkout belt. Hoo boy, would she be the envy of all, no doubt Shannon is fingering the kitchen knives in aisle 14 right now, mind like a steely something, planning, plotting, scheming.
(Submitted by Miss Ma'am)
7/30/00 2:25 a.m. ........Dayummmmm. Eighth poster dance. What would it be y'all? A waltz perhaps. *sigh* With a one legged midget. Oh deah. That was in very poor taste. I think our boy Derek is gonna' copy the "Stinky Feet" site. It's an experiment. See the level of discomfort that has to be reached by pollen producing plants before ingesting allergy meds. All caught on film for our viewing pleasure. I declah, that child of his must have the most accessorized hair northwest of the Mason-Dixon. Interesting spelling of "Teletubby"...That Quayle boy must be working for the Waltons now.
(Submitted by Miss Ma'am)
Now see thayre....I was ousted from my posting place AGAIN! Eleventh INDEED! Harumph.
(Submitted by Hardware Associate)
Telletubbie = WalSpeak.
(Submitted by Novarse)
I feel just like those excited humans who get hypnotised by the presence of a TV camera and start waving madly and jumping around and saying 'Hi Mom'
(Submitted by Abi)
Big congrats to the first two ladies up there! Way to go girlies!!! Yipeee... By the way, I was thinking about all these saucers, do you think Derek has a greek restaurant fetish? I'm glad to see he's on the cream soda now - a change is as good as a rest.
(Submitted by SWCUTNDalliance)
Oh..*flustered and blushing* my, BP's Lame Chicken, thank you so very much for your very kind and accurate (teehee) description of Chiqca and myself. Now, tell me again where I should mail the check. Miss Ma'am, you're in luck, because my brother just so happens to be a one-legged midget and loves to dance. His name's Skip, I'll have him stop by and leave his cawlling card. Hey Chicqs and Abi (waving madly...leg still slightly shaking from baccahalian revelry) missed you!! Hey 'Not we n/a'..glad to see ya! woohoo!! Cream soda for Everyone. Shaking the AW and spurting it about!
(Submitted by Spill Magic)
Novarse....There is No Turning Back,,,,We Have You Now!!!! *evil teeheehee* HI MOM!!!
(Submitted by girl with hand-lock on teletubbie)
Bless you, Suz! Here, cover your head with this plant saucer. Cream soda on the head - not good when you got the achoos. xox
(Submitted by Abi)
Hello Novarse - welcome to the nuthouse!!! However, we are all very lovely nuts, especially the wonderous Chiqs and Girl with No Name - *waving to both of you*! GWNN - Skip sounds a hottie, do you have any more brothers tucked away there? They'd go perfectly with my brit teeth.....happy beginning of the week gang!!
(Submitted by Azrael Brown)
antihistamine / two different kinds, even / cuz mucous is bad
(Submitted by Pollen-nez not to be confuse with Pollenex)
Eww, post-nasal drip! / That's snot something to sneeze at. / Mucous confronts me.
(Submitted by Chiqca)
somebody-who-used-to-be-Dal, how did BP's lame chick know exactly what we look like??? Are we being WalStalked? But thanks for the compliments, BP. *pouring glass of cream sda for Bob Derek* *BD sends much love to not-Dal [yap yap]*
(Submitted by hefty (nose) pickens)
is mucous real bad / sometimes i think maybe so / but it's really snot
(Submitted by Azrael Brown)
three-pack CD-Rs / seventy-four minutes each / totals....umm.....math sucks.
(Submitted by in lieu of reed)
i bought a plant saucer once but it didn't work, my plants stayed sober.
(Submitted by Chiquita)
lieu, try watering them with a combo of Mt. Dew, cream sda, and motor oil.
(Submitted by lobo tommy)
haiku popular / cuz you can say something plain / and look like genius
(Submitted by in lieu of weed)
sorry chiq, i save that concoction for myself. maybe i'll try taking them to our local barrette. yeah, that's the spirit.
(Submitted by gender bender)
hit her from behind / she thought innocent mistake / butt really rectum
(Submitted by moon child)
i see some one has jumped on the haiku highway
(Submitted by Spill Magic)
Do you have any idea what that tellytubbie with the tall antenna on his head does to me??? Not the gay one with the purse (not that there is anything wrong with that) although his handlebars *are* intriquing
(Submitted by Abi)
would that be tinky winky or dipsy? both sound like they've been down the barette with ol' lieu....those wild tubbies!
(Submitted by Spill Magic)
yep, Abi..I don't know this for a fact...but *looking around and whispering clearly* I over heard lieu saying something about picking up some "films"..He mentioned "Erotic Finger Puppets of Love" and "tuning those tubby's into some Tang." Which I didn't understand. Tang being an instant breakfast drink. I dunno, perhaps they serve that at the Barrette lieu frequents *shrugging shoulders*
(Submitted by Mayhem)
Workin' out with weights!
(Submitted by in lieu of mead)
actually, i'm taking hefty down to the barrette in the big easy for an undetermined period of debauchery and ass sandwiches, chased down with risky whiskey light. hey, is that a teletubbie in my pocket or am i just glad to see ya? catch you on the flip flop! bye all.
(Submitted by hummingbird)
*laughing and running naked through the site room moving my arms very very fast*
(Submitted by Girl With No Name)
what? you are going on vacation without us???
