Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by aggh )

first post? no way!

(Submitted by Kate )

Second again? wow. maybe i'll get first next time. :-)

(Submitted by yfd87 )

and third

(Submitted by Fred Farkle )

I have been looking for Peanut Bu for a long time now. Maybe Matt can give me a deal on case lots!

(Submitted by Abi )

Chiq, Chiq - put away the slutty t-shirt and have one of these new slutty TANKs.....!!

(Submitted by Cakes )

Hey H.A.B. - can Chiq and I lean on your tank in our new TANKs???

(Submitted by Terry )

Damn...how can you get TANKed on a 2PK? That's not even enuff to work up a good pee.

(Submitted by Ansel Adams )

Ya know, with LOW FILM DEVELOPING PRICES. ALWAYS. Derek may be motivated to pull out that 110 again soon.

(Submitted by Habib )

Only if I can smear GV PEANUT BU all over y'all first...

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Cakes, does a 2PK mean that there's a TANK for each of us, or there's room in the TANK for each of my girls? *skipping off to the ENVELOPE to do the DEW*

(Submitted by Cakes )

How many girls have you got Chiq?? *twirling round in new TANK*

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

how do you get a 2pk of TANKS in your car? Or do you just drive one home and hitch the other to the back?

(Submitted by lieu )

i always thought a pear shaped BUtt was preferable. if it's a peanut shape your after, i hope we're talking about a horizontal two-nutter.

(Submitted by 2PK SHAKUR )

WTF?

(Submitted by Chiqca )

Cakes, I've got 2 "girls" that would go into the TANK (or as H.A.B. might refer to them... "hooters") and one other "girl" that isn't up high enough for the TANK, but might fit into the GIRLS BRIEFS.

(Submitted by Shannen )

My dog just shit on himself.

(Submitted by Cakes )

*rolling around laughing* Aah, I see what you mean Chiq!! *laughintg my girls off!!*

(Submitted by Cakes )

strike that sneaky 't' up there...

(Submitted by patton leather shoes )

tanks a lot! my, those are nice. what are they, mmmm1 a1's or the bradley personnell carriers? makes me about ready for a hummmvee.

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

A hummmvee you say? Well, keep me abreast of the situation.

(Submitted by Andre )

Dear Chiqca, once you've finished wiping down the Volare (or whatever he drives now) in the slutty white t, maybe you could wipe down my nanner. It got squashed by the tank. *sigh*

(Submitted by Chiq )

*peeping eyes out from under ENVELOPE flap* Andre, I've got sumpthin that'll take care of that mushed nanner. It's a spit-shine followed by a slathering of the DEW.

(Submitted by honda owner )

after my last spit-shine, i came on my own accord.

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

I'm sorry. I know we're early in the contest. But, I just have to hand out the award for "Make Germey Laugh Out Loud" to lieu for the previous post.

(Submitted by Habib )

Let me know when the "Make Germey Come Out Loud" contest is, will ya? I just got some new boots, I can make you scream...

(Submitted by Huh? )

Oh joy! Oh YES YES YES! I see that Matt Krieg is back. There's no place like home ! ** madly clicking red shoes together **

(Submitted by Noah Graber )

oh no.... Huh? .... dem heathen red shoes really turn me on ....

(Submitted by Holy fuck )

You guys are on a roll, the last two receipts have been funny. Not "i guess it's funny" like most of the reciepts, but "funny as hell". You can take that "A" off "asshole" and slap it on, well, "A".

(Submitted by Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? )

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.

(Submitted by LIQUIDMAN )

Q: What does a blonde wear to look her more sexy then?? A: nothing!

(Submitted by John the GOD )

there is a lot of fishes in the sea

(Submitted by John the GOD )

Whoo Hoo!! I got thirty second!!

(Submitted by Andre )

24 ounces of pure dew, and it's all coming out from under the flap. I can dream about you....just don't forget the gv peanut butter. Don't you wish, don't you have this secret hankering, that instead of being put in the database as "GV PEANUT BU", they would have saved the first couple of letters and made it "PEANUT BUTT". A great moment in abbreviations WASTED!!!

(Submitted by Andre )

By the way, it's only smoothy for me, goddang these a-holes that put it about that crunchy is better. Lord God King Derek, what's your pronouncement on the matter? Smooth smooth peanut butt, all the way over my tongue and...oh OK, it seemed funny at the time *wiggling peanut butt from under the flap*

(Submitted by uh huh )

well then...

(Submitted by What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? )

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her failing grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves. Her head is struck against the ground again and again. As she is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when out runs the K-Mart manager and shuts the horse off.

(Submitted by Habib )

Y'know, when I heard that one, long ago, it was much more relavent, as she was at a WAL*MART...

