Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by ::farts:: -BIMBo (BOF) )

wow.. i see you bought stuff for christmas wrapping.. is WAL*MART the only place you really do good shopping at?? ::farts:: my friends mom spent $500 there the other day. all at one time. you have no life it seems........ to be posting all this. USELESS.

(Submitted by ::farts:: -BIMBo (BOF) )

::farts::

(Submitted by DECO BULB X DJ of the new millenium )

A perfectly good celebratory first post wasted, damn..anyway I am happy to be part of a post scare post and DECO BULB X is at the wheels of steel! Throw your hands in the air and wave 'em like you just don't care...now somebody...anybody, SHOUT GEL! If you'll excuse me I must board the SPACE SAUCER and get back to my home planet of Shitonia. Glad to see you're not in prision Derek and even using cash.

(Submitted by Abi )

Wowee! I go away for a few days and all hell breaks loose - that was like a bad acid trip on the BBS...thank god all seems to be well again, shame about the march - I was all set - even had the wax....ah well - SHOUT GEL!!

(Submitted by Terry )

I've heard of skipping bail, but I don't think a $3.87 SPACE SAUCER purchased at WAL*MART is gonna get you very far...but it DOES appear to be a GRT VALUE. Did the Volare finally give out? Shoulda listened to Dad 'bout the oil changes...

(Submitted by Coach )

I KNEW he was an alien...

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Terry, I'm appalled at your bad spelling. That should've been a GRT VAULE. Try keeping a dictionary close by, eh?

(Submitted by Terry )

Sorry Chiq, but my dic got burnt...

(Submitted by Terry )

tionary...

(Submitted by Jimma )

i want a space saucer

(Submitted by in lieu of wright )

oh brother, space saucers indeed. that dumb idea will never fly...

(Submitted by in lieu of disco balls )

what's a deco rated x bulb do,? does it make your house look like a cheap las vegas hotel room? why not spend $3.76 on a xx and it could look like graceland?

(Submitted by gif crap )

why 2 gift wraps? did you use one on the other since it was a gift? and what is a gift wrap? a free coat?

(Submitted by BuBbLeS )

I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle here is my spout! When I get all steamed up here me shout!!! Tip me over and POUR ME OUT!!!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Forget about those op-ed articles you read in the times, here is the real thing: "Come the millennium, month 12, In the home of greatest power, The village idiot will come forth to be acclaimed the leader." -Nostradamus

(Submitted by NotDalliance )

so HE'S the urban spaceman...

(Submitted by Profit Prophet )

I predict that in the future we will use Derek's receipts as currency. The economy will revolve around how often he shops and many of those contributing to this site will become market analysts by default. Dalliance and Lieu will continuiously debate on CNN about whether Derek's purchase of lawn care products is going to boost the ecconomy. The White House will be replaced by a Super Wal-Mart and Matt Krieg will be our new president. The popular and electoral vote will no longer matter because all future presidents will be elected based on their Always Low Prices. Always. Foreign countries will only be allowed to buy from us if they have a Sam's Club card. Australia will become our strongest ally due to their increasingly unhealthy fascination with Derek's receipt collection. Our flag will be replaced with a smiley face on a solid blue background. Pants will become optional. Ok, that last one was just wishful thinking on my part.

(Submitted by Capt. Space Ranger )

SPACE SAUCER? Where the hell were you shopping, Walmart or 1950? Are you going to pick up a RAY GUN on your next trip? Good lord man, break out the credit card and pick up some of that Star Wars merchandise they're always nagging you to buy. Always.

(Submitted by Marshall Blueberry )

Could the gift wrap be for the saucer, or vice versa?

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

Dry throat? sweaty palms? nervous laughter? I think I'm getting to like this website.................

(Submitted by spanky )

Wow!!! I think I'll give up the porn and watch this site instead!!!!!

(Submitted by Jenny )

hm. these deco bulbs... are they the type used with those candle-looking battery- operated christmas decorations? i have been looking all over the place for those! note that the normal type for plug-in candles does not replace the type i am looking for.

(Submitted by really anxious for xmas )

12 days went by, no receipt,i think Derek's a traitor and has been doing most of his shopping elsewhere than wal- mart. why? i have no idea. you can find everything on your shopping list at wal- mart. They even have giant beef sticks. who doesn't want a giant beef stick?