(Submitted by GWNN)
well, that JUST SUCKS
(Submitted by hummingbird)
*stops dead in her tracks, stomps her feets, and runs out*
(Submitted by Naked as a jay bird)
I didn't know it was possible for a delicate lil hummingbird to stomp its feet. Must have been hanging out at the barrette with lieu, drinkin' the cream... soda, that is.
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal)
Girl with hand-lock on teletubbie - THANKS!!!!!!Feel better now!!!! Hi In lieu of reed/mead/weed! Wonder where Chummy went?
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken)
Is an allergy med a sanitary pad for sensitive pussies? This would then mark the return of the purchase of feminine hygiene products (can you get bull dyke hygiene products?), for which I am eternally grateful, as D's fetish for stuffing 24 packs of cheap WM brand toilet tissue up his girlie's quim was starting to get a wee bit, well, uncomfortable. And don't worry, I will get to the bottom of the plant saucer mystery! And poster formerly known as Dalliance, this poor old lame chicken wouldn't mind any old check, preferably endorsed for an amount of money with several dozen zeroes after it, sent to the email address which pops up when you wave the pointer over my name. *sigh* so long since I've had a pointer waved over me.
(Submitted by Michael Bolton)
Anybody know where I can get some good hair access?
(Submitted by Mrs Campbell)
Tim Tams up the cunt/they're so crunchy golden good/and warm and squishy
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken)
Panty liners smell/if left in too long, Derek/so buy some Meds now
(Submitted by Xee)
You know if you worked at Wal-Mart, you could get a discount??
(Submitted by Mirriem Webster)
hefty (nose) pickens ...That haiku (bless me) was really just lovely. The snot one. Do you have an agent? Are you published? I really thought that was MOST creative. Did you appear in the film "Deliverance"? Children. Tellytubby. Change the "y" to "i" and add "es" to pluralize. One of those adorable *puke* creatures is a Teletubby. I grieve for our youth.*sigh*
(Submitted by Associate of the Year)
CD-R clearanced/Telletubbie clearanced too/Rest.. regular price.
(Submitted by mous-e)
i am a little mouse, i live in dereks pocket, and stare in aww as he walks up and down the aisles of wal-mart, i hope that if he ever desides he doesn't love me anymore, that i can be set free by all of the crackers, and *oh*, the variety, cheese, peanut butter, it would be a dream come true :)But as for now, my love is derek,and i could never replace him-crackers or not! Derek-if your reading this-I love you~man!
(Submitted by DEAD DALLY)
Why is everybody always picken on me :(It's quite obvious that I can never get away from this whole scene, and PEOPLE, I am a nice person,i am soooo pretty, everyone LLOOVVEESSS Dilly*Dally cutie pie-There is nothing about myself that is not absolutely ~PERFECT~ and I have the most STUNNING body, got a sec?:) I am a super~model (if you will)i have 10 fingrs and 10 toestoo-betcha can't beat that sugar plum- Oh and I speak Pig Latin....
(Submitted by Aint no thang butta chicken wang)
WHO IS THE REAL DALLIANCE?!?! this is driving me insane i tell you! PLEASE spill the beans!!!
(Submitted by Abi)
Aah, now there's a question, who is the real Dalliance? The real Dal is very recognisable, you just have to know what to look for.....any road up - I'm off with lieu and hefty for a session down the barette - I'll send you a postcard..byee !
(Submitted by AInt no thang)
THAT DIDN"T HELP!!! Sorry, gotta little carried away, question is this-how do you know (Abi) whether or not you yourself are being fooled? eh?-eh?
(Submitted by Smiley Face)
Abi- I noticed you just posted-what state are you from? Do you post from home/work? I am at work yet it's 4:23 am- I was wondering, if maybe I would have a pal to chat with around this time every night?
(Submitted by Smiley Face :))
Hey, I will be back tommorow around 2:30 AM central time to see if theres anyone else up and posting-so hey- if your game, I'll be here & *Smiling* waiting for a pal...Looking forward to posting w/you-I love this place!!!
(Submitted by cognomen gypsy)
Ain't no thang, Hey! *smiling* you can tell me from my imposter cause -it- always says something, derogatory, vulgar, immature, or just plain insipid - not that I'm not highly immature myself mind you, but I try not to direct my immaturity *AT* people. And, I don't whine - I react, nor do I fake, nor do I screw over my mates..that's how Abi knows...*smiling and offering you a apono bulb)By the way, Michael Bolton - You're killin me over here...*laughing so hard I need an allergy med*
(Submitted by Dalliance)
I am the real Dalliance. If you don't believe me, here are a few hints. 1. NRA. 2. Banjo. 3.Beans. 4.Crab Cakes. 5.Methane. 6.Matches. 7.Blue Flame. 8.My mammy's head is on fire. Love and kisses, Dal.
(Submitted by Titular Counsel)
Mirriem, we know how the "outside world" spells the the singluar tellytubbie as you said, but see...Wal*Mart spells it -ie-...and, well, here in Wal*Mart World we must abide by the 'Receipts'...they are sort of like the Ten Commandments...or the Constitution or some kind of Holy Parchment
(Submitted by Girl With No Name)
*laughing* WOW, you have really got a Boner for me, don't you, Sweetheart? It's kinda cute actually.
(Submitted by bcclark)
I'm new to this page (and it's freaky cuase I think it's funny..). But I'm sorry, it seems like he always uses his charge or Debit card. Does this man ever have cash??
