Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Abi )

No way *first poster dance*..........yaaaay!!!

(Submitted by Terry )

Let's have a picnic!!!

(Submitted by Jeffrey Dahmer )

See, I told you the paper towels don't clean up properly...the sponge is MUCH more durable. But all the pictures, that's a little weird...

(Submitted by Abi )

Um, before we head off for the picnic (!), what are Reeses?

(Submitted by Coach )

Chocolate and peanut butter candy...mmm GOOD! Wash it down with a cold beer, and you've got one helluva breakfast.

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey guys - do you think we should tell the others we're on a new page? Terry - poor ol' Merlin's getting upset 'cos you won't talk to him.....

(Submitted by Terry )

More pics??? What happened to the video porn cam? Did the 17ft CABLE break...y'know, you're not s'posed to swing from it, Tarzan...

(Submitted by lieu )

are we sure he's sponge-worthy?

(Submitted by germaniac )

You know, to get a roll of film developed in downtown Chicago, you're shelling out a good 13.00. I think I'm going to move in with Derek.

(Submitted by Merlin )

Guess this makes me 8th - not bad considering I'm normally in the late 30's ! That candy must be awfully good especially at that price ! Sponges ? Planning a good rub down eh Derek ?

(Submitted by uh oh )

film developing = long periods of silence = megan's law???

(Submitted by Merlin )

Damn, make that 11th then ! If developments that cheap, then it probably means that you don't actually get your own pictures back but someones elses ! So, Derek, anything juicey you can share with us ?

(Submitted by turning tricks or treats? )

want some candy, little girl?

(Submitted by Megan )

The secret of patience is to do something else in the meantime.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Clearly the people of WalMart are "big picture" people. Sure, at first glance, the number of items sold is 6, but how many pictures in a pack? How many reeses in a bag? Look closer, dig deeper...and find the real truth. Auf Wiedersehen

(Submitted by Brushless in Seattle )

There's a film developing on my teeth, but I get that for free.

(Submitted by walfix )

you'd think that if grass gives you the munchies then jamacians would be the fattest folks on earth. do they not have fast food there or do they just not inhale?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

perhaps they are busy exercising in creative ways or munching on....*eyes glazing over*

(Submitted by Dal )

Ok, that settles it, I'm going for it...

(Submitted by in lieu of closed envelopes, boxes, bubbles, etc. )

one thing cool about the "i am" site is that, at least on a unix box, my window header constantly displays a different old message each time it's refreshed. right now i'm reading that someone was "pissed at thet nosy, big-mouthed bitch janie". ha ha, that's a riot. i wonder if she still is and am also curious what set her off in the first place. i find it really interesting to get these little snippets of diverse perspectives on peoples lives. and yes, i do have one of my own, thank you.

(Submitted by in lieu of braille flooorplans )

didn't bob marley die of toe cancer? how freaking hard do you have to jam your toe to get toe cancer? i mean, i can understand helen keller getting it, but bob? he must have gotton really f*cked up ALL the time.

(Submitted by big mouth bitch Janie )

Why you got to get all up in my grill?

(Submitted by lieu )

i think if i ever went blind i'd just take all my clothes of, except for my socks and shoes, and walk around thinking of heather locklear and jennifer anniston all the time. some furniture might get rearranged but i don't think i'd ever bump my head. well, my noggin.

(Submitted by germaniac )

boy oh boy...I hope I'm blind for that, too. JUST KIDDING. I KID 'CAUSE I LOVE! It's WHAT I DO!

(Submitted by Dal )

wow

(Submitted by mr. rodgers )

would you like to be my neighbor?

(Submitted by germaniac )

wow upside down is mom! and Mom upsie down is just how dad likes her!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

I'm wondering how to get upsie down. Does it involve a sponge of any kind?

(Submitted by Dad )

Afterwards...

(Submitted by germaniac )

D'oh! Smited by my own typo!

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey lieu - perhaps you could ask Der to loan you his sponge - you could use strap it on as a, erm, 'buffer' in case you did walk into any furniture...just a thought

(Submitted by in lieu of wipes )

just the act of strapping it on wood cause me to have to sit down and smoke a cigarette (and i don't even smoke).

(Submitted by lieu )

but i like you thinking with your head, abi. and to dad and yer a maniac, you guys/gals are killing me.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Li'l Lieu Lieu, Was your misspelling of wood an INTENTIONAL pun?

(Submitted by lieu )

the only thing i didn't do on purpose was to have written a couple of childrens books.

