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22 April 2001
Visitor Comments:
(Submitted by FrAnKiE!!!! )
DAMMIT! SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY GOT FIRST POST!
(Submitted by BigGayMonster )
I shall still be SUAVE with my 2nd poster dance!
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
ahhhh! The 3rd poster dance is the most luxurious of them all! (luxurious? what the hell?) I am dissapointed by FrAnKiE, not in the fact that he wasted the first poster dance oppurtunity, but in how he wasted it. -=-=-= There must have been a fight on the set of the home movie derek is making and all of the saucers were damaged in the madness that ensued. -=-=-=-= I am going to stupidly guess that the last item is for the storage of CDs. Then i am going to point out that derek bought his CD player at walmart for $98 plus tax on September 15 1997. In the time between now and then he has bought only a few CDs, nowhere near enough to need a storage shelf or whatever (which he should have bought at the same time as the player, but maybe he was waiting for a sale). Timmy!
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
oh, man. I barely edged myself out for the third spot! that was a close one, folks. If i had gotten here a mere minuter earlier, it would be me with the third post doing the 3rd poster dance. As it is i have been reduced to doing my 4th place mope. Timmy!
(Submitted by Orakle of Delfi )
Suave is the 'lord of all's' hair conditioner of choice, Timmy!, not CD storage. Obviously, he has purchased the variety designed especially for STR hair - an excellent choice I, might add, although, granted, it -is- oft times confused with the WHITE GLOB, but that is all I may reveal. I cannot speak of the 8 Plant Saucers, except to say that his lord is NOT involved in any hinky Greek-style bulb burying. Therefore, hope not or worry not - as is your wont.
(Submitted by Liz )
cool...I am one of the first to post!!Why does Derek need to buy planters every year? Can't he just use the same ones from last year?
(Submitted by :- )
if dereks visa card didn't clear would he get a DISapproval code instead?
(Submitted by Josey )
hey derek paid with "e" i wish my local wal-mart would let me buy stuff with drugs. maybe he's got a special thing going with matt krieg there
(Submitted by Josey )
oh, and liz: derek didn't buy new planters, just saucers. seems those are the first to go...
(Submitted by Josey again )
i wonder what the difference is between the .34 saucers and the .44 saucers? clearly i have too much free time tonight i don't think i've ever posted this much
(Submitted by Josey again )
i wonder what the difference is between the .34 saucers and the .44 saucers? clearly i have too much free time tonight i don't think i've ever posted this much
(Submitted by Josey )
oops sorry bout that
(Submitted by :- )
Hit reload, huh josey?
(Submitted by NYCFASHIONGIRL )
WITH ALL THIS TALK OF PLANT SAUCERS I AM IN THE MOOD FOR SOME FLYING SAUCERS ICE CREAM, BY CARVEL. YUMMY!
(Submitted by Liz )
Josie, you are correct..my apologies!!
(Submitted by kristie )
are you growing pot with your kids in the house?
(Submitted by Timmy's boyfriend )
Timmy, you're a fag...
(Submitted by Kelly )
.34, .44...whatever it takes.
(Submitted by Kelly )
RRRRRicooooo..........SUAVE-ayyyy...*doing best Gerardo impression*
(Submitted by Measuring Tape )
34 cents... 44 cents... size DOES matter.
(Submitted by Harry Astbiker )
It's not how you SOIL your POT, but how you PLANT your SAUCER...
(Submitted by in lieu of reed )
you had to buy eight saucers to get that plant drunk enough to go home wif you? man, you need some new lines. how about... "is that a keg in your pants, cause i'd like to tap that ass." or... call her over with one finger, then tell her to "imagine wot you can do with two." or... point out that her left leg is thanksgiving and her right is christmas and that "you'd like to come visit between the holidays."
(Submitted by Coach )
Or ask her if she knows the difference between a man's thingie and a chicken leg...Hey Liz!!!
(Submitted by Chiqca )
Hey Coach, didja see Derek got rid of the Volare? He doesn't really need a car anyway because he can just levitate anywhere he wants to go.
(Submitted by in lieu of harlan sanders )
you mean a drum stick and a strum... ummm... never mind.
(Submitted by WalFixture )
I wonder if'n Derek still has his "rich Corinthian leather" pants?
(Submitted by Coach )
Yeah Chiqs, I saw that...with as much pot as this boy smokes, it's a wonder he goes anywhere...Anyhoo, I feel sorry for the poor barstard that ends up with the Volare, 'cos I was talking to Dad the other day, and Derek STILL hadn't done an oil change...
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
Imbecile>> my name is not timmy. were i named timmy i still would not be a fag. I am unaware of anything that i have said to bring your anger upon me, but if there is a reason go ahead and keep it to yourself, because you don't concern me. If I were to get angry at all the fags in the world i wouldn't have time to look at this site. You may be a fag, and you may have a little ass-pal named timmy, but i would prefer if you would never do anything that involves me acknowledging your existance again. thanks. Timmy!
(Submitted by Dale Earnhardt III )
Word has it he used dri-bottoms as oil filters.
(Submitted by Imbe Kyle )
Oh my god! They F*cked Timmy in the ass! Those Bastards!
(Submitted by Lassie )
woof woof woof woof woof arf woof arf arf woof
(Submitted by Ben Johnson, dun that. )
I had a horse named Asspal once butt I'm pretty shore he wuz strait.
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
me again, (i don't appreciate having my ?good? name being defamed) and on a less serious note, Chiqca>> Did derek really get rid of his 8-track playing Volare? If he did, good for him, he needs a new car. If he did so because of the levitation thing then he is mistaken: that is an ability that only works at walmart and sometimes at home. He would quickly discover that on his first levitation to work. derek's pictures angelfire.com/mo2/rustymetal/derekwalmart.html-=-= Timmy!
(Submitted by Rin Ten Inch )
Hey Lassie, wanna go on a picnic?