(Submitted by Precut Carp)
Idiots abound / as evidenced here too much / PLANT SAUCER up arse
(Submitted by gobi)
Has anyone considered that D is an explatory probe from another solar system sent to earth to monitor the habits of WalMart shoppers/Managers/Cashiers? Perhaps WalMart has offered to build a new store in his solar system and he is doing the environment/social research for his kind!
(Submitted by hummingbird)
Derek as Exploratory Probe? Oh, yes I have considered it frequently, deeply, feverishly. Over and over .
(Submitted by Chiqca)
The space program just took on a whole new meaning. *embarassed giggle*
(Submitted by knowthewordsbird)
...but would it truly be where no man has gone before?
(Submitted by hummingbird)
HEY!!! wordbird...how about making one small step over here and letting me take a giant leap on your shuttlecock...*humming*
(Submitted by Chiqca)
No comment. And that's my final answer.
(Submitted by knowthewordsbird)
Thanks for thinking it would require a GIANT leap. *doing the flying nun*
(Submitted by Big Dick)
This site is sooooooo gay! Who the fuck would come up with something so fucking moronic, get a life, whore!
(Submitted by GWNN)
Dear Big Dick, thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. Uhh....excuse me, Derek, how do i set this laser printer to stun?
(Submitted by Amazing banana)
Y' know, I've really given Big Dick's comment a lot of thought & I think... yes... I think he's right. I will never be back to this really stupid site!!!!! I can't believe it took me so long to see the truth! Thank you, Big Dick, I'll forever be in your debt for opening my eyes.
(Submitted by Amazing banana)
NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!1
(Submitted by Amazing banana)
Oops, my fingers got carried away. Disregard the "1" on my last post. *begging forgiveness*
(Submitted by Amazing banana)
I was trying to type and hold a match near my rectum at the same time. I had some beans and crab cakes for lunch. Yum!!!!!!1 I mean "Yum"!!!!!!
(Submitted by lexic0n)
lame chicken, let's talk about this database. i wanna write some wicked good queries and i want to post the results on the web. as long as you have done the hard part of inputting the data, maybe i can help you write some more complicated queries. lemme know.
(Submitted by Hummingbird (No Nun Can Out Run Me))
oh this is so nice...lame chicken and lexicOn working together...why can't all the world be like this? *Handing you each a plant saucer...Eyeing the Nun, checking for a particular habit*
(Submitted by Master Debater Of Love)
Hummerbird, does the Nun have a full tool set, like Derek's, including a screw driver and nuts?
(Submitted by Hummingbird )
Humming..that is Humming, not Hummer..and allow me to clarify: I personally do not "do the flying nun" as that would be anatomically impossible and not much fun for me...i just watch and giggle.
(Submitted by Hit the Nail on the Head, Baby! )
And remember it's not the heft of the hammer, it's how you whack it.
(Submitted by Elvis )
Elvis was my friend
(Submitted by Freud )
Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.
(Submitted by Pat Word )
derek, i can't stand walmart and will never shop there, but have been saving my unique location receipts and all my receipts from FRED MEYERS.... i live near one and those bastards are trying to run me dry. -take care
(Submitted by Yo Yo Yo )
Does anyone use there correct email address on here???? Quote:Life is the flower of which Love is the Honey.
(Submitted by akounamatada.. )
Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and softly sits on your shoulder.
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )
Hello lexic0n, you don't know how long I've wanted to share words with you...and tell me, truly, are you related to Marco and Pixel? So long I sat forlorn, hoping they would return...you can email me at my email address (the correct one given here once only, never to be repeated) and we can share queries together...come out of the closet, be query and be proud! By the way, bcclark, Derek has used cash on 33 occasions, interestingly enough, 28 of these were between September 99 and May 00.
(Submitted by Mirriem Webster )
Mr./Ms. Counsel..You said "we know yadda yadda", so am I to conclude that only one person is posting besides myself? How do you know EVERYONE knows the spelling of Tellytubby? I agree with you, however, the receipts are wholly and from this day forth I shall not question anyones spelling. Yeah, right.
(Submitted by Roberta E. Lee )
I HATE butterflies / That colored stuff gets on me / When I crush their wings.
(Submitted by Andre )
Oh my god, is the lame chicken right about Dalliance? Is she really blonde? Then who was it I porked the other day? Did Dalliance slip in my MTM blow up doll to fool me?
(Submitted by Smiley Face :) )
As you can see, no one came to join, I will forever be awaiting my long lost wal-mart receipt running commentary pal- and if your out there, whom ever you are. i will be right here waiting for you *smiling sweetly*
(Submitted by Andre )
Oh mah' god, be de lame chicken right about Dalliance? Is she real blonde? Den who wuz it ah' po'ked dadamn oda' day? Did Dalliance slip in mah' MTM blow down doll t'honkyfool me?
(Submitted by Andre )
There was a cop on the side of the road when he saw a truck drive by with a cab full of dead birds. He chases the truck down and finds 3 hicks. The cop goes to the back of the truck, sticks his finger up the bird's butt, and says to one of the hicks, 'You shot this bird in Utah right?' 'Yes' said the hick. 'Do you have a Utah hunting licence? 'Yes' and he shows the cop the licence. So the cop goes to the back sticks his finger up another bird's but and says, 'Did you shoot this bird in Florida?' 'Yes,' said the hick so he shows him the hunting licence for Florida. Well this goes on for about 10 more minutes. Finally, he asks thehicks, 'Where ya'll from anyway?' And one hick says, 'Well why don't ya stick your finger up our butts!'