(Submitted by nicole brown's dad )

hey, you got chocolate in my peanut butter!

(Submitted by lieu )

if y'all are looking to pick up some bad habits, you'll need to speak with terry. you'll likely find him @ saint alfonzo's monastary for wayward nuns. just ask for mother mediocre.

(Submitted by Terry )

Just make sure you bring your own REESES...the only kind of meat we're allowed to eat is nun.

(Submitted by Terry )

...and if Mother Mediocre isn't in, ask for Mother Effer.

(Submitted by germaniac )

I hear she's a BAD MOTHER! Shut your mouth!

(Submitted by in lieu of toe jams )

did y'all hear about about the girl who went back to her dorm room late one night to get her books before heading to her boyfriend's dorm room for the night. she entered, but did not turn on the light, knowing that her roommate was sleeping. she stumbled around the room in the dark for several minutes, gathering books, clothes, toothbrush, etc. before finally leaving. the next day, she came back to her room to find it surrounded by police. they asked if she lived there and she said yes. they took her into her room, and there, written in blood on the wall, were the words, "aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?" her roommate was being murdered while she was getting her things. the point being, light bulbs are on sale this week at walmart. cheers!

(Submitted by Terry )

...and just remember guys, beauty is only a light switch away.

(Submitted by over the benny hill )

what did monty python mean by "nun shall pass"?

(Submitted by in lieu of relaxation )

if you give a vow of silence, can you never eat beans or broccoli again?

(Submitted by Sparky )

I wonder if the used a SPONGE to clean up the mess, and then got the FILM DEVELOP (ed), like some OTHER people I know (who shall remaim nameless..*coughDerekcough*)

(Submitted by johnny (what is your) quest )

what did cabbage patch dolls used to do when you squeezed them? were they bilingual?

(Submitted by Reese Sponge )

I was cleaning my Beretta this morning, and it went off and pierced a box of Apple Jack's sitting on the Kelvinator...does that make me a...

(Submitted by lieu )

cereal killer?

(Submitted by dumbass )

what's a kelvinator?

(Submitted by Reese Sponge )

I knew I could count on lieu...Kelvinator is an OLD refrigerator...kinda like a Norge...oh no, I'm dating myself, and not like usual...

(Submitted by rosy palm )

i dated myself once but now i'm just friends.

(Submitted by in lieu of crimes of passion )

oh, a cold-assed cereal killer.

(Submitted by good night )

oh my lord, of course.

(Submitted by FOX )

My god those receipts are close together. So did we all get a nice trick or maybe a treat last night? I handed out candy to over a hundred little ghouls and goblins, ands then my boyfriend fell asleep so I didn't get my treat.Maybe that was the trick.

(Submitted by madcow )

I can't believe I read every single one of these things. This page is so wacky! But of course I'm jealous that I didn't think of it first! :)

(Submitted by Freud )

You gonna scan those pictures and post them for us Derek? And as usual Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by Little Moth )

Somebody else is using my name.

(Submitted by Merlin )

i believe that there was a commandment about using someone's name in vain - although i'm not too sure if it was little moth ! Lets see, *dropping hammer on foot* for little moth sake ! umm, still not too sure ...

(Submitted by Sean )

It was Madonna's daughter Merlin, as in, "Do not take the Lourdes name in vain"

(Submitted by Merlin )

I have been trying to think of a witty reply concerning Tiger Lily, Peaches, Trixie Fifibelle, but I can't be bothered ! any way it's only been a few weeks since there mother died ...

(Submitted by dumbass )

huh?

(Submitted by ? )

there where?

(Submitted by Merlin )

sorry my US friends, see lack of knowledge of other cultures works both ways (ie Abi asking what are Reeses?) They are the children of Bob Gedolf (ex BoomTown Rats) and Pauls Yates (ex as in deceased) and ex-ex of Michael Hutchings (ex as in also deceased)

(Submitted by Colon Powerful )

Oh, now it's clear.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Rock stars...as a rule...should never be able to name their own offspring.

(Submitted by in lieu of alice )

yeah, they might come up with something like dweezil or moon unit one.

(Submitted by Soon Yi )

But Chastity sure grew up nice...

(Submitted by lieu )

if yoko had married sonny and then u2's singer, she could be yoko ono bono bono. naw, that would make her seem silly.