(Submitted by Cartman )
I *heehee* just put butter *heehee* on Timmy's wheels. Asspal!
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all (sympathetic too?) )
Anyway, methinks i over-reacted a little! This is the problem with not being able to erase your own comments. Derek, be a pal and help a regualar out by removing this post, my third post, and possibly even that one guy's post. I realize you have that whole misguided "mercy to the weak" thing, or as you like to say, "letting people post negative messages" but like i said, i'm your buddy, man. Who else goes out of thier way to write annoying email? Timmy!
(Submitted by lieu )
"i am" pretty shore EVERYTHING here is on a less serious note.
(Submitted by georgia carlin )
it's part of the flow, Timmy! and for d to take a paddle to it you'd have to make dick pryor wince beforehand.
(Submitted by dick pryor )
got match?
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
If that is what people want to call me, "Timmy", i guess that is fine, but at least take note that it isn't my name. I didn't really mean it as a signature when i started writing it, but it works so whatever. "I am" *always* way serious, as is this site. You will never see me making a joke or trying to be funny, no sir. But(t), as we all know i am an exceptional person and therefore the big D just might make an exception for me. ummmm a quote now. "I once knew a gay guy, and he acted really gay" I believe that was dick pryor who once said that. Timmy!
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
WHOOOOOOOOO! YEEAAAAH! Go Matt Krieg! Kick Daryl Marchetta's ass! WHHHHOOOOOO! You're goin down Ryan Hoage! Stomp em, Matt, stomp them both!
(Submitted by Scarface )
Timmy, stop pushing the Q-tip when you feel resistance...
(Submitted by shitfaced )
yeah...your retarded..you don't buy condoms or anything..you must be fat and ugly you piece of shit..why the hell do you go to walmart so much? Dumbass!
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
why did you say "yeah". hmmmm
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
I have alot of people tell me that Scarface. Even my parents and the demons that live with barney. Really! Timmy!
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
I have alot of people tell me that Scarface. Even my parents and the demons that live with barney. Really! Timmy!
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
Derek! You said you fixed that! Timmy!
(Submitted by ex-believer )
unbelievable.
(Submitted by cara )
This a very strange place
(Submitted by Orakle of Delfi )
just to clarify, I didn't mean to imply that you -" i worship derek, lord of all" were a homosexual (not there is anything wrong with that). I don't know who that jerk was who was defaming you but it was certainly not me, although, I *did* think your name was Timmy!. Sorry for the confusion.
(Submitted by O of Delfi )
Here, Derek worshipper who's name is not Timmy! have this "I got flamed on Derek's Receipt Site and All I got was this Lousy T-shirt". I am the proud owner of more than one or two of these Beefy Hanes products myself (not to mention the mugs) so welcome to the club!
(Submitted by Derek D Sysop )
(Submitted by Liz )
Coach, I hope I did not offend you by declining your request to go on a picnic. I am sure you are a lovely man, however, I have a lovely man already. Please forgive me! I did not mean to upset you!!
(Submitted by Chiqca )
Cool! I'm ordering my Beefy-T right after this post! And Liz, don't worry about Coach, he's a tough guy... he rides the coolest Harley bicycle ever made, with those multi-colored streamer thingies hanging from the handle bars.
(Submitted by the searchers )
sound advice, scar. me thinks though that he's been using one of those big q-tips the marines train with.
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
Orakle of Delfi >>I was not enflamed by YOUR comments. I appreciate that you said that, but it does not bother me that people refer to me as "Timmy!". I was momentarily lashing out because both here and on derek's i am site someone (i DO know who but in the interest of being nice i won't say) was repeatedly insulting me in a most childish way.-=-=-=-=- Plus, i see no place in which the hair conditioning product would have "CD" in it (maybe pH but not CD). Therefore it is indeed a cd storage container! Timmy!
(Submitted by i worship hooters, lord o' mercy, lookit the jugs on dat one!!! wot! )
Actually Timmy, there were a couple of us...kinda like a circle jerk...we were the circle, and you were the...oh well, nuff sed...
(Submitted by Jennifer )
For Joey. Thanks for everything."Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours POT SOIL I wanna be SUAVE CDNothing TISSU Nowhere to go I wanna be SUAVE CDJust get me to the ALUM FOILAnd put me JELLY BEANS Hurry hurry hurry before I go WHITE GLOB I can't control my BANDAGESI can't control my brain Oh FUZZY FUZZY BUNNYPLANT PLANT SAUCER, PLANT PLANT PLANT SAUCER I wanna be SUAVE CD" *sniff*
(Submitted by on the topic of fags )
lieu sucks mighty balls. MIGHTY!
(Submitted by Mikey )
mighty? what is that australian or british or something?
(Submitted by ryan )
what is all this crap that he buys?
(Submitted by i worship derek, who refuses to intervene )
How fitting that you would use a semi-gay concept to explain what was happening involving you. Hey! I have an idea! What you can do is take your stupid little retarded insults and shove them up your ass, much like everything else you touch. No, actually, I would appreciate it if you (plural, singular, whatever) would stick to being insulting on the i am page, and let things go back to normal here. I realize you find it entertaining to ruin what other people like, but try to restrain yourself from any such idiotic actions here. Actually i have to say that the fact that you won't even write under your previous name to be indicative of the fact that you know it is a little bitch thing to do. Timmy!
(Submitted by :- )
This site is actually alive I think. I doubt Derek could stop it if he wanted to. It would rise like the Phoenix somewhere else if he tried. T-shirts, fan sites, media coverage, where will it end? I assume it'll be a Saturday Night Live skit soon... Who knows where this is heading. I'm just glad to be drawn along in it's vacuum as it rushes forward.
(Submitted by IWDLOA )
Nice t-shirt! I'd probably have to get 20 or 30. Might just buy the company that makes them if this keeps up. Timmy!
