Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by lucky 13 )

13 items....eaten receipt....coincidence?

(Submitted by lucky 13 )

....and ON the 13th too cue twilight zone theme....

(Submitted by lucky 13 )

...but you'd have had all those pillows to soften the blow as you cried into your facial tissu.... :)

(Submitted by Dalliance - (In a jealous rage) )

Derek, you Squaw Hound!! Flirting at the registar again!!!..well...I guess she must have been mighty impressed with this purchase, eh? 5 PILLOWS?? What are you having a Platonian Symposium or sumthing? No, wait, what's this? 3 Batteries (2 X, no less), 2 Facial Tissu, AND SPARKLE 8ROL, well, I am throroughly disgusted, Mister SPARKLE man! And, I guess it comes to no surprise to any of us, that you are in need of that 409 REFILL, you..you..dirty, dirty boy!! (see POT SOIL).

(Submitted by Baby Shmp )

Ohhhhhh Andre, where are youuuuuu??? We have a winner receipt here..so, let us go then you and I....(be sure and bring the BATTERIES and the SPARKLE and move your little ass, how about it!)

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

DID MATT GIVE OPT#1879, A RAISE? THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED IN DARRYL'S STORE, OR RYAN'S. DID U AT LEAST INVITE THE CUTIE OVER TO USE THE PILLOWS?

(Submitted by Abi )

*running around SPARKLING * Mornin' all - Jennifer - where are youuuu....??? Anyone fancy a PILLOW fight!!!

(Submitted by Snickering Chore Boy )

5 Pillows, 409 Refill, 3 Batteries, 2 Facial Tissue, 1 Pot Soil. Pity about that Sparkle 8r

(Submitted by Dally )

NYC FASHION GIRL...listen, Babe, I from NYC too but, really, you don't have to yell in here, honest. It's not like you're on 42nd street trying to order a dirty water dog w/mustard from the Pakastani street vendor. (p.s. hope I'm not cramping your style)

(Submitted by Terry )

Sounds like the cash register wasn't the only thing trying to eat something up there...

(Submitted by Lou Ford )

What are the odds we're gonna get "Tears on my PILLOW" from Jennifer?

(Submitted by Op#1879 )

I recommend that the receipt file a BATTERY charge against the cash register.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

*adjusting little lacy baby doll jammies & bunny slippers* Ready y'all?? PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Submitted by Terry )

*doing Belushi on the ladder outside the frat house window* Pass me the FACIAL TISSU please...

(Submitted by Abi )

oh no, not the belushi eyebrow, you'll put me off my stroke *missing Chiq wildly*........

(Submitted by in lieu of straw mattresses )

dude, you are quite the epicurian. carpe diem!

(Submitted by in lieu of chong )

i too once had an unattractive indoor marijuana farm but then after strategically placing a couple of cheap-assed throw pillows... well, i don't need to tell you, do i?

(Submitted by Coach )

Hey Abi...how 'bout after the PILLOW fight, we get together with a BATTERY, some POT SOIL, and some FACIAL TISSU...I'll show you a 409 REFILL that'll make your SPARKLE 8ROL...

(Submitted by Abi )

Whoa, hang on there Coach, Chiq's got a hold of the back of my romper suit *swinging my PILLOW round..!!* I'll get back to you on that 409 REFILL....

(Submitted by Dalliance Pondering )

Hey, you know that indestructible black box that's used in airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

(Submitted by APG )

Following that logic, why don't they make car tires out of vagina lips...they'd never wear out, but I guess they would tend to slip off the rims after a while...

(Submitted by uncle phud )

yeah, the last time they lost one of those black boxes, turns out it was between vanessa williams legs the hole time...

(Submitted by Well-Aligned )

Yeah, slipping off the rims will happen if you have a weak axel rod.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Hey Abs, snogs to ya. I got the flu, or something, drinking plenty of fluids tho. And Mr. Ford, KMA, 'cause "She's real fine my 409 REFILL, she's real fine my 409 REFILL, my 4-0-9 REFILL." HAH! *sneeze, cough*

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

DALLY BABE (AS IN THE PIG, FOR YOU), I SEEN YOU ON 42ND, BEFORE DISNEY TOOK IT OVER, WHILE RUNNING FAST AS HELL OVER TO SAKS. I MUST SAY, IN NO WAY CAN YOU CRAMP MY STYLE, CAUSE WHAT YOU WEAR WAS NEVER IN STYLE! YEA, LOUD IS YOUR OUTFIT! AND WAS ME SAYING THIS NOW TOO EARLY FOR FOR YOU? CAUSE SOONER RATHER THEN LATER YOU NEED TO KNOW YOUR STYLE GOT TO GO!

(Submitted by Dally Babe )

*laughing* okay, Fashion Babe (damn, you really are a New Yorker..*still laughing*)...go on and do your thang...but I *am* not a pig and nah, it's not too early. I'll try to stay away from "Strawberrys" & "Joyce Leslie" from now on...thanks for the satorial advice..:)

(Submitted by Terry )

DAMN...I thought we were gonna have another PILLOW fight...

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

Cat Fight! Cat Fight! Oh, you're right Terry... kitty tussle. Welcome back Jeen. What Bordeaux goes wif Nyquil?

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Oh dear Abi, I've torn my lacey baby doll jammies in this PILLOW fight! Terry, would you be a dear & hand me that SPARKLE 8ROL to patch up this tear... and try not to fall off that ladder. I'd hate to have to run out into the cold winter air in this little nighty & hover over you, patting your face, until you regain consciousness.