(Submitted by Jenny-Poo Poo on you )

I AM SOOOO PISSED. I dran...I mean, WORKED on the anal homage to prison boy for quite some time, only to have him go shopping, and leave my work be relegated to the archives of the unknown...you barstard...If Frank were alive...

(Submitted by rainy )

i leave for a few weeks and WHAT HAPPENS?!? judgement day has come and gone and left only derek's loyal following here back at the site. seems matt krieg's wrath overlooked "farts bimbo" oh, brave new world that has such people in it!

(Submitted by Turdsareus )

::::negativity to you all::: Hope your Hannaka sucks as much as my Christmas will.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

... so HE'S the urban spaceman. Or were you just shopping for your favourite Martian? SuperSally, I'd love to take heed of you, perhaps we could gallop off into the sunset on one of my white steeds, and go looking for pink sails.

(Submitted by Mitch Cumstein )

I'm going to my parents' this weekend to see their Negativity Scene. I'm going to be a wise guy. my older brother is going to be a baby, and my sister has to play the role of a dog every year because she's the best at being a bitch.

(Submitted by Real Playa )

Derek may have some class after all...from the looks of this receipt and the rather large amount of time that has lapsed between visits he's been doing his actual gift shopping elsewhere. Then again this could be the extent of his Christmas shopping and his wife is in for a big disappointment when she opens her two dollar and fifty cent PHOTO FRAME. Jeez man, you paid more for the film and processing. You're not one of these cheap bastards that puts a picture of the two of you in a cheap frame and tries to pass it off as a "sentimental" gift are you? Let me know if it works I might try that.

(Submitted by Michael Rennie )

Klaatu barada nikto !

(Submitted by Carpenter )

Thanks...now go home.

(Submitted by Michael Rennie )

I'm being chased by law enforcement officals and am unable to get back to my space craft - any suggestions ?

(Submitted by germaniac )

I'm...::cough, sputter::...alive. I've just been abducted by a space saucer...::cough::...I was...probed until I agreed to shout GEL! ::collapsing in exhaustion::

(Submitted by in lieu of standing still )

why not make the earth pandas chill? that would really bamboozle them.

(Submitted by klaatu singing to helen )

"if i were a carpenter and you were a lady, would you mary (mother of christ) me anyway, would you be my space baby?" ironic you should appear now, michael. think usurping the power grid from walmarts worldwide might convince the infiedel unbelivers?

(Submitted by Prof. Barnhardt )

You been hangin' out wif Jeenifer?

(Submitted by Smokin' Joe )

What sort of man spends $12 on such dumb items. He won't make his receipts Intergallactic space currency, not over my $3.87 space saucer?!

(Submitted by in lieu of gort )

yeah, that's the spirits. nanu nanu.

(Submitted by Smokin' Joe )

Err... Apart from Dereks shopping habits what do we know about this guy. I'm not paranoid but 'Derek' may just be a publicity tool for 'big business'? Eh? Then how would you all feel? I'd feel duped and angry. Luckily I'm English and only have a catapult, don't see to many murderous rampages involving those, hey USA??? But my point is Derek probably has bought presents for both sexes! Because the wrapping papers have 2 differing codes. I'm not a sexist but get flowery stuff for Mum and Girlfriend or Boyfriend if that's your thing and plain boring paper for Dad or the lads. Perhaps Derek has 2 kids. I feel sorry for them as Derek spends too much time buying poo and on his computer scanning. GEEK!

(Submitted by germaniac )

We're ALL a tool of big business. Every time you wear a t-shirt with a logo on it, buy something from a store and carry it in a bag with the store's name on it. WE ARE BIG BUSINESS' BITCH, JOE...just bend over and take it, even over there in jolly ol'!

(Submitted by in lieu of silly ray cyrus )

on 'the day the earth could swill' red vino all afternoon you could probably convince me of a lot of things, not the least of which being that mulletards are today's single greatest threat to rational thinking in our internationally anemic-principaled society.

(Submitted by Slim )

Germy, you use your tongue purtier than a two doller whore...