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
there are several sites that claim that derek stole the idea, and therefore the glory, of this site from them. To them i say, "too bad, so sad". Derek's the man, and that's the way it's gonna stay.
(Submitted by :- )
From somewhere inside my head comes the idea for Derek to wholesale the T-shirts to WalMart for resale...
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
sorry, they only accept clothing made by sweat-shops. They would never buy them from him unless he made destiny make them. Seems cruel, though.
(Submitted by Fanny Artichoke )
Thank God, I was beginning to feel lonely without any plant saucers to go with my white glob.
(Submitted by Terry )
JP, are you back on the PLANT SAUCER?
(Submitted by Orakle of Dalliance )
D, damn you are quick!!! Excellent!! IWDLOA, don't let the jerks get you down, m'kay? As to Derek, he can't intervene cause that would defeat his purpose of creating a self-evolving social microcosm. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, it's more it's like he's a naturalist observing in the wild and if he intervened it would defeat the purpose. That said, ignore the petty, cowardly jerk (and you know who you are) who flames under anonymity. It's a small penis compensation thing, ya know? And it's a dead give away. Now, as the to Suave CD - I think CD is walspeak for conditioner, but I could be wrong. By the way, I'm Dalliance. HEY SUSIE! HEY ANDRE! Thanks for thinking of me!
(Submitted by O or D )
GABBA GABBA HEY, wtf was that???
(Submitted by crushed in cambridge )
omg am i depressed! my son dates a girl that claims to hate wal-mart and trucks! i own trucks and live to shop at wal-mart. do you think it's an attack on me? btw, they both work at k-mart. how sad.
(Submitted by Abs )
Liz - Coach is a lovely man, 'specially when you've smoked enough POT, he then seems to become positively SUAVE,
(Submitted by Coach )
Thanks Abs...I think...
(Submitted by Rabbi Fedderman )
You seem to be a very disturbed young man. I think you are not circumsized. *SHMECKEL* Why all the WalMart shopping?
(Submitted by Chiqca )
Hmmm, the Rabbi poses the question of "Why?" I ask, why not? After all, Derek's got to shop somewhere, so why not the great WM!? Where else could he get ALL this great stuff? I mean, c'mon, when you can get a Rico SUAVE CD for 88 cents, why go anywhere else???
(Submitted by Abs )
Not forgetting the FUZZY BUNNY!!!
(Submitted by Kelly )
Must have been the CD single of Rico SUAVE. Gerardo would never go for selling his whole CD for 88 cents.
(Submitted by BigSKIVIES )
WALLY WORLD ROCKS!!! (And so does Derek for creating such a great site!)Don't forget to buy your T-shirt! Support Derek, for Christ sake!http://www.cafepress.com/receiptsWhen your done here, go to my web site:http://beam.to/bigskivies
(Submitted by wonono )
You have to be kidd me. You no keep receipts this long. Damn retard
(Submitted by lieu )
sorry IWDLOA, to have hurt your tender feelings. it's just that you absolutely bore the fuck out of me.
(Submitted by Abs )
come on lieu - don't mince words, just say wot's really on your mind.......!!
(Submitted by anon )
This web site is gay!!!
(Submitted by Dally )
oh, sorry, lieu...i didn't know it was you that was giving him a hard time. thought it was just a drive-by flamer. sorry but...oh nevermind...i give up. Well, it was nice talking to you guys. Ciao!
(Submitted by Dalliance )
and i have NO idea of lieu's penis size. over and out.
(Submitted by Mason )
*Burp*This website scares me. I think I'm gonna start one of my own.
(Submitted by little dutch boy )
amsterdamm... how truly disappointing. i worked loyally to save her butt if a dike is determined to fail then my finger's outta there. you never did hold back much, did you?
(Submitted by Barney )
<IMG SRC="http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/8350/barney2.gif">
(Submitted by Al )
Now this is a fetish to have,,,saving receipts...woosh!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Submitted by Take a Breath )
Jesus, I'm sorry, I told you I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS YOU!
(Submitted by Innocent Instigator )
Man, this place has really turned into one angry little forum. Spooky shit.
(Submitted by Cheech )
Can't we all just get a bong?
(Submitted by Paul )
JESUS posted something here???
(Submitted by Peter "The Rock" )
Paul? Is that you? Did you get new sunglasses?
(Submitted by dartbored )
asspal!
(Submitted by Paul )
Peter old friend! You seen Mary lately?
(Submitted by Jackass )
Why did you blurr out The TC Number?
(Submitted by Cheech )
Looks fine to me, man...
(Submitted by jackass )
The transaction code is blurred on every one!
(Submitted by marin counte )
ha cheech! har har *knee slap*
(Submitted by not dave )
dave's not here.
(Submitted by Mary )
Paul? Peter? Where are you guys? I can't find you in all these PLANT SAUCERS.
(Submitted by david )
I like the idea.. I'll do something like it in my own language..
(Submitted by Richard Palmer )
As i have stated in the first wal-mart collection, i have only shopped at wal-mart twice in my life. those two times were enough. i get values just as good at target and lowe's stores.
(Submitted by BiggerGay Monster )
Hey Richard...wanna go on a picnic?
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
it's cool, lieu, i have always thought the exact same about you. You didn't see me being a bitch about it, though, did you? I'll answer for you, "NO". Thanks Dal, and i'm sorry you accidentally insulted Lieu. It's also good that lieu was cool enough to say it was him. -=-=-=I am doing my 105 poster dance, and i assure you it is quite suave. Timmy!
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
I was shopping for some SUAVE CD STR, when someone tried to take my POT SOIL out of my pocket. I turned around and hit him in the face with a PLANT SAUCER. I got charged with assualt and BATTERY. btw, a plant saucer is what you use to turn a plant, any kind of plant, into sauce. You can put it on spagetti or whatever wlse you want.
(Submitted by Terry )
Technically, if you'd made it outside with the POT SOIL in your pocket, that'd be shoplifting, to go along with the assault & batt'ry...just thought I'd mention it...hope you got a SUAVE lawyer...
