Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by Button )

I can't be first can I ???

(Submitted by Cookie )

well i'm glad to know u'll be quite fresh when u browse ur pictures! :-D

(Submitted by Chalin )

I'm sure Matt Krieg would be thrilled to know his name is on the net! ;)

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Derek, so glad to see you got your VNYL RPAIRED!! I remember when I got mine done, I was very excited too. Glad to see you captured that special moment. Truly, a Kodak Moment. And DANG! Derek, you made 17 Magazine??? Did I not tell you people that Derek was a total Throb?? *waiting anxiously for the Jan. issue of Tiger Beat*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

thinking it over...4 rolls of film? thinking your moment must have been extra long...*smiling and popping a swedish fish in my mouth* Yummy.

(Submitted by Dizziewizzy )

Just what was on those 4 rolls of film?? That's what I'd like to know...

(Submitted by Death )

Look bihind you cos this is now ARG ARG ARG ARG ARG ARGGGGHHHHH SCREAMMMMMMM AH ! AH! AH! AH! RACHOOOOO WIJDIIII

(Submitted by iamstupid )

what's the point?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

*9th poster shuffle*

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Sumpthin' tells me there's going to be a whole photo album of Destiny's Halloween cosutme this year. I just hope Der didn't make the costume out of VNYL (sometimes, men just don't know how to dress the fairer sex).

(Submitted by Terry )

But we do know how to UNDRESS them...and take pictures...

(Submitted by Cool Hand Terry )

Deordorant???

(Submitted by Andrea and Dave )

Hey we went to Walmart today too. We bought nails and a rotissarie.

(Submitted by Erica )

Wow! This is a funny site! I read about it in Seventeen magazine and just had to check it out! Are you a very bored person or are you just...just...creative?!

(Submitted by EMH_Mark3 )

?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I'm with ya derek. When I wear that black vinyl for the photo shoots, I tend to perspire.

(Submitted by Erin )

Wal-mart sucks...go to K-Mart...now that is a quality store!! HAHA get a life and move on from these crappy receipts!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Just once I wish someone would come up with something more orginal than the same old "get a life." Somebody wash out Erin's mouth with that DEORDORANT.

(Submitted by Sparky )

I got a better idea...and it involves strategic usage of VNYL RPAIR.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

You advertise in 17 magazine, you get stuck with the demographic *sigh* OK Emma, Erin, Erica & Edith, 25 questions on "How can I tell if my braces are turning him off" : (1) Does he admire his reflection in them?

(Submitted by glowworm )

I know, don't people realize how stupid it sounds to post about how people visiting a site have no life......when you obviously are visiting this site too?

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Just thought I'd throw this in for all you sports nuts .. the result of the Rugby Union internationals yesterday: at Edinburgh Scotland 53 USA 6. In Paris:, Australia 18 France 13

(Submitted by Freud )

Screw Mushu and the Compubank he rode in on.

(Submitted by Freud )

Erin, do you really use your real email addres here? Or is this made up.Erin61985@aol.com

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

(2) Does he hold his Boy Scout compass in front of your mouth to see if the needle moves?

(Submitted by onevan )

I'll say it one more time: you peole are freaky! But the world loves you all the same.

(Submitted by onevan )

I'll say it one more time: you peole are freaky! But the world loves you all the same.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

(3) If you fall asleep in class, does he touch them with some tinfoil to see how high you jump?

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

That sounds like a line from a Pointer Sisters song...dramatic makeup, screamy pouty video, husky rising vocals, "does he touch them with some tinfoil to see how high you jump! jump, for my love! jump in! and feel my touch"......................................................................(perhaps that's a bit too arcane for our 17 visitors).....................................................................................

(Submitted by Merlin )

Just hope that Derek doesn't forget to vote on 7th November, anyone know if he's brought that copy of Toy Story 2 yet ? Do they put those "little pearls of wisdom" on all receipts in the US ? Remember to wash under your arms, don't forget to de-fluff your belly button, etc etc

(Submitted by Merlin )

I don't know if weare supposed to examine the receipts in great detail, but has anyone noticed that although he has 4 rolls of film developed, there are 3 different prices althought the product code is the same ! I think that you may have been over charged Derek ?

(Submitted by Merlin )

Damn, must try and get a PC in my cave, replying to posts the night before is getting me down ! Dalliance/Dally/Dal, please be careful girl, you carry on like that and you'll just fade away ! The poster girl formally known as 'D' ! Ok, then she was a survivor, but did you know that every one of us has a little bit of Paula ! Personally I have her right toe nail and file little bits off every now and then to sprinkle on my pizza !

(Submitted by germaniac )

Hey merlin...you get charged different if some of the pics don't come out. If you take 30 pics of a kid in vinyl trick or treating and only one of them comes out, you only pay for that one.

(Submitted by Merlin )

I'm concidering myself enlightened, thanks germaniac !. I had assumed that itworks the same over there as it is here, ie they rip you off ! Please don't ask about the lens cover !

(Submitted by germaniac )

OH don't get me wrong. We get ripped off...like crazy...just not in film developing.

(Submitted by Joe Lieberman )

remember kids, if you elect me and my boss, we're going to do our best to clean up Hollywood and the Internet so you don't have to be bothered with nasty sex and swearing any more!

(Submitted by al gore )

i invented nasty sex andswearing.

(Submitted by in lieu of "g.a.l." )

good ones, balmain man. you're helping us all bracefor the upcoming onslaught ofprepubescent pearls ofwisdumb. woe is we. aren'tyoung girls suppossed tomature faster that youngboys? what does this recentspate of mental midgetry sayabout them???

(Submitted by Merlin )

If you COULD have a king/queen, who would you pick - who do you think sums up the spirit of the american people, and would be a good ambassor to the world, and who's children would following in there footsteps ?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I would be queen. And then I would kidnap the young, strapping prince William and make him my little love slave king. i'm sweating just thinking about it.

(Submitted by in lieu of royal somethings )

dick cheney and janet renowould get my vote, althoughtheir offspring would rivalcharles for most number ofbranches encountered fallingout of the ugly tree.

(Submitted by in lieu of a commander in briefs )

i just hope that howeverpeople vote, they look at themoral characteristics of thispresent administration and allthe embarassing and downrightdeceitful practices they'veemployed over the last painfuleight years and consider thatwhen voting the nextcandidates in. i, for one,have not been able to finish afull segment of the eveningnews since 1992 w/o having tochange the channel everytimeour commander-in-chief comeson because i find hisarrogant, egotistical,unprincipaled manner sooffensive that his voice justabout makes me hurl. i don'tthink his sidekick's muchbetter. no, this doesn't havemuch to do with walmart otherthan i'm sure al can find ajob as a greeter in somewalmart store where his liesand exaggerations will onlyresult in a few of us spendingseveral more minutes to find aproduct instead of extendingthis national pain for anotherfour years. jeez, i swear i'mmoving to canada if wecontinue along thismisdirected path. sorry der,eight years of pent-upfrustration andhumiliation... i'd honestlyprefer ralph!