(Submitted by in lieu of 5 wives... )

holy mad cow! hold on now, a cousin trying to wash the collective historical hands of his progenitors free of murderous rampages? what happened to volumes 1 thru 99 of your 100 piece history set? you are correct that other societies have their probs butt let's not throw an opaque gown over the crusades, pretend to reassemble william wallace, whitewash the tower of london, etc, etc, etc. so we can innocently decry the ills of big business. jeez, that would be the most amazing wrap job i've ever seen.

(Submitted by mom & poop operation )

help, help, i'm being repressed. now you can see the violence inherent in the system...

(Submitted by Smokin' Joe )

Everyone on this site including me is full of sh1te! I am going to log on to some hardcore action, not porn, and give and take some abuse. Bye Bye happy shoppers, perhaps some of you mateless drones will find love in the aisles. I myself am so bitter I am resigned to being single and cynical, but at least I am funny.

(Submitted by Ooops! )

When was he funny?

(Submitted by Poop panty )

I just wanna know what sh1te is, and how Ii got full of it.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

*climbing out of toaster box* Here Smokey J, I found this old box of WIPES in the toaster box & think you could put them to good use. And for everybody else, I found this SPINWHEEL... anybody want to join me on it?? Wheeeeeee! *hair flapping in the breeze, spinning, spinning, spinning*

(Submitted by ali )

stick around, joe, if you really can take it. don't see any evidence of it yet, though.

(Submitted by madman across the water )

wow, fires off an unsolicited opening salvo and then runs yelping into the hills after getting his panties in a nottingham. i'll bet his mother was a hampster and his father smelt of elderberries. and *big shrug* all i did was fart in his general direction!

(Submitted by Jack )

I bet he is going to view some porn.

(Submitted by Happy Man back across the water )

GIFT WRAPping the ol' DECO BULB, huh?

(Submitted by Smokin' Joe )

OK, OK! A wee bit aggressive I know. I became enlightened and peace loving didn't look at porn and reaslised at 260lbs I am full of the most sh1te! But my point was that this ain't the most dynamic of sites, but then again I'm still here. I would prefer talking about his/her weekly shop at Ann Summers.

(Submitted by germaniac )

By the way, I have a very loverly mate and we enjoy KITTY TREATS and MT DEW together every night. I have nothing against England, but I am a Germaniac, and I must remain loyal to the fatherland at some point ;) stick around Smokin' Joe...I'd like to learn more about your oral fixation.

(Submitted by dove of piece )

i'm all out of olive branches to offer, joe, but how about a nice ass sandwich from the deli. we have a choice of delectable flavors; germey, dal, chiq, suz, jeen, misc or dear abi. they all go quite well with pickles & mayo.

(Submitted by germaniac )

Or you could select three of us from the deli and we'd make a nice triple decker club

(Submitted by leon sphinxter )

btw, we did some smokin the other night and while i can't remember just what it was we talked about, i do remember that we laughed our asses off till 2am or so. do you surf the dial? don't you wish everybody did?

(Submitted by in lieu of dick or harry )

we call our dog "dog" & our cat "cat." remember "festus" on gunsmoke? wtf were his parents thinking???

(Submitted by in lieu of cheese )

yeah, you could get dal, abi & germey on wry by asking for the menage au nato.

(Submitted by Engelbert Humperdinck )

Now Festus...THAT'S one lucky barstard...

(Submitted by Dalliance - Cyber Nymph )

Derek is single, Real Playa....and one hot little number I might add...hubbahubba. Now, then, Smokey Joe, do stick around and have a giant beef jerky stick (ours are sane!!). Later, we'll all go over to Earl Grey's T & A Caberet and create our own Negativity Scene ( brilliant, Mitch!) or create a nice Human Menorah (lieu, here is your...er...opening, pal). D_2, I'll be waiting with my pomegranate in hand to heed your every whim. OMG, lieu, NATO - an eating of the world powers?

(Submitted by Ms. Pumpernickle )

Engelbert, you have a good point.

(Submitted by robert wagner )

hey dal, leave stephanie out of this.

(Submitted by in lieu of einsteinberg )

human menorah? you certainly aren't suggesting the use of chambered gas, are you? hoi, that sachems my choitel right in the ol' habbam keister!