(Submitted by BigGayMonster )
A hale and hearty "bleah" to all who would sully the good name of gay. Penis, shmenis: those who assault the Derek worshippers viagra-vate all and shall be condemned and condomed, but not condoned. Let's win this one for the Timmy!
(Submitted by :- )
Derek you ever been to Mankato MN? Looks like a great place, warm to hot year 'round, submarine races, hot springs, whale watching... Makes me want to go there soon. See their webpage: http://www.lme.mankato.msus.edu/mankato/mankato.html
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
Big gay monster>> ???? What ???? Timmy!
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
satire. so very very funny. whether a fully gay monster or a fully straight guy, i'm hoping that he was making fun of everyone here (which is good). If he was a gay activist that would be funny, too, but in a really beat up way.
(Submitted by matt krieg )
That's it! your not allowed in my fucking store again!" "do'nt come back or I'll kick your ass!"
(Submitted by Vanilla is not the only flavour )
Well said, Big Gay Monster! Here! Here! Although, I believe Timmy is straight (not there is anything wrong with that.)
(Submitted by Abs )
I'd just like to point out, without getting into another mud slinging contest, that it's IWDLOA that's been calling a number of us gays and retards, as his/her response to comments he'/she doesn't agree with or feels superior too. That's all I wanted to say, I'm going to have a lie down now....
(Submitted by Terry )
Well put Abs, succinct, well thought out, and to the point, and I'm really impressed with your ability, which apparently some people have YET to figure out, how to post something only once.
(Submitted by Dalliance )
Abi-Cakes, thank you, I didn't realize that, and it's yet *another* reason I should apologize for opening my big mouth before I knew the circumstances. If anyone besmirchs you or Chiqca (who are two of kindest, most wonderful people I know - lieu too - I really didn't realize it was him)then he/she is no friend of mine. I am sorry I opened my big mouth. I wuz wrong. Forgive me. Has anybody seen Andre, by the way?
(Submitted by Dally )
Terry, please? Please?
(Submitted by Dalliance )
I am sorry for whatever I have done to make you hate me so. I really don't know when or how that happened but I am sorry that I have offended you. I thought that we were once friends and I still haven't figured out what caused us to stop being so. If you don't like me anymore, that's cool but please can we stop attacking each other? I really like a lot of people here and would like to be a part of this community but I can't as long as you and I are constantly attacking one another. If I tell you that you are really hurting my feelings (which you have and do - which is why I had to leave, I was ending up in tears all the time) I am afraid you will only say I am whining. I do not want to whine, I just want to stop fighting, especially cause I really don't KNOW what we are fighting about. Personally, I like you, as I always have.
(Submitted by BalmainBoy )
Hear hear! On this auspicious Anzac Day, when all Antipodeans stop and smell the roses, and think of fights long gone that don't seem that important anymore, the North and the South (NYC and Carolinas) should be doing the same! Class dissss...(wait for it, wait for it)..miss!
(Submitted by Abs )
Apologies accepted - it's too easy to mis-read what people say here, 'specially when newer visitors are not aware of how long some of us have been gabbing with each other, and that we have become friends with each other - we should trust in our own instincts about what we know of our friends....*jumping off the soapbox now* - BB - good point about fights long gone, it's all in the past....now, what about a group snog?
(Submitted by JD )
Fuck Caspar Gomez and fuck the fucking Diaz Brothers. (That's a pretty fucking expensive battery.)
(Submitted by Terry )
Sorry, but this is a WAL*MART receipt website, and I readily admit, I made a mistake a while back, using it to air our personal differences, and I refuse to play exhibitionist again. You know where I am. My apologies to all for my past indiscretion...
(Submitted by Abs )
so, no takers on that group snog then.....
(Submitted by BIgGayMonster )
For "worship-who-is-not-Timmy", just that gay/straight, what does it matter, as long as there is Derek and long may he wave his receipts! All others be damned! Save France and Save Timmy! And save Abs, too, for the graceful and gracious words! And save a >platonic< snog for me!
(Submitted by Taffy D. )
Derek, I am addicted to your web site. I hope you enjoyed the plant saucers.
(Submitted by Chiqca )
Hey Cakes, am I too late to get in on the group snog? And BalmainBoy, happy Anzac Day! I have no idea what it celebrates, but it's on my calendar as an Australian/New Zealand holiday. Dalliance, please stay & have fun with us. Everything will be ok. Here, you want your GIRLS BRIEFS back?
(Submitted by Cakes )
You're not too late Chiq - looks like it's just you and me anyway......and I brought my SLINKY along especially.....
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
Abs>> I've made a number of posts, so i could be wrong, but i don't really recall any instances where i called anyone but flamers retards and about the gay thing, i'm willing to bet that they were made in jest, and if reread, would be seen as such. I have nothing against gays or retards, I know some of both, and they look at this site, so what i said was not meant to be insulting. And i repeat, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THE REGULARS, mostly just the flamers. Like i said, i've posted 50-75 times, so i might be wrong, feel free to give me an example of where i wronged someone you hold dear to you. Jokes about superiority were so absurd i thought they would be obvious. Put simply, i disagree with everything you just said, and i resent that you are, indeed, slinging mud at me. Timmy!
(Submitted by Chiquita )
Ooooh, good Cakes, you remembered the SLINKY and I remembered to bring the SILLY PUTTY. Ready... set... SNOG!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hey, is that Terry watching us?*
(Submitted by Terry )
Is this a BATTERY in my pocket, or am I just glad to be seein' y'all...