(Submitted by I agree, Lieu )

I invented the internet. Ididn't know it was a fundraiser. I believed him aboutMonica. Tipper and I were theinspiration for Love Story. Ifound Love Canal. Lies aboutBush's record, support forlegislaton regarding healthcare, abortion, SocialSecurity, etc, etc, etc. Evenhis OWN campaign managerswarned hime he had troublewith the truth. Does he notlike who he is?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I'm currently hearing news of some violent hooligans invading a TARGET in California I believe. MATT KRIEG, CHORE BOY! BE ON YOUR GUARD, DON'T LET WALMART SUFFER A SIMILAR FATE!

(Submitted by Dalliance - Poster Child )

Merlin, me, Dalliance, fade away?? Hell no, I'm just warming up, Babe...*cracking my knuckles* ah...germaniac, you sound like a woman after my own heart...that Prince William would make a delicious love slave, would he not? Now, lieu, about the moralities of politics..I say fuck that, just give me a leader, and whatever you say about Clinton- the man can LEAD...Democratic, Republican, etc....they ALL lie about some things, let's not be naive Americans about it..what we need are ones that lie well and for good reason...it's part of the talent needed to lead a nation in today's world. Personally, what scares me, is that both Bush (hello, we are not in Texas, anymore, pal) and Gore (somebody please put a sock in his mouth) are pathetic leaders. Can you say "shit creek"? (to our 17 year old visitors..sorry for the profanity..cover your eyes, m'kay)

(Submitted by ash )

Now I know how to get in the next issue of seventeen, but i don't have that much time on my hands.

(Submitted by germaniac )

I know how to get into seventeen, too! Starve myself and get the same clothes and haircut as everyone else! totally kewl, peeps!

(Submitted by Dally )

*sliding off my soap box* well, at least now my toenails are clean...I feel like getting crazyyyyy..germaniac, have you met Andre yet? He's a total ledge...Andre!!!!! Somebody!!! I could go for a good Tim Tam right now.

(Submitted by lieu, dal's pal )

i agree to a point, dal, but iwould like someone in therethat i respect. since georgeand al both are somewhatlacking in that regard, let'slook at the #2 guys. cheney,hands down.

(Submitted by germaniac )

cheney? Why not vote for ralph? If everyone who said "I'd vote for Nader if it meant anything" voted for him...it would mean something!

(Submitted by lieu cyfer )

is the vyny rpair anythinglike the grim reaper? maybehe'll get home and won't havea couch or any underwear left.

(Submitted by germaniac )

hey all, I know this is geeky and off topic, but since y'all are so cool and kind of on my wavelength, I thought you'd maybe want to glance at my webpage sometime when you're trying to kill fifteen minutes...www.jarbaby.com

(Submitted by frenchillada )

i'd surely vote for acheney/nader ticket. i wonderif ralph would consent to acabinet post. me thinks he'dmake an EXCELLENT secretary ofthe interior, the top chair atFEMA, or something along thatvein.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

If there's enough character spaces for FILM DEVELOP, whyizzit they didn't fully spell out VINYL REPAIR.

(Submitted by frenchillada )

walmart needs to hire one ofyou guys/gals that can type toenter their receipt itemlisting codes. scratch that,it's half the fun.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

I mean, even if they couldn't spell VINYL, surely those dumassi (plural for dumass? or should I just use DMASES) could spell REPAIR.

(Submitted by lieu )

instead of shorthand they useshortbrain.

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

jen, have you ever listened tojennifer juniper by lou reed? check it out sometime. bitchin' tune...

(Submitted by louis farrakan )

i'm at www.tarbaby.com.

(Submitted by george wendt )

www.barbaby.com for moi.

(Submitted by High Horse )

Would everybody please get down off of me. My back hurts.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Never heard it, but I am a big fan of Lola by The Kinks.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

I'm votin' for the nanner. No question about it.

(Submitted by a bygone conclieusion )

oh, the guy with a peel. goodchoice. he's slicker than catsnot!

(Submitted by FOX )

I would vote for leiberman/chaney, but this time it comes down to the lesser of two evils. I couldn't george b. the first so I won't make up my mind until tommorow in the booth. I was thinking maybe a write in vote for the energizer bunny. He would keep going anyway. By the way almost all of the former Pres. have had at least one indescretion of some kind. So clinton wasn't alone in his antics.

(Submitted by Weymond Denson )

Here in D-town all our customers are armed so they wouldn't get away with no hostage taking shit here.

(Submitted by Mel )

I read about this page in the seventeen mag, and I just couldn't believe it, I'm a great Wal*Mart associate, and I was just wondering if anyone ever added up the amounts of all the receipts to see exactly how much this guy has spent there in the last three years!!!

(Submitted by rainy )

germaniac--just checked out your site. i have to say that i'm intrigued! i have inspiration for a similiar site of my own now! thanks!!!:)

(Submitted by rainy )

by the way, i was visitor #392

(Submitted by Hi I had fish for lunch but I couldn't eat it all so my mom grew an orange in the microwave and the orange and fish fought and the orange won so I ate the orange. )

I'm sorry for all those mean things I said about the human race earlier. Yes, I really would save you from the evil fish people, no matter what I say...

(Submitted by Evil fish person )

You just try and save the human race. Hehe, after this election when the evil fish leader wins and gets into the white house, you puny humans will taste our fishy wrath!!!And no, I wont tell you which candidate is really an evil fish person in diguise.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

3:30PM and Rooting King wins the 2000 Melbourne Cup !!!

(Submitted by Sunkist )

what the hell is the Melbourrne Cup??Is this a message board or a chat room? I guess the lines get a little blury here...

(Submitted by Allicat2287 )

Hey derek it is nice to know that you have good hygiene and can take pictures! Rock On with ya bad self

(Submitted by Abi )

Chiq - I'm with you, if I was in the US I'd vote for the nanner!!

(Submitted by Abi )

Chiq - I'm with you, if I was in the US I'd vote for the nanner!!

(Submitted by E. A. P. )

Is there an election or something coming up...Jeez, you'd think they'd mention it on the news or something...

(Submitted by Merlin )

Vote for none of the above !

(Submitted by Abi )

I seem to be repeating myself a lot today....

(Submitted by Merlin )

Don't worry about it Abi, these thing happen as we get older ! ;-)

(Submitted by Merlin )

Don't worry about it Abi, these things happ ... umm, haven't I been here before ? *Merlin the wizard, psoting on a normal day but today wasn't going to be normal, today he was about to enter the twilight zone ...*

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Merlin you keep making comments like that, and YOU won't be getting older...does WAL*MART sell MRLN RPAIR?

(Submitted by Merlin )

I don't know - do I need it ? You don't want to hurt me do you, I'm a friendly wizard - I make potions for everybody !

(Submitted by Andy )

I believe Jennifer was alluding to the fact that it's considered inappropriate to reference a woman's age in any manner. Especially the old broads...they tend to get pissed.