(Submitted by Fred Dryer )

It's actually Stepfanie, which I've NEVER been able to figger out

(Submitted by Fred Again )

Opps, my bad...that was Stepfanie Kramer...I still don't understand why she needed the pee...

(Submitted by dick dryer )

what's up, bro?

(Submitted by master of his domain )

who were the first people to have opposable thumbs, siskel and ebert? i guess it probably goes back further than that and might be answered by the reason they developed. but like the chicken and the egg, did they develop so man could grasp and swing from branches or so they could grasp... uuum, errr... swing from branches it is!

(Submitted by Two-Fingers Tekila )

Thumbs...I don't knead no stinkin' thumbs...

(Submitted by wolverine )

badgers, we don't need no stinkin' badgers!

(Submitted by frank zappa )

i need weasels to rip flesh from my face...

(Submitted by Dal - why does my mother insists on sending me tons of nut filled candy for Christmas? Why...she knows I can't resist a good pecan log and will only eat in all and gain 10lbs )

Stephanie who??? And FYI: "Gorilla Boy was the first in line for an opposable thumb...everybody say yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah" It's a Spin Doctors song.

(Submitted by Helpful Checkout Person )

Would you like them GIFT WRAPped?

(Submitted by And Dad too....God love em...but what does he send - nut mix and pralines and shelled pecans and nut jelly..*glancing down at my thighs* )

my nut products wrapped?

(Submitted by in lieu of natalie woods )

stephanie powers. remember? hart to bleeding, mf'ing hart?

(Submitted by copernicuss )

if you buy someone time, can you have it gift warped?

(Submitted by Riff Raff )

That's astounding...

(Submitted by Madness )

OK...I'm taking control...

(Submitted by germaniac )

Dal, you like the pecan log better than the cream filled long john? That's what I like to eat at the holidays. Whenever I eat nuts, the skin gets stuck between my teeth.

(Submitted by Clay Pot )

Finally...some room.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

*still spinning at dizzying speeds* Wheeeeeeeee! Nobody wants to join me? [FYI germy: the cream-filled nanners are the best!]

(Submitted by Cautious Clay )

I suspect there are fat girls among us.

(Submitted by germaniac )

I like spinning, chiq, but I'd much rather swing...YEAH BABY!!!! bwhahahaha

(Submitted by Bananas in Pyjamas )

Are you thinking what I'm thinking, D1? I think I am, D2! (together) ITS SPINWHEEL TIME!!!

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Let us pause for a moment, and reflect on the passing this week of the most unfortunately-named politician in recent times, the Zimbabwean nationalist Rev Ndabaningi Sithole

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

... and the guy who wrote the theme for Jonny Quest (as well as the Flintstones, the Jetsons, Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw McGraw, Yogi Bear, Scooby Doo, Magilla Gorilla, Top Cat): Hoyt Curtin [just for you, Derek].

(Submitted by Dalliance )

What happened to Freud and his "Screw Mushu" comment?

(Submitted by Mitch Cumstein )

I think he also wants to screw some dude and a skillet. Yes, that's right Screw Mushu Guy Pan.........sorry

(Submitted by Freud )

Oh yes, screw Mushu and the... oh I just can't do it. I'm not really Freud, I'm a pale imitation. Guess we'll just have to wait for the real macoy... Ooooooooh Freud....

(Submitted by Chiqca )

*still spinning and starting to feel very sick*

(Submitted by Luke Dogwalker )

Webster defines Mushu as a "Cow's boot," but what did he know, he was just a kid on a sitcom.

(Submitted by BOOGER )

EVER SEE PEOPLE ROLLING BOOGERS BETWEEN THERE FINGERS AT WALMART? MUST BE A ' ROLL ' BACK THE PRICES SMEAR. .

(Submitted by SHITTER )

EVER SEE PEOPLE FUCKING IN THE ELECTRONIC DEPT. AT LUNCH TIME ?

(Submitted by Smokin' Joe )

I am a stoat, a dead stuffed stoat mounted upon a piece of birch wood. I use my keeper as a vessel to transmit my ideas to the outside world. He fancies Dalliance. Is that a girl or boy, my vessel is twisted, so gives no consideration to these matters. I am still interested in what a flying saucer is. All i can think of is those paper sherbet filled sweets, here they cost 2 pence. Anyone for backgammon? I'm white and I've just thrown double sixes. Nice

(Submitted by Crash Bandicoot )

What are you smokin', Joe?