(Submitted by Cakes )
oh ok - if you've brought the SILLY PUTTY - how can I say no to that...Terry - wow, spanky battery mate! One...two...three *SNOGZ*
(Submitted by lieu )
glad to see most everyone back on the same page. those that are too small? well... fuck 'em. this has always been a place to contribute, whether it be thru humor, provoking thought, educating, amazing, sharing or inspiring. sometimes it's even a place to vent. but i think that most are respectful of the history and concepts that have made it successful and loosely adhere to them with interesting variations. wot doesn't seem to work is intolerance or an overabundance of mindless blithering w/o regard to whether others might find it of any interest at all. no, there's no forum but jeez, sure try and listen as much as possible too. wotever, i've said too much...
(Submitted by lieu (ed. note) )
that was "i sure try and listen as much as possible..."
(Submitted by Howard Johnson )
lieu johnson is RIGHT!
(Submitted by bored Girl )
Geesh, I don't know what is more stupid, that you keep every damn reciept and actually scan them for our boring amusement or that you actually let your visa number be visible on your reciepts! OMG you idiotic moron!!!
(Submitted by lieu )
i rest my case.
(Submitted by Scarface )
May I suggest a spot...
(Submitted by Abs )
unbelievable.....!!
(Submitted by Webster )
IDIOTIC MORON: See bored Girl.TRANS ID: Not, I repeat, not a credit card number.BORING AMUSEMENT: See oxymoron (a totally different kind of moron).
(Submitted by sonian smith )
bored Girl, would you mind if we used you in a display case as a type specimen? you'll be proudly displayed between the neanderthal brow and the combination wine saver/penis enlarger vacuumn pump.
(Submitted by Anita Mandalay )
According to the number of receipts posted, you visited WalMart 43 times in 1997, 55 times in 1998, 41 times in 1999, and 68 times in 2000. That is a total of 207 visits over four years. For the year 2001, your monthly average number of visits is 5 (from January through March). As April is not over yet, you could potentially go back at least one or two more times. Considering the monthly average already calculated, and assuming your average remains somewhat consistent, you will probably shop at Wal-Mart around 59 or 60 times this year. To break it down, this includes the 19 trips already made, plus an average of 5 per month for the remaining 8 months (40). If you go to Wal-Mart one more time before the end of April 2001, and you average 5 visits per month thereafter, your total Wal-Mart visits will be around 59. If you go to Wal-Mart two more times before the end of April and you average 5 visits per month thereafter, I would go out on a limb and vote for a potential 60 (or thereabouts) Wal-Mart visits for 2001. However, because you shopped at Wal Mart 68 times in Year 2000, a mere 60 visits this year would be quite a disappointment. Maybe you should plan to shop there at least 51 more times this year (after April 22). This would bring your total to 70 visits, and I would be happy with that. You seem to be a very economical shopper; the items you buy would indicate you buy only what is necessary. You are a cost-effective shopper (and Wal-Mart tends to have decent prices anyway). You should consider designing and selling T-shirts to promote your web site (I would buy at least 3)-- I think it's great. Wal-Mart rules!!
(Submitted by Dally )
I'd like to have some of that snog, please.
(Submitted by ima mantolay )
anita, have you considered a career as an fbi profiler?
(Submitted by Chiq )
Here it comes, Dal (it might take a few minutes to get there tho, since it's got a 3000 mile commute). Ready... SNOG!!!!!!!! Oh, and do you want these GIRLS BRIEFS or what, I feel kinda funny holidng them.
(Submitted by land shark )
*knock knock* snog delivery, maam.
(Submitted by i worship derek, lord of all )
not to drive what i said into the ground, but i would have said what bored girl said was retarded, while i wouln't have said Lieu, Chiq, abs, or terry were retarded. Lieu>> I usually don't say but one thing on a page, it isn't that hard to skip it! No single comment on this page is found interesting by every person that read it. I have recieved email from people who appreciate my humour, and even derek said that i "contribute", so i figure i'm not too detrimental to this page. In fact i think that i have said some pretty good stuff about this page. -=-=-=-=-= I AM resentful that the mere fact that lieu started posting on this page makes all the regulars biased against me. (not gonna drive this into the ground Abs, chiq and everyone else who knows who they are) I should be judged on me, not the fact that lieu and i find each other boring. Timmy!
(Submitted by Chiq )
Of course, I meant "holding."
(Submitted by Pharmicist )
"Timmy! Your order's ready."
(Submitted by Therapist Joe )
The key here, Timmy!, is to
let it go and move on.
That's right, shake it off.
There, now isn't that much
better.
(Submitted by susietoft )
Some cricket commentary for
the BB,The batsman's Holding,
the bowler's Willy. Hi qwerty
asdf,crazy name, crazy guy.
HI DALLY ,HI TERRY isn't this
fun, lets all plant saucers
together. And they will
grooooowwwwww For all we
knooooooow
(Submitted by susie )
Forgot to say hi Chiq, keep
holding on, hi Abi.....
(Submitted by edgar gutrumble )
anita, that was pretty cool.
my guess is you'll soon be a
1st poster child seeing as
how you've incorporated the
scientific method into a
plausible prediction of
derek's shopping habits.
tell me, are you available
wednesdays for bingo?
(Submitted by Monthly Visitor )
IWDLOA, you got a little PMS
going on this week?
(Submitted by WalFix )
Hi susie. How's the band?
(Submitted by slim pickens )
let me on one of those dern
recon flights. the chinese
don't need no stinkin wen ho
lee if they want nucular
secrets. i'll crawl back in
the bombay and deliver the
goods personally! weehaaar!
(Submitted by Abi )
Hi susie - good to see you!!!
(Submitted by Chiq )
Hey Suz! Here, have this
KITTY TREAT. Ummm, I don't
get it, though... keep
holding on???
(Submitted by Dalliance )
*stretching wide to snag the flying snog* GOT IT!!!
Whew! Thanks Chiqca, I needed that! Oh! and
yep, I'll be taking those GIRLS BRIEFS please,
ma'am. *throwing hand out to mitt the jetting GBs*
Ahhhhh...much better. oxoxoxoxox. and thanks
Cakes. a bunch.