(Submitted by Veronica )

I didn't mind the indescretionnear so much as the fact hekept looking us in the faceand blatently lying about it. And, you know, he wasn't very"indescreet", the dumbass. Now Mr. Gore's doing the samething. Not only is lying nota "virtue", he's lying to US,the people he wants to trusthim! How fucked up is that? Now Derek (may I call youthat?), I think you have areal winner here. Have youever thought about running foroffice? How abot you and Mr.Nanner? (Who's Nanneranyway?)

(Submitted by lieu )

tisk, tisk merlin. didn't youlearn anything inkindergarten? besides, abi,like dal and chiq andgermaniac and terry (no,strike terry) and all theother fems posting here arebabes... you can tell by theirconfident cyber-voices. kindalike the original lassies in anon-canine sense. they needno fountains of youth, justgood podiums. where is mel,pray tell, and not elmo andbalman and etc...? my, thissite is getting popular. justwait until cosmo get's hold ofit!

(Submitted by Terry )

Just don't strike me in the head...either one.

(Submitted by jimmy hoffa )

mkay

(Submitted by jimmy hoffa )

i have a few concrete reasonswhy i won't be voting today.

(Submitted by Abi )

lieu - thank you for your chivalrous words - you mean Terry's not a feminist *gasp* how could I have been so wrong!

(Submitted by Terry )

I've only got two...

(Submitted by Merlin )

The questions is whats the "magic" age when a woman stops trying to look older and starts trying to look younger ?

(Submitted by Abi )

I guess I was struck dumb by lieu's chivalry.....

(Submitted by lieu )

what's chivalry? i was justtrying to get lucky.

(Submitted by Debby )

Two what?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Veronica, all of the nanner people love you. Finally, someone is giving the nanner the respect it deserves. Mr. Nanner! I love it. *heart swelling with pride* Veronica, here, have a swedish fish! *struggling to get swedish fish out of Dal's clutches*

(Submitted by germaniac )

Does...everyone's screen look weird? Or is it just me? remember kids...voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil! Vote Nader! Rainy, thanks for visiting the site!

(Submitted by Abi )

lieu - you sure you & Terry weren't separated at birth??

(Submitted by Merlin )

You have weevils ? I've been trying to find those for one of my potions for ages, do you think you can let me have one *arm stretched out waiting*

(Submitted by lieu )

germaniac, my screen looks fine. uh oh, you didn't take the brown acid did you? no, i think you would have taken the green stuff. yes, the geometry is going thru a slight "ebonic adjustment." yours is a nice site too and i hope it does well. especially like the name! and kids, just remember, flipping al one bird is worth two nanners in the bush.

(Submitted by Terry )

Two reasons not to vote...it would have made sense if Abi hadn't screwed up the site...

(Submitted by germaniac )

Hey! I saw two nanners in a bush once! I love german porn.

(Submitted by in lieu of one )

maybe. i was wondering where this extra organ came from.

(Submitted by Abi )

you looking for a fight Terry??

(Submitted by lieu )

sorry abi, my last comment was in response to your earlier question (even if you did screw up the site.)

(Submitted by talk show hostess cup cake )

when's that oprah gonna be separated at girth?

(Submitted by just curious )

if oprah fell over in the forest and no trees were left standing, would a bare pope be there to hear it?

(Submitted by germaniac )

if oprah fell over in a forest would all of her cult followers fall down too? Or just keep reading crappy books?

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

A bear and a rabbit were in the woods, when the bear asked the rabbit if he had trouble with crap sticking to his fur, The rabbit replied "no", so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

(Submitted by lieu )

if oprah was bare in the woods, would the pope poot all over himself, especially since we'd all run away?

(Submitted by Merlin )

Did you know thats not just a joke but a very useful peice of advice about how to survive if you ever find yourself in the woods miles from anywhere ! You learn to adapt to your surroundings and use anything that comes to hand ...

(Submitted by "9 finger" bill )

i ate lunch too close to oprah one day...

(Submitted by Terry )

Holy sh*t...talking bears and rabbits! (Sorry Abi...let's be friends...here's a chicken leg.)

(Submitted by when hostesses go postal )

it's a good thing oprah doesn't get high. can you imagine her with the munchies? geez, that'd be like nightmare on twinkie street. then talk about a lot of windfree... aaurgghhh!

(Submitted by Merlin )

Bears, rabbits, chicken legs, this wizard just happens to be vegetarian !!!!!!!!

(Submitted by Terry )

BTW Derek, nice job with the WBST RPAIR...

(Submitted by lieu )

yeah, now if only abi won't SCRW UP AGIN...

(Submitted by oprah )

i'm going to the desert bar for happy hours.

(Submitted by germaniac )

the desert bar? I suppose you have to bring your OWN drinks to that one.

(Submitted by DALLIANCE )

ATTENTION: AM I THE ONLY ONE TO REALIZE THAT WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH A VISIT FROM MELON IN DISGUISE?! *doing a happy melon wiggle dance* The Evil Fish People Beware! A lick to all my lovey friends...Abi, Chicqa, germaniac, lieu-lieu, Terrence, Balmain...as to you Merlin, I'm still getting a feel for you..*curtsy* Jennifer, you're funny, I like ya *doing some cartwheels across the room and landing on lieu head*

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey Terry - you really know how to warm the heart of an old broad! Thanks for the ckicken leg....

(Submitted by Dal )

Holy Cow, Abi, I think you have something there...Lieu and Terry...seperated at birth!! YES!!!! It explains everything! Wow! I've got wayyyyy too much energy today! We need a mini-tramp in here

(Submitted by Dally Hopping )

Abi you are a goddess...I'm the old broad in here..*dragging the mini-tramp (as in trampoline, wisenheimers)...setting in up just right..commencing to hop...hophophop**

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

By the way, Abs, if you wanna have a go at Terry, I'll be happy to hold him down for you while you wallop him good...*hop..sip..hop*

(Submitted by little baby bare )

this tramp is jeeeeest right...

(Submitted by Abi )

Dal - what're you on girl!...whatever it is can you send some over - right away!! Terry & lieu just need a good smack with a chicken leg *swinging said leg around wildly* did I get either of you??

(Submitted by Devil's Spawn )

Abi, I think an Evil Fish Person has invaded my body..I feel great!! *doing a hopping breast stroke*

(Submitted by germaniac )

come on over here and give ME a hopping breast stroke! Oh, was that out loud? ;)

(Submitted by in lieu of yardbird )

that's "snack" with a chicken leg. you missed us but hit oprah upside da head as she was chasing said leg.

(Submitted by Terry )

Aw, man...there's a visual that won't leave for a while...guess it'll be a liquid lunch today.

(Submitted by Terry )

Y'know Hummer, my dictionary defines "wallop" as "a heavy blow"...no need to hold me down for THAT!

(Submitted by lieutenant sanders )

barbara streisand makes me want to relinquish my lunch. what was brolin thinking? palimony? woah, did you see rosie leapfrog oprah to get to that chicken leg? must have been extra crispy.