(Submitted by Titular Counselor )
Ms. Webster...I stand corrected. Holy, you mean?
(Submitted by Girl With No Name )
Roberta, you little Rebel Child, you kill me!!! That was hysterical!!...And Andre, yes, sorry to disappoint you, but I'm as blonde as a dingbat! I just love people like Lame Chicken and lexicOn. Makes me feel the world is in good hands. Would you two consider adopting me????? Please!!! I don't eat much and am very quiet.*big pleading eyes*
(Submitted by Girl With No Name and Blue Flame )
But, if you adopt me don't feed me beans and crab cakes. I tend to pass huge amounts of natural methane. And, I love holding a match near my rectum while doing this. Bye.
(Submitted by gobi )
Since relegating myself to the fact Derrick is an alien probe monitoring our very shopping habits, I have concluded that none of the readers true posting are being posted. What is happening is this. Retired Penthouse Forum writers, as we all know those stories are fake, have been hired to write the witty banter that is presented here. The recent sexual inuendo postings shows a slipping to the writings of days gone by for these poor bastards that sit in a dark room only illuminated by the PC monitor that sits before them. I do not blame them. It is everyman's (and woman's) right to do whatever she/he can to supplement their income to get off the steady diet of canned dog food and other paper products. And the dogfood is not even the premium stuff, it is Sam's Choice. It brings a tear to my eye. SNIFF! SNIFF! Alas, my posting will never make it to the web, because it is real. (Hey, Charlie, are you going to finish that can of liver and gravy?)
(Submitted by Chevy )
Dude! You mean the penthouse forum letters are not real???? Man, I'm crushed. This changes my whole life.
(Submitted by aghast )
Gobi, you mean that post above is fake???
(Submitted by lexic0n )
lame chicken, i tried that email address and it did not work. which is fine. my email address is now and always has been the correct one, so feel free to get in touch with me there at your leisure. i am ready to do some data analysis! and, puella sine nomen (forgive my rusty latin), long-time comrade, we have too much the dynamic of distant but affectionate siblings for me to be your adoptive father(-figure). and i can't speak for lame chicken (especially since he is making it difficult to get in touch with him), but, although i cannot be your father, i will remain your friend. (and now i have something funny to tell you: i have at home a book with this title: "Quomodo Individiosulus Nomine Grinchus Abrogaverit Christi Natalem". ha!)
(Submitted by Azrael Brown )
Once I was mauled by / a WalMart greeter - no, wait / that was just a bear.
(Submitted by puella sine nomen )
*clapping hands in total delight* "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!!!" okay...i'll take friend!!
(Submitted by lexic0n )
huzzah!
(Submitted by Chiquita )
Ok, here's my international/cultural contribution: Como Se Robo Navidad el Grinch.
(Submitted by Vinnie )
NYC Style / How da f*ckin' Grinch f*ckin' stole f*ckin' Christmas.
(Submitted by Azrael Brown )
entering WalMart / makes me all squishy inside / like when I had worms
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )
Well slap my drumsticks, Hotmail must have done a dump on me. That email address SHOULD work, Lexic0n (it was the Hotmail address you tried, wasn't it?), I'll have to test it out with some friends or something. Anyway, I'll try to email you as well. And Poster Formerly Known As, I will certainly adopt you, as long as you don't mind a charred old chicken maryland wrapping her arms tenderly round you when you stub your toe or get fake posted.
(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )
plant saucer barrettes/35mm/ film apono bulb
(Submitted by John Thomas )
Derek was feeling lonely tonight. His 8 track machine had mangled his last cartridge, the Volare had blown a gasket, and his sculpture of plant saucers in the vague shape of the Devil's Tower had been commandeered by a bearded man with a heavy golden naked statuette. He had nothing to do on this dreary Wednesday night in Dilworth. What pleasure could he gain from listening to his NSYNC CDs under these conditions? He decided to do the only thing possible, go and vist WalMart. He slid his well formed tight hairy butt into a pair of Royal Cargo pants, slipped on a cotton tank top, sprayed on a bit of 409, rubbed slowly his left nipple, spanked his swanky little toosh, and said "Your momma" as he swaggered out the door, ready to partay. "Hey Der!" called out some blonde hot chicky babe in a southern accent driving by, but Der ignored her: it was Wally World or bust tonight, as he could feel his yearning grow stronger, and his pants feel tighter. As he approached the glowing portal of the Dilworth WalMart, he could feel his manhood rise, and there, just inside the door, he could see his favourite greeter, a wrinkly but still somewhat attractive woman of 63, a minx she was, with a come hither glint in her eye, a heaving bosom, and a fist full of counter cards ready to stuff down Derek's increasingly too tight and uncomfortable yet rather fashionable and none too expensive cargo pants (only $9.94 at WalMart). But it wasn't this greeter Derek was after, oh no, as he pushed past her groping hands, falling limp in despair as he walked straight on past, his eyes lit up, and the crotch of his pants became tented at the sight of rows and rows of Oreos ready to be stacked, apono bulbs glistening in their heat sealed packaging, a ho mird abag winking in aisle 5, a precut carp smoking a halibut in aisle 7,
(Submitted by Christopher Crosseyed )
it is the night my/body's weak I'm on the run/no time to speak so
(Submitted by Joey Scarbury )
believe it or not/ I'm walking on air I ne/ver thought I could feel
(Submitted by Dribble )
dri-bottoms stop shit/leaking everywhere; Derek/please buy more from Matt
(Submitted by William Shakeyspeare )
Matt Krieg was a dweebDaryll Marchetta was no betterRyan Hoage smells of semenbut my fave is Scott Freeman
(Submitted by Andre )
Hey, I have been officially fake posted, and I don't just mean having one of my posts copied and reworked with a new accent! Does this give me some sort of stature now? Can I feel fulfilled? May I stand tall, walk proud, feel erect, fondle firmly, stroke quickly, come over Mary madly passionately and without respite? In case you haven't realised, the finger up the bird butt post was not mine.