(Submitted by What does a smart blonde and a UFO have in common? )

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

(Submitted by Mikey from yonder corner )

The walmart managers would leave her. You're telling me that Matt would be able to take time out of his busy day for some idiot? All the kmart people have to do is take a little bit of time out of mis-tagging the shelves or maybe come off thier smoke break 45 minutes earlier.

(Submitted by last one today )

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" she cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the police phone rang a second time, and a voice came on the line and said, "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

vat are dees blonde jokes doing on heeer? You only vish you ver as smart and virile and gorgeous as us aryans. Habib, report to my chambers immediately.

(Submitted by lieu )

do you think jesse owens ruined german chocolate cake for hitler?

(Submitted by Wal*Fixture )

GV? German Virile Peanut Butt?

(Submitted by John the GOD )

ok, derek, I've bought a tank, my friends all have bought a tank, and the army has shitloads of them, but they are the army and you are just one man, dont kid us all derek, you DONT need a two-pak of tanks (unless it was a buy-1 get-1 free deal)

(Submitted by Nudge the DOG )

*hrrrrrrrrtt*

(Submitted by Mr. Preen Jeans )

I do, periodically, have to shake the DEW off my lilly, butt i don't think i've ever accumulated two dozen ounces of it. What are you doing, going to a "spotted" pants convention?

(Submitted by lieumberjack )

careful, careful... if the govern mint decides that spotted pants are endangered, they won't let you pull any more wood out.

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

The cubs are already losing 2 to nothing and kerry has hit two batters. I think they should pull Wood out right now.

(Submitted by nyc haitian immigrant )

i couldn't agree with you more.

(Submitted by wicked cop of the east )

oooh, that wasn't a very clean sweep, was it?

(Submitted by Zito )

National blode day is approaching, i think. We must do our best to undermine thier confidence so they don't think they are better than anyone else. No big heads ON blondes.

(Submitted by Habib )

Immediately Germie? Sorry, I don't know how to come quickly...

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

TODAY I AM FASHION TANK GIRL, AND I DEW GOT MAGICAL POWERS!

(Submitted by no visits here today )

(Submitted by scott )

For 10 more cent you could of had JIF

(Submitted by MATT KRIEG'S #1 FAN )

KNOCK KNOCK? WHO'S THERE? MATT KRIEG. MATT KRIEG WHO? MATT KRIEG: #1 IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION!

(Submitted by hell yeah )

MATT! Go Matt!

(Submitted by mel brooks )

seeing as how a complete flop can make more money than a hit, i'm going to make a movie with the worst actors i can imagine in it. hmmmm, better call lou diamond phillips, keanu reeves and roseanna arquette. what'll i call it... how about "wal*mart for saddam". yeah, that's the ticket!

(Submitted by I'm infected with a Billy Ray Virus )

Don't you hate it when you can't get a sucky song out your head? Don't break my heart, my achy breaky heart...

(Submitted by Bloke )

I can't find National Blode Day on my calendar.

(Submitted by Zebruary )

they put it on the wrong month.

(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )

Matt Krieg's #1 Fan, do you know how thrilling it is to see you back here? Knock knock all day, comrade! Now if only Marco and hdj jewboy would return...

(Submitted by Dave )

Derek, you have one hell of a site. I bet you're the only man alive who thought of this idea (and with good reason). I found a list online that you might be interested in: YOU MIGHT BE ANAL-RETENTIVE IF... 1) You eat the M&Ms in color order. 2) You fold your dirty clothes before putting them in the hamper. 3) All of your books, CDs, and movies have to be in alphabetical order. 4) You require no less than 200 threads per inch on your sheets. And, they are tucked so tightly that you really could bounce a quarter on them. 5) You organize your closet by color, season, and fabric. 6) You flame every person who sent you email because the emails weren't spelled correctly or gramatically correct. 7) You remove the tires to wash inside the wheel-wells of your vehicle. 8) You collect the little postcards in magazine issues for recycling. 9) Every e-mail reply that you send has been through a grammar checker and you correct the original message. 10) You're on a "calorie- counting" diet and you count the calories in the hot sauce on your "Big Beef Burrito Supreme" 11) You make a whole site & waste 1/3 of your life regarding your Wal-Mart receipts. Hehe. Did you like it? I added the last one. Found the others at http://www.youmightbe.com/page s/anal-ret.html. Oh, but don't worry. You're not alone. I corrected parts of the list because of spelling errors. ;)

(Submitted by Gern Blandston )

Note to self.. 1) Have Overlord Marchetta kill the evil Foxworthy. 2) Pertaining to the goober with the last post, see #1.