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

tiger woods and the grinch who stole christmas.

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

janet reno and her x chromasomes

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

david duchovny and pepe le pew.

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

me and my foreskin.

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

yassar arafat and jerry stiller.

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

al gore and toonces.

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

sigfried & roy and beavis & butthead

(Submitted by joined at birth )

Oprah and a big greasy chicken leg

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

joe peschi and leona helmsley

(Submitted by joined at birth )

poop and poop panties

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

carmen miranda and chiquita's nanner.

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

batman's robin and dan quayle

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

abi and liz hurley.

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

donald trump and conan o'brien.

(Submitted by separated at birth )

Chore Boy and Buddy Lee

(Submitted by . )

haha, good'n!

(Submitted by seperated at birth )

lieu and a tweedie bird pez dispenser.

(Submitted by mother theresa )

way to go, buddy lee! you kicked that john randall seperated at birth looking guy's ass! you rock!!!

(Submitted by seperated and joined at birth )

rosie o'donnel and a pimple.

(Submitted by FOX )

Whaz'up?

(Submitted by susieonprozac )

Melon are you there......Or are you glued to the telly watching the yanks choose their next gopher?

(Submitted by bytheway )

By the way it's separated

(Submitted by FOX )

This day is going by so slooowly. I want to vote and go home. I think none of the above would be a good option. That way if enough people hated the choices they would have to pick new candidates. My biggest problem is I really don't care for any of them.

(Submitted by Hopalong Dalliance )

*boing* ... *boing* ......... *boing* ......................*boing* ................................................*boing* ............*crash*OW! this ceiling's too low!

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

I know I really shouldn't ask this but...why is there so much hoopla about voting for the President when it's Congress that has the power? Or am I just completely and irrevocably lameass dumb about the American political system? ...and a vnyl rpair to you too.

(Submitted by The man with a thousand spaces )

Just testing

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

Hmm...maybe deordorant is for the botty, rather than the underarms (think about). Yeah, go on, think about it. Listen you eland wibbling artichoke, just think about it!

(Submitted by Crystal Skarmy )

*~*~*~*~ OMG! I MADE IT THROUGH ALL 100+ RECIEPTS! I DUNNO ABOUT YOU BUT THIS SITE IS SOOO FUNNY! I GOT AGOOD LAUGH OUT OF IT AND HAD A LOTTA FUN. THANK YOU DEREK!! ROCK ON DUDE!! *~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~* WOOO!!! ROCK! PUNK ROCK!!

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Welcome Crystal...you've now become one of US...please relinquish (I learned that word earlier) the entire contents of your purse. (OK, just the corner of the bag will suffice)

(Submitted by Bronwyn Bishop )

Bob, I didn't burn your house down, but I tell you, I don't mind the look of David Oldfield in a diving suit. Wouldn't mind a bit of vnyl rpair there! Toot toot! Periscope up!

(Submitted by Bronwyn Bishop )

The only thing funnier than an Australian in-joke is an American one. Ha ha! Chortle chortle! Guffaw guffaw! Poke in the ribs poke in the ribs!

(Submitted by Little Moth )

I had the green acid..... I'm back...... back...... back.. back. Anybody got an Oprah leg to munch on. ::::flutter, flutter:::::

(Submitted by Bob Ellis )

Yeah Bronnie, like those yankees scratching their heads, wondering what kind of cup a 'melbourne' is. PS I've always admired that nice Tony Abbott. If only I had a son like him ...

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Ok Ms C. Skarmy, you want to be part of the club?? You want to hang out in our clubhouse???? THEN - your homework for tonight is to read through Derek's entire "I AM" site (http://jove.prohosting.com/~lifeof/iamread.cgi). You will report back to us with a 500-word essay on who said what and what they meant at the time (then at least someone will understand what the hell is going on!).

(Submitted by Merlin )

I'm still waiting for the result *sitting patiently tapping fingers on desk* I need to know who won ? Dalliance, as you can see i'm right next to the screen so "do I feel right yet?" *shuffling posterior even closer*

(Submitted by fnask )

wow... can't believe that people actualy visit this page... don't they have anything better to do? =)

(Submitted by Abi )

No we don't actually......thanks for asking.....

(Submitted by Merlin )

Touche - you're here ! Besides, haven't you heard of multi-tasking !

(Submitted by Merlin )

Hi Abi ! Your not going to cause problems again today are you - you've turned things red !

(Submitted by Mrs Campbell )

*blinking eyes, flapping smock, slowly rising from the fog* I think all has become clear......................... ............................

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

I keep forgetting who asks how much Derek has spent since day zero, but the answer is $5050.68 before tax, $5305.66 after tax. The early bird catches the worm. Hey lexic0n, are you still out there?

(Submitted by Abi )

no no, it wasn't me honest!

(Submitted by Merlin )

ok abi, i believe you *winking suggestivally* ! where is everyone ? bet there glued to there tv sets !

(Submitted by Terry )

You speak the truth, Oh Merlin.

(Submitted by Merlin )

As it all seems to depend on Florida, why not drop Gore and Bush into the middle of the Everglades wearing nothing but there political hat and the first one out .... I gonna start calling you Clint, from now on Terry as "you've made my day" - you've spoke to me ..... ;-)

(Submitted by Terry )

I bet Bush could use a drink right about now...

(Submitted by Merlin )

A bit early isn't it, Clint ? Gore's wife, Tipper, what kindas names that then eh ? Sounds like a dump truck !

(Submitted by Chiquita )

A nanner in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

You said a "mouthful" Chiquita.

(Submitted by Merlin )

How may is Gore worth ? As an aside, does the political views of those posting here reflect the views of the whole country ?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I guess it depends on what you mean when you say I Love Bush.

(Submitted by Merlin )

I think you've missed out the word "your" ...... ;-) And, I Love Gore has many meanings then !

(Submitted by Abi )

Merlin - just popped by to let you know that I'm also still glued to the TV - see ya later....

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Hey y'all! I just heard that Hillary appointed our very own Chore Boy & the Copmut as her aids. It's so exciting.

(Submitted by melon )

i think i saw my eyeball.

(Submitted by Dally in NYC )

Yes, Chicqa, it's true. Hil called this morning asking to speak to Copmut....He is so taciturn though, he never tells me what he's up to..only that sly, enigmatic tail wave...but today he struck a "pointing" stance so I suppose he has been officially appointed. Thus Spake Melon.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Merlin...I am beginning to feel the power of your magical wand..wave on! By the way, I wasn't Hopalong Dalliance *looking suspciously around the room for the Evil Fish People*

(Submitted by To the Swamp )

and Mer...the Everglades suggestion was indeed inspired. I say we do it!!!!

(Submitted by Merlin )

The power of my wand grows stronger each day ! Dalliance can i offer you a wave of it or would you prefer a potion ! eagerly awaiting a reply ... pant pant pant*

(Submitted by germaniac )

I could never resist a wizard with a strong wand. WAY TO GO CHORE BOY! He'll clean up this crazy nation.