(Submitted by Fake poster )
andre dalliance/lexic0n suz in N. Cal/chiquita lieu reed
(Submitted by slinky )
I have a question? Do you all know each other off the net or just by leaving your comments here on this page? like Dalliance, Chiquita, andre, gobi. ext... I really find this to be an strange page. Strange enough to keep me coming back and looking at all your comments. This is crazy. Wow addictions come in all shapes and sizes too, but who would have thougt it would be looking at a wal-mart receipt. And crazy peoples comments. I must be just as crazy, see you all have me leaving message to now. I find some of the comments real interesting. Like the ones about the copmut. and the attacking of Derek for using his credit card. did you ever think that it could be his debt card?
(Submitted by Smiley Face :) )
Well, I'm back anyone interested, I'll be around until about 4:30 am -Hopefully I won't have to give up! Come on now, be a pal!?
(Submitted by Minnesota )
OOHH,Howw The Greench Stole Cresmas, dontcha Know?
(Submitted by Smiley Face :) )
Youuu Betcha!!
(Submitted by Mirriem Webster )
Titular, you silly head, I spelled "holy" wrong purpisly....you NEW that. I also spelled telletubby ( oops...make that telletubbie ), "TELLYTUBBY". You missed that, dint you? :)Spellllllll Cheeeeeeck. John Thomas, you may spell as you like but I draw the line at "toosh". It's "TUSH"....as in "I'm just looking for some tush". Like those sharp dressed boys from Texas. Okay, OKAY. So I'm Miss Ma'am...or am I??? With all these fake posts, who/whom knows? *sigh*
(Submitted by Smiley Face :) )
Mirriem Webster,where are you from?(STATE)
(Submitted by John Thomas )
how the thrill of his manhood throbbed and yearned as Derek laid eyes on the white globe, a crib, and Mirriem Webster's TUSH.
(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )
What time is 4:30 where you are? Where I am, 4:30 was an hour and a half ago, but that was the afternoon 4:30, not the morning one.
(Submitted by Laura Branigan )
I think they got the/ alias that you've been liv/ing under but you
(Submitted by Smiley Face :) )
Mrs. C, That would be in the AM, See i work overnights, which is what i'm doing right now.
(Submitted by Smiley Face :) )
John Thomas, did you ever happen to live in Fort Ord/Monterey California?
(Submitted by Dalliance )
I know that I said I was gone, But I can't take it any more *wiping tears!* I miss my name, NO you can't have it-It's mine, mine, mine, I'm a spoiled brat, and take,and take, and take!!! So go AWAY!!
(Submitted by Whom it may Concern )
This land is our land, you can not have it***Because we bought it***you are a fagot!!**We are so Speial, so very Spe-e-cial, **This land was bought by her and me*! You Like-y Lick-E?
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal )
ahhhh ... has been to long ... so nice to come in and see all the posts!! Hi everyone!!!!!!!
(Submitted by Girl With No Name )
Oh Slinky *embracing you in a loving welcome hug* I'm the Girl who used to be Dalliance but STILL cannot use the name as some dude (see above) loves to imposter me...ah well, we must all have goals! But we need a slinky just like you..so welcome to the jungle *curtsy and big smile* OH Lame Chicken...i would love to have your wings wrapped around me..and i''m not a brat like that person says...*shaking head* owieowie
(Submitted by Girl With No Name )
ANDRE...woohoo...welcome to the ranks of the harassed!!! I knew it wasn't you with the chicken finger joke...you are much funnier! I've missed you my BABY SHMP. *Waving at Suz* John Thomas...bang-up job there, bud...I am anxiously awaiting the next installment....and Miss Ma'am...zztop?? who else could it be?...*kisskiss* .Fake poster...i hope you are John Thomas cause you are much more entertaining when you are just yourself. Really, come on, why don't you just be who you really are and join in the fun? Come on, be our pal not our enemy, please.
(Submitted by David's Dad )
Today, my son David turned 6. I bought him presents at WAL*MART. Pokemon, Pokemon, Pokemon!!! What the hell is a teletubby?
(Submitted by GWNN )
Fake Dalliance...if I've taken anything from you i do truly apologize *confused look as to what that might be* oh well, lalalalalalalalala..going to play with my Tellytubbie C, now
(Submitted by Chicqa )
Oh Andre, welcome to our small, but esteemed little club. We like to call it "Recovering Victims of the Imposter Anonymous." GWNN, please slide over on that plant saucer so Andre has a place to sit. Here Andre, have a tool set as a welcome gift. *assembling tool set for Andre*
(Submitted by GWNN )
Chicqa..yayyy...I've missed you! Thought you and Abi might have run off with the boys to New Orleans *giggle and sliding the plant saucer over* Wow, that tool set is going to look positively wicked on Andre, i can tell.