(Submitted by Abi )

Oops Chiq - I didn't mean to rip that off , sorry - Terry close your eyes NOW! I think we must've split at least one PILLOW - I can't see a thing in here for feathers.....Chiq - where've you gone.....Hey Jennifer - get well soon, I'll send a bottle over to keep you company!!

(Submitted by Terry )

OK, they're closed, but it's not helping...now all I can see is Jeen with an empty bottle...could I borrow one of those PILLOWs?

(Submitted by sexyboy )

Sooo...Derek (aka: Sparkle boy)! I haven't been here for a while! Sooo... everbody, where's Chiquitta? See ya!

(Submitted by YouKnowYouWantMe )

Facial tissue...almost as much of a neccesity as toilet tissue...If YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN...

(Submitted by yermamma )

Sooo, sexy boy, R ya still looking for Chiq? Dumbass! Bye!

(Submitted by Chiq )

Is someone looking for me?

(Submitted by cybil )

nice de niro, chiq!

(Submitted by Dally )

Don't know Ter, but for me I can't cat fight and giggle at the same time. Kisses to the girly girls!!

(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal )

*laughing to herself* What a funny bunch!

(Submitted by Kanuck )

that pot soil works really well if you can't afford a more elaborate hydroponic system

(Submitted by Jenni-poo )

I-I-I-I-I-YI-YI-Have become, comfortably numb. OK, not receipt related, but a damn fine song. And I'm laying, lying, laid, I never could get that one straight, on my PILLOW while listening to it. lieu, wot don't go good with Nyquil? Really!

(Submitted by emityna )

poo, was that a little flirt with lieu there? just trying to catch up on the story here.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

NO DALLY I MEANT STOP SHOPPING IN THE 10 AND UNDER STORES, AND WALMART FOR YOUR CLOTHES, OR EXCUSE ME KMART; JOYCE LESLIE AND STRAWBERRYS WOULD BE A STEP UP FOR YOU! DID YOU EVER HEAR OF MACYS? COME ON DALLY SAY MACYS!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

FASHIONGIRL, what's wrong with Wal*Mart?!?!? You're dissing Wal*Mart?? I can't believe it! Why have you *saw* the new Jacqueline Smith collection? It's simply fabulous (what that woman can do with polyester?) and Kathy Ireland is skimming the edge fashion with those Burberry print leg warmers. Ohhh, and the Kathie Lee Gifford collection, damn, those little Koreans sure can sew a stitch! Oh, here, btw, I brung you a Strunk & White.

(Submitted by Andre )

Aw gee Dalsy, a magrack, and I've been braiding my elas just for you, too, do you like them? *twisting and dipping to catch the best glints in his finely crafted braids* - OMIGOD! I just realised! *parting (ouch!) his ela braids* the receipt is torn! Thank god Matt Krieg's name was not damaged!

(Submitted by Lindsay Crouse )

I can't help it, I'm out of control.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Ooooohhhh, Andre Baby..S-E-X-Y. I'm thinking five pillows and a handful of elas and we'd be SPARKLIN' & ROLLING all night long. Meet me in the battery sextion, 1:05 am, GMT

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

i'd have to recommend a '94 napa cabernet savignon, jeen, to go with your '01 nyquil. do you warm up the 'quill as an after dinner apertif or go wif the partner inclusive chest rub? c'mon jeen, walk on the wild side.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

DALLY, Y ARE U BRINGING ME STRUNK & WHITE? I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE U AND WALK AROUND WITH TIGHT WHITE SLUTY TEES, CAUSE I AM NOT A HOE! BUT I KNOW I DO LOOK BETTER IN A TIGHT WHITE TEE THEN U! I DON'T NEED THE TEE TO BE WHITE AND TIGHT TO SHOW MY CHEST OFF, CAUSE I GOT A WHOLE LOT OF THE REAL THING! OR WAIT ARE U A LESBIAN? IF SO YUCK RUN, GO AWAY AND STOP TALKING ABOUT MY CHEST!

(Submitted by chiq )

"Cleanup in entertainment aisle....SPARKLES all over......"

(Submitted by in lieu of burlap )

all i want for christmas is your two front breasts in tight, slutty white tees...

(Submitted by puss-n-boots )

Meeeeoooooooooo! *spit, spit* Fffffft! Fffffft!

(Submitted by in lieu of pay per view )

hey terry, want a front row seat?

(Submitted by Visionary )

The way the receipt's crumpled, I can see a little devil sitting down and facing to the left. His dark eyes are in the space between the battery codes and prices and his pointed ears extend up and to the right. Looks like he's wolding a steering wheel, probably to an nitrous Ferrari. Anybody else see this? Hey, where'd my tortilla with the Modonna's face on it go? *mumbling* damn child-proof medicine containers...

(Submitted by Follower )

OOOH, and he's got a passenger with his mouth open between PILLOW and the pillow codes. They're sitting on # OF ITEMS SOLD 13, right? Yes, Visionary, I see him too! Looks like they're driving to Hell in a handbasket! Maybe they're the spirits of WalMart parking lot mulletards too stupid to find their cars!

(Submitted by Toast )

Did Dally say something about NYC FASHION GIRL'S chest?! I missed it. *Darn*

(Submitted by scaredy cat )

i'll bet it's the spirits of mom & pop operations put out of business by the mart. damn, and i gotta walk the dog in the dark tonight...

(Submitted by Terry )

Right there wif ya bud...I'll share my popcorn with the winner...

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

sounds like they'll get to ride in a new kind of bucket seat. just don't mention the words "commodious" and "seat" in the same sentence around our favorite blonde mets fan. she's a little "strung out" now.