(Submitted by Merlin )

Would you prefer me to turn then into toads or do you wish to remove there nanners instead ?

(Submitted by bytheway )

We go there. They're already gone. Their seats are empty. Der are's da white womens?

(Submitted by jackie chan )

i wood like to prick bush wif dis erection.

(Submitted by oprah )

*huff* damn tight-assed *puff* girdle...

(Submitted by lieu )

i was bored yesterday so i glued a stick of deordorant and a banana to the top of my car, put on my motorcycle helmet and took a 30 minute drive with my left turn signal on the whole time. you'd be amazed at how much room everybody gave me. do you use dial? don't you wish everybody did?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I was bored yesterday so I fiddled around with election results in Florida just to see what would happen...oh wait..I mean...damn...foiled again

(Submitted by telemarketer )

do you use dial? don't you wish everybody did?

(Submitted by fill in the blank )

i was bored yesterday so i screwed a young assistant. tomorrow my wife's getting paid to install unneeded carpet. isn't life wonderful?

(Submitted by oooh )

i'll bet the items in derek's vinyl repair kit and a nads hair removal kit look a lot alike; a tube of gel, an applicator and a patch. that could be dangerous for helen keller around bikini season.

(Submitted by Helen Keller )

Could someone please pick up my FILM DEVELOP for me?

(Submitted by FOX )

Here's a thought, if florida can't get it together. they should pit Gore against Bush in a fast paced pie eating contest.

(Submitted by Dalliance - Pleasure Pundit )

Sweet Jesus, the US of A is going to hell in a handbasket and you people are making HELEN KELLER jokes??? Have we not been smited enough??? What next? Locust? Damn, I need a cigar and a stiff one.

(Submitted by lieu )

i rather see a gore against a pie in a fast paced... uhmm... never mind.

(Submitted by lieu )

i've nothing against helen. hell, i carpool with stevie wonder, for christsakes.

(Submitted by curious in seattle )

which wood you like first, the cigar or the stiff one?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

teeheehee...loving that visual Fox! -- Bush: well, in Texass we don't tolerate whipped creme cause it leads young people to abortion and ya can't shoot it too good either... Gore: I invented pie crust.

(Submitted by what's a guy to do? )

i tried to work with stevie once but he just couldn't stay focused on the subject.

(Submitted by Dally )

Dear Seattle...both...concomitantly please

(Submitted by Mark Whalburg )

Who says you can't shoot whipped cream?

(Submitted by ray charles )

helen and stevie and i all voted in florida because their ballots are so easy to read.

(Submitted by Seattle )

Damn, another woman wanting commitment.

(Submitted by Madam Dalliance - Palm Reader )

I just read that thousands of voters in Palm Beach may have accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan instead of Al Gore. See what a mess you have on your hands when you put people from Palm Beach in a booth alone.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

I, like most of the Free World, did not get a vote on my new leader. If a salesman came to my door with a Bush, a Gore, a Nader and a Buchanan, I would send him away, and tell him not to come back till he had found a Trudeau or an Adenauer.

(Submitted by Bronwyn Bishop )

Mmm, Tony Abbott, he has such a big hairy chest, though he's going a little bald. He was a footie player, wasn't he? And you know what they say footie players have between their legs...and I'm not talking a lost five eighth either. Glory glory to South Sydney *urggh harumph sounds of struggle and string being drawn on large hessian bag*

(Submitted by Bob Ellis )

I'm sorry, Bronnie, I had to do it. All those toothless nursing-home inmates have me on their payroll. They have prescribed two weeks of kerosene baths at the Bide-a-wee correctional centre

(Submitted by rainy )

hey, can i ask you femmes an open question? are you supposed to shave your feet when you shave your legs?

(Submitted by Polynoidal Sinus )

The only hair that is considerable acceptable for a young lady to have is around her ears and on top of her head, all other is un-attractive and un-hygenic !

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Although, a well maintained landing strip never hurt anyone.

(Submitted by Merlin )

Umm, apart from Mr Nanner ! A sensitive soul he is ! A wizardy greeting to you Jennifer !

(Submitted by Mrs Campbel )

*a wan smile playing around her lips as the dewy waves o'erlap her slowly descending lustrous shell* I was wrong, I think that was just my sinuses clearing...................... ...............

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

The terminal at which Derek has made his highest average total purchase is number 9, but he has visited terminal number 7 most often. His highest average total purchase has been made during a very brief fling with operator number 1304, whom he only visited once (the cad!), spending $190.77. However, operator 602, the little minx, is still his favourite checkout consultant, clocking up nine saucy liaisons with her, with an average total purchase of only $30.08 (she may be cheap, but she's worth it, huh).

(Submitted by Terry )

To hell with the election results...Abi, still got some room in the garden for me to pitch my tent?

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey Terry - there is plenty of room in my garden....how big's the tent?

(Submitted by Terry )

There's room for two, and a picnic basket...

(Submitted by Yogi Bear )

There you go taking my picnic basket again.

(Submitted by band aid )

hey, boo boo.

(Submitted by Deputy Dawg )

Yogi, are you still smarter than the average bare ?

(Submitted by lieu )

hi abi. do you have a spare vacant lot where my tent can hang too. there was a revival in it last week and i can't get tammy fae to leave.

(Submitted by Abi )

Lieu - you'd be more than welcome, but thinking about it - you guys would be better off with a small inflatable, what with all the rain over here.....

(Submitted by Terry )

I had already planned on bringing my inflatable anyway...just in case.

(Submitted by lieu )

rainy, has excess foot hair become a problem for you? you know, if you live in a northern climate you really ought to just let it grow because it does enable one to walk on the snowpack more easily, just like the linx and sasquatch. if you're in the south or australia, might i suggest the application of a generous dollop of nads? as to southern veldts, jennifer, george and the mohawk indians have all got it right...

(Submitted by lieu )

same here regarding an inflatable. please understand, abi, that although i do call mine the embracable ewe, i was once a shephard. baaaa! holy cow, i better not forget the vnyl rpair kit either.

(Submitted by Frenchillada )

I imagine if Gore had won, all the Bush supporters would be claiming they'd "accidentally" voted for Buchannan too. Logic would have it that anyone dimwitted enough to make that mistake probably should not have been part of the voting electorate in the first place.

(Submitted by Bush sucks )

Right, Jeb.

(Submitted by Daniel Webster )

What a vocabulary! I'd hand it to you if you wern't already doing it to yourself.

(Submitted by Palmer )

Yes, but would it matter? Buchannan or Bush - same difference.

(Submitted by honest abe )

regardless of who wins, i'm just ready for it all to be over. at least the commercials are already. the one thing i'll miss though is getting to see al's daughter anymore. what a babe? she can sleep over in my bedroom for free anytime!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

That nitwit was me, lieu. And my vocabulary is sufficient, thank you very much..but hey, if the shoe fits. P.S. I'm not doing it myself anymore.