(Submitted by Chiqca )
Ummm, GWNN, could you please hold onto Andre's ankle while I slip this assembled tool set on. Andre, now this might tickle just a little, but try not to wiggle your hips. *sliding tool set over Andre's gerthy ankle* GWNN, hold a little tighter, please, it's getting away from you.
(Submitted by GWNN )
my, my, Chiqa, he is a slippery one!! Does he oil his ankles or what? feel this *handing you Andre's ankle* It's like a girthy eel!!
(Submitted by Girl With No Name )
oh wait, my latest Dalliance Imposter, i see now that you aren't John Thomas at all, are you? *making a fake smiley face :)* but, you are a slinky one, eh? Why do you want to be like that? Couldn't you just get your *own* personality and join in the fun? The more the merrier!
(Submitted by lexic0n )
Mirriem?Mirriam.Got your email, lame chicken. Huzzah! Be in touch soon. Let the database explosion begin!
(Submitted by slinky )
Hey, Girl with no name, I want to thank you for the nice warm welcome to this wonderful page. I have been reading them for a while just never posted messages. but I thought maybe I need to get in on some of the fun!. Thank You!
(Submitted by Andre )
I would feel extremely warm and runny down the left side about being included in RVIA, Chiquita, but I feel a little miffed that Dalliance passed off a MTM blow up doll as her own blonde vivacious sexy self the other night, and I blew her in only that special way too...I wondered why she didn't have to wipe her nose off afterwards. Hey, while I'm on this frikn plant saucer (don't you think Derek could get something a little more comfortable to upholster it with than a bag of out of date Scotts soil?) can you tell me if there's any room for my Blk mid zip? My MTM doll seems to smile so seductively when I pull it out, and I would so much like to show you all.......................
(Submitted by Haiku Getoffa Mycloud )
hair access desk lamp/equate anti copmut desk/clean gel liquid soap
(Submitted by Animotion )
like a butterfly/ a wild butterfly I will/ collect you and cap
(Submitted by Andre )
Ooh Chiquita, I never knew you wanted to get your hands on my slippery eel, if you keep applying the oil I must just give you a private showing of my Blk mid zip, it could do with a bit of a greasing as well, it gets a bit clogged up from all that hair gel.
(Submitted by L. Debarge )
it's time to get out/ step out into the street where/ all of the action
(Submitted by Mirriem Webster )
lexicOn, "Mirriem" as in "Mirriem Webster". I would hate to see what you demand of Funk & Wagnells.>:-( .. Mirriem Webster / Mirriem is my name, boy / Words are my Game Boy.
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )
Hey lexic0n! *big cheery wave* you still haven't explained the Pixel/Marco mystery, but I guess that makes it all the more exciting when it's FINALLY REVEALED. Can't wait to share queries together, my flight feathers are tingling just at the thought of it. Oh Dally, it's so long I've wrapped these charred yet nonetheless loving and warm chicken marylands round one so blonde and glamorous, my you do remind me so much of Cameron Diaz, are they real or did you buy them from WalMart?
(Submitted by PBCI )
I as well, am a new poster.I have been reading your comments, Dalliance(GWNN),Chiqca,Andre,Suzin, Mrs.C...I am trying to get the feel of the individual personalities, yet the im-posters seem to mimic pretty well, Yet, I sometimes can set them aside, and appreciate the real comments. So, keep it up, and don't worry, I'll be back!
(Submitted by Drake )
What kind of traile rdo you live in?
(Submitted by aint no thang )
The same kind as yo mama punk!
(Submitted by Abi )
GWNN/Chiq - phew - back from that major session with ol'd hefty and the boys, they certainly now how to party! Andre - I know what you mean, I felt very strange to have a post of mine turned into three different kinds of 'language' - but somehow touched. How is everyone? Have a cream soda on me - do you know in England you should really drink it out of a saucer (total sophistication!), so perhaps that's what Der is doing - entertaining lots of brits back at his pad? What a guy!
(Submitted by PBCI )
Doing the 150th *poster dance*
(Submitted by slinky )
I've only been her 2 times and already am being accused of impersanating whats up with this? I'm innocent, this sucks!
(Submitted by Dalliance The real one!!! )
I'm slim Dally, yes I'm the Real Dally, all you other fake Dally's are just immatating,since I'm the real Dally I will stand up, will stand up, will stand up. Your mamas on my lips, your mamas on my lips.
(Submitted by PBCI )
Dear-IMPOSTER! Real Cute!!!How long did it take for you to figure that one out?
Derek, you are cool!
(Submitted by Derek -- THE Derek )
Hey, slinky/"Smiley Face :)"/ PBCI -- maybe you missed Dalliance's subtle hint before, but we KNOW you're the current imposter. The previous imposter disappeared after I had a talk with his employer. So, do your paychecks say "Promus Hotel Corp" or the individual sub-company's name? I wanna make sure I get to the right people. Even if it's you and your buddies sharing the same computer, your boss & I will sort it out. Chatting is fine, even under multiple names (we all do it) -- but we've gotten sick and tired of imposters over the past month or so.