(Submitted by Jennifer )

A flirt? Mwah? I don't flirt, hey lieu, wanna pull out that cork? But I can't do that frenchy stuff. I like a guy who can really get into the box. I think it lasts MUCH longer. I like much longer. Abs, thanks for the red dress, it really soaks up the stains. Wassup with the chick fight anyway?

(Submitted by Dally )

It's cool lieu, I got a dozen roses out of the deal...

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Granted, I was a little stressed today but now I am aawwllll better. *big sparkly smile, doing my "Happy Girl Wiggle" (_/_)(_\_)(_/_)* Peace everybody! Joy to the World and all that other good stuff!!

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

I do believe that you've been hiding something from us, Derek. To think, scanners and modems and printers you've all bought from WalMart, and shared the purchase with us here in the receipt netherworld. But methinks you've been hiding the purchase of that digital camera that you photographed this receipt with...shame on you, and it's only through the fame and glory we've brought you that you've even been inspired to buy all this technological whizbangery.

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

...and don't think poor operator #602 won't notice your infidelity and goggle eyes over #1879. I mean, look what happened to Shannon, god forbid we want to mop up after a fiasco like that again.........................

(Submitted by Deputy Associate of the Year )

Mop to checkout 6! And would the checkout supervisor please remind the operators of the danger of holding wet t-shirt contests at the checkout? Thankyou for shopping at WalMart.

(Submitted by Derek's mum )

Don't believe a word of it, folks, Derek's gay, I've got the nanner to prove it.

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

Can anyone tell me what that big bulge is in Derek's left pocket? And omigod, there it is, in the background, the holy sepulchre itself, Dilworth WalMart, my boots are shakin' ma!

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

You have a potential urge and the ability for self fulfilment !

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

You are in good hands this evening !

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

All your hard work will soon pay off !!

(Submitted by Grass Hopper )

You've made a good start. Keep trying !

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Ah good morning all you lovely posties! It's Friday and you all know what that means - yup, casual dress day at work! WooHoo! Got my tightest, whitest, sluttiest tee on and I am red-tah go! Derek, by the way, isn't gay...at least he didn't seem to be on that wild cross-country sex rampage we made together.

(Submitted by Dally )

oh, wait,...that was a dream...nevermind.

(Submitted by Terry )

Hey Abi, can I open my eyes now? They're starting to SPARKLE 8ROL...

(Submitted by Abi )

Oh sorry Terry - I forgot you were still hanging on the windowsill, I hope your fingers haven't gone numb? Here stick 'em in the POT SOIL, that'll warm them up...

(Submitted by Chiq )

Mornin ALL! Watch out for the couple that are SPARKLE 8ROLing in aisle 5.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

I see we have an imposter- poster in our midst (last couple "Chiq" posts were not mine). Or perhaps a new poster who doesn't realize the names Chiquita/Chiqca/Chiq are already taken. Whoever you are, if you're an imposter, I would suggest you go back to last summer's receipts & see what happened to the last imposter (it wasn't pretty). And if you're just new & it's an honest mistake, let me suggest the screen monicker BUTTERFINGER which has not been taken yet. By the way, I went to a lot of effort to pull that name out of the toaster box, so I'd be really hurt if you didn't use it. Thank you, Elvis has left the building.

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

Is it "Period Week" or what!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

By the way, snogs & nanners to ALL my poster buds! Terry, you still got that smoked nanner?

(Submitted by Abi )

Chiq - I didn't think that was you - what a cheek! Big snogs back to you - d'you get the feathers out of the toaster box ok?

(Submitted by Terry )

Yup Chic...just gave it a 409 REFILL...You should see it SPARLKE 8ROL...

(Submitted by in lieu of chevy chase )

409 refill? must have been a ford.

(Submitted by Dally )

I think BUTTERFINGER is a bitchin' name. Yes, pseudo-Chiq, please follow the house rules and don't use Chicqa's name. It confuses us all and, speaking for myself, I'm already dizzy enough as it is, but that's due in part to this tight-ass tee and these constrictive hoe jeans I'm wearing on my commodious butt *spinning...room spinning..did someone say popcorn?*

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Dal, I hope you didn't try to squeeze those constrictive hoe jeans on over the GIRLS BRIEFS. You don't want panty lines, after all.

(Submitted by emityna )

I think not. Dal's got a classic camel-toe on display. I think i could open a beer with that thing.

(Submitted by Panty Line )

Help me...wot's a camel toe on display?

(Submitted by Bulwinkle )

Camel toe? I don't think so. Try moose knuckle. That might be more accurate.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Camel, Moose, well, whatever...but no, silly Chicqie, course I didn't go with the GIRLS BRIEFS cause that would be a FASHION faux pas (besides, my cheeks just would not stay in those suckers)! No, ma'am, I waddled right over to Wal*Mart's new Rosanne Barr lingerie collection for "Big Beautiful Trailer Trash Sluts " and purchased myself a sexy XL thong. The front flat, I guess you'd call it, sports a big Wal*Mart Roll Back Special Smiley Face. It made me feel like a natural woman.

(Submitted by jaybee )

Good God, I never realized how interesting a department store receipt could be, given the right company...Ya'll are a gas. You know, they might sell the paperback version of "Strunk and White" at Walmart. If not, they possibly have a book on charm that might help some of your more OUTSPOKEN personalities. I have sat and laughed my (_)_) off for a couple of hours reading this stuff, and damn it I didn't have any Facial Tissue to dry the tears rolling down my cheeks. Good thing I had plenty of Pillows on the floor to break my fall when I fell out of my chair. If my laughter wakes my sleeping mate he won't be in a very Sparkle-like mood in the morning. Anyway, for you really witty people in here, keep it up. (And keep plenty of Batteries on hand for when you can't)!