(Submitted by in lieu of criminal intent )

jeez dal, where did this touchy side come from? i thiught this was all suppossed to be in fun. i didn't know it was you but regardless, let's just say no to politics, mkay? sorry! *holding out olive branch* want some pizza (ny style)???

(Submitted by Dally )

Awww damn...and I was hoping we could wrassle *pouting and taking olive branch*

(Submitted by bad bad bad bad bad bad lieu )

i can't click on anybody's name without my browser crashing. anybody got a suggestion? (ha, i'm sure you have one for me, dal. i am sorry and was just trying to provoke responses from folks. forgive me?)

(Submitted by penitent lieu )

i'd indian leg wrassle you but i had supper at the "mi orifice loco" mexican restaurant last night and me thinks i'd gain an unfair advantage that would be hanging over you.

(Submitted by (dysen)Terry )

Welp...there goes lunch again...

(Submitted by not (soli)terry )

you sound like calista...

(Submitted by germaniac )

Anyone notice that the longer Derek deprives us of receipts, the naughtier we get? perhaps he's just into seeing us be dirty. Hey, I'll jump in the gutter first thing if that's his bag.

(Submitted by Marlin Perkins )

You know, I was squishing my bare toes in some dog vomit yesterday and started thinking about good times past and how... wait... sorry, wrong site.

(Submitted by or (sani)Terry )

Only when I use my fista.

(Submitted by (explori)Terry )

Speaking of fisting...Hey Germaniac!

(Submitted by frenchillada )

you're quite right, g! me thinks everyone makes wonderful banter of the new receipts while something new remains to be said, but eventually most of that will, like oprah squeezing into a girdle, become exhausted. that's one reason it's so nice to see all these new folks visiting the site - new perspectives and new disgusting realizations. i love the wierd stuff because it's the only input during my day that makes me feel somewhat "normal." back in the days when he was raising a young'un, the fodder was pretty easy. one of my favorites was that guy who thought used poop panties were being stored in an abandoned missle silo for use by the government in biological warfare testing. what the hell???

(Submitted by Dalliance )

*moaning softly*

(Submitted by germaniac )

You know what I always say Terry, a fist in the ass is worth two in the bush.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

oh sorry...that was in response to the naughty postings...*grinning*

(Submitted by Hummingbird )

WOOHOO!!!!

(Submitted by killing me hardly )

no no no no no, don't quit that moaning stuff. that was, err... i'll be right back...

(Submitted by (masturba)Terry )

Well, I didn't know that, G, butt thanks for the input...I'll be sure to make a mental note for future reference...

(Submitted by orifical results )

so fisticuffs is like black-tie anal sex?

(Submitted by germaniac )

Why don't you put on your tux, come on over and find out?

(Submitted by lieu )

you know, my faucet at home is a price-pfister. i'll not be drinking out if it anymore...

(Submitted by richard bo(o)ne )

have penguin, will travel

(Submitted by timekeeper )

man, it got quiet! did everybody go to the bathroom at once?

(Submitted by Timmy )

Are you sure there are no nuns at the south pole?

(Submitted by (ejacula)Terry )

No wonder it was so crowded in there.

(Submitted by germaniac )

I was busy pondering my faucet's capabilities

(Submitted by Timmy's little friend )

Ha Ha! Timmy screwed a penguin! Timmy screwed a penguin!

(Submitted by in lieu of bears )

when richard gere was a young boy and his mommy chose geranimals for him to wear, do you think she picked the matching gerbil outfits?

(Submitted by germaniac )

The problem with screwing penguins is once you get 'em on their stomachs, they start slip slidin' away

(Submitted by germaniac )

and once you're done, they give ya the cold shoulder! BWAHAHAHAA

(Submitted by lieu )

too wierd - i really did just get an email from m. pfister! ha - it's a customer satisfaction survey...

(Submitted by arctic knight )

i prefer the penguins on top so they can do that warm "egg between the leg" thing.

(Submitted by peewee herman )

will someone in ny please knock on dal's bathroom door?

(Submitted by Cellu loaf )

We were watching the new sequal the other night - Xeroxing John Malkovitch. I don't know, it didn't seem as clear as the original...

(Submitted by germaniac )

I rented the sequel: The Talented Mr. Kipling last night. It was good, but there were too many lemurs in it

(Submitted by lieu )

i didn't know whether to believe the first one, or not...

(Submitted by Drew smells like poo )

Personally, I think that 17 Magazine is just a bit to perky for this site. My theorem: Drew Stumbles Upon Something Cool ---> She Shares it with her Friends and Hopes that it doesn't Become that Popular on the Whole ---> Seventeen Magazine Publishes Something About it ---> Derek Becomes the Newest Member of Destiny's Child. WE NEED A PRESIDENT!!! SOMEONE CALL NADER!!!

(Submitted by water faucet of youth )

does walmart sell south park episodes? i lost it last night when the kids were making fun of their new teacher's name, ms. sucksoncocks, because it sounded like "smells like socks." or something thereabouts. haw haw, plato woulda gotton a kick out of these pranksters...

(Submitted by FOX )

That's Ms. Chokesondicks.Ahhh new southpark episodes. Finally!!!!!

(Submitted by in lieu of memory cells )

double ahhhh. thanks fox! *secret south park handshake and butt bump*

(Submitted by Blame it on Newton )

Boy, she had a set of mammaries, didn't she?

(Submitted by au(oral) borealass )

Speaking of Poles...I prefer the North one. G, you're a wild cat...you gotta come to NYC and visit..we could really wreak some serious havoc. Peewee, you're knocking on heaven's door, baby, you better have your cuffs with you if your coming my way.

(Submitted by the armpit and the pendulum )

yeah, they reminded me of those pendulums you see in a museum that over the course of a day will swing back and forth thru sand to illustrate the coreolis effect.

(Submitted by All my eggs in one basket )

artic knight...are you talking about the raw egg trick or the boiled egg trick?

(Submitted by Yogi Bear )

[jumping back to Dep. Dawg's post] Yes. And I'm also smarter than the average bush.

(Submitted by where's the dern key? )

you know how they keep their egg on tops 'o der feets and under that fold of skin? it's like it's in a circumcised hiding place until thay pull the fold back and then... voilla! mamma, take this pun from me, i can't abuse it anymore. it's getting dark and i can't even see, feel i'm peeing on walmart's floor.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

*peeking in with tired eyes* *yaaaaawwwwwwwwnnnnnnn* Gotta go lay my lil head down on a soft nanner & catch a cat nap.

(Submitted by not terry )

door's open, terry.

(Submitted by bait )

anybody know how to make a banana split?

(Submitted by Terry )

Yeah, but look at the MESS Dally made! Jeez. Where's my waders???

(Submitted by not abi )

you know, the site's been up all day w/o crashing. where's abi?

(Submitted by Not Alone in Loo )

Terry, love, wasn't my mess...I always swa..er..um..er...swab the decks, so to speak.

