Visitor Comments:

(Submitted by kate )

First!!!! *dances*

(Submitted by UKBankerBoy )

2nd in. Yeeeeeeeehaw!

(Submitted by BigGayMonster )

...and I am Gale Sayers

(Submitted by MATT KRIEG'S #1 FAN )

SPEAKING OF DEVELOPING, DARRYL MARCHETTA NEEDS TO DO SOME DEVELOPING OF HIS OWN AND DEVELOP SOME HALFWAY DECENT CUSTOMER SERVICE SKILLS. THOUGH I MAY NOT BE 100% COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA, MATT KRIEG SHOULD PROBABLY TAKE DARRYL UNDER HIS WING AND SHOW HIM HOW TO ACHIEVE 100% CUSTOMER SATISFACTION. HE CAN TAKE DARRYL ON A VISION QUEST OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

(Submitted by BRiT=Zy )

i dont get it

(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )

DAM, BOY U SURE THEM TOOK A LOT OF PICS, PROBABLY OF THEM 40 RESIDENTS.

(Submitted by UKBankerBoy )

Who is DARRYL MARCHETTA?

(Submitted by Jeopardy Girl )

For $100 Alex and UK Banker Boy, who is the July 13 receipt Wal-Mart Manager????? YES YES YES!!!!!!!

(Submitted by Huh? )

Lookie everybody!! He didn't blur out the bar code this time! Woo hoo we're cookin' now!!!!!!

(Submitted by Huh? )

WOW, I can get approval, validation, payment service AND The Book of Pooh all in one stop! And only at the #1 store in customer satisfaction (we sell for less)..... MATT KRIEG'S WAL MART!!!!!

(Submitted by Walmart Legal Office Head )

Mr. Dahlsad, I believe we had reached an agreement in the past. Do you remember who you're dealing with? Don't make us kidnap your daughter again. Well, if the TC# isn't obscured within two days you know the number to call to get young destiny back.

(Submitted by Terry )

That's not EVEN funny...I'm sure it was intended to be humorous, but failed tragically. Threaten to shoot Bush if you've got nothing better to do...at least you'll be where you belong. Damn people...

(Submitted by Alex Trebek )

**wincing and looking uncomfortable** OK people, guess it's up to me to break the ice here and calm everyone down. The category is Pooh Trivia! Yes indeed, it's back and for $100 - Where Was Eeyore's Tail Found? **smiling like the psycho that I am**

(Submitted by Chiq )

I'm with Terry here. There's nothing even slightly funny about kidnapping someone's child. Don't make me thump you upside the head with this mushy nanner. Moving on, Alex, I believe the correct answer is, "Where is up the ass of the 'Wal*Mart Legal Office Head'?"

(Submitted by Alex Trebek )

Chiq, that is correct!!!!! *wild applause from audience*

(Submitted by Alex Trebek )

**smiling, nodding in agreement** But an alternate acceptable answer would have been "with Chiq's mushy nanner!" **audience applauses even louder**

(Submitted by Huh? )

I'm scared. I need some approval, validation, and a payment service would be nice too....

(Submitted by Bubble Yummy )

You know, the guy has been buying photo paper like crazy, now suddenly he's developing eight rolls of film? I think Alex stole the digital camera

(Submitted by blahblah )

umm...yeah...great site dear...congratulations on everything you've bought at your home town walmart..come again and thank you for shopping at walmart!

(Submitted by melon )

thank you, father christmas!

(Submitted by Huh? )

Oh yeah, make ME look like a big fat liar. Make ME look like I've been smoking the giggle weed. NOW he goes and I SWEAR THAT THE BARCODE WAS PURE AND UNTOUCHED ON SATURDAY! I wish I could say the same about me.........

(Submitted by Huh? )

I'll bet that Matt Krieg, the bestest Wal-Mart manager in the world was in on the barcode conspiracy.

(Submitted by in lieu of an interviewer )

well son, you've got the job. are you ready to start immediately?

(Submitted by interviewer )

no, mebbe in 6 months butt i still need a little time to grow.

(Submitted by interviewer )

grow? you mean like in agribusiness?

(Submitted by interviewee )

no, as a person. i'm not quite as DEVELOPED as i'd like to be.

(Submitted by (dangit, the 2nd comment was suppossed to be from the interviewee) )

**

(Submitted by Pliny O' Toole )

Aye, Alex. Me thinks I'll take "Famous Irish Teetotalers" for $100.

(Submitted by E.T., the Extra Testicle )

PHONE ACCounting.

(Submitted by susie )

Hi Melon! *waving a big hello to Melon* *and everyone else* What's ET short for?