(Submitted by Smokin' Joe )

He he! On Monday my vessel went to a David Gray concert, bastard didn't take me though. But he got ripped off. Thought he was buying £10 worth of finest hash from a guy with gold teeth, but ended up with 2 pieces of wood. What a tit! "Yes I know" said Andy, Joes vessel.

(Submitted by Clean Up WalMart )

No, but I have heard that there are people with foul mouths and of limited intelligence, and they really do exist !

(Submitted by Dalliance )

I am most definitely all girl - and by the way someone false posted me on the Screw Mushu post - that wasn't me. That's a no-no, new people. *sweetly deceptive smile*

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Although, please, don't get me wrong, I'm all for Freud and do fancy a nut roll every now and again. I'm not fat, Mr. Clay - (did that sound hyper-sensitive?)

(Submitted by Merlin )

What if the three wise men had been three Wise Women instead ?

(Submitted by Merlin )

They would have... Asked directions, Arrived on time, Helped deliver the baby, Cleaned the stable, Made a casserole, Brought practical gifts.

(Submitted by Merlin )

But what would they have said when they left...? "Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?" "That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!" "Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting animals in the house?" "I heard that Joseph isn't even working right now!" "And that donkey that they are riding has seen better days too!" "Want to bet on how long it will take until you get your casserole dish back?"

(Submitted by in lieu of sappy models )

pretty good deal on photo frames. i'd like one of my v.p. having sex with a piece of exotic fruit as well as one of the ny senate interns going down on hillary, if you please. my guess is these will set me back more than 5 bucks though...

(Submitted by http://www.pringles.com )

Can't stop !

(Submitted by germaniac )

Good LORD people...it's almost Christmas. What will you leave out for Santa? KITTY TREATS and nanners?

(Submitted by hey, it's what he wanted )

reindeer nipple rings.

(Submitted by in lieu of knitted objects )

how 'bout you, chiquita? a banana warmer? in person?

(Submitted by Chiq )

Hey, I'll warm Santa's nanner any time... however, I think that officially puts me on the "bad" list. KITTY TREATS and nanners... KITTY TREATS and nanners... KITTY TREATS and nanners *singing & skipping happily*

(Submitted by diaper boy )

"bad list" - ho ho ho

(Submitted by Gaseous Clay )

I think there are old women among us.

(Submitted by not an old woman )

sorry, that was MY broccoli fart.

(Submitted by nostradamus' wife (nostradameus) )

my husband said he thought it might rain tonight but it didn't. jeez, what a dumbass!

(Submitted by Roberto Mallomar )

I think there are insecure women are among us

(Submitted by Terry )

I KNOW there are beautiful women among us...

(Submitted by Happy boy )

Everyone looks beautiful in someone's eyes

(Submitted by Disco Dave )

at least that's what the ugly girls tell themselves

(Submitted by in lieu of the grinch )

i'm wrapping up my pre-christmas comments with a hearty "hoppy holidays" to all. time to go stock up on old champagne and caviar (caviwere?) hope to see you all (nekkid) before new years.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

TO FRAME MY PIC WITH YOU, RIGHT DEREK?

(Submitted by Nick )

You are a sad individual. Do you want me to send for the men in white coats?

(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )

Dal>> Keep your bathroom and bedroom talk to yourself; I don't care much to hear about your experiences with logs and nuts. I don't even want to know why you looked at your thighs after you were talking about nut jelly. -=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--=--= Profit Prophet>> I doubt that the receipts will be used as currency, seeing as they will be priceless, but money will probably be a slip of paper with derek's signature and will be incredibly easy to conterfeit. I agree that the economy will revolve around his shopping habits, but i for one will not be a market analyst. I will be one of his bodyguards...a much more imortant job when you are protecting the most important entity in the multiverse. Ahhh, it's always good to see others from the "prophet" division of the R.A.P. Pants noever! Timmy!

(Submitted by Sweet Lil' Angel )

hunny, You managed to miss my birthday again this year! I thought that you were better than that, I mean you have the wrapping paper, so where's the gift?