(Submitted by FOX )

Personal hygene is very important. We should all follow Derek's example and wear deoderant whenever possible.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

*Sigh* here I go, channeling my High School teacher again. The Coriolis effect is the force on moving bodies to deflect them in the direction of the Earth's rotation. Once they are aligned, the force disappears. The Foucault pendulum demonstrates the rotation of the Earth, which is constant, so the pendulum will keep turning, day after day.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

FOX, what if we only have DEORDORANT???

(Submitted by CoriolisEffect )

Jen, use the deordorant on the landing strip.

(Submitted by Jeenifer )

Oooooh...you're right...and the stick works much better than the spray.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

OK, no more wine. I can't even spell my name right. Sheesh.

(Submitted by Merlin )

I think your right, "Sheesh doesn't spell "Jennifer" in my book ! By the way, was it white or red ?

(Submitted by in lieu of napa )

i need a vinter and year too, jen. unless, of course, it's got a screw on top, is in a box, or is pronounced mannashevitz (sp?). hmmm, screw on top... geez, don't think that doesn't bring back fond memories...or was it blonde memories...

(Submitted by in lieu of last call (or fall) )

it's 9:15 am here. jeenifer, please tell me your post is from this morning and not last night, you party minx you!

(Submitted by Abi )

oi lieu - what that you being not abi yesterday??

(Submitted by Dalliance (recovering sanity) )

D'day Mates...look! I remembered my deordorant *throwing up arms* So, Jen, you say wine works better? I'll try that tomorrow but isn't that a wee bit sticky?

(Submitted by lieu )

yes, abi. to know me is to... ummm... to know me.

(Submitted by uncle ralph & cousin earl )

jeenifer, want to join us for some raw oysters, foi gras and escargot for lunch? shots for everyone on me!

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Gleetings ! I have spent my life searching for wisdom and enlightenment, but Master Derek, you have shown that there is also much fun and frivolity to be had. I thank you most graciously, oh magnificent one. I leave but take this thought with you on your journey through the day, "Depart not from the path which fate has you assigned !"

(Submitted by barefoot )

but what if there's poop on the path?

(Submitted by Jennifer )

"You tawkin' ta ME?" *doing DeNiro squint and raising eyebrows*

(Submitted by Chiqca )

*doing Tigger bounce off the walls from too much MT. DEW/coffee combo drink* HAPPY FRIDAY, all my fellow Wal*Martian posters!!!!!!!

(Submitted by Dally )

sorry gang, i meant G'day not D'Day...hey lieu *shiek of araby dip and a slobbery kiss*..now where's that Terry..*eyeing the room* Abi Abi Abi...Chicqa, Chicqa, Chicqa...mwoa mwoa mwoa...and blowing kiss too all the other posties!!!

(Submitted by Terry(ble glitch) )

I's here...Abi helped me with my copmuter this morning, so...

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Don't be afraid to take that big step !

(Submitted by germaniac )

You sleep in for an hour and look at the fun you miss...good morning.

(Submitted by Herr Terry )

Mornin' germ...did I mention my last name was Shultz?

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

Idleness is the holiday of fools !

(Submitted by frau germaniac )

ooohhhh Terry, you are giving me gooozzebumps.

(Submitted by not lieutenant chokesondick )

hello all. what if you were the poster child for saving pulp trees or clearing up advertising clutter - what would your poster look like? germaniac, did you party wif jeenifer last knight? pray tell, what was the vintage? are you guys hung over like a foucault pendulum today?

(Submitted by depends undergarmets )

depends on what?

(Submitted by germaniac )

Verily, my son lieu, my ways are mysterious. Last night I was on the stage, performing Greek tragedy, and so today I pay the price of a bachnallian cast party.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

I was performing greek too, butt not on stage.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Well, jennifer, you've just got to learn to get over that inhibition and become an "exotic greeker" like me.

(Submitted by FOX )

Hellllo everybody. How's it hangin' as they say. Thank god it's friday. The time to drink beer and get stupid is upon us. Whooo whoo.

(Submitted by lieu, lieu, lieu, lieu of earl, earl... )

what's a greek tragedy? when a keg floats? ohhh, those depress me too. i'm not familiar with the other thing. is it for freshwater or salt?

(Submitted by germaniac, goddess of beer )

lieu, the greek tragedy is when you pick up a frat boy who's been boasting about his prowess all night and then passes out on top of you

(Submitted by FOX )

Bummer G. So that would be a flacid frat. Most frat boys are all talk. Especially around friends.

(Submitted by lieuy lieui, oh whoa, we gotta go... )

should have stuck with a phi delt!

(Submitted by I Eta Pi )

That's the nice thing about girls, we don't deflate. Us REAL ones at least.

(Submitted by (mys)Terry )

Jesus Christ Abi...what in the hell...lessee, my copmuters been on the fritz since this morning, so what'd I miss...hmmm, alcoholism, anal sex, erectile dysfunction, and blowup dolls...Nope, didn't miss a thing!

(Submitted by Dal )

same old...same old, hey Ter? *humming these are a few of my favorite things* (except the erectile dysfunction part)

(Submitted by Terry )

Everybody's off to an early weak-end I guess...Ya reckon ol' Georgie-boy is headin' off to the "Wagon Wheel Bar & Grill" 'bout now, or whut?

(Submitted by (erec)Terry )

BTW, I LOVE a good hummer...

(Submitted by lieu )

i'm off in pursuit of a hole- in-one and maybe to play a little golf. you guys/dolls have a good'n on me (not you terry!) everybody drive safe and i'll look forward to your musings next week.

(Submitted by ps )

was hoping to see y'all on "i am" but i'm tired'er than a firestone now and headed to the back .00040.

(Submitted by FOX )

Have a good weekend everyone. Tis' almost 5:00pm and I'm outta here til tuesday! *Day off dance, whoop, whoop!*

(Submitted by princess peach )

I like cheese go 2 my website... itt is neato, and cool. i thnik ill put a link to this page on it. http://www.angelfire.com/ok2/p rincesspeach

(Submitted by rainy )

when do you all get here? and what time zone? i miss everything!!! *whimper*

(Submitted by White rabbit )

Hello? Anybody there?

(Submitted by Alice )

*clunk* OUCH! Damn! Where'd that ceiling fan come from.

(Submitted by Cheshire Cat )

*grinning* D'you want me to rub your head better Alice?

(Submitted by Jennifer )

So, what, you guys get weekends off I guess?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Jen, sometimes, if we are *really* good, Derek lets us veteren posters out of the room for the weekend. Saturday was Veteren's Day so Big D, let us roam about. He's good like that.

(Submitted by (seden)Terry )

I personally, was quite busy getting FILM DEVELOPed, applying DEORDORANT, and RPAIRing VNYL...another wild weekend in th' south!

(Submitted by Anal Retentive Guy )

Veteran.

(Submitted by lieu )

arg, unlike florida erections, speed is more impotent than accuracy for us.