(Submitted by jaybee )

Oops, my butt got broken back there, has Derek bought any Crazy-glue lately?

(Submitted by Dally )

I am ugly!

(Submitted by jaybee )

Why do you say that Dally? Not on the inside you're not. From what I can tell anyway.

(Submitted by Bonnie Piesse's lame chicken )

No Dally, you've been reading these receipts too long, it's this dang RECEIPT that's ugly, goddrabbit Derek passing off such trash after all the loyalty we've shown him...and all the loyalty Shannon showed him...and after all the camel toe Scott Freeman showed him...

(Submitted by My other one's a fourbetwo )

I love pseudonymous posting

(Submitted by Barbra Streisand )

Touch me in the morning

(Submitted by Diana Ross )

Wasn't that me that said that?

(Submitted by Barry Gibb )

No it was me, you camel toed slutty t-ed ho you! And give me back the red dress!

(Submitted by Liberace )

Can somebody explain this Barry Manilow to me?

(Submitted by Rocky )

I love a good moose toe in the morning

(Submitted by Jana, not Zan )

*biting my nails* C'mon, Derek, it's been 8 days since you last went to Walmart? I need my fix, dude. And thank you for giving me something to do for the past 16 hours. I feel like I know you biblically now. If I send you a gift card, will you go BUY SOMETHING ALREADY?

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Awwwwww, thank you Jaybee, I appreciate that very much. Actually someone posted that "I am ugly" post using my name but it wasn't me. But thank you for your support. *snog*

(Submitted by Jaybee )

Dally did you think I was serious? Haha! Yea, right!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

hey fake Jaybee (you screwed up on his address), please do (as Chic suggested) go back to last summer's receipts and see what happens to imposters on this site.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Its "Share the joke gone round the Internet 3 times" time *emptying out his in-tray after 2 weeks off* A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try & throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again & again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when........ the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

BB!!!!!!!!!!!*running to throw my arms around you....tripping on my stirrup...falling...scraping my knee (owie owie)..getting back up...dragging mechanical horsey with me (such is my desire to welcome you home)...stirrup breaking..falling again..bumping head (owie owie)..crawling toward you..clutching your ankles...clawing my way up your legs...grapping your arms and wrapping myself whole-heartedly around your slightly appalled but bemused self* Hey Mister, did ya bring me back a seashell w/ an ocean in it?

(Submitted by Biskra Blonde )

Blondes fall, which is why they invented pillows.

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Yikes Dal! That's not BalmainBoy's bemused self you've wrapped yourself around, but his girthy nanner. Let up a little, it's starting to turn blue. And a nanner just oughtn't be blue. *snogs and KITTY TREATS to all!*

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

yer give a kid a quarter for a horsey-ride, next thing yer slapped with a paternity suit.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

I WAS CHECKING THIS SITE OUT WAITING FOR THE NEXT RECEIPT. I DECIDED TO CHECK OUT THIS RECEIPT TO SEE IF DALLY WAS STILL BEING MEAN TO ME AND REALIZED THAT I THINK DALLY THINKS SHE OWNS THIS SITE. DEREK YOU SHOULD STOP HER!

(Submitted by susieuntilrecentlyonProzac )

From time to time we have all had trouble with Dally, the real one or the imposters, but my advice is to roll with the punches, stay away from medication and take solace in words of comfort from the Grasshopper.

(Submitted by Cheech )

Roll, roll, roll a joint, take a sip of wine, take a toke, hold your smoke, blow your f*ckin' mind...C'mon ev'rybody, SING!

(Submitted by jaebee )

I'm the new kid in town here and it is obvious to me that Derek REALLY needs to go to Walmart! By the way Dal, you're right, that last entry was not me, you're pretty quick.

(Submitted by The new new kid )

I have yet to get into trouble with Dally - the real one or the imposters. From what I can tell the real Dally is far from mean spirited. Unless you do not appreciate a little bit of harsh wit you will see that Dally is merely defending herself, not bloody picking on you. WHAT'S WITH THE BLOODY CAPS ANYHOW???

(Submitted by Abi )

Yaaayy!! Right on New Kid! Well said.......Bigs snogs to y'all!

(Submitted by Dally )

Gee...I didn't mean to be mean to anybody. I was just teasing with you FASHION GIRL, then you started saying all the mean stuff...and here I was thinking I was showing such restraint by making fun of myself instead of you. Ah, well, I guess you can't please everyone. New Kid, let's have babies!! Hey Abi-cakes...oh,oh, and sorry bout that nanner BB..geeze, I reckon I am a walking trouble magnet..*heeheehee*

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

i figured it was breast implants that were invented to correct the fact that blondes fall and that pillows were just for men's amusement. shows wot i know. i also thought dally had shown remarkable restraint and was wondering why ms. bigfont had such a large and misdirected burr up her ass. i hope she "gets some" before the tartness spreads throughout the rest of her well-heeled bod. greetings jaebee and any other newbees. note there's also an "i am" and "bulletin bored" aspect to the site. enjoy!

(Submitted by Chiquita )

*busily wielding magic markers, making my "We Love Dally!" banner* Snog!

(Submitted by Butterfinger(aka:Chiq) )

I'm sorry Chiquita!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, really, girl, I didn't realize that you had the same name! HONEST MISTAKE!! LOL! What exactly was the month that you dissed the other imposter in? Sorry, again. I really do need to find a new name, Butterfinger just isn't working

(Submitted by in lieu of butterfinger )

does carmen miranda sound rights? that way you can both still have your banana fetishes.