(Submitted by couldn't wait for anyone else to guess )

He only has little legs.......

(Submitted by Abi )

SUSIE!! Hello you! And an appearance by melon, wow, we are truly blessed today.....yo, lieu! Hello to all the others......

(Submitted by Chris )

My Pooh has A.D.D.

(Submitted by hunny )

eat me.

(Submitted by not melon )

poem: one is a melon, all are a patch. from the seed of thought, an idea may hatch. end.

(Submitted by Charles Eastman )

Things seem to be developing nicely.

(Submitted by Hugh Hefner )

I'll say.

(Submitted by eric )

don't you ever buy condoms? jeez.

(Submitted by piglet )

what'd you think the saran wrap was for?

(Submitted by lieu )

hmmmm... 8 rolls of film, sparkle 8 roll of toilet paper. coincidence? one can hope.

(Submitted by Mark )

But Pa, I don't like liederhosen!

(Submitted by 40 WT RESIDENT )

Three phones? Your trailer must be bigger than mine.

(Submitted by Walmart Legal Office Head )

Why would I threaten Bush, as an advocate for big business, he is one of our staunchest allies in the battle against all that is pure and unselfish. It is good to see that the TC number is now obscured, you have once again averted the need to talk to Bush's people and have your house torn down for oil drilling or possibly mass production of toxic wastes and pollutions. Now, if you don't mind, while I posted this message several smaller companies with *scoff* morals has gotten some recognition, so I must be off to crush the day.

(Submitted by George "Why does everyone call me stupid" Bush )

Ahhh, as you have likely read in the paper, my good buddy Ashcroft has come to his senses. Instead of sticking to his earlier promises to merely enforce the existing laws, he will change them and enforce them how HE feels best. He has made it official and clear that, no, the general public is wrong, he and his fellow radical gun activists are in the right. Somehow he CAN twist the second ammendment to his use. Excellent! No more shall we be oppressed by those bastards that don't understand why children can't shoot each other. Now we will no longer have to compromise, preventing honest convicts from having the protection and comfort of thier beloved guns. Now those filthy democrats will try their hardest to keep my fellows from passing laws REQUIRING at least one gun in every household.

(Submitted by BalmainBoy )

Zut alors! And le maillot jaune has slipped from our grasp once again....

(Submitted by Timmy )

Hello boys, I'm back!

(Submitted by Abi )

nice wonderbra....

(Submitted by Pinkie )

nice it maybe but if you haven't anything up top to fill it then ...

(Submitted by Johann )

nice wonderbra.... what? Ach, I've been confused by the evil gibberlings once again.

(Submitted by spy )

no body likes me everybody hates me i'm gonna eat some worms.

(Submitted by Abi )

the wonderbra reference was related to the 'hello boys' comment by Timmy - it was the by-line for the original advertising capaign when the wonderbra was first launched....maybe it's a girl thing......and not as funny as Rico Suave, but what the hell....

(Submitted by Terry )

Nice tits...everybody get THAT one?

(Submitted by Intel )

Umm, Alex, is it too late to note that Eeyores tail was found in a thistle patch by Owl, who took it home to use as a bell-pull?

(Submitted by Bubble Yummy )

Oh yes, Terry, that was brilliant. The shear tact and diplomacy, not to mention the respect for basic human decency, shown by you will be remembered for all time

(Submitted by Abi )

That's our Terry.....! Have you met Tick Boy yet? Makes Terry look like the most fervant feminist.....

(Submitted by Terry )

Damn...really? I just thought she has nice tits...shear tact? That really cuts it...

(Submitted by lieu )

as nice as the wonderbra may be, me thinks womens everywhere should just let the twins out, unharness the mules, let the chippers fall where they may.

(Submitted by ann jillian )

oops, i've got a headlight out.

(Submitted by thorndyke )

sheer - what a blouse ought to be made of so you can evaluate the bazongas contained within. tact - not staring at said bazongas until after you've paid for her drink.

(Submitted by Chiquita )

*stuffing my Wonderbra with nanners* I feel pretty, oh so pretty. Look Ma, I'm DEVELOPING.

(Submitted by Guitar Gus )

"It's howdy booty time, it's howdy booty time..."

(Submitted by Tiny Johnson )

Do they make a Wonderjock?

(Submitted by Henauder Titzoff )

Alex, I'd like "Yes Mammaries" for $200, please.

(Submitted by lieu )

hey terry, which came first... the fervant feminist or the lesbian? will you teach me the secret handshake?

(Submitted by Timmy )

nasal penetration anyone?

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

wouldn't you rather I blow your nose?

(Submitted by hmmm )

f*cking knows from the one person that doesn't.