(Submitted by germaniac )

And let's not forget the possibility of adding Hawaiian pop star Henry Kapono and his other musician, the single named Lono. Yoko ono bono bono lono kapono

(Submitted by germaniac )

Uh oh...don't say that last phrase twice in succession. I've just been turned into a newt.

(Submitted by FOX )

Being on hold sucks!!!

(Submitted by lieu )

so that's who you are! i can't click on the names w/o netscape blowing away. that sucks too.

(Submitted by in lieu of peace and quiet )

abi, i was across the pond back in the 80`s and saw something in a window i've never forgotton. it was little packets of "dr. windbreaker's fart powder - guaranteed to produce results to the amazement of friends and family alike." do you think you could be a dear and pick me up a case or two? keep some for yourself if you'd like.

(Submitted by colon powerful )

i like to follow large people around walmart and make beeping noises whenever the take a step back. is that wierd? either that or spray everything they touch with a can of lysol.

(Submitted by FOX )

Here's a question for ya'll. If you could be an article of clothing for one day, what would it be and why?

(Submitted by Terry )

Ladies panties...not the best thing in the world, but next to the best.

(Submitted by in lieu of poop panties )

ha ha! i'd be one of those one-piece ski suits that you don't wear anywhere except for the slopes. me thinks that's the only way i'll get there this year. either that or one of those really bitchin' walgreeter vests.

(Submitted by walfix )

now you're making me think. you know, that outfit the gimp wore was pretty cool...

(Submitted by ? and the mysterians )

how 'bout you, fox?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

I would be a nanner skin. Nature's clothes.

(Submitted by mellow yellow )

i'd be a non-wonder bra in the hope that my cups would runneth over.

(Submitted by FOX )

How about Bill Clinton's belt. Then you would know the absolute truth about how he's ballin'.

(Submitted by FOX )

Excuse me, that's WHO he's ballin'. Fumble fingers here.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

i would be a tool belt

(Submitted by germaniac )

a rubber glove...just imagine the places you'd go!

(Submitted by FOX )

Yeah but you may end up somewhere you don't want to be. Most people wear rubber gloves when they do icky stuff.

(Submitted by lieu )

uggggh! and i always thought space was the final frontier.

(Submitted by germaniac )

perhaps I'm a gal who's into icky stuff...wink wink

(Submitted by lieu )

every time i go in my walmart this one elderly greeter stares, grinning, at me for a while, and then announces: "i've got new socks on!" i guess i should be thankful that's not all he's wearing.

(Submitted by Jean Luc Picard )

To boldy go where no man has gone before. And of course remember the prime directive..always wear clean underwear. No wait that's what my mom told me. What was that now.

(Submitted by in lieu of logic )

i was in walmart buying weenies for a cookout the other day and discovered that they come in 10 packs while the buns come in 8s. what the hell? i've got to buy 40 before they'll come out right. maybe some of you gals can handle multiple weenies but i had to call 39 other friends.

(Submitted by Sparky )

If I was Adam, and Eve was wearing a fig leaf, I'd wear a hole in the fig leaf.

(Submitted by FOX )

Multiple weenies would be good on occasion, but not all the time.

(Submitted by susan )

I'm lost for words. But then I guess it's already been said when it comes to this site anywa

(Submitted by Susan )

By the way, Derek, do all these WalMart cashiers know you by name now? I hope so. Or I hope not. One or the oth

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

.. or as the obituary in the Guardian said, "Paula Yates was a survivor."

(Submitted by Merlin )

BalmainBoy isn't that weird - I left you with Paula Yates and guess what ? when i returned this morning, you've passed her right back to me ! perhaps the guadian was right she IS a survivor but only in the sense that we won'r stop talking about her .... now thats a thought !

(Submitted by Abi )

I was wondering if anyone knows where melon went to? I always had a soft spot for melon....

(Submitted by Merlin )

abi, your house not developed a moat over the past couple of days ? wouldn't bother me though, wizards are ratehr like gods and walk on water ! what type of melon do you prefer ?

(Submitted by Terry )

AARRRRGGGHHHHHH...TOO...EASY.. .MUST...NOT...MAKE...MELON...J OKE...

(Submitted by Abi )

Merlin - you haven't been doing your homework have you? If you go back over the receipts you'll see that melon used to post little pearls of wisdom. Terry - I don't know WHAT you mean, too easy.......

(Submitted by Merlin )

go on, i could do with cheering up after the morning i'm having !