(Submitted by Girl Nectar )

I think something with a flower in it would be nice since your email is flower_chic (fyi: you can see the poster's address if you point the pointer on the red name). Yup, I'm seeing flora and fauna. Maybe "Banana Blossom"? "Bee Stung"? (oooh, I kinda like that one) "Wyld Flower"? "Deer in Headlight"? Just some suggestions

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Butterfinger, I think the imposter was tarred, feathered & hung out for public slaughter sometime in August. I am relieved that I don't have a new imposter & I welcome you into our incestuous liitle group. Here, have a welcome nanner (as a fellow chic, I presume you know what to do with it). Snog!

(Submitted by Dalliance )

We **LOVE** each other...as often as we can! Now, when does it get to be my turn again??? My turn, my turn, my turn.....*still clutching Balmain's nanner* Chicqa if it turns blue again, what should I do? CPR? I've watched Baywatch so I'm pretty sure I can resuscitate it. Please just let me know. So good to have a nanner expert in the house.

(Submitted by Paulette Revere )

BB, I'll be needing another quarter please *sweet smile*

(Submitted by Blonde Mets Fan )

Here's my joke: One morning Al Gore and George W. Bush were having brunch at a restaurant. The attractive waitress asks Gore what he would like and he replies, "I'll have a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit." "And what can I get for you sir?" she asks George W. He replies, "How about a quickie?" "Why Governor!" the waitress says, "how rude - and you're not even a president yet!" As the waitress storms away, Gore leans over to Bush and whispers, "It's pronounced 'quiche'."

(Submitted by suzannejusqu'arecementsousProzac )

C'est quoi kweekee?

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Here you go, I HAVE got a quarter left ... OMG, she has my eyes!!! The Balmain ones that dont cry!

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Y'know BMF, that'd be funny if it weren't true. I can't believe that weasely little bastard is in charge. Abi- cakes, any room in that garden for a foxhole? I can't really pitch a tent. Well, I could, but it would vibrate too much. And it might keep the neighbors UP. I don't know the words to "Hail to the Thief", so just make some sh*t up. I need to calm down now. Susie, got any pills layin, lain, lying, dammit, here we go again, around? Like, four years worth?

(Submitted by jaebee )

Does NYCFG always shout? Even her email address is all uppercase. Whats up with that? Hey, thanks for the welcome....and yes the 'i am' and 'bulletin bored' aspect of the site was noted!! Abi, I love your accent.

(Submitted by Andrew Smith )

I didn't mean to be mean.

(Submitted by Glenn Frye )

He's the new kid in town.

(Submitted by The new new kid )

Well Dally, how about we get us some TROJANS and just pretend? Have you seen what Derek's spent on DRI-BOTTOMS alone? *rummaging around in the toaster box for the lexicon*

(Submitted by AppleKid )

You could've gotten a brand new duplicate receipt... Fear the 61 Action Code...

(Submitted by Liggle Bear )

i ain't 'friad of nufink !

(Submitted by The Attenuator )

Anyone interested in a pillow going cheap? Hardly been used? And I'll throw in four free ones if you buy this (ahem) 409 refill. Bargain!

(Submitted by Shannon Koch )

I'd like to get my hand on that operator #1879's moose toe, I tell ya.

(Submitted by marit )

I just love this site

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey Jennifer - there's plenty of space for little ol' you in Strumpetshire - get over here NOW, we could do with a little SPARKLE 8ROL to liven things up!! Welcome to you, jaebee - I love your accent too..!!

(Submitted by what? )

What in God's name are you doing? Do you REALLY have nothing better to do with your life than sit here and post your stupid Wal-Mart receipts on this stupid web- page? What a loser! Oh, and by the way. I love what you've done with the site!!! hehe :)

(Submitted by in lieu of reed )

damn jeen. you had me polka- dotting my shorts doing my best old faithful impersonation and had to go and rag on double u. i'll tell you what... since we've suffered thru EIGHT long years of bill's faithlessly EXECUTING the office of pres., let's give jr. a fair chance to work wif four. you can't honestly tell me you'd rather have al in there, can you? after that, if'n jr. ain't serrating the dijon to our satisfaction let's all come *clearing throat* together and put daschle or mccain or some other competent in. mkay? aside from that, anybody seen eunice or edgar gutrumble around? morning everyone. group snog!

(Submitted by susieuntilrecentlyonProzac )

NYCFASHIONGIRL has posted on ALL the receipts, *coming over all peculiar* *reaching for the Prozac bottle* GRASSHOPPER, GRASSHOPPER ...-- -...---...---

(Submitted by Walmart.com )