(Submitted by Dal )
Excuse me, Land Shark, but where do I sign for
this? Hey SusieQ!
(Submitted by Terry )
Welcome back Suz...how's
everythang in Wisconsin...
(Submitted by i worhsip derek, lord of all )
"Sick of it all" song i was just listening to: LET GO
-"Another time another place- I might have had a
smile on my face- This could have been such a
beautiful thing- But now it's just a waste of fucking
time- We've said what had to be said- The issue's
discussed and already dead- We're clinging to
something- What? We don't know- It's about time
we just let it go- What's the point? Why should we
bother?- Just to try to hurt each other?- Avoiding
the outcome we both know- Cut the shit and just let
it go- All this back and forth- Cheap shots, no
remorse- No chance for wounds to mend- When is
this all going to end- All I ever wanted was some
fucking peace!" -=-=-=-=-=-=-=I just did a 5 page
essay analyzing the theme of this album. Sick of it
all is really good hardcore (unfortunately
straight-edge) punk. That was the first song off of
the CD and i am taking it too heart, trying to ignore
all the cheap shots! Timmy!
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
Susie>> You think the receipt is a subliminal
message? They want us to plant the saucers!?!
No,no,no! Terry>> The pot soil was mine
already. I keep it in my pocket in case if something
grows in it i can pull it out and smoke it
immediately. Plus, i don't need a lawyer, it wasn't
like it was assault and 8 pack D-battery, it was only
a 2pack of AA.
(Submitted by Sleepless in Seattle )
Timmy it was I that sent you
the emails hoping for a
response that could help me
with my problem.
(Submitted by susie )
Well I don't even know where
Wisconsin is actually, I just
like the name. But maybe that
is where we must plant the
saucers
(Submitted by Terry )
I hear they got great POT
SOIL there...great for
growing cheese...
(Submitted by BigGayMonster )
I support all here and offer
my own snogs -- except the
flamers. I know enough
flamers in real life, which
is a whole other story.
SAUCER!
(Submitted by lieu )
you mean "other hole" story?
(Submitted by BigGayMonster )
butt of course
(Submitted by Domingo )
No wonder they were out of plant saucers last time I went
to WalMart!!! YOU bought them all! I h0pe you're happy!
(Submitted by Shannen )
Just how deep, and how far
apart are you supposed to
PLANT SAUCER's anyway? I'm
doing mine all wrong I guess,
because nothing's coming up,
and it's been almost a month.
(Submitted by jane )
i think derek is looking to
start some sort of wal mart
cult...
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
a cult... i'd go for that! I mean walmart kills small
businesses, but i'd be in the cult anyway! Can see
the headline now, "Loser asdf commits atrocious
sins in the name of web-based walmart cult."
(Submitted by josey )
ok first things first:
whenever i spell my name
JOSEY people always come back
and spell it JOSIE. do you
people think that i misspell
my own damn name? and the
other thing: the saying is
can't we all just HIT a bong?
thank ye
(Submitted by josey )
ps: poor robert downey jr.
let's all have a moment of
silent prayer for the
man... :( (written on
4/25/01)
(Submitted by Cheech )
Josie??? Josie's not here...
(Submitted by BalmainBoy )
To explain this greatest of cricket jokes *not*; when
the Englishman Peter Willey was bowling to the
West Indian tail-ender Michael Holding, the BBC
commentator actually said that heroic couplet: "the
batsman's Holding; the bowler's Willey". I dont
think he has ever professionally recovered from it -
now reports from the Chelsea Flower show or
somesuch.
(Submitted by Mad Axe Man )
been locked away for a few yeas hmmmpt,
sorry days - whats happened to robert d jr then !
(Submitted by Coach )
Too much POT SOIL, now
they're PLANTing his
SAUCER...at least he didn't
get "charged" with
BATTERY...LIIIIIIIZ!!!!
(Submitted by Jamie "The Naked Chef" Oliver )
Aw wight geezers, pukka site.
See lots of bad boys
contribute to the site,
sweet. So what's this
m'larkey me old muckers?
Receipts on the web, beauty!
Quite frankly fusion broths
really get me going, and I
love get whipped around the
chops with a couple of
noodles, pukka! Chiao me old
muckers....
(Submitted by holden a. johnson )
bb, thanks for the
clarification. i'd
previously thought all
cricketeers were tailenders.
(Submitted by bbc commentator )
"the pot soil's encouraging;
the pansey's stem."
(Submitted by lieu )
i'm personally observing a
silent butt deadly in honor
of downey. not that i
advocate drug use (only the
illegal stuff) but this poor
putz is being made an example
of which, by it's very
nature, implies unfair
treatment. if'n he wants to
take a trip and never leave
the farm in the privacy of
his own domicile and hurts no
one else then hey, i'll be
the first to supply the
match, straw, wotever... but
to go to jail for it, to have
6'6" preverts whose name ends
in an "ie" scope your
tailsection, to be pubicly
humiliated, to lose part of
your life and right to pursue
happiness? that's completely
f*cked up and a black mark on
our ability to think
rationally. that's just the
way i feel, butt then i do
have alzheimers. thank
goodness i don't have
alzheimers.
(Submitted by Mrs. Eunice Gutrumble )
Edgar and I were visiting our
favorite WalMart the other
day and that nice young man
Matt Krieg did us two
wonderful favors. Knowing we
were big bingo devotees and
that we were there to pick up
a prescription Matt (a)
sampled Edgar's Viagra to
make sure it was still potent
and (b) taught us a new kind
of bingo. Matt was kind
enough to take me into a
bathroom stall, lower my
bloomers and mount me like a
10 point buck. I'd holler
out his favorite number, 69,
and he'd scream Bingo, Bingo,
Bingo! Such a nice place to
shop. Such nice young
people. Thank you.
(Submitted by Cakes )
Eunice - you wild thing you!!
Anyone for WalMart bingo?