(Submitted by in lieu of new )

know gnu reseats? what the hell??? can you contact your payroll department and ask for weekly checks instead of bi-weekly? these suspenders are killing me.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Andre and melon, now they were *truly* nuts. Andre pulled one of those "Clint Eastwood Alcatraz Mole Boy Escapes" (he's a good in dark tunnels) while melon, reenacted the "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Window Salto Mortale". It was very moving, we all cried. Andre, occasionally, (alas, *way* too infrequently by my count - he was such a kinky stud), pokes his head in, so to speak...but melon...ah melon (Yoda to us all) , of him we have only rare whiffs - as he does spriritual battle, on behalf of us all, in the Armeggedon between the Evil Fish People and the Monkey God Assassin (or some such deity). Viva la melon!

(Submitted by Dally )

Dear Anal, Thank Allah, you are here!! We've been in dire need of a spelling police!!! I sure hope you are certified in grammar jursiprudence as well.

(Submitted by in lieu of poo )

i like melon butt i must admit that i do like his "whiffs rare."

(Submitted by Who New? )

Netscape has a spell check?

(Submitted by fire one! )

the humor (humour fer abi) has not escaped me of making "poop" jokes and then having to hit the "reload" button.

(Submitted by what's rare? )

a debutante lighting farts at the kentucky derby?

(Submitted by what's rare? )

icicles forming on madonna's crotch?

(Submitted by what's rare? )

courtney love using deordorant?

(Submitted by what's rare? )

janet reno winning a wet t-shirt contest?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Dang, Derek let y'all out this weekend? I got lost inside the toaster box late Friday afternoon & just now found my way out. But, I did find this old KOOL KIT that I'm gonna keep, but some of the vnyl is broken. Anybody know how to rpair this?

(Submitted by waterlieu )

jennifer, you're spelling your name way too accurately. me thinks you need more wine, eh?

(Submitted by Coach )

Maybe rainy'll post again...

(Submitted by Terry )

...and by the way, lieu, since the grammar police are here, I believe that should be "I thinks"...

(Submitted by rainy )

why bring me up? i have no idea what's going on!

(Submitted by Jennifer )

No thanks waterlieu, I think I had too much this weekend. By the way, has anybody seen my virginity? I seem to have lost it somewhere again.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

And thanks, now I've got to go to work with that damn ABBA song rumbling through my head.

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey Jennifer - speak to Chiq - she can rummage through the toaster box, you'd be amazed at what ends up in there!!

(Submitted by Terry )

Abi - you're alive! I was beginning to wonder...Lemme axe you a question, and since WAL*MART has urged us to remember to vote, it CAN be considered receipt related... so, are y'all just laughing your arses off at this political debacle taking place over here?

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Jeenifer, at Abi's suggestion I have taken the liberty of taking a quick look-see through the toaster box for you. I was unable to find your virginity, however, I did find the wise WARDI YEW (Yoda's younger & lesser- known brother). If anyone can tell you where your virginity has gone, I'm sure he can do it. Good luck!

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

What appeared to be a loss will turn out in your favour !

(Submitted by Dally )

Snatch the cherry, Grass Hopper.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

I'm gonna be sappy for a moment. I was in a funk today as I came to work..it is raining and life seemed gray, boring and all uphill...but then I come here and I see all my pals and I smile and it helps to put things in perspective so I just wanted to say, I love you guys!

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

If your desires are not extravagant, they will be granted.

(Submitted by susieonprozac )

Grasshopper is inspiring...*bravely throwing Prozac in the bin*

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Oh Dal, we love you, too! In fact, when I was lost in the toaster box this weekend, I found this COOKIE CRUNC and thought of you. *pulling COOKIE CRUNC out of my pocket, picking the lint off & holding on outstretched palms* Here!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

awwwww Chicqa, you sweet nanner-girl..*crunc crunc*

(Submitted by germaniac )

*cough* hello? *cough* anybody? *cough cough* this drought...it's *cough* killing me...help...*cough* Derek! Choreboy! *gasp* we need more reciepts...*collapsing on ground*

(Submitted by Terry )

How 'bout some MT DEW and a chicken leg Ger???

(Submitted by germaniac )

*cough*..no food..*sputter* ...just...nanners...*cough*

(Submitted by susieuntilrecentlyonProzac )

No nanners no Prozac, food, like chicken nuggets,no beef, and bounce with the Grasshopper *Boing..boing...boingg*

(Submitted by germaniac )

mmm...Grasshoppers and prozac...it's like a mirage!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Nanners are the food of the Greek Gods.

(Submitted by Terry )

Um, and the Goddesses???

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Good point, Ter. Us Goddesses do love a good, firm nanner, too.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

So, I'm thinking you guys all have jobs where you can do this during working hours. What a life it must be, I don't have a computer to do this during the day. Maybe I should move to a new city and become a virgin all over again so I can get a better job? And what is it with the nanners? Doesn't anybody use www.adulttoys.com?

(Submitted by Andre )

No that'd be right...none of you noticed Hummingbird's return to the cyberwaves. I'm just crouching here in the dark under my glass table top where nobody has visited for ages...they've turned the light off...but I thought that in this moment of peace I might dimly spot the ghostly presence of hdj jewboy...or max...or god forbid! Marco!

(Submitted by lyrical temptress )

so, what's a girl to do in order to get a warm welcome in here?

(Submitted by Andre )

WHAT'S THAT RUCKUS GOING ON UP THERE???? Can't you see I'm doing a bit of vnyl rpair down here?

(Submitted by Andre )

I think I'm getting the hang of this now, but it's so frikn hard in this dimness with all those butts blocking out the light.

(Submitted by Andre )

Omigod, I think that's the butt of Christmas past approaching. God spare me!

(Submitted by Andre )

*needle and thread in his trembling hand* god it's hard to do cross stitch with this cheap WalMart vnyl rpair kit while pendulous butts are hanging over one's head. Maybe if they were the butts of certain pseudonymous female posters pampered by some deordorant while singing the Stars and Stripes.........

(Submitted by Andre )

Is that reese pean x I see before me?

(Submitted by NUT )

DICK

(Submitted by Baby Shmp )

Andre!!!! my love!!!! *trying to push the butts off the coffee table to press and then twist fervently my lips against the glass - but before I do that - Yo Derek, can I borrow your 409 spray?*

(Submitted by Carole )

Wow! Interesting site you have here. I would be careful with the ones that have your credit card number. You have a a really neat site here, although Iam not a fan of walmart anymore. Take care

(Submitted by germaniac )

Well, I should say it's neat. We have a choreboy around just to keep things tidy.

(Submitted by Will Mart )

Hey, go easy on the vinyl, you freaking savage!

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

Baby Shmp, you combine two of my favourite things, the Spice Girls and Spyro the Dragon.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

PLEASE DEREK, I NEED THE CLEAR KIND OF DEORDORANT, CAUSE I CAN'T GET STAINS ON MY CLOTHES! THANK U!

(Submitted by bill )

is that you, monica?

(Submitted by Samantha )

who was that i saw in the bathroom?

(Submitted by Carolina )

Hey! Did you vote?? I guess it doesn't really matter now.