Walmart.com site back online after 28-day overhaul By TODD R. WEISS (October 31, 2000) With less than two months to go before Christmas, Wal-Mart Stores Inc.'s e-commerce affiliate today reopened its Web site after a 28-day closure during which the site was given a complete makeover. Menlo Park, Calif.-based Walmart.com Inc., which is jointly owned by Bentonville, Ark.-based Wal-Mart and Palo Alto, Calif.-based venture- capital firm Accel Partners, closed its Web site on Oct. 3 for a redesign (see story). The makeover included a switch to a new e-commerce application platform that the company bought in July from defunct online retailer HomeWareHouse.com. Walmart.com spokeswoman Cynthia Lynn confirmed that the Web site went live again at 3:51 a.m. Eastern Standard Time today, without any great fanfare from the company. She added that the redesign was aimed at making the site "cleaner [and] clearer" for users, with new features such as the ability to search for specific items by price, alphabetically or by popularity. Search functions also are now available on all of Walmart.com's Web pages, Lynn said. In addition, users can now click on product photos to see larger pictures of items and can look through special "merchandise shops" that group together multiple products in one spot on the Walmart.com home page. Walmart.com initially had hoped to reopen the Web site as early as Oct. 17, although the company later said its official goal was to be back in business by the end of this month (see story). Some analysts had criticized the decision to shut down and redesign the Walmart.com site at this point in the year, with one going so far as to call it "insane" to make such major changes just before the start of the holiday shopping season. Barrett Ladd, an analyst at Gomez Advisors Inc. in Lincoln, Mass., said she still questions Walmart.com's complete shutdown of the Web site during the renovation process. But she noted that the changes unveiled today have greatly improved the site's appearance and usability. "I think they've done a good job of putting together a pretty clean site," she said. Among the highlights are the use of file folder "tabs" to differentiate product categories in order to make it easier for users to find different products, Ladd said. The addition of clearer information on pricing, warranty details, the country of origin for products and whether the merchandise can be gift-wrapped is also "a notable improvement" compared to earlier versions of the Web site, she added. Jim Williamson, an analyst at International Data Corp. in Framingham, Mass., also reiterated his belief that the shutdown of the Web site was "nuts." But, he said, Walmart.com apparently sees this holiday season as a "learning experience" for the company. "I'm not sure they're looking to make a lot of profits online this holiday [season]," Williamson said, adding that executives at Walmart.com appear to be "just looking to kind of stretch their legs a little bit." Walmart.com was spun out of Wal-Mart as an independent company with its own management team and board of directors last January (see story). Wal-Mart retains majority ownership of the online venture, but Accel and Walmart.com's employees also own pieces of the company. In a related matter, office products retailer Office Depot Inc. in Delray Beach, Fla., today also announced that it has launched a redesigned version of its Web site. Included was the addition of a series of professional services and information resources aimed at small-business users.

(Submitted by .com )

need... oxygen. fading..............awa__arrag h!

(Submitted by TMI )

Geeze, didn't know Ted 'Freaking' Koppel was a site visitor.

(Submitted by Gloria Steinham )

Not... feeling.... well. Need... smallcox... booster.

(Submitted by Large Gonads Man )

DadadaDaaaaa! Here I am to save the day.....

(Submitted by . )

Like putty in your hands, I've an organ made of clay!

(Submitted by . )

Only a stiff breeze blowing can make me sway...

(Submitted by . )

So put on those kneepads before my hair turns grey!

(Submitted by lullaby dreams(aka:used to be butterfinger) )

Hey guys! It's me again! Sooo...am I part of your little groupie thingy??!! *Hee Hee*I just was wondering...how did you get your Chiquita name? Me? My mom used to call me that as a kid cause I loved bananas and used to walk around the house singing the "Chiquita Banana" song!!!! Bye for now!

(Submitted by euell gibbons )

did you know that many parts of the banana are edible?

(Submitted by george washington carver )

i've developed 69 industrial uses for the banana.

(Submitted by the (soda) jerk )

so lady, you want nuts and cream on that banana split?

(Submitted by Lullaby dreams )

I just read what i rposted and realized that I sound stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Submitted by School Crossing Guard )

It got me kinda hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Submitted by lullabye )

this is to the soda jerk ~ No nuts or cream, I settle for hot sauce...lol

(Submitted by Terry )

Hey lullaby...wanna go on a picnic?

(Submitted by steve martini )

that's fine lullaby butt the cherry goes on top. hey terry, got a van i can borrow?

(Submitted by dog in car )

i get to go to the vet to get tutored!

(Submitted by Chiquita )

Well LD (formerly butterfinger), it goes sumpthin like this. When we were kids, my sister started calling me Chiquita Bird becuase she says I have bird feet (which I do not, my feet are actually quite lovely... manicured nails, toe ring, the works). Over time, it got shortened to Chiquita and other variations. And ALL, I found this old HAIR ACCESS lying around in the toaster box. Anybody want it?

(Submitted by Ted Koppel )

OK, I'll do it...what the fock is a Chiquita Bird? And what did you call her back? And why is your sister spending so much time looking at your feet? And, and, manicured toenails? Do you floss them too? Do you wanna go on a picnic? And hair access? Is that like parsley, where you just push it aside and start eating?

(Submitted by Ted Koppulate )

Want's some popcorn, girlies!

(Submitted by Ted Koppulate )

oops...my hair piece slipped...want's = want (dang, I hate when I blow a joke - no pun intended)

(Submitted by Dalliance )

I think those are both very adorable stories. I don't have one...I wish I did.

(Submitted by Blonde Mermaid )

Balmain, if I was a mermaid on the coast of Broulee, I'd grab your feets and take you under with me.

(Submitted by Dally Bird )

hey lullabye...I think you chose a lovely name...p.s. if you go on the picnic, be very careful with the chicken leg..hey Jenny, Jenny!! 8675309, 86753099999 (man, I am really dating myself)

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Dally Bird!!!! I love it!!! Here's tipping my wing to ya.

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

Dearest susieuntilrecentlyonProzac, there are others of us (apart from NYCFASHIONGIRL) who have also posted on all the receipts, just not necessarily under our own names......................... .............................. ........................

(Submitted by Jennifer )

Damn lieuy, d'ya always use your tongue that good? But d'ya really want a cokehead with his finger on the button? Trust me, I've been there. It's not a pretty site. Plus, I hear Abi's got some great organics going on in the garden. Or was that orgasmics? Whatever. Dal, I love that song, and dating myself. I really don't care who let the friggin dogs out, ya know what I mean?

(Submitted by Code Man Cruthers )

.... . .-.. .-.. --- / -.. .- .-.. .-.. -.--

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

...by the way, NYCFASHIONGIRL didn't post under her name on 6 September 98. Blurt.