(Submitted by Terry )
Sounds much better than
the "Oreo Stacking Contest"..
(Submitted by Bingo )
Hey y'all, I really do not
appreciate my name being
screamed out during your
sordid little escapades. It
makes me feel like a dirty-
bird. Kindly refrain. Thank
you.
(Submitted by Dally )
Say, Eunice, next time have Matt do the Hokey
Pokey with you! Now, that's what it's ALL about! Ya
dooooo the Hokeyyyy Pokeyyyy...o, dear... poor
Robert Downey, Jr.
(Submitted by Edgar )
Where the hell is Eunice?
We're gonna be late for
Oprah's Depends demonstration.
(Submitted by arlo )
"and bingo was his name..."
(Submitted by c'mon everybody, get the clap! )
There was a farmer had a dog,
And Bingo was his name-o.
B-I-N-G-O!
B-I-N-G-O!
B-I-N-G-O!
And Bingo was his name-o!
There was a farmer had a dog,
And Bingo was his name-o.
(clap)-i-n-g-o!
(clap)-i-n-g-o!
(clap)-i-n-g-o!
And Bingo was his name-o!
(Submitted by Chiq )
I AM withdrawal symptoms are
beginning to manifest. Could
someone puhleeze give me some
POT SOIL to take the edge off?
(Submitted by Chiq )
Ahhh, I AM back into the site
& everything is ok now.
Derek, did you lock me out
for a while? Were you guys
playin' a joke on me? Gimme
some more of that POT SOIL.
(Submitted by Coach )
Her Chiq...have a chicken
leg...
(Submitted by Coach )
OK, that shoulda been "Here"
DAMN! Got too excited...
(Submitted by white glob )
so i wasn't suppossed
to "come her"?
(Submitted by the edge )
"take" or "get" chiq?
(Submitted by Harry Astbiker )
Y'know, I loved hearing and
doing that old song by Dexy's
Midnight Runners, "Cum on
Eileen"...
(Submitted by Rusty )
Damn you go to Walton's house
a fucking lot
(Submitted by Admiral Byrd )
Where in the south are you
from, Rusty?
(Submitted by Terry Joe )
I resemble that remark...
(Submitted by Chiqca )
I resemble a Chiquita Bird. A
rare species, and you're
lucky when you find one.
*perching on the arm of the
chair*
(Submitted by Bubba )
Chiquita Bird! Hale, I heer
thems good eatin'...
(Submitted by SpookTheHamster )
hmmm, why isnt derek buying
more white glob, maybe he
used my idea of making his
own and now he needs some
saucers to keep it in. and
ummmmm, he needs an
electrified cd rack to stop
people stealing cd's. and
DONT READ THIS FAR DOWN YOU
BORING IDIOT!
(Submitted by :- )
Chiquita bird.... mmmmmm... Tastes like Bald
Eagle!
(Submitted by Brian )
let me guess...flying saucers?
(Submitted by Bubba )
More like a cross between
bald eagle and baby seals...
(Submitted by Bubba )
...with a hint of Spotted
Owl...
(Submitted by susie )
Wol
(Submitted by Andre )
Holy suede booty, baby shmp,
and I was just about to send
out an emergency chorus of
"Tunnel Of Love" (the Dire
Straits one, that is, not the
one you purchase for $5.99 at
Crazy Joe's Adult SupaCentre,
with a free flesh-coloured
cowboy prod thrown in
[hopefully with a careful
aim]) to try to track you
down! In a screaming ring of
faces...and all that. Ah, now
maybe, FINALLY, we can do
something about peeling off
this spandex finger glove I've
been having so much trouble
with. They just don't MAKE
THEM in the right size! And
go on, flick your bangs like
MTM, just one more time for
me! Go on, you minxy little
apono bulb warmer you!
(Submitted by Andre )
...oh dear, being a little
behind the *cough cough* eight
ball in these matters, I've
only just realised that we
might be in on some gigantic
trend towards Derek conquering
the pop charts with the
Receiptsterdance, or some such
thing. Perhaps we should have
a little dancing Der at the
top of the screen, and maybe
shanghai Destiny into doing a
bit of overdubbing for us.
Perhaps they could do a cover
of Gangsta's Paradise, or
something. Or something.
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
i fucking hate chicken...
(Submitted by Bubba )
I love fucking chicken...and
sheeps too...
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
it tastes like...like chicken! Bleeeuuu!
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
and guys in prison? them too?
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
Andre>> I am jewish.
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
Chiq>> Can you tell i'm jewish?
(Submitted by Baby Shmp )
*flick..giggle..flick* Here,
Andre Baby, I brought some
baby powder and Armour
All..we'll have that latex
off and shined up in a
jiffy...wait, oh dear, you
said spandex, not latex.
Hummmmmm....this could get
tricky *flick flick*
(Submitted by Dallyveh )
funny, I used to date a
jewish dog...Sheldon, is that
you???
(Submitted by my mistake )
no wait, the tiny jewish
dog's matso balls are bigger
than Sheldon's were.
(Submitted by Shecky )
...so a priest, a rabbi, and
a homo walk into a bar...and
the bartender says "What is
this, a joke?"
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
Shecky, are you saying that rabbis are dogs?
maybe the only place where you hear about the
Jewish are in jokes, which would be sad. Very sad
indeed. but it was funny anyway.
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
Dal>> Am i too jewish?
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
Coach>> Does my outright claiming of Jewish faith
bother you?
(Submitted by lieu iceberg )
i'm often circumspect. does
that mean i'm a latex jew?
(Submitted by lieu beerstein )
sorry, that was "latent."
(Submitted by Shecky )
...so a priest and a rabbi
are sitting on a park bench,
when a 7 year old boy walks
by...the priest says "boy I'd
like to f*ck him" and the
rabbi says "outta what"
(Submitted by susie )
Dear tiny little jewish dog
are you barking?