(Submitted by lieu )

hey germey, we missed you. been decorating your house for octoberfest?

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

awwww lieu, you li'l scamp. I haff been tightening mein pigtails preparing fur ze great Fraulein Bucking Contest next veek.

(Submitted by Habib )

What's a Braulein, or has my dyslexia resurfaced?

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

Isn't a braulein what shows up if you wear a shirt that's too tight?

(Submitted by lieu )

i taut it twas twat kept the sun out of a neanderthal's eyes, butt i could be wrong. ha, youze crazy kidz are crackin me zup.

(Submitted by herr ofthedog )

*right arm extended @ 45 degrees* big smile! big smile!

(Submitted by Frau Oprah )

We haf talk to make you weighs.

(Submitted by Alex Trebek )

**big cheesy smile** Intel, that is correct for $100! Thank you!

(Submitted by Alex Trebek )

**fading smile & looking serious** And now it's time for Final Jeopardy. Our category: Tootsie Roll Pops. The question: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

(Submitted by A. Greencard )

Er... Alex, I'd like "Ways to kindly return the Baldwins & Arquettes to Canada" for $1000, please.

(Submitted by oops )

damn time delay

(Submitted by owl )

ah one, ah pooh...

(Submitted by John Cameron Swazey )

Alex, we may never know. Tootsie Pop, it takes a licking and keeps on sticking.

(Submitted by Anne Hecht )

I took a licking and went back to... oooh, never mind!

(Submitted by Johnny Cash )

If I was a carpenter and you were a lady, wood you rather marry me or John Cameron Swazey?

(Submitted by Anne Robinson )

Alex, whose brain took a vacation today?

(Submitted by Huh? )

**lick lick lick lick** My tongue is getting sore, Alex, but pretty soon I'll have your answer....

(Submitted by Huh? )

Hey Terry, what is that secret handshake anyway?

(Submitted by Art (my semen smells like) Garfunkle )

Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

(Submitted by Paul )

Hey hey hey. Hey hey hey.

(Submitted by JAnne Goodall Robinson )

Timmy! It was certainly interesting to see you thinking of a parka as a pen rather than an overcoat. You are the missing link.

(Submitted by Blinky )

Dad? The cat just barfed in your sock drawer.

(Submitted by Intel )

Don't worry, Blinky, mine does it all the time. Its a compleatly normal stage of psycological development. P.S., you might still want to clean out the sock drawer, though

(Submitted by Bubble Yummy )

And a big hello to you too, Paul.

(Submitted by Bubble Yummy )

No, Abi, I have yet to meet Tick Man, and I look foward to such a dubious pleasure with great trepidation

(Submitted by Timmy indeed )

JAnne Goodall Robinson>> WTF? Bitch'll get her ass kicked if she comes around america too much. Goodbye.

(Submitted by JAnne Goodall Robinson )

*scratching notes on small, dirty tablet* Primate Timmy observed attempting use of rudimentary tools, interaction with group and drinking his own pee. Was successful at two of these.

(Submitted by tigger )

where can i find pooh?

(Submitted by Edgar Gutrumble )

As I wander through this life, there are a couple of things I've learned... Lesson #1 - Never lick a steak knife. #2 - Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. #3 - Never compliment a woman on being pregnant unless you actually see the baby starting to emerge, and #4 - A person who is nice to you butt not the waiter is not a nice person.

(Submitted by helmut buff )

...and that is why i'd like to propose this ban on incontinent meat missles...

(Submitted by zorblath )

okay okay okay. there was this priest and this rabbi and this little pooh that went into a bar...

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

A cruise ship sinks leaving 6 survivors, 5 men and a woman, stranded on a desert island. After a year, their natural urges got the best of them, and they decided to work out a “marriage” schedule. Each man would take turns being “married” to the woman for a week, with each guy getting a week worth of sex every 5 weeks, and the woman getting many satisfying partners. Everything was fine, until suddenly the women dies. The first week was rough, the second week was almost impossible, the third week was unbearable, and after the fourth week, they just couldn’t take it anymore, so, they buried her.

(Submitted by Robinson )

So who did the dishes after that?

(Submitted by Niv )

A site for wal-mart receipts? What will they come up with next. http://www.aneurysmrecords.com

(Submitted by Oh, God, i hate being so stupid )

Scratching is right, such a low intelligence doesn't allow you to do much more. Not even primates drink their own pee(or to grown-ups, piss or urine). Except as a possible alternative to listening to brainless individuals blather. I would point my finger at you if it wasn't so rude, myself being so extremely civilized.