(Submitted by MichaelJ@ckson )

I wanna rock with you

(Submitted by Terry )

Careful JP, lieu uses his tongue purtier than a two dollar whore...and stop being so hard on the Bush...

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

I wish I'd said that...

(Submitted by Dally )

Jen, I've discovered that dating myself has many advantages, actually. And what with those new-fangled Japanese rotating, bobbing, vibrating love wands with that little hoochy coochy rabbit riding on it, doing that tickly wickly wee prawn wiggle with his ears...hell, I might never come out of my foxhole.

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

I WROTE SOMETHING ON EVERY RECEIPT, YOU GOT A PROBLEM, YOU GOT THE EMAIL! TILL THE NEXT RECEIPT! BBYE!

(Submitted by BBoy )

Blub ... blub.. what the heck kinda fish do they have round here?? With their own email addresses yet! But to other things, our ex-Prime Minister spoke to a packed house last night (not much happening in Sydney in summer) about the design features of the new Berlin (is this surreal or what?). He is quoted as saying 'Berlin's revamped Parisier Platz was full of "raw beams exposed like a good pair of legs, at every available opportunity", he quipped. The end result was a street "about as inviting as a Wal-Mart after shopping hours". Tell me it isn't so ... Walmarts unattractive???

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

Silly! He WAS saying the street was attractive. A good bit of leg...operator #1879...Wal-Mart...the comparison is obvious.

(Submitted by Casper )

This looks like fun !

(Submitted by marit )

In 1555, Nostradamus wrote: "Come the millennium, month 12, In the home of greatest power, The village idiot will come forth To be acclaimed the leader."

(Submitted by Al Gore )

Thats man speaks the truth !

(Submitted by susie )

Yes,Arti, I know, but to go back on every site, that's like so,SAD. Life should be lived one shopping trip at a time.

(Submitted by The Village )

George? Where are you?

(Submitted by in lieu of poo )

right on, marit. in the new village of york, his caution has come to pass. what wif her prior success wif health care reform, the village voters should get their just reward. was that an edsel i saw hillarious in?

(Submitted by in lieu of dukakis )

oh, and jeeny poo, i'm afraid i can't cast any "rocks" under those circumstances. i'm also quite sure al can't either. you've got to like his values though, his commitment to family, his unwillingness to stick his tongue down his wife's throat in public. hey caruthers! don't be scatting off any time soon. let's talk!

(Submitted by Dally )

.... . .-.. .-.. --- / -.-. .-. ..- - .... . .-. ... / .... --- .-- -.. .. -.. -.-- --- ..- -.- -. --- .-- - .... .- - .. -.- -. --- .-- -.-. --- -.. . /..--..

(Submitted by peckerwould )

../-./-./.../.-.//./././/..-.- .--.-.-.-./.-.--.-.-..--.//./- .!!

(Submitted by - . .-. .-. -.-- )

.-- --- - - .... . ..- . --- -.-. -.-

(Submitted by Toast )

OK, enough already with the f***in Morse code! Jeesh! BTW, can someone get NYCFG riled up again? It's kinda fun to watch (well, except for the blown ear drums).

(Submitted by Code Man Cruthers )

.--- ..- ... - / .- / -- . ..- . ... ... / .- -.-. - ..- .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / .- - . -.. / .- - / .-.. . .- ... - / -.-- --- ..- / .- . . .--. .-.. .. . -.. / .. - . / -.-. --- -.. . .-.-.- / - .... . / --- - .... . .-. ... / .- .--. .-- . . .- .-. / - --- / - ... . / .--- .. -... - ... . .-. .. ... .... .-.-.-

(Submitted by Dalliance )

*gasp*Terry, watch your mouth! But, then again you did use fock instead of fuck. And, Cruthers, it was a clever guess and thank you, I try and yes I recognized peckerwould's .--- .. -... - ... . .-. .. ... .... for jibberish. *curtsy* I just love to decipher! woohoo!!

(Submitted by Andre )

this slutty ho tight t-shirt is constricting the blood flow to my moose toe

(Submitted by The old new kid )

*still rummaging...* Anyone want this pack of TROJANS I found in here? Where's that damned lexicon??

(Submitted by At weddings or something )

Isn't there an old Irish myth that whomever catches the flung box of contraceptives will be the next to fall pregnant?

(Submitted by dodging the bullet )

watch out lieu!! (he's an ova magnet)

(Submitted by Abi )

How spooky - I, too, am wearing my slutty, white, tight t-shirt today, with fetching tarty black underwear, just to set the look off perfectly!! NYCFG - More fashion tips please!!!!

(Submitted by Terry )

OMG Abs...you're not gonna believe this...that's what I'M wearing too!!! Way spooky!

(Submitted by Abi )

Terry - you saucy piece, you!

(Submitted by Richard Gere )

Anyone got a cardboard tube I can have ? It needs to be quick, my hampster is feeling tired !

(Submitted by lullabye )

sniff...sniff *reaches for a tissue* what a touching story Chiq!!!!!!! lol!What is this? slutty white hoe t-shirt day, or sompin?

(Submitted by lullabye )

Hey guys!!!! Well... this is it..the end of the semester...I'm siked for exams...NEone else?!!! Buh Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Submitted by Chiquita )

I don't have a slutty tight white t-shirt, but I am wearing a sequined tube top and these GIRLS BRIEFS. Will that do?

(Submitted by Peeping Tom )

You're getting me all hot over here Chiquita !

(Submitted by Terry )

Sorry lully, the last exam I had was a real pain in the ass...