(Submitted by Girl With No Name )
Thank you PBCI..very much and welcome *big ol' roll back special hug and handing you an apono bulb* I'm glad you are here! And Scottie...yayyyy *big RBS hug and a Swedish Fish for you* BPLameChicken...they are real..the Wal*Marts only had the Pamela Lee Anderson's in stock and they were huge!! I kept running into things. Cameron Diaz? We use the same styling gel but I have much longer hair! :)
(Submitted by Derek the Sysop )
Ok, due to a mild uproar at my threat above :) I'll clear something up:
Yes, you may note from my ability to find sites who link to me, and via notes in the FAQ, that I keep logs. Every website does. I'm not watching everyone's tiniest move with great intent.
There have been multiple complaints from many different people about other users abusing anonymity and posting as another user. The imposter posts are the only posts I check out, and using detective skills, I track them down. I don't care what the rest of the non-imposters do; the tens of thousands of log entries are hard enough to go through, let alone watch any particular user.
Anonymity is only preserved as long as everyone respects it. Severe abuse may result is automatic blocking of abuser IP addresses, usernames and passwords, email veritifcation of posts, etc., etc. I have no intention of doing this, but abuse of the system will force me to do so. It's a very simple thing: post as yourself, or someone else, but NOT as another user of the receipt site. The only way to irk me is to deliberately try to damage the conversations. Anything else is fine. Think to yourself: am I posting garbage as another user? If you answer "no", then you are completely fine. If you answer "yes", go someplace else, this is not the place for gradeschool shenanigans.
(Submitted by Chiquita )
*singing like on Rikki Lake*
Go Derek, go Derek... *waving
hands in the air* Derek, I
think you have every right to
do anything you want with
YOUR web site and I think it
is a privilege that you let
us partake in the fun.
Everyone should just realize
that we are here VOLUNTARILY
and if anyone doesn't like
anything about it, they can
go away.
(Submitted by Chiquita )
Ooooh Andre, please do bring
out your Blk mid zip & I'll
run and get the Jell-O.
*clapping hands in sheer
delight* And Abi, so glad
you're back. Were the boys
nice to you? Did you pick up
any souvenirs... maybe some
hair access or a New Orleans
chore boy?
(Submitted by Leroy Brown )
...and I thought I was BAD!
Attaboy Big D! (fuses, roll
wrap, sponge tape)
(Submitted by Can I be Dalliance Again Now? )
*sighing with folded hands covering my
beating heart* My Hero!!!! What a man!!!! What a
Syclops!!!! *swooning* Catch me, Chiqca! *waving
to Abi as I gracefully descend.
(Submitted by Chiqca )
*catching GWNN just shy of
the cold, hard, concrete
WalFloor* Sheesh GWNN, gimme
a little notice next time,
huh? I almost missed you & we
don't want you to hit your
head & go through another
bout of amnesia. I wouldn't
be too quick to assume your
identigy though, I'd wait &
see if you-know-who really
goes away. It's kind of a
sneaky little goblin & might
be like cockroaches... no
matter how hard you try to
get rid of 'em, they just
don't go away. Anybody know
where Sweet Princes went? I
miss her. Sweet P., where are
you??? Andre, I'm mixing up
the Jell-O as we speak...
(Submitted by Tentatively Dalliance (in Kung Fu pose) )
*looking up from my supine position* So, Abi, did
you guys dance on any tabletops? Did you get to
see a bit of the pickled sausage? AAAIIIIEEEEE !!
Got to watch out for dem Cajun Coon-asses, dem
boys and their damn japapenos!! Hope you had
enough 3 PK CD-Rs!! *watching with amazment*
Holy Cow, Chiqca...I had NO idea you could do
*that* with Jell-o!!!!!
(Submitted by Derek. Nah, not really. )
No Gradeschool Shenanigens?
Well, I never! Here I
thought this might be a fun
place to post, but I guess I
was very wrong.
BTW, for any of the imposters
out there, siegesoft.com or
rewebber.com have services to
keep your IP address out of
Derek's logs.
**Potential new poster takes
this site out of favorites
list and leaves forever**
(Submitted by Chiqca )
*waving happily* Bye "Derek,
Nah, not really" So sorry
you're not sticking around to
spread more of your negative
energy...
(Submitted by GWNN )
See ya, ASSHOLE!
(Submitted by GWNN )
*looking at Chiqca* what a moron!..(I guess the
Hotel where he works didn't have that software!!
hehehe) And besides that, I should think Derek
could easily write a program to reject all posters
without IP addresses if it came down to it..and why
not just get a freaking personality instead? I HATE
BULLIES! EVERYBODY HATES BULLIES!
(Submitted by Chiqca )
*sending the bully a hairy
scar* I dunno, somehow it
just seems appropriate.
(Submitted by Goofoff )
Actually, my boss IS paying
me to sit around and download
MP3's...
(Submitted by Girl With No Name )
i mean...without *legit* IP addresses, cause of
course, we all have to have an IP address. And just
curious, but where are all these imposters getting
the info that I am slim, glamorous and have a
stunning body? I mean where did that come from?
I could be butt ugly, a grandmother and weight
400 pounds and still arch my back and have
blonde hair. I might be in prison with tattoed,
hairy knuckles and yellow teeth. Yeah! that would
be COOL.
(Submitted by huh.. )
what's it all about, Alfie?
(Submitted by Are we at Wal*Mart yet? )
Where are we going and why am I in this
handbasket?
(Submitted by Beavis )
Hairy knuckles are kewl
(heheheheh)
(Submitted by the hell? )
ummm...what the hell am i
doing at a site about Wal
Mart coupons?!