(Submitted by Merlin )

Oooh, you're getting all strict with me ! Have I been a naughty wizard, Miss Abi ? I think I deserve to be punished ! PS perhaps you would be so kind as to tell me what you are wearing as you inflict whatever punishment you think fit ;-) ;-P

(Submitted by Terry )

Sorry, must be an American thing...any guy who's lived on a farm in the south, especially if you have an ugly sister, knows the wide variety of uses of the melon.

(Submitted by Merlin )

oh i see, and i suppose that if you want it hot and steamy, then you add a pinch of cajun spice !

(Submitted by Merlin )

oh i see, and i suppose that if you want it hot and steamy, then you add a pinch of cajun spice !

(Submitted by in lieu of honeydew )

i worked summers thru college packing melons in south and west texas. i hope our melon didn't get crated off somewhere. whether he was sliced or balled up, whoever took a bite outta him in gonna be in for some juicy thoughts.

(Submitted by Merlin )

are ten pin bowling balls also used ? personal enjoyment and the company of two of your best friends as well ... think about it !

(Submitted by lieu )

insn't it strange that the guy that won the survivor contest is the one person that won't be reproducing?

(Submitted by Merlin )

i take it it's something to do with teh Darwin awards ?

(Submitted by lieu )

where is everybody today? am i going to have to sprinkle catnip on a dog's testicles again for entertainment? i think i'll blindfold him too this time. *whistle, whistle* "here boy."

(Submitted by Scarface )

...and that his name is "Dick" Hatch...wouldn't you have to sit on one to make that happen?

(Submitted by lieu )

darwin, eh? yeah something like that except this richard guy likes to explore the origin of feces.

(Submitted by Abi )

lieu - I'm just sitting here - listening in - I'm still searching for your powder, but it'll be on it's way!!

(Submitted by in lieu of solitary entwinement )

thanks cakes. you're the best. seen dal or chiq or germ or suz or fox or ter or etc? (soft spot was funny)

(Submitted by FOX )

HELLLLO EVERYBODY! How's it swinging today. Friday is here and the weekend is upon us once again. Anyone have any plans for the weekend?

(Submitted by germaniac )

My big plans are sitting around contemplating back surgery. I know that's not a funny response...but I'm now obsessed with it.

(Submitted by don ho )

get laid.

(Submitted by Abi )

hey lieu - perhaps everyone's gone away for a long weekend? Hi fox! (I've been told before I've got a funny soft spot - but that's another story!!)

(Submitted by FOX )

Back surgery is not so bad. My dad had it done. The thing he noticed is that his back pain is gone. As for getting laid it's deer hunting season so I'm on my own, none for me. :(

(Submitted by lieu )

i had back surgey so i could continue to dance wildly to rammstein and carry my mac w/ me wherever i go. don't give me shit, that just me.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Unless you run into a handsome young buck

(Submitted by germaniac )

don't make fun of me lieu!...although you have described me exactly. God bless Macintoshes and Till Lindemann!

(Submitted by lieu )

just wait till dear season.

(Submitted by FOX )

*giggling* good one germaniac. I'm not the one going hunting, but if he sees a buck I hope he shoots it. That way he will be home next weekend. Maybe I think they can get more than one.

(Submitted by lieu )

absolutely not. loved the rythm of your bio. i too have a mac at home and altho i prefer zepplin, i did hear ramm once and can definately understand the appeal. rock on.

(Submitted by germaniac )

:) thanks lieu. I was beginning to wonder if you were simply a psychic or perhaps...eyebrow raised...a STALKER.

(Submitted by Coach )

Germ, he's not a stalker, but ass talker (see above reference to butt powder) Spill checkerz caint git it awl...

(Submitted by in lieu of briefs )

i feel so naked when y'all talk about me. anybody got a large fig leaf or tool belt can borrow?

(Submitted by RESQ )

now that we have all these, what it the total of all these? You cant tell me that no one has added these up yet!! another thing I noticed is that the prices dont seem to be falling. Hmmmmmmmmmmm....false advertising with proof

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

i wonder if derek has ever returned anything there. can you inagine the look on his face when they asked if he had kept his receipt?

(Submitted by Resq )

I figured out the reesee's-- you are trying to lure ET in with them arent you?! Well when you do can you have him phone me

(Submitted by Dalliance )

*stumbling in after a delightful night of bartop dancing* Hot damn!!