(Submitted by Dally )

whoa baby, Chiqie Bird, you sound like one hot hoochie mama! me, I'm wearing a black cotton chamisole with "PERVERT" written in small red letters (I swear, it's true, okay it's under my dress but I am wearing it) my dress even covers my spacious butt today. It's a pink fake leopard print. It goes great with lime green fishnets. I got a new attitude.

(Submitted by Dallyvert )

NYCFASHIONGIRL, if you want a PERVERT Tee for yourself, you can get it on Broadway at the flea market set up next to Tower Records on Great Jones Street. You can thank me later. Just don't try to copy my style and get the black one with red letters, okay?

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

I AM BEING FOR REAL NOW DALLY WHEN I SAY THIS, BUT I USED TO SHOP THERE WHEN I WAS 16 BEFORE MY BOOBS GOT REALLY BIG. THEY HAD THE CUTEST CABBAGE PATCH KID TEES THERE! NOW I JUST GET EARRINGS THERE. DO YOU REMEMBER THE YO CRIB GIRLS THAT USED TO SELL THERE, THEY HAD CUTE STUFF TOO! OK, LATER

(Submitted by Jennifer )

I'm not that involved in polly-tics, lieu, but I do know, when Jesus spoke thru the bush, it weren't Dubya. And I kinda like a tongue stuck down my throat in pubic. Ter, can I have back the undies and sluty white T now?

(Submitted by Dally )

NYCFG, Cool, see I knew we must have something in common! I get earrings there too sometimes. But this guy set up this hip little metal house thing and sales under a brand called "Afterlife" - they have the coolest tees. My boobs aren't so big..only B cups *looking down sadly* but I do where my clothes kinda tight, you're absolutely right about that!

(Submitted by Dally Again )

where = wear, oh, speaking of tees, I saw the cutest one the other day on this baby. It said "Shit Happens"

(Submitted by Observer )

Koppel: Mr. Bush, have you heard that Mr. Gore has taken a teaching job at Columbia University? Bush: Well, I wish Mr. Gore lots of luck, but I don't think it was necessary for him to leave the country.

(Submitted by marit )

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century." Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 9/15/95

(Submitted by marit )

Hej alla svenskar och hej keld

(Submitted by keld )

Dav marit (bella)

(Submitted by ka )

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe." Governor George W. Bush, Jr., 8/11/94

(Submitted by Hagar )

This is pretty screwed up right here...

(Submitted by in lieu of histerical inaccuracy )

hey guys, the quotes are verbatim but you've screw up on the source. those are not from george, neither are they from al, who they've also been attributed to. both those quotes and countless more came from that dumbass dan quayle, the lamest mf ever to be a heartbeat away from the oval orifice. tip for the day - if'n a quote is just too stupid to believe, lay the blame on quayle. you might say "a quote from the quayle is worth two from the bush."

(Submitted by Abi )

Hey lieu - you wearing your slutty tight, white t-shirt today???? Or is it just the sock suspenders???

(Submitted by lieu )

sock suspender, abi. singular. and yes, that wood be a wool sock.

(Submitted by Abi )

you sure that's not a windsock?

(Submitted by Crazy Diamond )

Hail to the Windsock Chief...long may you blow, lieu

(Submitted by in lieu of satin pumps )

let's hear it for stiff breezes so there'll be deep gasps and wheezes...

(Submitted by in lieu of maya angelieu )

there once was a playgirl named kitten, who was known for her calico "mitten". now while monochrome would have been nice, her kodachrome did entice, every tom, dick & harry that could be smitten.

(Submitted by in lieu of tiffany's )

i once had two uncles ralph and earl, at the 1st whiff of seafood they would hurl, my two aunts saved themselves some work, by feeding thread and oysters to the jerks, who promptly coughed up messy necklasses of pearls.

(Submitted by lullabye dream )

Hey everyone! HoRaH for slutty white Tshirts!! :o) Derek needs to go to walmart!!

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Dally, it's not the size that matters, but what you can do with what you've got. I think men & women alike can agree on that lil motto. Anyone got a BATTERY? I'm ALL out.

(Submitted by Dalliance )

Thanks, Chiqca_Babe..I don't have a spare BATTERY but I do have this extra BOOSTER CABLE, will that do ya? Morning Everybody!!

(Submitted by Van Morrison )

Gloria...G-L-O-R-I-A!!!!

(Submitted by Andre )

Dally, would you mind not lending my booster cable to every slippery banana you lay your hands on?

(Submitted by mimi )

This is too weird

(Submitted by SuzinN.Cal )

Hmmm ... I thought for sure Derek would have gone to Wal*Mart for superbowl supplies. Gosh! Hi all! Was that a boring game or WHAT? Ah well ... at least there were some funny commercials!

(Submitted by ? )

Ek is van mening dat die hele lot van julle absoluut pateties is. Ek meen, skrik wakker.

(Submitted by Madonna )

I believe that Derek had the urge to get things done arond his house that he has been putting off. He bought the five pillows cause all his old pillows were lumpy and hard. The 409 refill was to clean up the kitchen, bathroom, etc. He wanted new batteries for his remote, fire alarm and flashlight. The facial tissue was for his bathrooms instead of using toilet paper to blow his nose. The potting soil was for his dying plant. The sparkle paper towels were for cleaning instead of dirtying his towels.

(Submitted by soullove )

Did you grow any with that pot soil?

(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )

Nycgirl, don't you know anything? This IS Dalliance's site. Should be anyway. I hereby rename this site Dal's Big website of walmart purchase reciepts.

(Submitted by facialtissue )

5 pillows,3 batteries and MORE facial tissue-

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

Jeez... this site was alot funnier when the hot topic of discussion was Dri-Bottoms and not alot of *wink, wink* amongst you girls.