(Submitted by Baffled )
Coupons? Where are the
coupons??
(Submitted by still baffled )
*Fumbling around in toaster
box* Hmmm, how about that, I
don't see any coupons...
(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal )
Hey Derek *s*... sorry you
have to police your site. I
love popping in here and
seeing what your receipts
will produce
conversationally!
(Submitted by Toaster Box )
Ohhh..Baybeeee...Think you
better check again.
(Submitted by Roberta E. Lee )
*yawn* *stretch* Well....here it is positively EONS
after July 30th. No new receipt. Dissension in the
ranks. The snow is falling and we have holes in our
shoes. I'm all out of triple sec. La de freakin'da.
What's a poor girl to do but join a Rock and Roll
band? My name in lights ( Apono bulb ). Chesty
hunks chasin' me ( Hair Access ). My fans holding
their Bics aloft and takin' snaps on the sly ( 35MM
film ). Dayuuuuuuummmmmmm. Derek are you
related to my great, great uncle Robert?
(Submitted by The Queen's Mum )
Pardon me, might you have any
Grey Coupon?? Tis my birthday
and I wish for a refreshing
cucumber and Wal*fix Ass
sandwich.
(Submitted by That Girl )
Andre, O, Andre, my Wombat of
Love...how could you mistake
me for your MTM blow-up
doll??!?? And, here I thought
our night of hot, steamy,
torrid lust was especial. Do
you remember nothing? After
you had me put on the
brunette wig and squeak
out.."OOOoooooooooo, Mister
Grannnttttttt....." over and
over, whilst flinging your
chinchilla-print bikini
briefs high up in to the air
like an ever hopeful beret,
you remember nothing??
(Submitted by Quagmire of Luv )
Bereft. There remains only
one word in my vocabulary and
that is - bereft. O, and here
I foolishly thought you my
Miracidium (you know, a free-
swimming ciliated first larva
of a digenetic trematode that
seeks out and penetrates a
suitable snail intermediary
host(moi)in which it develops
into a Sporocyst).
Yes..yes..Andre, it is true,
for I so wanted..*weeping*
you to *weep,weep* be my Big,
Girthy Sporocyst. Fool!! what
a fool I have been.
(Submitted by Gordian Naked Princess )
Please, bring me my chalice
of AW Cream Soda and my
Twisty straw at once. I
thirst.
(Submitted by Gordian Naught )
*pulling Gordian Naked Princess' hair back with
some hair access and barrettes* My, that braid I
put in there, it's so tight....hmm...It's
like...a...KNOT....of....some sort. Like that one
knot? you know? That knot!
(Submitted by Gordian Naked Princess )
ah, my delicious Gordian
Slave Boy...is that a KNOT in
your harem pants or are you
just happy to see me naked?
(Submitted by Miss Ma'am )
8/5/00 3:05 p.m....The Queen's Mum...How very
precious, my deah lady....Is it rayly your birthday?
It's mine as well! Please come on ovah and we'll
have a little sumthin' out on th' verandah.*gracious
smile* If y'all can bring some of those dahlin' little
crumpets or biscuits or whatevah they're called I'll
have my Evelyn Louise make us a nice tall glass of
AW CREAM SDA and Mr. Daniels. I do so love to
have a little sumthin' on the day of my birth. Y'all
come on ovah now, you heah?
(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )
I know I'm a little late, but
for Baffled's benefit, I
should let it know that Derek
used a coupon back on March 15
1997. How soon we
forget........................
.........................
(Submitted by Cashman )
I really hope you don't do your christmas shopping
at wal-mart. 'Cause all your family has to do is visit
your website to find out what they got,... :-)
(Submitted by ninja )
Ha ha! eggcellent point,
cashman...
(Submitted by STLHbKID )
I SHALL HAVE THE LAST WORD
HERE OK?...THE ST.LOUIS
HEARTBREAK KID SAYS THAT THE
TELETUBBIE ITEM DEREK BOUGHT
WAS A TELETUBBIE C-CUP BRA!
A gift for his Momma-Ceeta
(Submitted by Jack Schitt )
Hair access is still removing
your hat...1.97??
(Submitted by caroline )
I just want to know why Derek
needs soooo many hair
accessories. What look is he
going for anyway?
(Submitted by Steph )
hello
(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )
I LOVE THAT YOU CARE ABOUT
YOUR HAIR SO MUCH, IT SHOWS
YOU WILL MAKE A GOOD MODEL!
(Submitted by Dunbar's Uterus )
people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones
inbred walmart employees!
(Submitted by Dunbar's Uterus )
DONT MAKE FUN OF MY BURLAP FETISH.......
(Submitted by i am not a rocket scientist )
its true, im not a rocket
scientist.
(Submitted by Dunbar's Uterus )
i'll have my secretary forward it to you after lunch
(Submitted by deflating magazine (a little number i li )
im a riot grrl. grr.
(Submitted by smart ass )
im last. hooray!
(Submitted by dj bass blasta )
im da last nigga!!
(Submitted by smart ass )
no i am.
(Submitted by dj bass blasta )
fuck you man. i dont need
your shit. im black and ive
been oppressed!
(Submitted by 2nd runner up of the Miss Connecticut Nude World Pageant )
There are more than 100 million dogs and cats in the
United States. Americans spend more than 5.4 billion
dollars on their pets each year.
(Submitted by trish )
i like cream soda!
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