(Submitted by Oh, God, i hate being so stupid )

Scratching is right, such a low intelligence doesn't allow you to do much more. Not even primates drink their own pee(or to grown-ups, piss or urine). Except as a possible alternative to listening to brainless individuals blather. I would point my finger at you if it wasn't so rude, myself being so extremely civilized.

(Submitted by oi )

Now i will point at the computer and cuss.

(Submitted by Finger Pointer )

"Zbignew Brzyznski!"

(Submitted by Trailers'R'Us )

only one lick and a few big crunches

(Submitted by The 'real' Timmy! )

I love crunchies!

(Submitted by skippy )

you got to wal-mart about 6 times as often as i do. maybe more, i can only stand it about once a month. hum.

(Submitted by Father of Teenagers )

I just received my phone account: $285! Having teenage kids certainly bumps up the user rate! Derek beware!

(Submitted by Abi )

Tick Boy - that was rather mild for you - you feelin' ok?

(Submitted by Tick Boy )

Sorry Abs...see if you like this one better. A couple's taking a walk, and as they walk hand-in-hand, the guy starts to get aroused. He's just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind, but I have to take a pee." He says, "Sure, go behind the hedge." She disappears behind the hedge, and as he waits, he hears the sound of her jeans being rolled down her legs and imagines her exposed twat. He can't contain himself, so he reaches through a gap in the hedge and touches her leg. Then he moves his hand up her thigh until he finds himself gripping something long and thick between her legs. He says, "My God, Mary, did you change your sex?" She says, "No, I changed my mind. I'm taking a shit instead."

(Submitted by Abi )

Oh no, you said pee - Timmy'll be pissed off with you....

(Submitted by woah! )

that's our boy.

(Submitted by John )

I forgot to say bye to Timmy! this morning before flushing.

(Submitted by Timmy )

I'm annoyed1

(Submitted by Abi )

AND he made a poo joke.....! We're gonna be in BIG trouble later......

(Submitted by Terry )

That was a pretty "steamy" joke, I must say...

(Submitted by let me just grab my shit and leave )

Pissed I am, let me tell you. There are indeed no words strong enough to convey my anger. May you suffer eternal damnation!

(Submitted by P.D. File )

Have you seen my little doggie little girl?

(Submitted by Oh please please don't call me Jeremy )

Because we all know Timmy hates poo jokes, has never made any in his life, let alone on this site! Steamy??? I don't even want to know.

(Submitted by Wal*Fix )

Don't let the door hit you in the poo on your way out.

(Submitted by Chore boy agrees with me )

With all the developing on this reciept I thought there would be less childishness, but apparently there is nowhere near enough. We need more derek, stop letting the 40wt residents hog them all, they are needed here.

(Submitted by Dante )

I am eternally dammed.......

(Submitted by Hoover )

I am eternally dammed......

(Submitted by Abi )

I can't help being childish, I'm only 13.

(Submitted by She )

I am dammed eternal......

(Submitted by Chiq )

Hey Cakes, I'm 13, too. Say, which of the Back Street Boys is your favorite?

(Submitted by Cakes )

I love them all, and I want to be Britney when I grow up.

(Submitted by Jason Timberlake )

Brittany is, like, so HOOOOTTTT!!!! I am, you know, so lucky to be her squeeze!

(Submitted by Anne Robinson )

Jason, you are the weakest link GOODBYE.

(Submitted by Habib )

Britney's OK, but that Christina Aguilera knows how to work it...

(Submitted by Habib )

BTW, I'm only 12, but LOVE older women...

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

Lance Bass will be my bitch. Danke and gute nacht.

(Submitted by Lance Bass )

*stiffening*

(Submitted by master Fnuk )

yo bitch! git down and groove baby! yo sound like my kinda woman, mean, gorgeous and a big ass!

(Submitted by master Fnuk )

that was meant for the_germaniac and not lance, i'm not a "timmy-type"!

(Submitted by Bill Dance )

Lance Bass? Is that anything like shooting fish in a barrel?

(Submitted by Anne Robinson )

Habib, YOU are the weakest link GOODBYE.

(Submitted by Abi )

Aaah Habib, come and sit between me 'n' Chiq - we've been looking for a toyboy...

(Submitted by Habib )

BTW Abs...When I said I was 12, I didn't mean years...

(Submitted by Abs )

Show off!!!

(Submitted by thesilentprtnr )

I see, another covert Majestic site. The clues MUST be in those barcodes.

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

12" Habib? I've always had a foot fetish!