(Submitted by Dally )

*bumping into the coffee table falling into something..unzipping my knee-high boots* Wot the hell is this..oh..oh yeah...er..Resq...it's all in a 2 seperate databases..databasi.. via lexicOn and Aunt Beru. lieu, yes, Derek returned something once a long time ago..can't remember..a printer was it D? Paula Yates *was* a survivor. To Paula.

(Submitted by Dal )

long live the spirit of those that fight the good fight. Merlin...you're starting to get intriquing.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Dally, looks like you need a pick me up...how about some reeses and a mtdew?

(Submitted by lieu )

i like to pour mt dew into those little hospital "sample" cups, down it in front of the nurse and catch her as she faints. that and cat juggle.

(Submitted by germaniac )

when my aunt was in the hospital, I was sent by the nurse INTO the hallowed supply room to fetch ice. By god if the place wasn't packed to the rafters with sample cups that I wanted so badly to steal for my parties.

(Submitted by in lieu of percussion sections )

well, if you took them all then they certainly couldn't get pissed about it, could they? your parties sound like all the rave! did they have those chamber pots in the closet too? that's what i always think of when i hear an advertisement for chamber music. i honestly think i'd prefer my own.

(Submitted by lieu again )

how about a chamber choir? what's up whiff that?

(Submitted by melissa )

hey whats up? its the first tiem i've been here, i saw your site in the december issue of 17 magazine and thought it was kinda quirky so checked it out. one question...why do you go to walmart so often?? do you even shop any where else?

(Submitted by lieu )

all his shorts are bermuda and his socks are black so he must, by law, go there.

(Submitted by ha )

hey terry, did you see that in the december issue of 17?

(Submitted by . )

what the?

(Submitted by germaniac )

Right beside it was the article "25 Way Cool Facts You Never Knew About Derek"

(Submitted by top 25 )

#1. the shoe DOES fit.

(Submitted by Teary )

Hell no, my girlfriend's too young for that mazagine.

(Submitted by blair )

lieu- sponge worthy.. hahaha seinfeld

(Submitted by Terry )

BTW, Resq, if you'll notice the price of MT DEW originally was $1.07, and as recently as the last receipt, it has dropped to an all time low of $0.88. Sorry to contradict you're earlier statement, but we just can't have people besmirching the good WAL*MART name...that, and I like using the word "besmirch" I dunno, it just sounds dirty...

(Submitted by rainy )

is that why you people besmirched me out of your wonderful little wal*tart clique? *whimper*

(Submitted by onevan )

you people are freaks!

(Submitted by Tripod )

I am here, I am here, I am here

(Submitted by lieu )

you wern't besmirched out, rainy. i think folks were just trying to impress the importance of respecting one's privacy. welcome back.

(Submitted by Drew the popular princess )

HERE'S THE STORY: Derek lured the little children in with Reese's on All Hallow's Eve, chopped them up into small pieces (thus making "Reese's Pieces"...Ha, Ha, Ha), and swiped the blood up with the sponges! Of course we have the pictures to prove it!

(Submitted by cherrycoke )

mr. wonka, verooka stole the gobstopper

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

THANKS FOR DEVELOPING THE PICS FROM OUR PRIVATE LITTLE FASHION SHOW!

(Submitted by sand )

Why is it that the largest and boldest thing on the entire receipt is how many items are sold? i am trying to figure it out but it goes right over my head. the only explaination is for those people that stand at the doors of stores and look in your bag to see all that you have. well i hate to break it to you but where I live we dont have those folks at walmart. one can march right out the door with no stoping. I am guessing that in Fargo, there also lacks this security measure. But what if they do have it. Dig this...what if some old man is walking aways from the register after he's bought 6 items, and he drops his brand new hat that still has the tag on it, from he earlier visit to the hat shop that same day. (let me remind you he is old, he can think to tear off the tag.) Frustrated he throws his hat in the bag and proceeds out the door when some young punk chick working at the "check the receipt before people leave" station stops him to search his bag. She is eager to move up in the company and is always looking out for robbers, especially those who are in disguises (and old man buying a hat raises much suspician) So the young punk chick stops the old man for having seven items in his bag!!! Police come, arrest him, he goes to jail for life, and America quickens its pace down the hole. Moral...make the item number smaller....better yet dont put it on the receipt and fire young punk chicks

(Submitted by Carolina )

More Reese's. Mmmmm...

(Submitted by gweduck )

Did anyone notice that he bought the candy at 5:00 pm on Halloween? Did he totally forget about Halloween? And no costume this year. Must of made his own. Dri-bottoms, clay saucers, glue, potting soil .......