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
I am stating, for the record, I am morally opposed
to the concept of barking. Shecky, i don't get it,
but it sounds bad. maybe i'm a little slow or
something...
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
big gay monster>> should i change religions?
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
lieu>> do you think my spirituality offends people's
tender feelings?
(Submitted by Travis Bickle )
Jew tawkin' to ME???
(Submitted by lieu goldwatch )
doggie style - i woodn't
think so. you're
circumsized, reich? shecky -
haha! good'n!
(Submitted by BigGayMonster )
What kind of mishegoss is
this? Conversion is for web
page language beta tests.
Take it like a proctologist!
Torah! Torah! Torah! Now say
ten Bloody Mary's and ten
How's Your Fathers and would
it hurt to call your mother?
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
How did mary get bloody?
(Submitted by rufus )
just on her period or killed somebody?
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
i read a bunch of the koran (qu'ran or whatever),
and it's almost as good as the Torah. I don't like
the people's names as much, though.
(Submitted by :- )
Mary tripped over a pile of plant saucers and
busted her head open on a battery when she fell.
(Submitted by ow! )
Llef esh nehw yrettab a no nepo daeh reh detsub
dna srecuas tnalp fo elip a revo deppirt yram.
(Submitted by Jewish Child Molester )
Hey kid, wanna buy some candy?
(Submitted by Jane )
Derek it's time to go to Wal-Mart again. We are all tired of
talking about plant saucers an batteries.
(Submitted by Polish Jane Molester )
You're right Jane...wanna go
on a picnic?
(Submitted by Andre )
Dally, I'm sure if you make
any slips, we can cover up the
mistakes with a pair of FG
carpjeans. Oh, the thrill of
that suave CD str
tantalisingly making its way
all over my plant
saucers...forgive me Shannon,
for I have sinned!
(Submitted by Andre )
...I am only now reviewing all
the comments on this receipt
(the glare of spandex is far
too much at this hour of the
morning) and realised that
Chicqa is trying to return the
girls briefs to Dally...I told
you Chicqa I hadn't stopped
sniffing them, and Dally
doesn't like them without a
racing stripe (just like my
big sister's dragster, boy she
used to get angry when I put
those coloured whirly plastic
things on her spokes!), you
just haven't given me a chance
to make them at all
presentable.
(Submitted by e bay is messed up again so I'm just hanging out )
...all Richards are Dicks....
(Submitted by Noah Graber )
Bad news! This site has just
received the Amish virus.
Because we don't use
electricity, we don't have
any computers or programming
experience, so this virus
works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files
from your hard drive and then
manually forward this virus
to everyone on your mailing
list.
Thank you for your
cooperation and may God bless
you, you English heathens.
Sincerely,
Noah Graber
The Amish Computer
Engineering Department
(Submitted by Dalliance (heathen) )
Oh SHIT!! *deleting entire
hard drive* I HATE these
mutter fockers!! Oh, Andre,
you are so considerate. I'm
touched...hmmmm..& touched
some more, etc., etc.
(Submitted by Dally in Candies Mules )
Question: do ya'll think
shoes look slutty?
(Submitted by Air-Headed Blonde in high heels )
Correction: do ya'll think -
these- shoes look slutty?
(Submitted by Dally )
hey, little jewish dog, wanna
go to a Mennonite surf party
with me? I hear there'll be
chipped beef!
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
:( I'm TINY. Yeah, that'd
be fun! Then we could goto a
hotel and read the torah
until 6pm when i have to go
home and pray. the reason i
like chipped beef is that it
was frozen when they chipped
it. Well, am I?
(Submitted by eeeiiiuuuu )
rancid milk makes nasty
cookies!
(Submitted by qwerty asdf )
jane, you are correct in your
assessment that he needs to
go to the store more often.
Either that or he needs to
BUY MORE THAN 4 DAMN ITEMS!
(Submitted by Kat )
qwerty, it's not a matter of
frugality (is that a word?)
but moreover, the usage of
the "10 items or less" lane
that D is shrewd enough to
utilize...he's a very busy
man, and of course, chooses
his time wisely for his
shoppage (I KNOW that's not a
word) endeavours...but
unfortunately, if he has MY
luck, he gets stuck behind
some fatass, muumuu wearing,
non-English speaking whale of
a consumer, who can't count
to ten...
(Submitted by Matt Krieg )
Paging Mrs. Eunice Gutrumble!
Mrs. Eunice Gutrumble report
to Aisle 5 for BINGO! BINGO!
BINGO!
(Submitted by Dalliance )
Oh, sorry 'bout that TINY. Do
I think you are too Jewish?
Question: do you wear you're
yamulke during sex? If so,
the answer is yes...I mean,
unless you're playing some
kinky "Rabbi Spankowitz and
the horny Temple mom study
the Torrid" game or something.
**Note: the above statement
is in no way meant to be
misconstrued as anti-
semenitic**
(Submitted by Dalliance - quick someone call American Psychoanalytical Society )
By the way, what's all this
fuss about Jewish people's
semen anyway? What do KKK
types have against semen, I
ask you? Why, semen is just a
beautiful thing. It must stem
from their lack of testicles
or something. Ahhhh, so that
is why they dress up as big
dumb spermatozoa...how I get
it!
(Submitted by forgot the "the" )
opps, Freudian slip, how =
now...teeheehee
(Submitted by tiny jewish dog )
Dal, if i was british, i would think what you said was
humourous, but as it is I merely find it humorous.
(Submitted by WhatTheFuck )
fuck this. this all fucking
sucks ass, a bunch of gay
shit.
(Submitted by Troy )
I think I saw McGuiver make a bomb out of this
stuff
once.
(Submitted by me, bitch )
No, really, what the fuck is
this??
(Submitted by guarrito )
GO? Go?
GoGo?
I CUM on your 'Go'.
(Submitted by Gern Blandston )
Here we go again with the
planters, saucers and potting
soil. And where might Darryl
Marchetta be??
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