(Submitted by Chiq )

*blushing furiously* Habib, your... ummmm... happy to see me, yes? I see your nanner is DEVELOPING quite nicely. Do they make a Trojan horse large enough for that thing? *whipping PLANT SAUCER out of the toaster box* Look, I can balance the SAUCER on the tip of it! *doing Vanna White hand wave*

(Submitted by Anne Robinson )

Ah.. Mr. Habib..... there is a thin line between ignorance and arrogance and you have managed to erase that line...

(Submitted by Huh? )

Penis trivia, everybody!! In 1609, a doctor named Wecker found a corpse in Bologna with two penises. Since then, there have been eighty documented cases of men similarly endowed.

(Submitted by Habib )

Hi girls...how 'bout a group picnic? Meanwhilst, could one of you send a case of Duracell's over to Mrs. Robinson's house? Apparently, Joltin' Joe has left and gone away. Here's to you...

(Submitted by Anne Robinson )

Habib, I prefer Energizers because they keep on going and going while I'm... Also I'm saddened that you didn't invite me to the picnic as I'm merely enjoying my "refractory period" at this time.

(Submitted by Anne Robinson )

I am a natural redhead, you know.

(Submitted by Habib )

So, nothing DEVELOPING this month, eh?

(Submitted by Anne Robinson )

Habib, how very witty....perhaps I am suffering from a case of penis envy?

(Submitted by Jeopardy Girl )

I'd like a new receipt for $100, Derek.

(Submitted by Ok ok, i cut, i cut )

fnuk? Leave me out of your queer fastasies. Again I ask, "Fnuk"? On purpose, and talking to someone with a notoriously gay name, lance. Amusing. Apparently somewhere germaniac mentioned being a mean, big-assed bitch, which comes as a surprise to me, and probably to germaniac, too.

(Submitted by Jackie )

I saulte you kind sir. Dispite the negitive comments of all the jealous dickheads, I respect you for having the balls to make a site like this. It's pure genius.

(Submitted by Master Fnuk )

pay attention dude, i said "sounds" like ... - besides you missed out gorgeous! maybe even horny and with that big ass you have one sexy babe! the master of funk awaits!

(Submitted by Meckler )

Oh my Freaking God! This website SOOO kicks MAJOR ass! (hey, what do you expect from someone who is up all night watching infomercials? Ms. Cleo is the BEST!) Oh, by the way..Derek..Will you marry me?!

(Submitted by Cleo, all that is onholy and evil )

No no, the master of Fnuk awaits, get it Straight. If you want to be technical she "sounded like your kinda woman", but you were saying the mean, big-assed and bitch part as fact. Oh, wait, even worse, she's not big-assed, you called her a big ass. *tsk tsk* Whatever. Not that it bothers me, to each his own, just get it right. It's nothing I haven't called her before, but, man, get some provocation.

(Submitted by Abi )

"onholy"?

(Submitted by Master Fnuk )

i'm waiting, i'm waiting *drumming fingers on desk* Cleo babe, if you wish me to be more 'technical' i also said she was gorgeous - or did that bit pass you by! mellow out and relax babe, or life can be a bitch!

(Submitted by Master Fnuk )

i'm waiting, i'm waiting *drumming fingers on desk* Cleo babe, if you wish me to be more 'technical' i also said she was gorgeous - or did that bit pass you by! mellow out and relax babe, or life can be a bitch!

(Submitted by the_germaniac )

Just for the record. I don't have a big ass. Mean and gorgeous? Your assessment is right on, pally. But know this: you're no lance bass.

(Submitted by Lance Bass )

Do I have fish lips?

(Submitted by Schroedinger )

Does a cat have climbing gear?

(Submitted by I sounded like i don't like germaniac )

Actually I find Germaniac's posts humorous and well done. Anyone who likes rammstein can't be too bad. They are good, even if i know only rudimentary German. Anyone who says otherwise, well, lets just say...

(Submitted by Dave )

Why is the barcode blurred? Did you make pornographic drawings on the receipt?

(Submitted by brbehm )

Wow! Operator 17 , that's one of those Life long wal*mart associates!!!!!!! the Barcode is blured so that you cannotuse this reciept to return something..... you need that blured number to return defective products

(Submitted by fgjfgh )

UDYUYTUYTUFTUFTYUD

(Submitted by 325435 )

35q25q4tbggreybw34tqw4tgsr

(Submitted by MOGGEE )

Yes, Huh? ...and ever since 1609 that condition has been known as "Wecker Pecker Syndrome"

(Submitted by gern blandston )

This site used to kick ass... Then, it was a in-joke forum for Dalliance and a bunch of others.. then it got good again for awhile.. now, it's starting to suck again. Bring back Chore Boy.. and the cat.. and the lizard. and the head of Matt Krieg's #1 fan.. you bastard. You will pay..